Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Dom Block

Rye in a kneel position.

When we first got into BDSM, neither one of us knew what we were doing. We bounced around back and forth, trying to find what we liked and what we didn’t. It was how we had to find our way forward. But, now something has come up which requires going back to the beginning and I don’t really know how to do it.

 

But I can no longer avoid the truth. I must train Rye.

 

That’s not a slight against her; it’s not really for her benefit that she needs to be trained; it is for myself. When I first had the idea to write this post, I wanted to discuss the things that were holding me back from being more dominant. It did not take much soul-searching to realize that one of my biggest stumbling blocks comes from the beating I give myself whenever I feel like I have “failed.” The reasons for this failure aren’t important – any excuse, really.

Usually, my “failures” follow a common pattern: 1. I tell her to do something; 2. She earnestly tries to do the thing which she thinks I have instructed her to do, but gets it wrong; 3. I see that she has failed, but I recognize that the reason for the failure is that I did not properly communicate my desires. I perceive this as my failure to communicate my expectations, which makes me upset. Rye can tell I am upset, but believes I am upset with her. She may get defensive or disappointed if she is waiting for approval. I am unsure how to communicate my frustration, how to communicate that a mistake was made and that I am waging internal warfare with myself trying to figure out who to blame. All she knows is that I am being silent with an upset look on my face.

Which brings me back to training. I know I have written in the past about my views on communication and language, so I will just summarize. Because language is an artificial construct created by humans to facilitate the transmission of data, languages are naturally vague and impersonal, and every linguistic communication experiences some data loss. The best way to insulate against this data loss is to arrive at an agreed-upon series of signals to represent agreed-upon data. For the majority of our lives, “natural” language serves this purpose just fine, but it is not inherently appropriate for all circumstances.

“Kneel.”

Well,..how? Feet together or apart? Knees together or apart? If apart, by how much? Hands in front or back? Elbows straight? Butt touching feet? Thighs perpendicular to the floor? Thighs not perpendicular to floor, but butt not touching feet? Feet extended straight back? Feet bent so only toes touching floor? Head up? Head down? Where to look? Etc.

When I say Kneel, I know what I want to see, but Rye has no clue. So, through training, we will arrive at some common definitions. We have to arrive at an agreed-upon word, which means, “position your body such that your knees and toes are the only things touching the floor, your heels are touching one-another but your knees are about 18 inches apart, your thighs are perpendicular to the floor, your back is straight, your hands are behind your back, with the back of your hands pressed into the small of your back and your fingers woven together, tits out, head up and eyes straight ahead.”

Maybe, “Kneel up.”

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