Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Boundin’ Rebound

I am currently in the middle of a low dip. I’m almost out of it, but not fast enough, obviously. Great things seem like flukes and bad things feel like the routine.

I am trying to slow down. Work is going well. My co-workers are nice (most of them) and appreciative of my work. My boss is already talking about promotion and ways she can bring me on to various special projects. It feels good. And I need to focus on that good stuff more.

I just get bogged down too easily. Getting frustrated that I am not losing weight fast enough. Getting confused with what our D/s is or isn’t (as the case may be).

I think I just keep trying to define myself as a submissive first. My collar is the first thing I reach for whenever anyone asks about me. Subconsciously it is the first place my mind goes. Even in vanilla discussions I play with it as I answer questions to feel comforted by it’s weight around my neck. But maybe that’s not a great plan. Maybe the weight of it is holding me in place. Maybe I need to be other things first. And perhaps Sir just needs to be my husband for awhile. The labels seem to be creating more stress than pleasure lately. And I’m not even sure I know what they mean.

I consider myself a submissive because I enjoy being dominated. Not just in bed, but in my life. It makes me feel cherished and loved. I always feel like I have to be in control and on top of everything, having someone else take that on sounds so freeing. The idea of being someone’s spoiled pet is a dream. But it also seems highly unrealistic with the requirements of a job and family. The real world isn’t full of billionaires who want to give us an Audi and track our every move.

So this fantasy world I’ve created in my head is doing more harm than good trying to achieve it. I keep digging my own hole with crazy expectations. Rather, I could just accept that being submissive is part of my identity and let it go at that. Don’t force it into something. Just let that be it for awhile. Enjoy the lovely kinky sex when it happens and not freak out when it doesn’t. Maybe that would give Sir the chance to see what his sadism and dominance means to him. When he doesn’t have to fit into my checklist and he can create his own. What type of sadist would be then?

I know a lot of this is easier said than done. The horny will continue to remain. But control outside the bedroom hasn’t been a part of our relationship for a while, so it’s not like I’m losing anything I had.

*One billion bonus points if you get the title reference. You don’t have to admit it if you won’t want to announce your goober status. Just know that I love you for it*

5 Responses to “Boundin’ Rebound”

  • DtBHC

    Laters

  • DtBHC

    Laters

  • tavia

    Something about a sheep being sheared. Pixar?

    • Rye

      Yeah! I bought The Incredibles on DVD just so I could have that short film. Love it!

  • tavia

    Corrected e mail.

Reply

Allowed tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>