Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Different Strokes for Different Folks

I think as a young girl I always imagined there was one perfect guy out there for me. That my knight in shining armor would come to sweep me off my feet and meet all of my needs, whatever they might be. And, as I self-aware teen, I, of course, knew exactly what those needs would be (at this point sarcasm should be dripping from your screen). The pressure on that poor man would have been horrific. I shudder to think what I have been putting my husband through for the last ten years. No wonder his back is so bad.

But there is something interesting that I am slowly realizing as I delve into poly: It’s okay to have relationships with different people in order to meet different needs/wants. I know, I know. It’s crazy! My small mind is still struggling to wrap around this idea, as obvious as it is for some. I can allow people to show me parts of themselves without pressuring them to be something they are not. And I can be me with each of them, but they don’t have to worry about meeting all of my needs all the time. I know that this may not work for everyone, nor should it. I guess I have just always felt bad when my husband hasn’t really been into something that I am, and vice versa. So realizing that I we don’t have to everything to one another all the time was quite a shock.
Over the last few months I have been looking into different aspects of this idea. Not being a different person with different people, but letting different aspects of myself out. And that, interestingly, has led to me being called several names. I don’t think I did it on purpose, it just sort of happened. But I think it helps to foster the connection, and makes me feel quite special to that person.
Friend with Benefits – “Eve”
We have been friends for nearly three years now. We share everything and talk a lot through. When we are angry with our spouses we talk it out with the other person before picking a fight. It has saved us both from a lot of needless arguments. There is always support for our dieting and various personal improvement pursuits. Our age difference is irrelevant and our feelings continue to grow. There may even have been some exchanged photos and videos, all in a manner of research, of course. 🙂
This has caused a bit of emotional strife. He means a great deal to me, and I know I am special to him. But as we are both trying to explore our sexuality in a safe space, we often share desires and fantasies that include the other person. This doesn’t bother me too much, but I think it highlights the distance for him. He started calling me ‘Eve’, his temptress, earlier this fall. I think as I have opened up my marriage, his seems to be closing ranks (at least in his opinion). But we don’t judge each other, we support one another through all of our struggles. That constant support has been vital to my growth and blogging. I cannot imagine my life without him in some sort of capacity, even though he lives half way around the world.
Dominant – “Little One”
I’m not sure what this is, to be honest. He’s a friend and fellow blogger than I flirt with on Twitter. It’s nice to talk about my submission and things I want to try without putting pressure to preform. I do get a certain giddiness when he calls me ‘little one’ though. Mostly because I haven’t been little in a long time. I do find myself falling into the category of ‘little’ quite easily though. A stuffed animal and some cartoons and I am a happy camper.
We chat about our various hobbies and our kids. He and his sub are getting married next year, so I’ve been enjoying talking to him about wedding plans. But discussing his local D/s scene is nice. I am jealous on many levels as he talks about clubs and his community. No one else that I chat with on twitter regularly is into BDSM. Each of the other men listed here either aren’t into D/s or don’t define themselves as dominant. My husband is working on himself right now, and I know that BDSM is a future goal for us. But talking to this gentleman (and he is) is good perspective.
Husband – “Rye”
He is my rock. We have been through so much together and I’m sure will be through much more. We have two adorable, if infuriating, children together and I can’t imagine being a parent with anyone else. Our mutual mental illnesses included, we love and support each other through everything. The last year has been difficult. The move and starting our businesses (yes, plural) has been stressful. We are supporting one another through our struggle and he never ceases to amaze me.
He understands me more than any other person could. We never go to bed angry, unless it’s at the children. And I couldn’t have asked for anyone better to be understanding and supportive about being open and poly. I just hope that he finds what he is looking for out of it as well. He knows exactly when I’m having a terrible day and knows which junk food I want to feel better. I couldn’t ask for anything more.
Lover – “Baby”
Generally he does call me by my real name, but when he calls me baby I go all puddily. Our mutual love of sarcasm and wit make for hilarious conversations. We enjoy eating and watching cartoons almost as much as we enjoy fucking. He is endlessly positive and supportive of everything I do. I know that our relationship is still very young, but we feel old together.  He is a bit older than me, but, aside from calling me ‘baby’, he doesn’t treat me like a child.
I know that he has other partners. I’ll admit that that fact isn’t always easy to stomach. But considering the number of states between us, it’s hardly like I can complain. The time we have together, however, fleeting, is wonderful. Knowing him has certainly helped me to work on being in the present. The future will happen whether I want it to or not, no point worrying about now. And we both seem to want each other in it.
Many different names, but I’m still me.
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One Response to “Different Strokes for Different Folks”

  • Jack (and Jill)

    This is a beautiful post. I can relate so much to the realization that no one person can realistically be everything to another. It is something I have begun considering relatively recently, with a variety of complex feelings about the subject. We are conditioned to believe that there is one person out there for us (which I believe is complete bullshit). We are taught to forsake all others to put this person on a pedestal, and while that’s noble it strikes me as very unrealistic. I am often perplexed and perhaps even skeptical when I encounter someone who claims that their significant other is their everything and they need nothing else to be completely fulfilled. I might even be a little envious of their apparent ability to enjoy such simplicity. Without the aching, constant need for other people in my life in some fashion, things would be much less complicated, but also far less rewarding. Thanks for accompanying me on this journey, baby.

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