Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Poly Problem #72 – Distance

Obviously distance is not a problem for all poly relationships. Some polys all live together in the same house or see each other for regular dates. But no, I couldn’t do this the simple way. Finding a local poly guy who was interested in me in my local, conservative community was never going to happen. Even expanding the search area to the tri-county area wouldn’t yield positive results, though perhaps some pretty sketchy ones. No, I had to find a guy who I have a ton in common with, have a wonderful sarcastic rapport, and an amazing physical attraction. The catch is that he lives 2,500 miles away. And while a 38-hour drive (trust me, I’ve mapped it) sounds good most of the time, it doesn’t fit in my daily family responsibilities.

So, how should we get through this large gaps between our sexy visits? We talk everyday. Considering how well we generally get on and how much we just enjoy chatting, this helps a lot.  Having ‘regular life’ things in common like jobs, kids, and similar general annoyances, we can always strike up a conversation about something. Having a message when I get home from work about legos or something silly his daughter said always makes me smile. And being jealous of the photos of food help distract me from missing him.

There is the sexy stuff, obviously. The fact that he can make me feel sexy from three time zones away is amazing. And the videos of him stroking himself and moaning my name definitely help me get through the day. Having those videos and photos from our time together, while they do make me miss him, also make the distance seem doable. I smile as I flip through those memories and I know that they will happen again.

We also close the distance with lots of everyday photos. He likes to send me shots of him in the shower, getting ready to run errands, or cleaning. It seems mundane, but that’s why I love it. He makes me part of his everyday life. Sharing bad and good days helps us to support the other and our spouses. It’s all one big positive vibe.

Now I say that with only a small percentage of jest. Some days the distance is crushing. When I have a bad day at work or the kids just won’t go to bed I think how nice it would be to be hidden away in a hotel room with Jack. There are those moments when running away from responsibilities makes me look at flights to California. But usually just talking to him or my husband about my rough day makes it better. And having that support and encouragement from two people is wonderful.

I will say that distance poly, at least for me, is different from a ‘traditional’ long-distance relationship. Because my primary partner is a part of my everyday life, there isn’t the same loneliness. I still miss Jack terribly, but we get support from our spouses to help us through. And I don’t remember this much sexting from my previous relationships, though I may have been doing it wrong.

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3 Responses to “Poly Problem #72 – Distance”

  • Krystalla

    Yes! Distance on polyamory is hard, but it can be so rewarding. The other half of our quad is a 5 hour drive away, and even my boyfriend is an hour away. It just goes to show you that you can’t pick and choose who you connect with. It’s either there or it’s not. I wish you all the luck in yours 😊

  • Zoe

    There are a few similarities between your situation and mine. I’m married (no kids though) and I have a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend, who has a partner. I’m exploring BDSM mostly with my boyfriend, but distance is a major challenge. We’re in different countries, over 8000 miles apart, but we’re in touch every day. (I wasn’t actually looking for another relationship. If I had been, I might have been more practical!) And I really value having two supportive relationships.

    I tried out the word “polyamory” for a while but now I think “monogamish” is a little more accurate for me. I reserve the right to change my mind again though 😉

    • Rye

      Monogamish is pretty good. It is always the way that you find something when you’re not looking for it. I really wasn’t expecting to have as strong a connection with Jack as I do. Not that I’m complaining. 🙂

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