Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Is there an art to begging?

Last night I asked him if I could suck his dick. I may have been a bit tipsy when I asked, but it was a completely serious request.

He said yes, even seemed excited by the thought. However, as soon as I asked I felt terrible. Like I was begging him. I just felt like I had lost my last little bit of dignity and self-respect. The words left my lips and I almost didn’t care what his answer was. I felt so worthless for having to beg for attention.

I just don’t want to start this year like this. Last year we had stopped our 24/7 D/s and that was difficult. If I had only known what 2016 would bring. Things are getting better though. He seems in a much better place lately. Even more motivated and happy, and that’s wonderful. I don’t want to minimize that. It just hasn’t changed how he interacts with me. I think I had hoped it would be one big resurgence. Like a better mood would automatically mean that I would become more sexually alluring or something.

Spoiler: He went to sleep. I feel cold.

 

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4 Responses to “Is there an art to begging?”

  • Molly

    Oh sweetie. You sound so sad and that makes me sad. I don understand your problems with asking for it as I have a similar issues. For some reason it just makes me feel like a nag. If it is in the moment and we doing other stuff then that is difference as I know I have his sexual attention but if it is me just asking then I find myself struggling with it. I guess I have a very strong desire to be desired and ‘taken’ asking for it doesn’t fit into that and that plays with my head sometimes.

    Mollyxxx

    • Rye

      I feel exactly the same. It’s hard to be ‘taken’ or ‘forced’ when I’ve begged for it first. Then I just feel like he’s not interested or even cares.

  • Tamar

    “Last night I asked him if I could suck his dick. I may have been a bit tipsy when I asked, but it was a completely serious request.
    He said yes, even seemed excited by the thought.”

    This is all good stuff. Then, I suspect, your insecurities got in the way and bogged you down, and he picked up on your sudden about face and it probably threw him off as well. Think about it- if you asked Jack that same question, how would you feel? Why would it be so different? And how can you use that to try to improve things with your husband?

    • Rye

      That’s a very good way to think about it. 🙂

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