Last night I asked him if I could suck his dick. I may have been a bit tipsy when I asked, but it was a completely serious request.
He said yes, even seemed excited by the thought. However, as soon as I asked I felt terrible. Like I was begging him. I just felt like I had lost my last little bit of dignity and self-respect. The words left my lips and I almost didn’t care what his answer was. I felt so worthless for having to beg for attention.
I just don’t want to start this year like this. Last year we had stopped our 24/7 D/s and that was difficult. If I had only known what 2016 would bring. Things are getting better though. He seems in a much better place lately. Even more motivated and happy, and that’s wonderful. I don’t want to minimize that. It just hasn’t changed how he interacts with me. I think I had hoped it would be one big resurgence. Like a better mood would automatically mean that I would become more sexually alluring or something.
Spoiler: He went to sleep. I feel cold.