Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Define Your Kink: Day 3

#3 – How do you know you are submissive or have the potential to be submissive?

I thought this would be a really easy question to answer. But as I reflect, it’s actually quite difficult to pinpoint what I think makes me submissive.

The short answer is that it was just something I knew. Everything I read about it just seemed to click with me. I began to separate the way that I acted in my ‘vanilla’ life and who I really was. The scenes and descriptions were such a turn on as I focused in on specific activities and attributes. I kept finding connections in how I acted around other people that fit into a submissive mindset. So many aspects of my life were telling me that this was who I really was.

I remember the first time that my husband and I tried a traditional D/s scene. Our sex had been pretty vanilla before that, so any sort of bondage or rough sex was new. I remember him ordering me to my knees and then having me crawl toward him. I was so wet by the time I reached him that it was running down my legs. We were both surprised. After that it was like my sexuality had been dormant. Everything woke up and suddenly made sense with submission as the missing piece.

I know that, even if I don’t have a consistent dynamic, I will be a submissive for the rest of my life. It has grown and affected so much more than just my sex life. And knowing that that side of me exists (under all the fake that the rest of the world sees), helps me to get through the day. I make choices and defer to others just and much, or as little, as I did before. But I don’t feel guilty about it now. It makes sense that that is just who I am as a person. And when I am praised, even for something small, I feel like the little that I am.

 

*I am using these questions to try and help me define what my submission means to me and what I need from BDSM. Check out all the questions and other answers as I complete them on my Define Your Kink page.*

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