Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Selfish Thoughts

How do we balance what we do for ourselves as opposed to what is best for our partner/family/future?

Vanilla example:

I was approached this week by local law firm and offered a job. The increase in pay is amazing. I would have my own office (a career goal of mine) and a job title more in line with degree. I would be creating and managing records, and being allowed to make decisions. It could be a fantastic opportunity for me to not just be another nameless face in a company. But, the benefits aren’t as good as what we have now. I would be leaving possibly a more stable pension as well as dental and vision. The health care coverage wouldn’t cover as much of our mental health meds and the co-pays are higher.
So do I leave my current job, which isn’t a bad job, for something with higher pay and more opportunity for me? Or do I say as the benefits would be better for my family?
I’ll admit, as a submissive, I struggle with this. And it’s times like this that I see it come out in my non-kink life. I want my family to be happy. If I switch jobs, I may be happier, but if it’s at their expense, then I don’t want it. I thought if I took the job that I would take some of the money I received from Christmas and go buy a few new outfits. As soon as I thought it I immediately felt guilty for even thinking about spending money on myself.

Kink example:

Is being a submissive, in general, selfish? Now that I know that my husband doesn’t consider himself dominant it just seems selfish to pursue it. Especially since he’s be supportive of my relationship with Jack. My submission does make me happy, and I guess a happier me does affect my relationship with my husband and my kids. But is that enough? Should I just be happy with what I have?
I’m sure this can’t just be an issue for submissives, women, or mothers. I guess it just always seems to me that other people have a handle on it so much better than I do. Co-workers get their nails done or go shopping as a treat for themselves and not feel guilty. My mother bought herself a new car with her last promotion.
My submission is colliding with the vanilla part of my life this week. My husband is pushing me to very non-submissive actions. And the decision to switch jobs is becoming more complicated. I think I am playing over these thoughts a lot more than twice.
I need a drink.
Read about everyone else’s (probably sexier) posts about second thoughts today by clicking below.
Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings
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6 Responses to “Selfish Thoughts”

  • Sweeten Dirty

    I personally would take the job with the better pay and title. If anything, it will give you just that much more experience for when a job with even better pay AND benefits comes along.

  • Lord Raven

    Deep issues and I really have no ideas that can help but I hope you find what works for your situations.

  • Marie Rebelle

    I’m so sorry to hear you are struggling at this moment. It seems like you have a lot to think about… a lot on your plate at this moment. I wish you wisdom to choose what you know is right.

    Rebel xox

  • Molly

    I don’t think being sub is about being selfish. I think that is fair to simplistic and anyway, everyone is selfish to some degree or other.

    As for the job, YOU deserve a life that makes you feel good and happy. Giving up your dreams only leads to resentment much further down the line and I am speaking from experience. Constantly being Mum and giving up on things for me definitely contributed to the end of my 1st marriage. To be fair i am glad that happened but I also know I wasted some good years not fulfilling myself and I can never get them back. Most of my biggest regrets in life are the things I didn’t do, not the things I did.

    Trust your gut, believe in yourself.

    Mollyx

  • Jaime

    I also don’t think that being submissive has anything to do with being selfish. Nor should it have anything to do with denying yourself. (Except when your Dom tells you to.)

    Beyond that, I hope you make the best choice for you and the people you love, and I hope you feel better and less conflicted soon.

    Jaime xx

  • Kayla Lords

    I think the answer to your question (in my view) is another question – why don’t you think your happiness is as important as the happiness of those you love? If your submission was hurting your marriage, I’d certainly say you might need to think about whether you’re on the right course or not. If getting your nails done or buying clothes meant you couldn’t afford the basics for your family (I’ve been there), of course, I’d caution you and say, yeah probably not. If this job brings you more in line with where you want to be and the pay increase is substantial enough to allow you to afford the additional costs in healthcare you’ll have with a change of benefits, it seems to me that the answer is about what YOU want. Because like Molly said, if you put off the things you want too much, it will definitely breed resentment later.

    Looking for happiness for yourself – in work or in kink – isn’t selfish. As long as you’re not hurting the people around you in the process. And even then, sometimes, we have to be a little selfish in order to get to a better mental, physical, and emotional place in life. The most selfish thing I ever did was leave my husband after 12 years together. As a result, he became homeless and my kids haven’t seen him since 2012. Now, me leaving him wasn’t the cause of those things – his choices were. But I wallowed in guilt for about a year after the split thinking that *I* had done those things to him and to the kids. And yet, without that selfish decision that was the best thing for me, and made me a happier person, I wouldn’t have the life I have today (with John Brownstone) and I don’t think my kids would be as happy as they are.

    My point is that even the decisions that feel the MOST selfish are sometimes the best decisions for us to make.

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