Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Define Your Kink: Day 12

#12 – Do you include financial submission within the definition of your own submission and if yes, how does it manifest itself? If no, is there a particular reason why? Are you familiar with the concepts of financial submission? Do you have an opinion about financial submission in general?

I do not include any financial aspects as part of my submission. If anything, I’m a sucker for a gift. A lot of that could be ignorance. I don’t know too much about the basics of financial submission.

One of the big reasons I’ve always shied away from it is the simple fact that I don’t have money. I have to pay my mortgage and buy food for a house full of boys; my birthday money this year went to pay my electric bill. It’s not glamorous, but it’s my life.

I would love to be able to buy gifts for Sir. I always enjoy making people smile with a thoughtful present to lift their day. If you know those people who remember something you said that you really wanted and give it to you months later; that’s me. Christmas tends to be a stressful time for me; not because I lack ideas, but that I lack the funds to really get everyone what I would love to give them.

I’m not sure that really falls under the umbrella as financial dominance though. And I think that just me calling it financial dominance rather than financial submission just highlights my ignorance of it. Like I’m trying to distance myself from it in every possible way. I wouldn’t mind learning about it as part of general kink research, but I think at the same time I’m afraid of it.

Over the last year I’ve started to become more and more fearful of new kinks. Not out of judgment or disgust, but out of the reality that I may never get to experience them. I am afraid that if I delve into something new that I’ll love it and want to try it. My long-distance Dom is balancing two submissives, so adding all sorts of new kinks isn’t really an option. And my husband has completely walked away from kink. I see finances as complicated in a basic, every day context. Trying to engage him with D/s in something that can already be overwhelming doesn’t seem like a smart idea.

The fact that I have had a tight budget throughout my life makes financial submission a hard thing for me to grasp. While the idea of gift giving is a real joy, I’m pretty sure the kink goes much deeper than that. And aside from my amazon wish list I think I would just be out of my depth.

Check out my other 30 Days of Kink and consider answering them yourself.

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