So I’ve started masturbating about 3-4 times a week lately. Some sessions are better than others. The other night I probably could have squirted had I pushed myself. But I often pull back from really letting go. Not sure what sort of insecurity that’s pulling from, but it always catches me. Maybe I just feel like I don’t deserve it. Or just the idea of letting go like that on my own doesn’t feel right. Like I need to have permission, or I need someone else to ground me.
I guess if I’m honest with myself it’s about trust. I have to believe that it’s okay to actually enjoy myself rather than just looking for a quick orgasm so I can sleep. Something to take the edge off. Not necessarily something that I would actually enjoy.
Do you pull yourself back when you’re on your own?