Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Just Keep Swimming

I’ve been trying to force my writing all winter. But as I begin 2018 my struggle has increased. All the vanilla crap in my life has taken over all the fantasy writing so I’m looking for snuggles and presents rather than choking and forced orgasms. I keep trying to write though. I keep looking for inspiration to take over and words to flow. But they aren’t. My sexy story juices aren’t flowing. I keep looking at the Kink of the Week, Wicked Wednesday, and Masturbation Monday topics with nothing to show for it. Part of it is jealously that I’m not experiencing what everyone else is writing about, but that’s sort of a cop out. I mean, I love reading fantasy fiction and I’m not jealous of the orcs I don’t get to fight. But trying to write sexy when you’re stressed and depressed is a hard task.

The reality is that even masturbating is difficult. My various tumblr pages and videos can generally get me hot and bothered, but that’s generally as far as it goes. When I was home last week my husband and I were actually having sex. I know, it’s shocking. I think we had sex three afternoons in a row. Most of that was blow jobs, but at this point, I’ll count anything. But, as these encounters were in the afternoon and I’ve been back to work this week, the fun has ceased. So my mood has once again plummeted and I’m questioning everything…again.

It just feels so weird to want to write a story where a Dom takes his sub out for dinner and buys her something, just because, and then they come home and cuddle in front of a movie or an episode of Stranger Things. Even if some of you wouldn’t actually mind an evening like that, it doesn’t mean that you want to read about it. Somehow though, when I have even the base support and sexiness I find that it gives me the inspiration to write. I’m not sure why. It’s probably a confidence thing that I’m desired by someone and therefore the idea of writing a steamy threesome scene seems plausible. I don’t have to be the main character, or even a participant in all of my writings, but I do find it easier to make it believable if I can relate to someone in the story.

The sad part is, this post about not being able to write is longer than anything I’ve written all winter. I need to force myself to sit down and write everyday, but I certainly don’t want you to be forced to endure my ramblings. Eventually I may come around to something worth reading, or at least something that’s sexier than me being excited that I got a new razor.

5 Responses to “Just Keep Swimming”

  • Marie Rebelle

    Just write every day, luv. Write. I know it’s difficult because you’re down and depressed, but sit down and even if it’s only two sentences, write. This is your blog. Your space to do with whatever you want. Write every day and eventually the words will flow. Yes, it’s a cliché, I know, but it works.
    I will be here to read your words…

    Take care!

    Rebel xox

  • Penny

    I happen to enjoy your ramblings 🙂 The trick with writing is to just do it every day. The longer you go without the harder it becomes so don’t give up.

  • joelgn

    An old friend of mine (and the smartest person I ever met) has a double handful of very well reviewed books, published by top publishers. I once asked him how he was able to actually finish a book. I know you write shorter pieces, For what it’s worth, he said:

    1. Write 1000 words a day, 5 days a week, week in and week out. Don’t stop till you are at 1000; just f*ckin’ do it. I think he usually put in roughly a half day for this. He would spend ~ 3 months writing a book. And let what you wrote sit for at least a few days before you do a first edit; don’t get stuck in an endless rewrite loop.

    2. Write in a place with no distractions. He had a friend who ran a bank in downtown Minneapolis and arranged to rent a broom closet on the nth floor, only room for a chair and small table, no windows, no pictures, just his own imagination, a chair, typewriter, and his “monster in a box.”

    3. Finish the book and take a long break… He was a self-employed attorney, so he could spend the rest of the year as a master for the court or on a political campaign or fundraising for a charity or museum project.

    4. Get a full eight hours of rest and some physical exercise while you are writing.

    Since I don’t know you, I’m not in a position to offer advice, just a personal perspective on writing.


  • jim Serdut

    HI, you express yourself very well………..keep it up

  • jim Serdut


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