Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Prompt #21: Write a letter your 10-year old self

Prompt #21: Write a letter to the 10-year old child you had been

Dear 10-year old Rye,

Stay strong. Not matter what. The next few years are going to test you. Just remember that you are beautiful and strong. I don’t want to give too much away, but your teenage years are not going to be easy for you. As difficult as it will be, your life will not end with high school. There is so much more for you to experience. Enjoy and appreciate those opportunities, even though they may seem like trials at the time. Don’t depend on others, trust yourself to know what you need.

Which leads me to a topic that you haven’t considered. Sex. I know you are only ten and have a world of growing to do. My advice is just to let yourself grow. Don’t compare yourself to others and try and race the curve. Try to be open to experiencing things that we weren’t necessarily raised to consider normal. Pleasure is found in different ways for different people. Don’t judge.

You are a good writer. Don’t stop writing down all those ideas and random story lines. All those ideas for novels deserve to be written. Don’t give up on that dream.

For every tough thing that you face, trust the people around you. Your parents and family love you. You turn out alright, trust me.

Love,

Your future self

P.S. You are going to get your first period, like, tomorrow. It’s going to suck, just FYI. Sorry, nothing I can do about that.

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This is in partial fulfillment of #4 of my 101 Things in 1001 Days task, which is to use 10 writing prompts. This one isn’t very sexy, but with my grandmother’s funeral yesterday I have been thinking a lot about childhood and family.

November Goals

The last few days have been pretty rough. I wasn’t in a great place on Sunday and things went down hill through the afternoon. Sunday night I was a crying mess. I think my poor twitter boyfriend and Jack were both ready to strangle me through the internet. I just couldn’t pull myself out of it.

In the end Sir and I had a good talk. It was long and emotional, something which usually causes us to avoid it at all costs. But we have been drifting too long; we needed this to figure out how to come back together. Work stress and various other things have been pushing on each of us the last few weeks, and it finally came to a head. In the end we were both feeling a lot of the same loneliness and overwhelmed confusion. And, as usually happens, we realized our silliness and had some amazing make-up sex.

So…on a completely different note, I have decided to take part in two ‘events’ going on in the month of November. The first (tangentially related) is All Anal November. It’s one my 101 Things goals and something I’ve always wanted to try. We are setting some rules that oral is still allowed (because Sir still wants to be able to demand his cock be sucked). Basically I’m not allowed any vaginal penetration. No dildos, nothing. My pussy is already twitching in desperation. But, Sir wanted to look at enemas as a regular thing, so this will give us the chance to try that. Who am I kidding, I’ll be whining about how much I want fucked within a week.

The other thing I’m attempting this year is NaNoWriMo, which stands for National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write 50,000 words, or a rough draft of a novel in the month of November. I have an idea and a chapter outline, we’ll see if that’s enough. I’m supposed to aim for around 1,700 words a day to stay on target. With trying to write sexy things on here and write that, it should be an interesting month.

A lot of things to look forward to and to keep me on track for the next few weeks. Weight-loss, writing, and lots of anal sex. This might be my favorite month this year.

The Best Part

He came to the house and shook Sir’s hand. The small talk was awkward once Sir left and Sean* closed the gap between us immediately. The dog wouldn’t calm down and was soon put outside. Then the ground rules were laid,

“You will call me Sir for the rest of the time I’m here.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Rye's ass after Sean gave punishmentI earned several over the knee swats as I forgot a few times. Soon Sean wanted to see the rest of the house and we headed up to the bedroom. Moments later I was cuffed and blindfolded. He had attached a strap around one breast when there was a knock at the front door. We were both caught off guard, but I thought I did well to not freak out.  A neighbor wasn’t too happy about our dog outside barking, so I went to down to apologize (covering up, of course) and getting the dog inside and calmed down. When I got back upstairs I was quickly blindfolded again before I could see what he had pulled out of his bag.

Rye kneeling with breast bondage by SeanHe ordered me to kneel to attempt my first task. I was to take him balls deep twenty times. My nose had to touch his belly or it wouldn’t count. And I only had a minute to do it. I wasn’t even sure I could do one. The time started when I took him in my mouth. My hands were cuffed behind my back and the blindfold was on, so small movements were all I could do to find him. Once I did one I felt so proud of myself I almost stopped. But I remember the time limit and kept going. Several gags later and his phone buzzed. I only got to seventeen. He had me stand up and lean over the bed to get my punishment. Five swats for each of the three I missed. Then he had me open my mouth to ‘test’ my skills with an open mouth gag. I had never worn one before, Sir has been looking at getting one for several months. It felt weirder than I expected; like I couldn’t find the proper place to put my tongue. And while his dick fit farther in mouth with my jaw held open, my gag reflex did not. I ended up throwing up and without the ability to swallow, it ran down my chest instead. Luckily I was blindfolded, so I couldn’t see the gross. His only comment was, ‘mind over matter’ and continued fucking my mouth like nothing was going on. Rye licking Sean's balls

Then my pussy was put to work. His speed continued to change as he found a rhythm he liked and different positions. I guess my pussy was worth testing out as he had me move around a lot. Bent over the bed, on my knees on the bed, on my back, on top of him. But he found one that let him get really deep. After he came he took off my cuffs and let me clean up. The awkward small talk returned as we both got dressed and he packed his bag. When we returned downstairs we exchanged small pleasantries and he left.

And here’s the rub folks. I was kind of disappointed. I hope if Sean reads this he isn’t too offended, I’m just trying to share my experience. It was nice to be blindfolded, I could just focus on his orders. But the whole thing lacked passion. I’m not sure if regular D/s is supposed to have passion, but it’s something I’ve always wanted.

I think I was just putting too much pressure on this. I wanted this to be so much. And it just wasn’t. I even turned into my mom a few times with some of my pet peeves. He chewed gum. Not just when he arrived, which I completely understand. But he kept chewing it through the entire scene. It was wintergreen. I guess I shouldn’t let it bother me so much, he didn’t kiss me very often. And he left his socks on. I only realized it after he took the blindfold off, so I guess it didn’t really matter. But it’s so hard to for me to take you seriously as a Dom if you are standing there naked with black socks on.

Ok, I know this sounds extreme, but I felt like a booty call. No niceties. Nothing. He talked during the scene less than Sir does. A few orders to move and that was it. No moans. I was called a bitch once (apparently not a fan of that I have realized). But no ‘that’s hot’, no ‘you’re sexy’. It was just a bit of a let down. It was a new experience, and that I am glad of. Just not sure it is one I want to repeat.

He was strict, which was nice. I think my whimpers are a lot for Sir. He does his best to stay strong, but I can be kind of a baby sometimes. Sean said that it was pretty vanilla for him, but it was pretty kinky for me. Maybe I’m not as kinky as I thought I was. Not that I’m ashamed of that. Just back to the drawing board I guess. If I am going to work to balance another Dom into my already hectic life, I want to at least feel like it is mutually beneficial. Is that crazy? I am worried that this less than spectacular experience means that I am really asking for too much in a friend that also wants to fuck me sometimes.

But the best part….The best part is that Sir and I are fine. I was worried about this changing us. About it being everything that I wanted and then me demanding more. Or him becoming distrustful and regretting loaning me out. But it wasn’t any of those things. We went to dinner last night and Sir was talking about how ten years ago this would never have been on the table. That old me would have balked at the idea of sex with another person and his jealousy would have flared up merely at the thought. But both of us felt good. We had great sex in the afternoon. We went to dinner out and a movie. It’s actually the most relaxed and happy I think either of us have been in a long while, certainly since the move. We walked over this speed bump that we used to consider an Everest. And we managed to stay in one piece.

Neither one of us is giving up on finding friends and playmates. Maybe friends with benefits for the both of us could be good. But we know we can handle it and that makes my experience with Sean worth it, even if it wasn’t the most memorable. He and I just didn’t have the chemistry and the fit, but maybe someone else will. And if not, oh well. I’m sure Sir won’t mind if I am just his handful to deal with for the foreseeable future. Because I will always be his.

*Name has been changed for privacy.

This completes #41 of my 101 Things in 1001 days, namely to let Sir loan me out to another Dominant. Hopefully not the last time #41 gets attempted.

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My free mind

50 Questions to free your mind

Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer. And I’m not really afraid of TMI.

  1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? Late-twenties mentally, but mid-forties physically. I really don’t have my career together, but I have goals that haven’t been shattered by life yet, so mentally a few years younger than I am now. That and I still love cartoons. Physically is a different story as I am probably in the worst shape of my life. Hopefully I can correct this soon.
  2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? Right now I would say never trying, but that is because I just started my business and I still have high hopes. If I fail at it I may have a different view and wish I wouldn’t have wasted the time.
  3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? The end justifies the means I suppose. Not sure I can come up with a better answer. We have to go to work to pay bills. Sir and I would love to have sex all day, but food isn’t free.
  4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? What a silly question. I guess I used to talk a lot when I was young as part of my anxiety, so maybe said more.
  5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? World peace is sort of a coop out isn’t it? But I’m not really sure there is another answer. Maybe to reverse the effects of global warming.
  6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Writing. Historical research would be great, or novels. Getting paid for all these books in my head would be amazing.
  7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? Right now a bit of both. I work part time for a database where I write abstracts and do research. I have this blog for my main writing outlet. And I started the business in February. If it can make the money I hope, then I will eventually just be able to write for fun and work for what I believe in.
  8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? I probably would have slept around more in college. Maybe been more willing to try drugs. I’m also not sure I would have had children. My kids being possibly orphaned at 14 and 12 seems horrible.
  9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? Depends on the day. Most of the time I actually feel some mild control (that I give to Sir happily, of course). Other days I have no clue what I am doing.
  10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Doing the right things. I’m always worried about ruining the kids by doing the wrong thing. I worry about doing the wrong thing for Sir often too.
  11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do? I would play devil’s advocate to try and make them see how unnecessary their comments were. If that didn’t help I would say that I would not continue to take part in this conversation anymore and leave.
  12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Take one day at a time.
  13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? Yes.
  14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? I don’t believe so, but I’m going to keep my eyes open for it now.
  15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? I’m left-handed, so I do a lot of things differently than most people.
  16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? I’m weird? I’m a kinky masochist slut who enjoys being spanked and covered in come; it’s probably okay that that isn’t for everyone.
  17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back? I’ve never gone on a shopping spree for me. Buying lots of clothes or anything that’s just for me. Usually it is our bank account that holds me back. Sir’s blessing is important too, though if we had the funds he probably wouldn’t mind.
  18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Sir has lied to me a few times that have really hurt me and have made me wary in the past. To give our D/s the best possible chance I really need to move past it.
  19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? Scotland. In an instant. All my experiences in Scotland have been some of the happiest and most satisfying of my life.
  20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? No. I hate elevators. That I have a four year old, so I’m not allowed to push the button anymore.
  21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? Most of the time I fall into the ignorance is bliss camp. I worry enough as it is.
  22. Why are you, you? Because my parents made the choice to have completely vanilla sex one night in 1984.
  23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? Some from column A and some from column B. I have let life get in the way from being the type of friend that I need to be. But I have also reached out and tried to be the type of friend I want and have been burned.
  24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Losing touch with someone close. I moved around enough as a child to know how to stay close with those that move away. That and smart phones.
  25. What are you most grateful for? The time and effort Sir has taken to give our BDSM it’s best chance.
  26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? I would hate to lose memories of loved ones, but I guess I would rather lose the old than the new.
  27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? Yes. (See, I can be a vague too 🙂
  28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? Yes, I watched someone I care about die in front of me.
  29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now? I had to think for a few minutes where i was five years ago. I finally had to get out my journal to check. I was pregnant with our first child and getting over food poisoning. It doesn’t matter now, but it sucked.
  30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special? I remember the day we legally adopted my brother. I was six and wore a red dress. The judge commented on how pretty I looked. We have pictures with him after the proceedings. It was the day our family became whole.
  31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? We Sir took me to get my nipples pierced.
  32. If not now, then when? When we get settled in the new house. Everything in our lives is ‘when we get settled in the new house’.
  33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? My family’s financial security. I’ve started my business, now it’s just trying to give it time to grow and be everything that I know it can be.
  34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? I have had this experience and felt a connection, but I don’t remember the ‘said nothing’ bit.
  35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? Because ‘support love’ is always under their definition and their rules.
  36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? I certainly have doubts.
  37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? Probably my part-time job so I could focus on my business.
  38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? More work I enjoy. I actually love work. It makes me feel productive and like I’m contributing to the family.
  39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? No, but I have had that feeling before.
  40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? February of this year when I started my business.
  41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? My parents. I would love to spend the day with them, Sir, and my kids.
  42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? No, Sir loves me as I am and I would always rather have ten more years with him.
  43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Being alive is running around just going through the motions. Truly living is knowing who you are and not being ashamed of it.
  44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? 10:28pm
  45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? The perpetual cycle of guilt.
  46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Not mow my lawn.
  47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? Last night while I was trying to fall asleep.
  48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? Writing, coffee, sex. I actually just went in to rub Sir’s leg to remind him how much I love service to him.
  49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that? This week may not be the week to ask this question. In five years I probably will remember this week. But it won’t really matter in the big picture.
  50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? You get that I’m a sub, right? I am quite literately begging for those decisions to be made by others.

 

This is one of my 101 Things in 1001 Days.

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Sir’s Order #648

Sir has been working on taking on more control. This was today’s order.

Post a picture on your blog of your pussy covered in as many clamps as you can.

Well, naturally, first I needed to shave. I wouldn’t want you guys to see my pussy any other way. Then I pulled out the clothespins. His order was for as many clamps as I could. And I’m sure if he was doing it he could have put a lot more on. But when you cannot really see what you’re doing, it’s a lot harder to get them spaced properly. That and we really don’t have too many clothespins. Don’t tell him though, or he’ll go buy more just to have on hand.

Rye's pussy covered in clothespins per Sir's order.

I think I did a good trying to get even coverage though.

Rye's pussy covered in clothespins, per Sir's order.

I tried to get them closer together, but it’s more difficult than I thought. I’m certainly glad I shaved though.

The after effects of the clothespins.

You only kind of see the indents in this photo. And the color shading to make them more visible distorts how red my pussy was.

I hope Sir is impressed.

**This completes #38 of my 101 Things in 1001 Days Challenge**

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Prompt #113

One of my 101 Things in 1001 Days (#4 actually) is to complete posts using 10 of the prompts from this creative writing prompts list.

Today’s is #113 – Begin with “Today I will…” and write for 10 min.

Today I will remember all the wonderful things that Sir gives me and that I have.

Sir let me sleep in his bed last night. It was so nice to curl up with him and just be his good girl. Our toddler climbed in bed with us around 4am after having a bad dream. He curled up with me and fell back asleep. It was really cute. So we even slept in until 7am this morning.

But as birthday’s go, yesterday was wonderful. Not exceptionally kinky, but still a great time with Sir and the kids. More family time today, but hopefully tonight Sir and I can play. Maybe he will be nice and pull out the Doxy again and see what kind of torturous fun he can have.

All in all I am focusing on the good this weekend. I’m not allowed to focus on #old anymore. Sir let it slide yesterday, but not anymore. Today I will just live.

 

Six Month Update

Today is six months since I started my 101 Things in 1001 Days. After finding the lovely Rebel’s Notes list, I couldn’t wait to attempt the challenge as well. I’ve only completed 6 out of the 101. I was discouraged until I counted how many I have in progress. I also have several goals that are spread across the entire challenge (post something every week or every month). So those won’t be completed until the end no matter what.

The only really depressing thing is kinky and sexy social events sections haven’t really been touched. Hopefully as the kids get older we will be able to get out a bit more. I know our local scene is there, we just need to dive into it a bit more.

Hopefully in the next six months I will get more than 6 done. I am re-writing my resume today and getting ready to apply for a few jobs. Sir is supportive and pushing me hard as he has been interviewing new staff at his office lately. His expertise will be invaluable as I try to re-enter the out of my house work force. Feel free to send Sir ideas for monthly tasks. Your ideas will probably be nicer than the scary stuff he keeps mentioning.

My 101 Things In 1001 Days 


Start Date: 1/19/2015 – Starting Post
End Date: 10/16/2017 
Goals Completed: 6
Goals Failed: 1
Progress are listed in the table below.

Links to my posts about the project can be found at the bottom of the page or under their corresponding goal.


 Writing 
1. Complete my screenplay 

2. Write the 3 longer stories (0/3) 

3. Answer the 50 Questions that will free your mind (0/50)

4. Use 10 of these creative writing prompts (0/10)

5. Watch and give an honest review of the ’50 Shades of Grey’ Film (Completed 5/12/15 A Little Late )

6. Flesh out the characters and plot line for a historical novel

7. Write a ’99 Things about Me’ post

8. Write at least 1000 words a day for five days in a row x10 (0/10)

9. Write a list of 100 things that make me happy

10. Write and post at least one erotic short story or poem once a month on my blog not linked to any meme (0/34)

10.1 Glad for Thick Walls

10.2 Afternoon Delight

10.3 Mornings Are My Favorite Time of Day

10.4 Perfect Evening

10.5 Training Session Part I, Part II, Part III

10.6 Office Assistant

10.7 No Begging

11. Submit at least 10 pieces for publication (0/10)

12. Get published in any print source material (journal, anthology, book)

13. Get paid for a publication of my work


Blogging 
14. Complete blog posts on 200 prompts (Wicked Wednesday, TMI Tuesday, etc.) (45/200) *As of 7/18/15*

15. Post photographs of myself on the blog each month (7/34)

16. Make a least 5 video posts (0/5)

17. Post on my blog a minimum of 3 times per week.

18. Reach 100,000 views on the blog

19. Update/Add to blog profile every couple of months

20. Complete a Fabulous Phrase/Photo Friday every week (0/143) *Failed*

21. Follow/Comment on 50 different blogs (0/50)

21.1 Submissive Husband in Phoenix

21.2 Beck and Her Kinks

21.3 Cammies On the Floor

21.4 Jack and Jill

21.5 Let’s Skip the Pleasantries, Shall We?

21.6 Cupcakes and Caning

21.7 Under His Hand

21.8 A Slave to Master

BDSM/Kinky
22. Spend the night with a woman and Sir

23. Spend a day on a chained leash with limited mobility

24. Be hunted in the woods (I am the prey)

25. Have professional nude photos taken for Sir

26. Make a video of my pussy pulsing when I orgasm

27. Explore more rope play together/Go to a bondage workshop

28. Be made to masturbate for a live audience

29. Ask Sir for at least one task each month (3/34)

Jan. 2015 – Record 60,000 steps by the end of the month – Completed

Feb. 2015 – Complete 1000 crunches – Failed

Mar. 2015 – Learn all the Gorean positions – Completed

Apr. 2015 – None assigned

May 2015 – None assigned

June 2015 – Wear the butt plug for 50 hours – Completed 6/27/2015

July 2015 – Wear the butt plug for 100 hours –

30. Be tied up/restrained and made to watch while he fucks another woman

31. Give Sir a warm oil back massage at a time of his choosing

32. Wear the glass anal plug out of the house – Completed 6/25/2015

33. Be fingered by another man

34. Be bathed, shaved, dried and then complete dressed by Sir

36. Swallow Sir’s semen everyday for 30 days

37. Complete a post about daily changes in semen taste differences (for science)

38. Complete an as yet unknown task set by Sir at a time of his choosing

39. Spend the night in a cage and/or heavy bondage

40. Deep throat without gagging

41. Let Sir loan me out to another Dominant

42. Have two weekends away with Sir (1/2)

42.1 ‘Work’ Trip

43. Spend more than 84 hours in one week plugged

44. Take part in all anal November

45. Buy a new set of leather wrist and ankle cuffs

46. Try wax play

47. Allow Sir to slap me in the face


Sexy Social Events
48. Go to a strip club with Sir

49. Attend at least 15 BDSM events (0/15)

50. Visit at least 5 BDSM clubs (0/5)

51. Make at least 100 Fetlife friends (Currently 21)

52. Post journal entries, erotica, opinion on Fetlife 50 times (0/50)

53. Attend a bondage or BDSM conference or lecture series

54. Host a BDSM dinner party

55. Attend a sex camp


Personal Development
56. Get my pussy professionally waxed

57. Get 2 more tattoos and get the calla lilies tattoo finished (3/3)  – Completed

      Calla Lilies finished May 2015

      Books/Coffee

      Lace Sleeve (Part I)

58. Get my nipples pierced

59. Get a vertical clitoral hood piercing

60. Maintain my current weight as a minimum but ideally lost 20lbs

61. Have a manicure at least once a year

62. Watch 20 movies that I have never seen before (0/20)

62.1 Avengers: Age of Ultron (5/9/2015)

62.2 Fifty Shades of Grey (5/10/2015)

62.3 Inside Out (61/16/2015)

63. Read 5 Non-fiction books (0/5)

64. Read 20 books I have never read before (0/20)

65. Read the Anne Rice Sleeping Beauty Trilogy

65.1 Claiming (2/9/2015)

66. Ride on the back of a motorcycle at least once

67. Read 1 Sci-fi book of Sir’s choosing (cannot include in #46)

68. Buy myself more perfume to wear for Sir

69. Let my hair grow (trims only)

70. Get my hair professionally dyed

71. Strip and refinish Grandpa’s dresser

72. Try oysters

73. Go to brunch with Sir x5 (0/5)

74. Sing karaoke at a bar

75. Send a secret to PostSecret


Travel
76. Visit 3 US cities I have never been to before (0/3)

77. Go on a road trip

78. Travel west of the Mississippi River

79. Visit the Isle of Mann again

80. Take my children to England/Scotland/Wales – Completed 2/18/2015

81. Complete travel journal for 2015 UK trip

82. Eat at a Michelin Star restaurant


Parenting
83. Potty-train The Boy

84. Potty-train Baby 2.0

85. Create allowance/job charge for the boys

86. Complete both baby books – Completed 5/15/2015

87. Have days out alone with both boys (0/2)

88. Get 1 year/4 year photos taken of the boys

89. Get 2 year/5 year photos taken of the boys


Miscellaneous
90. Complete my Five Year book in 2015

91. Buy a new Five Year book starting 2016

92. Make breakfast in bed for Sir, twice (0/2)

93. Finish at least 3 quilts (0/3)

94. Finish the king scrap quilt

95. Have a summer cook-out party

96. Buy/Move into a house

97. Get a job that pays more than my last job

98. Get another dog

99. Cook a family Thanksgiving Dinner

100. Attend my 10 year college reunion

101. Put $10 into savings jar for every goal I complete


Progress Posts:
Starting Post

It’s not cheating

When Sir set my June task to wear my butt plug for 50 hours I was concerned. He didn’t give me the task until the second week of June, so I was worried I wouldn’t have enough time to complete it. And I hadn’t worn the plug for consecutive days for quite some time. I wasn’t sure how multiple hours, several days in a row would work. But that was my challenge. And I think I rose to it. I’m now comfortable wearing the glass plug for extended hours. I’ve left the house with it in to do grocery shopping (one of my 101 Things). It is all together a more pleasant experience to put in and wear. I was doing so well that I finished my 50 hours early and Sir allowed me to start my July hours a few days before the month actually started.

This was a huge relief for me. I was worried about 100 hours in one month. Even wearing it every day for three hours per day wouldn’t be enough. And if I forgot a day or was excused from wearing it because I felt sick would really put me behind. So I started the month with eight hours already done. But yesterday I wasn’t really feeling well. I tried to put it in and just felt sick (sorry if that’s TMI). I didn’t even last fifteen minutes. And then I started (in my usual anxious fashion) to start worrying about how I would make up that time.

Since my little accident with the glass plug Sir ordered me a new one and it arrived yesterday. I like my purple silicone one, but it just doesn’t feel as comfortable for longer amounts of time. So I had been doing my three hours and taking it out. But with the option of the glass plug back on the table, I considered something. What if I slept with it in? I hadn’t really thought about it before. But after I started weighing the options, I’m not sure why it hadn’t been there from the beginning.

So last night was my trial. Sir wanted me to take it out if it kept me up or if I woke up in the night in pain. It would be the longest I ever had it in, so I wasn’t sure. But it wasn’t a problem at all. 9.9 hours and I felt fine in the morning. In fact, it was kind of nice. Having my glass plug again was great. The flange is a lot smaller and smoother than my silicone plug, so moving around at night and sleeping on my back wasn’t a problem. I woke up, took it out and went on my way.

No longer worried about my 100 hours. A few more nights like that and I will be sorted. And, one of my 101 Things goals to wear the plug for 85+ hours in one week is a lot more realistic as well.

Addictions

A combination of my addictions. A new tattoo, coffee, and books. My step tracker is even there as getting healthy is quickly becoming my new obsession. I just need to write kink or Sir underneath and I will have everything.

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A little late

One of my 101 Things in 1001 Days was to try and do an honest review of the 50 Shades of Grey movie. As described in great detail in previous posts, this book series set me on the path to my discovery as a submissive. I certainly won’t say it was my entire education, but it did start Sir and I on our journey. I never would have had the motivation to talk to Sir about my desires and I’m not sure he ever would have opened up to me about his sadism and willingness to try a TPE relationship without this series as a jumping off point.

However, the movie is not the book. I think anyone walking into a theatre or pressing play on their DVD expecting to see the novel in action would have been setting themselves up for disappointment. But Sir and I talked about this as a problem in general with modern book-to-movie films. Over the last decade a number of highly popular novels and series have been given big screen adaptations. And I think, feel free to disagree with me, that people have been largely disappointed with various aspects of the Twilight Series, Harry Potter Series, and World War Z  screenplays. And, as much as I hate to admit it, I blame Lord of the Rings. This series showed that you could go into detail and not take a hacksaw to a book to turn it into a profitable film. Fans of the books, as well as those who had never picked up J.R.R. Tolkien would sit through a three hour plus movie to get the full experience of the text.  There was enough time to give every character their full growth and the story didn’t suffer. Even those who complained about the seventeen endings in Return of the King sat through it and cried like a baby with Merry, Pippin, and Samwise. The conversion from book to film didn’t have to include truncated characters and rushed pacing.

Sadly, however, every film does not have the budget or skill of Peter Jackson. And a movie about a sexual relationship between two people doesn’t exactly command a three hour presence like the battle for middle-earth. That being said, I think that the director (Sam Taylor-Johnson) made some wise choices. Removing the inner-monologue from Anastasia’s character put a lot more pressure on Dakota Johnson to really bring out her internal struggle, but she rises to the challenge. They also chose to remove the constant eating/food control issue from Christian’s concerns. I think it helps to make him more likable to those who saw him as an overbearing jerk.

Overall, they really tried to tone down the stalkerishness of Mr. Grey in this adaptation, which I liked. They kept little touches of him buying the car, upgrading her plane ticket to Georgia, and tracking her phone to the bar. But they smoothed over his appearance at her apartment and job, completely skipped the OBGYN appointment with one line, and dropped the exercise negotiation entirely. Christian’s past is also revealed in this first installment, which creates a character more open and honest than the novel’s. Making him more relatable works as they have such a limited time to convey their story.

They also removed several characters and plot-lines that work for this film, but create several issues with the series going forward. Eliminating Ana’s job interview and all reference to Seattle Independent Publishing helps move the story along, but will make things difficult as it is vital to the second and third installments. They also cut out Grey’s housekeeper. She’s not vital now, and I guess she could be removed completely, but she does provide a female presence to counterpoint Mrs. Robinson for Ana in the subsequent books.

Overall, I found the movie entertaining. I tried to go into it with the hopes of being entertained, rather than picking apart what was changed. In that respect, I was pleasantly surprised. I will say that the pacing was an issue for me. They reordered several scenes that makes the middle of film seem disjointed. And I will say, I was a little disappointed that they cut the scene where Kate calls Christian and yells at him for making Ana cry. I found that to be a very pivotal scene in the book as it shows how Ana was hiding her feelings from him and how he did understand. They did do a good job, I believe, in showing that this relationship’s failure was the fault of both people. I know when Sir read the book, he blamed Christian completely. And I was sitting there yelling about how she didn’t safeword and she had been hiding her feelings from him. As a person who used to do this a lot, I know how that can eat at you. If she had been honest with him, it could have changed the outcome.

I like how the film portrayed how it takes a lot of compromise and honesty to make a relationship work, with or without a BDSM component. The humor that occurs as two people come together was a nice reality as well. Sex is funny. If you make it too dramatic and too serious, it’s just not fun to watch.

I’m not here to break down how the general public perceived BDSM. This movie was about a relationship and two people who couldn’t compromise what they wanted from it. The D/s aspects of this movie were tasteful, but they were not actually that important. I know that those scenes were what a lot of people focused on, but Christian revealing his abuse to her while she slept and Ana crying on the phone to her mom said so much more about their relationship than a riding crop.

My take away was that considering it’s budget and constraints by the author, I thought it was a good adaptation. I wish the director and actors had had a little more freedom to interpret. I don’t have huge complaints about the actors, thought Jamie Dornan needs to work on his accent as it clearly came through at various points. I will be curious to see if the rest of the series stays in the same direction as the directors will be different. We’ll see if the actors can keep the fluidity of the performance as the budget increases, but the screenwriter changes. The fans have put a lot of pressure on this trilogy to succeed, the first installment was acceptable, but bar will continue to rise.