Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

A Crazy Week

This week has been emotionally and physically exhausting. The kids went to grandma’s house on Friday night and all Sir and I could think about was a good night’s sleep.

A dear friend found out his daughter was sexually assaulted by someone they knew.

All you can do is try and be supportive. I started to get upset with him when he indicated that she might not pursue prosecution. But, after reflecting, that really wasn’t fair of me. I have never been through such a horrific experience, and it’s not my place to judge. I just wish I could do more for their family as they struggle with this tragic event.

Took on a big grant project at work.

Much more positive than above, but still overwhelming. I am really looking forward to the challenge and showing my boss that I am the amazing person they thought I was when they hired me. And it’s a long term thing. The complete project isn’t due until January, but it will take a lot of piece meal work whenever I get a moment. Usually my desk is covered with requests and filings, so finding extra time may be tough. But the rewards could be worth it if I can get us a chunk of money next year, so fingers crossed.

2yo has decided that sleep is for the weak.

It’s been about a week and a half now. I’m not sure why, but 4:30, or 5:00 if we are lucky, has become his new morning. Which he chooses to share with Sir and I by coming into our room and poking Sir in the stomach. I don’t think it is really sustainable as we are both grumpy and he is falling asleep before lunch at school. Running around at night isn’t helping though, so more devious tactics may be required.

Sir talked to his doctor about his libido and is changing his meds.

Neither of us are getting ahead of ourselves with high expectations. We’ll see if he notices a difference in the next few weeks. I feel bad as I am afraid that he just got tired of me whinging on here. But at the same time, if it helps, I don’t think either of us will be complaining.

Had my STI screening done before I go to California next week.

Everything came back negative, but it was still a tense few days. I don’t know why, but testing like that always freaks me out. Neither Sir nor I have had an symptoms, it was just a formality really so I could take paperwork with me. The last thing I want is for my friends to feel uncomfortable. And the clinic was actually very nice. I was worried they would be judgmental as I numbered partners, but they were informative and polite.

Pinched a nerve in my neck which incapacitated me for several days.

And, the reason I haven’t written much this week is that I pinched a nerve. I wrote a bit about it on Thursday, but it continued to get worse. On Friday, while the kids were at grandma’s and we were supposed to be enjoying a sexy evening along, we ended up at Urgent Care. They prescribed some muscle relaxers and sent me home. After a good night’s sleep I felt a lot better, now it’s mostly a light soreness. But last week was a mess of unproductive evenings.

Luckily, even with everything going on, yesterday was amazing. We had some good family time and I got a lot done. Business stuff and house cleaning got caught up and Sir and I were even able to connect. Hopefully, this week before I go to California we will be able to focus on each other and really have some time together. I want to ensure that we are in a good, solid place before I leave him with the kids for a week so I can have a sexual tryst. His support and mutual excitement for me has been amazing, but connecting with him before I go and after I get back will be the real test to see if this will ever happen again.

Work for the Weekend

Thank heavens this week is almost over. I’ve already had my fill. My OBGYN called on Monday to say that I had an irregular pap smear and they wanted me to come back in. Time to trigger my panic. The last few days have been panic on top of worry with a side of stressed. When they call and try to schedule you for their first available appointment it is usually time to start worrying.

Well, I went to the doc yesterday and everything is okay. No cancer or HPV concerns. Apparently the IUD can cause my body to create some bacteria that can throw off the results. They just wanted me to come in to talk about symptoms and to double check that everything is alright; which it was. And I probably wouldn’t have freaked out so much if this wasn’t coming on the heels of mom’s accident and all the moving stress. And I didn’t want to tell my parents about it until I knew what was really going on. So instead, it’s added another layer of stress to the beginning of the week. But it’s one less thing to worry about now at least, so I am glad I took that first appointment.

Our landlord has started coming down on us about the house. It was completely out of the blue and it ruined Sir and my moods. We have two kids and a dog, the carpets are going to get a little dingy; it’s not like we weren’t going to clean them before we left. But they did a showing of the place the other night and the realtor took pictures (which I did not give permission for) and she sent a nasty email. We talked and she apologize, but it just tipped the scale of how much we are both ready to be out of here. This weekend will be the last big push to get things done at the house before we start moving in. Hoping to get the floors sanded and sealed and the last few closet doors painted. I’ll have to do another renovation post on the kitchen. They did a beautiful job.

So, we’ll see how the next few days and the weekend go. Mass packing will fill my next week and probably several trips to unload them. We’ll probably have to get a truck to move the larger pieces of furniture, but I am hoping to call on some burly cousins to help with the lifting. Fingers crossed it won’t be long now. We should be able to celebrate Mother’s Day (the US one) in the new house. Then we can focus on jobs and paying off some of these bills.

Maybe people will give us Xanax for housewarming gifts.

I put the ick in sick

It’s been awhile since I’ve been sick. Not that I’m complaining, I’m perfect happy being healthy. But, partially due to ever mounting stress, and partially due to my nipples taking all the good white blood cells to heal, sick is what I am. And while I feel a bit better this morning, I am still clearly on the mend.

But the worst thing about being sick is the housework. Sir does his best to make sure I get time to rest and he takes over all parenting duties. It is a huge help. But chores that I usually do while he’s at work struggle to get done. I would take a picture of the pile of dishes currently sitting in my sink, but I am too embarrassed. A picture of my beaten ass, no problem, just don’t expect shots of my dirty house. Makes perfect sense to me.

So this morning is all about catching up. A few loads of laundry and some dishes this morning. Sir hates coming home to a dirty house. I’m not a big fan either. Monday I am heading to the new house to do some work, so having a pile of housework done will help me stay on track. I still have a lot of paid work to catch up on. I am going to the head office next Friday, so next week will mean a lot of extra hours to make up for these few sick days. My boss is very accommodating though, but I hate to get behind.

We are heading to my parents this afternoon. My mom is excited for the egg hunt she has set up for the boys. Something about color coded eggs and teams involving my older cousins. Should be an interesting time. A lot of running around outside and playing with the dogs will be good for everyone.

And, just to keep you up to date with all the TMI, my nipples are doing quite well. Sir and I are doing our best not to play with them. Sleeping in clothes has taken some getting used to though.

Organizational Plan

Yesterday was all about a clean start, literally. I cleaned the house from top to bottom. Every room was scrubbed, vacuumed, and dusted. I even cleaned off the ceiling fans, which, if I’m honest, I’m not sure I’ve ever done before. They were gross. But it felt good to wipe away the dirt and grime. Not just because it makes my body twitch when I see how dirty the boys can make our house in one afternoon. But because I know it’s something that Sir appreciates. With his work hours he comes home tired and looking at a mess when he walks in the door isn’t really helpful. He knows that I have a lot on my plate, and anyone with kids knows that most cleaning is an exercise in futility.

So I was happy to see his smile last night when he got home. I think I was able to show him how much I enjoy my service. I don’t take it for granted. And it really gave me a chance to clear my head and remember what is important. Last night he used me and I wasn’t sure if I would get to cum. And the best part, I didn’t care. I came back to bed as satisfied as if I had an orgasm myself. To be used by him and to hear ‘good girl’, was the most relaxing feeling in the world. It reminded me why I crave this. I want to make him happy that I am his.

So today starts the next step in my organizational plan. I’m going to try and complete one small task each day. Probably not sexy, but something that will show him that I appreciate the chance to serve him and make coming home a little easier. The next few months will be hectic with the renovation and the move, so my daily tasks will help to chip away at that. Packing, sorting, cleaning, hoping every little bit will make a small difference. He’s allowing me to have the kids in daycare and preschool all day so I can be more productive; I don’t want to waste his generous gesture.

In any case, we are both feeling better today. Sir and I talked about some new rules regarding talking to him if I feel that we are getting too distant. Life happens, and I need to be more direct when that starts to get to me. As going forward, bratting (per his definition) will not be tolerated. He has enough to contend with and doesn’t need my poor behavior on top of it.

I’m sorry that my actions upset him, but at the same time, I’m glad we had this hiccup. We were able to work through it and realized a lot about how we deal with situations. We have a way to go, but I think, all in all, we processed it well. Not perfect, but well. These problems will happen from time to time and we’ll need to keep working through them. It was nice to know that we can without falling apart. We both want this enough.  That realization for the both of us was worth the bump in the road.

Barking Children

This week’s Wicked Wednesday topic is revisiting an old blog post. So I went about as old as I could. I found a post back in 2010 called Bad Neighbors. This was when I was blogging about Sir and my’s journey to become parents, long before we found kink and BDSM. But I was writing about my concerns in balancing two dogs with a job and housework. What a difference five years makes.

But this writing is coming back around to me as we are buying our first home. The idea that we would be seen as bad neighbors scares me. We are hoping this will be our forever home. If we make a poor impression to the neighborhood, how do we come back from that? Right now we have one dog, but Sir and I have already talked about getting a puppy. Between a new puppy and the two boys, we could be the terror of the cul-de-sac if we’re not careful. And we want to make friends. We have little kids, so as much as it would great to have a complete circle of kink friends and other parents, it may not happen. We don’t live in a big city. The BDSM community exists, but it’s not large enough to meet all of our needs socially (that’s ok). So having neighbors with children that like us and will keep an eye on our house when we are on vacation would be nice. We want to get involved in our community (BDSM and local), and having a dog that barks all the time may hinder that. Though our current dog is actually pretty mellow, it’s the boys that will ruin us.

I do love how worried I was about becoming a mom. Worried that the balance wouldn’t work. Not sure I’ve figured it out yet, if I’m honest. Two kids, a part-time job, the house; I’m certainly struggling. Getting everything done is usually based on how much coffee I can mainline in the morning. But Sir’s happy with what I can accomplish, so I’m okay with it. And the kids are healthy (the baby is actually in the 90th percentile in every category) and happy. They have tantrums like every other kid, but they aren’t maiming small animals or breaking into the liquor cabinet just yet, so I’m not really worried.

And our current neighbors don’t hate us, so I guess it’s a win. I mow the lawn so it doesn’t look awful and the dog doesn’t terrorize everyone who walks by (just those who come onto the porch). Though the standards might not be as high as they will be in our new neighborhood. The house on our left has been empty and for sale since we moved in last year and our other neighbors are hoarders. But they are hoarders who like us, so….win.

See other bloggers visits to their pasts for this weeks Wicked Wednesday.

Wicked Wednesday

Too Damn Good

Sir and I have been taking part in Community Support Agriculture (CSA) since we moved to Ohio. For those who don’t have space or time for their own garden, a CSA is a great way to get fresh vegetables and support small farmers. The veg we get are all organic and the amounts are perfect for weekly use and freezing for the winter. It basically forces me to use vegetables in every meal (which I should be doing anyway), and trying new recipes.

Last year I was not prepared for the amount of tomatoes that we would get. Starting in mid-July I brought home at least two bags a week. Sir and I can only eat so much tomato salad. So I start perusing websites and blogs for recipes on freezing and using tomatoes. Especially cherry tomatoes, as we continued to get pint after pint each week. So I found a roasted tomato recipe that I decided I could rework to use the smaller tomatoes. Sir loved it. So this year, as they again began to fill my bags, I loaded up on supplies and started freezing.

I know it’s not very kinky, but this recipe is too good not to share. Consider it my favorite domestic slave tip.

Honestly, you can make this with any type of tomato. I used larger ones just yesterday and they turned out great. But I do like using cherry tomatoes for their size. I usually do a rough chop on the spread when it’s done, but that’s really not necessary. I’ve used this on sandwiches, bruschetta, and wraps. Most often though, Sir and I put a spoonful over our pasta as a rich, flavorful sauce. A little goes a long way, but I couldn’t fault you for wanting more; it’s that good.

Roasted Tomato Spread

imageWash your tomatoes. I usually try and do about two pints of cherry tomatoes per batch. But honestly, you can scale it to however much you have. Cut the tomatoes in half, or in quarters if they are on the larger side (if you use big tomatoes, cut them down into bitesize pieces). Put them in the bowl.

imageAdd minced/grated garlic. I usually do about six cloves per batch (3 per pint). Sir and I really like garlic though, so feel free to scale up or down depending on your preference. Even with six cloves, it won’t overpower the tomato flavor, which is really the star.

imageAdd a pinch of salt and black pepper. Add two or three tablespoons of olive oil.

That’s it. Isn’t that so easy?

Mix the ingredients together. I use my hands, but you can use a spoon, just don’t smash everything up too much.

Pour the tomatoes in a pan and spread them out evenly. I have used a 9×13 glass pan covered in foil (for easy clean-up). I have also used a cookie sheet, so it’s really whatever you have on hand. I do usually cover the pan with foil. I find it makes for very easy cleanup.

imageRoast the tomatoes in a 350 degree oven (180 Celsius/4) for about an hour. I would peak in on them after about forty-five minutes and then every ten minutes or so. I’m looking for most of the liquid to be gone, but you don’t want the tomatoes to burn or get too dry. The spread itself, once it cools, will have a little liquid, but it will be on the thicker side, especially if you give it a rough chop.

image Once it comes out of the oven and cools, you can do just about anything with it. I usually split the batch in half. I will put it in zip lock and freeze it. The ones I froze last year are still good. You can put it in a container in the fridge for about a week. I have some in a rubbermaid that I will pull out for sandwiches and pasta. You can eat it cold, or warm it up in the microwave or on the stove.

It’s just a really versatile recipe that I encourage you to play with and make your own. It’s also really fancy looking for guests and they think it takes a lot more work than it really does. And, as an added bonus, it makes your house smell amazing.

New Cleaning Lady

This weekend Sir and I did a lot of restructuring of our communal tasks and goals. We have these smartphones, we may as well use them. So now we have synched apps so I can mark off chores as I complete them. He can check to see what I have done and add things as needed. I’m pretty OCD, so having one place to keep all that organized is a big help to me. And, as I apply to jobs, Sir may have to take on some of the household chores, so this will keep us on track.

If nothing else, it was so nice to talk through our short-term and long-term goals. We looked at personal growth projects for me as well as daily and weekly cleaning chores. It was a real turn on. Not sure if that’s because I’m a horny slut or OCD. You should see me in an office supply store.

One of things we added to the cleaning regime was deep cleaning the main rooms on the first floor. The kids and I spend the bulk of our time down here during the afternoon, so the carpets take a beating. In fact, most of the time, the playroom looks like a war zone. I vacuum the floors once a week, but that really doesn’t cut it.

So last night after the kids went to bed deep cleaning the playroom was on the list. Technically this was marked as Sir’s task, but he decided he needed some slavey maid help. Luckily, he has one of those on hand.

Ready for work?
Ready for work?

Just in case the picture doesn’t give you the full idea, I am quite the trussed up little maid. The belt and gag were fine, they didn’t restrict my movement. Though I kept worrying about drooling on the places I had just cleaned. The linked wrist cuffs were moved around to the front once we started working, but they still made it hard to reach certain things. They, however, were nothing to the vibrator (that’s the purple thing a few photos down) roped to my pussy. My cuffs were linked to the rope, so I could only lift my hands about breast height.

Cleaning - the extreme sport
Cleaning – the extreme sport

I felt like a gooey slave. And Sir certainly kept me on task. Once all the big pieces of furniture were moved and the smaller toys picked up, I had to tackle the mass of food bits that my children lovingly decorate the floor with. I was to pick up food pieces with my left hand and put them in my right hand. So I scuttled around the floor for a good ten minutes (thanks boys) picking up Kix, Cheerios, Apple Jacks, fruit snacks, graham crackers and other bits that the dog turned up her nose at. (Sidenote: I grew up with a labrador who would eat anything, including rocks, so the fact that this much food accumulates on the floor in the first place blows my mind) I dissapointed Sir a few times by missing a few pieces hidden under the carpet and not being able to finish in one trip. A few stinging hits with the crop were good motivation to try harder.

Then…because my children….when we moved the loveseat we discovered that a sippy cup had spilled at some point (it certainly wasn’t fresh) and milk had gotten onto the hardwood. At least it missed the carpet. But slavey maid got a new task. Luckily I had the gag so I couldn’t really throw up.

Wouldn't you like a slavey maid?
Wouldn’t you like a slavey maid?

The hardest thing was that I couldn’t really reach very far in front of me. I’m sure that was the point, but it put my face directly in the dried milk. It was pretty gross. And I wish I had gotten a picture of my knees when we were finished. But I didn’t do too badly. Sir was happy with my work and the room looks great. Not sure it will last once I get the kids from daycare, but hopefully no dried milk next week.

Tired slave
Tired slave

Needless to say, I slept well (aside from the baby waking me up). The massive orgasm that Sir let me have helped too. That certainly motivates me to clean more. Though when I do it while he is at work I’m not sure I will get quite so dolled up.

The Priority Game

My husband makes fun of me, because I wasn’t allowed to play video games. He thinks that this has ruined my chances for good dexterity and hand/eye coordination. Well, joke’s on him, because I’m a mom.

My day consists of the balance of priorities game. I’ve become a pro at going back and forth to each thing that requires my attention.

Morning:

Wake-Up – Get Baby 2.0 up and calm. Get Boy in clean clothes.

Shower – 7.5 minutes of me time

Breakfast – Get Boy breakfast and start cartoons. Start coffee for Husband. Let Dog out. Get morning bottle for Baby 2.0. Curl up with Boy for cartoon cuddles. Get laundry from upstairs. Bring Baby 2.0 downstairs so Husband can get a shower. Pour coffee for myself and Husband. Get clean diaper for Baby 2.0 and start feeding him breakfast. Remind Husband to pack lunch and ask what he wants for dinner. Finish feeding Baby 2.0 after Husband leaves. Start Laundry. Get snack for Boy. Rock Baby 2.0 when he wakes up. Try to get Dishes done until Baby 2.0 wakes up or Boy needs a drink. Let Dog out. Attempt to eat breakfast. Sneak to bathroom when possible for 30-45 seconds of alone time.

Lunch – Repeat breakfast

Dinner – Repeat lunch. Do dishes until bedtime routine.

Bedtime – Get Boy in pajamas, get him water. Get nighttime bottle sorted for Baby 2.0. Remind Husband to fill his water glass. Read Boy book(s) or feed Baby 2.0 (whichever Husband isn’t doing). Beg Baby 2.0 to fall asleep to white noise machine while gently rubbing his head. Crawl into bed until nighttime feeding.

This is my day. I would be impressed with my own skill at balancing two children, a dog, and this house, but I feel so inadequate. I don’t have any time to work on me, much less get a job, be a good submissive, or any kind of growth.

Ok, I need to start dinner and the late afternoon routine. Baby 2.0 needs a clean diaper and Boy will want his afternoon snack soon. I will give myself double points if I can survive this another few months of this.