Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

‘Move It or Lose It’ or ‘Why Your Sex Drive is Like Federal Grant Funding’

I have a theory that your sex drive is a bit like grant funding. If you don’t use it, next year they’ll give you less. For those not from the United States or those who may not know the Federal Grant Funding system, let me explain. When you apply for grant funds, you have to estimate costs for everything you intend to do. However, if you end up spending less than what they give you, when you re-apply the next year, they will give you less. They assume you don’t know how to estimate after that and undercut you. And, once your budget has been cut, it’s very hard to justify more again.

So, what if your sex drive is just like government funding? If you don’t use it properly you slowly lose it. Slowly getting less and less every year until it completely disappears.

My personal experience has been strangely both in favor and against this theory. When I was vanilla I had no sex drive, or one hardly worth measuring. I guess it doesn’t really disprove the theory as I was starting at nearly zero. The sex drive government had nothing to take away. Then I found kink. My sex drive went into overdrive. Since embracing my submissive side I have craved sex daily, usually multiple times a day. Given the chance, I would love to just be locked up in a hotel room for a few days with the occasional food and sleep break.

Lately, however, my sex drive has started to slow. My husband’s depressive slump has killed his interest in sex. I have tried to take care of things myself, but I find myself losing the plot as other things continue to take priority. At the end of the day I think about how I could have found time for more sexy times, but by then it’s usually too late.

So, as we enter into Masturbation Month, all our priorities need to re-focus. Obviously quality should always take precedent over quantity, but taking the time is equally important. Just think about if past performance were responsible for your sex drive in the future? Don’t let an allergy or work stress have a long-term affect on your attempts of lovely orgasms.

Give your current self and your future self all the lovely ‘O’ faces you deserve this month. I’ll be glad to help where I can to keep you from losing funds next month 🙂

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New Hottest Thing

When he asks/orders me to lick/suck his tip while he masturbates and his hand smells like me from when he was fingering me moments before. So hot!

I may have to create a ranked list of these in the future. But this one will certainly be near the top for quite awhile.

 

Our Poor Water Bill

I laid out the towel across the duvet. I was in too much of a hurry to put the clean clothes away, so I stacked them at the foot of the bed. The toddler could wake from his nap at any moment so I didn’t have much time. I grabbed the Doxy from my night stand and threw it on the bed. I considered leaving my shirt on to save time, but nipple play sounded too good and I was soon completely naked.

His message had come through an hour before, but chores had to be done before I could stop to let it sink in. He was coming, and sooner than I ever thought possible. The tickets were purchased, the hotel room booked. He was coming to Ohio to visit me in less than three weeks; I had a lot to masturbate about.

My clit was already throbbing as I spread out on the towel. I was so close to cumming I had to start the vibrator on low so I didn’t ruin my own orgasm.

Thinking about seeing him again was so erotic. Obviously fucking him; I had been craving his cock since we parted in October. This time we were going to get two nights in a hotel and one night with Sir at home. The amount of fucking would be epic. But, even more so, we were going out on a date. A dress up, order taken by a waiter, footsie under the table dinner date. I could feel my orgasm building.

I rubbed the Doxy up and down my clit as I grabbed my inner thigh. Then I remembered all the extra effort to take off my shirt. I grabbed my nipple and practically bucked off the bed. Within moments I could barely breathe as my pussy convulsed. Frustratingly, I was right on the edge. I let go of my nipple and plunged as many fingers as I could into my cunt.

Immediately my orgasm crashed into me. I began squirting all over my hand. Containing my moans became impossible. The splashing between my legs continued as I pressed the Doxy harder against my clit. It felt like my entire body was vibrating with pleasure. Eventually, my moans and writhing stopped. I put the Doxy back on the night stand and collapsed on the bed. In a perfect world I would have taken a nap to truly enjoy my few moments of bliss. Sadly, however, one of the many people in my house would be calling for me soon. Inevitably needing something that, of course, they couldn’t manage to get on their own.

As I begrudgingly sat up I let lout a squeal of laughter. I had managed to ejaculate all over the piles of neatly folded clothes. Apparently, my estimation of my own distance capabilities was more than a tad off. Upon further inspection only the tops of both piles would need to be rewashed. I grabbed them and my towel and threw everything into the hamper. I quickly got dressed and giggled to myself as I went back downstairs. The next three weeks were going to mean a lot more laundry.

Rye's squirting evidence.

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Sex Drive

Through this process of finding BDSM and discovering my submissive sexuality I have worked to let go of my issues with masturbation. I’m still not comfortable taking care of my own horniness as often as I could, but it’s a process. However, as I take steps to get more comfortable with pleasuring my own body, I am having more issues with Sir taking care of himself.

Molly wrote a great piece for This D/s Life about how being used is a large part of her submission. I found myself nodding along as I read. I understand that being his used slut is part of what really turns me on. Being pulled upstairs in the middle of the afternoon to have my skirt thrown up so he can have a quick fuck before the kids yell for more juice. It may not be everyone’s fantasy, but honestly, I usually masturbate to something similar (sometimes the kitchen counters, sometimes the laundry room). With our often hectic lifestyle, those little trysts are a joy. And just the idea of him going upstairs on his own for a wank without me hurts.

I know that sometimes he just wants to take care of himself, he likes that sensation occasionally. But as a needy slut, it’s hard for me to accept that he doesn’t want to use one of my holes. Part of it is that his sex drive isn’t the same as mine. I’m not saying that to be mean, it’s just a reality. A few years ago (before we had kids) it was swapped. He couldn’t get enough and I just wanted to sleep. My sexual awakening over the last few years has changed that. But even if he says he’s fantasizing about me, I feel jealous. Not being able to take part in some way makes me feel like less of a sub. Honestly, even being forced to kneel at his feet and watch would make me feel purposeful (and it would be crazy hot).

It’s just been an odd process as I work on my sex drive and sexual ticks to find things that bother me. I used to be so sexually repressed, that I often see myself as open to anything. And I am by comparison. But the strangest things trip me up along this journey and I guess this is one of them. With that said, I’m sure I will get past it and move on to some other hang up. Maybe then it will be the type of porn he looks at, or some issue with my own masturbation. Maybe one day I’ll even aspire to be issue free. But then the world would explode, so we’ll keep our goals realistic instead.

[Dirty Kitchen Pun]

I have been fantasizing about playing in our new kitchen ever since we moved in. Sometimes by myself, sometimes with Sir, sometimes with other fun friends. Well, last night I found a clean space on the new counter and I put it to good use….repeatedly.

Rye loving herself on the kitchen counter

We all know how much I struggle with holding still.

See who else is being sexy this Sunday by clicking below.

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Semen Fantasy

I wish I could accurately describe my relationship with semen. It’s not really a love/hate relationship. I would be completely lying if I said I loved semen.

But there is certainly a fascination for the simple fact that it’s a product my body cannot produce. And I started thinking about that more and more as I considered the connect to my new oral fascination. I can’t make semen, but I love the idea of it coming out of every orifice I have. It sounds like a fun photo essay for next year.

I know I should rave about how much I love to eat cum all the time. And, don’t get me wrong, I love giving blow jobs, but the last thirty seconds are hardly my favorite part. The swallowing or having cum shot all over my breasts is hot for him in that moment. But it is the build up and the after effect that does it for me. The slow licks up and down a cock. Sucking on the tip. Running my hands along his thighs. And then the after where I can feel the cum running down my throat. Keeping his cock in my mouth as it softens. His body completely relaxing as the orgasm flows into every muscle.

So in all of those senses I love semen. And have I mentioned multiple semen sources? I have a huge fantasy to be surrounded by men and have them cum all over me. Sticky and warm. It’s a great fantasy that has brought me to a wonderful orgasm many times. All that attention as they stroke themselves and fondle me sounds amazing. Maybe Sir would even let me play with myself while I watched. It would be probably have to be that or in some pretty heavy bondage, as I would just want to reach out and help everyone. Joining in to match my moans and see how many times I could come before they do would be quite a challenge. But being allowed to slowly suck on a cock like it is giving me sustained life sounds even better.

The semen is just the icing on the cake. Maybe that’s why they call it frosting….

I just aged myself, didn’t I?

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Owned, Leashed, & Beaten

I spent some time in the corner recently. Often when Sir is setting up a scene he has me sink into my happy submissive place by kneeling in his closet with my nose in the corner. It’s not a punishment; it’s just a good way for me to let go of my other responsibilities and prepare for whatever he asks of me. Sir pulled out the bondage toys and lots of lovely things to make me squirm. Our toys have been packed away since the move and it was nice to get things out again.

My mind was racing through the day and various tasks to remember. But after he gave me some clamps and told me to decorate my pussy I couldn’t focus on much else. Nothing makes you forget your mental grocery list faster than having clamps on your clit. He also pulled out my leash, which always helps me feel owned as well. Sir has enjoyed slowly testing out the nipple piercings and the wartenberg wheel made a painful appearance. Once he was done testing my breasts I was ordered up on the bed.

I got excited as he handed me the doxy and let me get comfortable. For a few minutes anyway. Then, in one of the brief moments I opened my eyes I saw him standing over me with the riding crop. I was allowed to keep working toward my orgasm, but he had me hold my legs up in the air. He started lightly hitting my thighs, but quickly worked his way up to harder swings. The juxtaposition between the vibration on my clit and the sting on my legs had me moaning and begging in no time. The crop on it’s own would have reached my higher pain levels quickly, but with the doxy to temper each strike, the pain made my pleasure even stronger. Sir let me writhe for awhile before he let me come. Only as my orgasm shot through me did my legs start to hurt from the strain of holding them up as my muscles convulsed. When he took the doxy from me and let me relax I curled into a gooey ball. He covered me with the aftercare blanket and unclipped my leash.

Owned, leashed, beaten, and allowed to pleasure myself with a glorious orgasm. I would be happy writing that sentence all day everyday.

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Double Standard

Through this process of finding BDSM and discovering my submissive sexuality I have worked to let go of my issues with masturbation. I’m still not comfortable taking care of my own horniness as often as I could, but it’s a process. However, as I take steps to get more comfortable with pleasuring my own body, I am having more issues with Sir taking care of himself.

Molly (@Mollysdailykiss) wrote a great piece for This D/s Life about how being used is a large part of her submission. I found myself nodding along as I read. I understand that being his used slut is part of what really turns me on. Being pulled upstairs in the middle of the afternoon to have my skirt thrown up so he can have a quick fuck before the kids yell for more juice. It may not be everyone’s fantasy, but honestly, I usually masturbate to something similar (sometimes the kitchen counters, sometimes the laundry room). With our often hectic lifestyle, those little trysts are a joy. And just the idea of him going upstairs on his own for a wank without me hurts. Not that I really think his hand will ever completely replace my pussy (or ass, or mouth), but I’m quickly learning that I’m more needy than I’d like.

I know that sometimes he just wants to take care of himself, he likes that sensation occasionally. But as a needy slut, it’s hard for me to accept that he doesn’t want to use one of my holes. Part of it is that his sex drive isn’t as high as either of us would like. But it seems like a pretty crappy double standard for me to get upset with him for masturbating just because I would like more sex. If that were the case, then the person with the higher sex drive in the relationship is the only one allowed to masturbate. That doesn’t seem very fair. Though I guess when I think about it, that is how it used to be when his sex drive was higher than mine. But that was more because of my issues. He should be allowed (he is in charge) to satisfy himself however he likes, whenever he likes.

So apparently my growth has helped me move from one issue to another, but it is progress. I shouldn’t feel like less of a submissive if he chooses to have some alone time. Just like (at least for now) he is okay with me having some afternoon fun while he is at work. Maybe even if he doesn’t want to use me he could wake me up or take me upstairs to watch and maybe help out a little bit. It is always nice to feel needed, but masturbation is lovely enough to be enjoyed by all.

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Attempts at Self-Gratification

Sir told me to cum when he left for work yesterday. I actually avoided it for awhile, as I was worried that I wouldn’t be successful. Stress and my ever-processing mind has made it difficult lately to focus through to orgasm. But after the grocery run and packing a few boxes, I decided to give it a go. I mean, he told me to, right? I grabbed the Doxy and thought that porn might be a nice change. But with this plan came a problem. All our porn is on Sir’s gaming computer, and I was pretty sure it was password protected.

In the end, I was able to find the porn folder and get into it without too much difficulty. I’ll actually have to talk to him about how easy it would be for the kids to stumble on it. But then…what to watch? It’s hard enough to decide what to watch on Netflix, much less what to wank to. Out of sheer curiosity I chose a vanilla piece that we purchased before we were kinky. It’s not kinky to watch porn together is it? If so we have always been and I never realized.

I couldn’t remember the last time I had seen it and it didn’t take long to remember why. Wow, do I need in kink in my life! It was mildly inspirational, I mean I eventually came. But it was a hard fight. There was no kneeling, no spanking, no choking. I don’t know what it is about kinky oral, but BDSM blow jobs are so much better to watch. She didn’t even seem half interested. I’m not judging, but isn’t that the whole idea of what pornstars do? I go after Sir’s cock with more enthusiasm and I’m not being filmed or paid. Well, paid in his satisfaction and appreciation (wink wink). I don’t know, it was just sort of a let down.

Then the woman had her turn. That part is always interesting for me. A viewpoint I never get to see. I tend to find that that is one my biggest turn ons. I like to watch men work. Well, women work too, I’m not picky.

So anyway, maybe I’ll try a different one today. Sir is gone with at a conference and I’m all alone in our big bed until Sunday. I think I’ll have time to test out a few more.