Having two kids is hard. They sap your energy like a mosquito sucks blood. Don’t get me wrong, I love them more than anything, but when the house is a mess and Sir expects dinner on the table when he gets home, it’s difficult.
When the baby turned one in August I expected things to get better. I figured sleep would improve and I would have more energy. But nothing changed. And my exhaustion quickly turned itself to guilt. Other woman always looked so put together. You see them at the grocery store, the doctor’s office, always dressed nice and calm. They run around with their three course dinners, their endless kids crafts, and their spotless homes. I was lucky if I could keep from trying to put on my four year old’s socks. What was I missing? Why couldn’t I juggle my kids with science experiments and homemade granola?
I thought that was just the way it was. I was a mother of two, therefore it was expected that I would always be exhausted. No matter that I was hardly thirty. Eventually I just could not stand it anymore. I thought that the diet and exercise would help, but if anything it made it worse. The doctor ran several tests. The day I went in to find out the results of my thyroid test I was so nervous. I wanted it to be my thyroid. I just wanted to know what was wrong with me. But my thyroid was fine. I was crushed. I just wanted to feel better. I never thought I would cry about something being healthy, but I did. I sat in his office and balled my eyes out because I just didn’t have the energy. After seeing how upset and tired I was the doctor had one last idea. And luckily for me it panned out.
I have a severe B12 deficiency. Apparently since my second pregnancy my body can no longer absorb the vitamin through food. I guess a healthy person should have a score of over 1000 and mine was under 200. I had to have weekly shots and now I go once a month for an injection. It seems that B12 effects a number of things including your sleep, energy, depression, and digestive system.
It is amazing. It’s like an espresso that lasts a whole month. I got my shot yesterday and I will have the energy to pretend like I have my shit together for awhile. Seriously though, it was an amazing feeling to know that this is what people are supposed to feel like. To have energy and be able to sleep. It’s wonderful to not need a nap after I do the dishes. I am still on depression meds for the time being, but my dose is the smallest possible and once I really get a handle on this the doctor wants to try and take me off them completely. I would never have thought that depression could be so affected by a vitamin.
And even more interesting is how many people I have met that have this problem. Many after having children, some without. The nurse that gives me the shots gets them herself, and my tattoo artist has started them as well. So now I not only don’t feel guilty for being a lazy mom, but I don’t feel bad about taking meds to make it better. And I certainly don’t feel bad how I can actually get through my list of chores and still have the energy to beg to be fucked each night.