Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

The Wonderful World of Ifs

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If this, if that…

1. If you were forced to wear a warning label, what would yours say?

Once you wind her up; she won’t stop.
2. If you were a Sesame Street character, which one would you be?

Slimey the worm.
3. If you could have an endless supply of a candy or baked good, what would you get?

Mint Milanos if we are going non-homemade. Probably my dad’s cheesecake if we sticking to the homemade category.
4. Who is your favorite villain? Why? 

Alan Rickman’s Sheriff of Nottingham from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Anyone who would cut your heart out with a spoon is my evil hero.
5. Are you more in tune with sunrise, daytime, sunset or nighttime?

As a morning person I guess I would say sunrise. Really, any time I can have coffee. I used to be much better at mornings before I had kids. But I guess I would still say I’m better in the mornings than any other time. I’m a pretty cranky person generally is what I am trying to say.

Bonus: If you took a job out of your current career path, what job would you take?

Well, my paid career path is in government. My aspirational career path is writing. If both of those are off the table I would love to be someone’s assistant. Plan and organize their life. I would be great at that. And I think it would fill a submissive need.

When I am Asked the Hard Questions

I have actually been asked, by three different people over the last year, to clarify my needs. As far as needs go, I should be honest and say that there aren’t too many real needs in either category. I often say it jokingly, but I am pretty easily entertained. So, I attempted to identify what was actually a need and what was only a want. When I broke it down, there really aren’t that many.

Personal Needs
1. Priority – Everyone has lots on their plate. I think I just need (to feel at least) like I am someone’s priority some of the time. I feel like I always make everyone else a priority and it’s never returned.
2. More than just a convenience – Honestly, this is true for just about every relationship I have. I hate feeling like I’m only around when they want something. I feel like that with my kids all the time. But with my husband, lover, best friend, I want to feel like they want to be there for me too. I’ve written a lot on the blog about how I don’t want a lover without an emotional connection. I think this is along that same vein. I want someone that thinks about me when we aren’t together. That sees some small trinket or joke on tv and says ‘man, you know who would love that?’. This has been hard, especially with reference to the husband. I often feel like I’m only there to do dishes and suck his dick when he’s in the mood. It’s gotten much better, but there are scars there.
BDSM Needs
1. Consistency – I’m always looking for some kind of consistency. I thrive on routines. That is as much to do with my upbringing as my depression. But generally I like to know what is expected of me. Changing the rules at a moments notice will throw me off every time.
2. Games are for fun – I know there are sadists out there that love to set insurmountable tasks just for the fun of it. To watch their sub struggle knowing they will never be able to succeed. I hate that. If I try my hardest and I fail, I feel like a failure. But if I know that no matter how hard I try I won’t complete the task, I won’t even try. I will recede into a ball of inadequacy. If it’s a ‘see how many you can take game’, I’m great. But if its ‘mop this whole floor in five minutes’, I will just shut down.
3. Aftercare – I think I’m slowly realizing (through no fault of his own) that I wasn’t clear on how much aftercare I needed when the husband and I were doing D/s. I don’t think I ever got enough aftercare. Scenes would end right before bed and I would go to bed in a weird place. Cuddling wasn’t enough, and I’m not sure I was ever able to articulate that to him properly. I have an aftercare blanket. I found it in the basement the other day. I love it, but it wasn’t used often enough and now it’s not used at all. Even the few times we have ‘scened’ (I use the term loosely) in the recent past.

TMI Tuesday: Love, Emotion, Trust

love emotion trust

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1. What would you do to leave a great impression with a person on your first date?

I’m pretty shy until I get to know someone, but generally on dates I try to be funny. I’m sure I don’t always succeed.

2. Do you usually follow your heart or your head?

My heart. Nearly always. And it’s usually not a good outcome. I think that following my heart usually means that I act impulsively. And, as this blog pretty clearly shows, it doesn’t often work out.

3. If your significant other told you to jump off a tall cliff and told you that you’ll land safely because there’s a net you can’t see yet, would you blindly trust your s.o. and jump?

Can I call bullshit on this one? I don’t really think Sir would ever ask/tell me jump off a cliff. And I’m not sure I would jump, even if he did. I don’t think it has anything to do with trust though. If it has something to do with the safety of the kids, then maybe. But honestly, I’m not for high intensity activities (sex doesn’t count).

4. How do you support your significant other?

Support is such a broad word. I work full-time and my job gives the family insurance. I try to clean and keep the kids from driving us both crazy. I hope I support him emotionally as much as he wants. We both have depression, so I think we both struggle sometimes to give/ask for the emotional support that we need. But I hope I do an okay job.

5. What types of things or gestures/acts make you feel loved?

When people really listen to me. When someone buys me a gift that they actually thought about. I love just spending time with someone. Playing games, watching a movie. I might also be a cuddle slut.

6. What types of things or gestures/acts make you feel respected?

I feel respected at work when someone asks my opinion of something or asks me how to do something. Having my opinion and/or knowledge respected is big for me. I always appreciate a little credit too. I don’t really enjoy being the center of attention, but if I put a lot of work into a project and a boss or supervisor recognizes that effort I feel respected.

7. Can you have emotional intimacy without physical intimacy? Explain.

Yes. Speaking from my current place of having a partner with no sex drive to speak of, we still have a strong emotional connection. We’ve been together for ten years and we’ve had periods without physical intimacy before. We’ll get over this hurdle too, we always do.

Interestingly, for me, it’s the other way around. If I don’t have emotional intimacy it is very difficult for me to have positive physical intimacy. In my experience I cannot relax, I never orgasm, and I usually feel terrible afterwards.

Bonus:  In 2016, what was your most conflicted emotional moment?

Realizing that my connection with Jack was stronger than I had considered. This is important in it’s own right and I don’t want to down play it. But it is more the larger significance of learning that I could care about more than one person. That my love for Sir didn’t diminish. That I cared about him just as much, or more, because I also cared about someone else. My emerging understanding of how polyamory has manifested itself for me. I’m still not sure how it will grow and change as Sir and I get more (or less) comfortable with the idea. But I really love the idea that this could be something amazing.

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TMI Tuesday: Guilty Pleasures

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1. What TV show do you love to watch but are a little embarrassed to tell friends that you simply cannot miss an episode?

Hoarders. I love watching it. I don’t know if it makes me feel like we have our shit together or just redefines a messy house. But I will actually re-watch old episodes while I work and think nothing of it.

2. What website and/or magazine do you read and it’s your guilty pleasure?

Do romance novels count? I moved more boxes of those to the new house than I care to admit. I read a lot of sex blogs, but I don’t really feel guilty about that. The only problem is when I get caught up and lose and hour or two of work time.

3. What is the grocery store item you buy but you know you should not?

This has really become a problem with the diet. Everything bagels should really be left on the shelf with all the carbs. But my Achilles heel is cheese. Specifically blue cheese. There is nothing more luscious to me than a creamy, rich cheese.

4. Tell us about something you do at work that you would not want your co-workers to know that you do.

Luckily I currently work from home, so my afternoon masturbation sessions don’t bother anyone but the dog. But I am currently looking for work outside the home (I actually have an interview this morning!). So eventually I will have to wear clothes after I drop off the boys. Maybe my twitter flirting and sexting to Sir will have to be reduced at a ‘real’ job. Maybe.

5. Do you have a secret stash? What is it?

I used to have a secret stash of chocolate before I started my diet. Lately I’ve been trying to keep from buying anything that I would stockpile. What is terrible is now that I’m on a diet I have started stashing food for Sir and the boys. The kids have snacks and Sir has lots of things to take to work with him to munch on at the office.

Bonus: What is your most embarrassing guilty pleasure?

Embarrassing has really be redefined for me since having kids and getting into BDSM. I really love masturbating in front of Sir. I usually only feel embarrassed until I relax into it and then I don’t care who is watching. Which apparently is why Sir has started shooting video to send to a friend of ours. Reviews have been very positive and the embarrassment has faded.

So maybe ranch dressing should be my worst guilty pleasure. Sir has often offered to cover his cock in it as he is pretty sure I would give him the best blow job ever. Can’t argue with results. 🙂

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My free mind

50 Questions to free your mind

Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer. And I’m not really afraid of TMI.

  1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? Late-twenties mentally, but mid-forties physically. I really don’t have my career together, but I have goals that haven’t been shattered by life yet, so mentally a few years younger than I am now. That and I still love cartoons. Physically is a different story as I am probably in the worst shape of my life. Hopefully I can correct this soon.
  2. Which is worse, failing or never trying? Right now I would say never trying, but that is because I just started my business and I still have high hopes. If I fail at it I may have a different view and wish I wouldn’t have wasted the time.
  3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? The end justifies the means I suppose. Not sure I can come up with a better answer. We have to go to work to pay bills. Sir and I would love to have sex all day, but food isn’t free.
  4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done? What a silly question. I guess I used to talk a lot when I was young as part of my anxiety, so maybe said more.
  5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? World peace is sort of a coop out isn’t it? But I’m not really sure there is another answer. Maybe to reverse the effects of global warming.
  6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Writing. Historical research would be great, or novels. Getting paid for all these books in my head would be amazing.
  7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing? Right now a bit of both. I work part time for a database where I write abstracts and do research. I have this blog for my main writing outlet. And I started the business in February. If it can make the money I hope, then I will eventually just be able to write for fun and work for what I believe in.
  8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently? I probably would have slept around more in college. Maybe been more willing to try drugs. I’m also not sure I would have had children. My kids being possibly orphaned at 14 and 12 seems horrible.
  9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken? Depends on the day. Most of the time I actually feel some mild control (that I give to Sir happily, of course). Other days I have no clue what I am doing.
  10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things? Doing the right things. I’m always worried about ruining the kids by doing the wrong thing. I worry about doing the wrong thing for Sir often too.
  11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do? I would play devil’s advocate to try and make them see how unnecessary their comments were. If that didn’t help I would say that I would not continue to take part in this conversation anymore and leave.
  12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be? Take one day at a time.
  13. Would you break the law to save a loved one? Yes.
  14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity? I don’t believe so, but I’m going to keep my eyes open for it now.
  15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people? I’m left-handed, so I do a lot of things differently than most people.
  16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy? I’m weird? I’m a kinky masochist slut who enjoys being spanked and covered in come; it’s probably okay that that isn’t for everyone.
  17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back? I’ve never gone on a shopping spree for me. Buying lots of clothes or anything that’s just for me. Usually it is our bank account that holds me back. Sir’s blessing is important too, though if we had the funds he probably wouldn’t mind.
  18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Sir has lied to me a few times that have really hurt me and have made me wary in the past. To give our D/s the best possible chance I really need to move past it.
  19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? Scotland. In an instant. All my experiences in Scotland have been some of the happiest and most satisfying of my life.
  20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster? No. I hate elevators. That I have a four year old, so I’m not allowed to push the button anymore.
  21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton? Most of the time I fall into the ignorance is bliss camp. I worry enough as it is.
  22. Why are you, you? Because my parents made the choice to have completely vanilla sex one night in 1984.
  23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? Some from column A and some from column B. I have let life get in the way from being the type of friend that I need to be. But I have also reached out and tried to be the type of friend I want and have been burned.
  24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you? Losing touch with someone close. I moved around enough as a child to know how to stay close with those that move away. That and smart phones.
  25. What are you most grateful for? The time and effort Sir has taken to give our BDSM it’s best chance.
  26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones? I would hate to lose memories of loved ones, but I guess I would rather lose the old than the new.
  27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first? Yes. (See, I can be a vague too 🙂
  28. Has your greatest fear ever come true? Yes, I watched someone I care about die in front of me.
  29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now? I had to think for a few minutes where i was five years ago. I finally had to get out my journal to check. I was pregnant with our first child and getting over food poisoning. It doesn’t matter now, but it sucked.
  30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special? I remember the day we legally adopted my brother. I was six and wore a red dress. The judge commented on how pretty I looked. We have pictures with him after the proceedings. It was the day our family became whole.
  31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive? We Sir took me to get my nipples pierced.
  32. If not now, then when? When we get settled in the new house. Everything in our lives is ‘when we get settled in the new house’.
  33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose? My family’s financial security. I’ve started my business, now it’s just trying to give it time to grow and be everything that I know it can be.
  34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever? I have had this experience and felt a connection, but I don’t remember the ‘said nothing’ bit.
  35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? Because ‘support love’ is always under their definition and their rules.
  36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil? I certainly have doubts.
  37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job? Probably my part-time job so I could focus on my business.
  38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing? More work I enjoy. I actually love work. It makes me feel productive and like I’m contributing to the family.
  39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before? No, but I have had that feeling before.
  40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in? February of this year when I started my business.
  41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today? My parents. I would love to spend the day with them, Sir, and my kids.
  42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous? No, Sir loves me as I am and I would always rather have ten more years with him.
  43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living? Being alive is running around just going through the motions. Truly living is knowing who you are and not being ashamed of it.
  44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right? 10:28pm
  45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake? The perpetual cycle of guilt.
  46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? Not mow my lawn.
  47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing? Last night while I was trying to fall asleep.
  48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love? Writing, coffee, sex. I actually just went in to rub Sir’s leg to remind him how much I love service to him.
  49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that? This week may not be the week to ask this question. In five years I probably will remember this week. But it won’t really matter in the big picture.
  50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you? You get that I’m a sub, right? I am quite literately begging for those decisions to be made by others.

 

This is one of my 101 Things in 1001 Days.

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March Q&A Madness

It’s that time again. The month of March is blogger world’s time of questions and answers. Nothing is off the table. I have very few secrets myself, though I keep others well. If you really want to hear my son’s birth stories or how I organize my work piles I will share it. Ask at your own risk for sheer boredom or ick-factor.

Questions for Sir will be put to him, but his answers may depend on his workload this month. I know he still struggles with getting back into D/s and coming back to the blog to post or answer questions, but I also know he wants to. After our ‘break’ over the holidays he stepped back from here. Possibly feeling judged or just not wanting to read how I was feeling during that dark time. I know it was just as hard for him to watch me go throw that, so I guess I understand that he wouldn’t want to read about it. So I guess that’s just a word of warning about asking him about that ‘break’ period. I’m not sure we even have all the answers to those questions yet.

I will start off the month with a question for myself and any other bloggers taking part who happen to read this post. Please feel free to answer below or post to your own blog. Can’t wait to see what we learn about ourselves and each other this month.

What is one positive thing that you have given to the world?

I love dogs. And I love to provide care and a good home to rescue dogs. My one positive thing was our dog, Toby. He was an adorable puppy (see below if you don’t believe me). And for his entire life he was happy and healthy. As tragically as his life ended (he was hit by a car), I try to remember the happiness that he had with us. He prepared me to be a good mom and he showed me how wonderful rescue dogs can be. Now I can’t imagine having any other type of pet. And I will be forever grateful to him for that. I miss him everyday.

Toby as a puppy sitting on Sir's lap.
Toby on Sir’s lap in 2009.

Ok, now that I’ve gotten all teary-eyed…

Can’t wait to answer your, hopefully happier, questions and read other bloggers answers throughout the month.

Twitter Query

@thes1lverf0x: Serious ? for my submissive friends for blog piece: what is the essence of submission for you? What’s important about it? DMs welcome.

This question was posted by @thes1lverf0x a few weeks ago. I keep coming back to it and changing my answer. The word ‘essence’ keeps throwing me. How can I possibly clarify properly what draws me to submission? Here is my attempt:

Submission is the feeling of being complete. When I finish a task or an order I have this sense of purpose. Not in a boastful way, but have an internal smile that I have met Sir’s high expectations of me. Before I found D/s, I was often depressed because I couldn’t meet my own impossibly high expectations. Becoming a submissive and eventually a slave forced me to let go of that negative cycle and trust Sir to tell me when I am not preforming. That was a lot harder than I originally thought. Walking away from my mother’s instilled personal requirements was difficult, but honestly one the best things for my emotional well-being. Sometimes I struggle with putting so much of my mood on Sir, but he has taken the challenge in stride.

I think submission, both inside and outside the bedroom, has given me the opportunity to discover everything that I can be. Having the chance to explore my slutty nature in the safety of Sir’s structure and rules has helped me to feel more comfortable. And, feeling more comfortable with my sexual and control fantasies lets Sir push me into things that I wouldn’t have considered. When I was judging myself, I would never have felt comfortable allowing anal play or any of the erotic photographs he’s taken. But by removing those insecurities and just focusing on pleasing him, I want to succeed. If he wants me to lose weight or shave better, he’ll tell me. I don’t have to worry if I’m good enough, which was always a problem in previous relationships.

It’s been two years since I read Fifty Shades and I experienced that pull toward a kinky life. Regular romance novels never drew that sort of response from me before. Whatever you feel about that book, it showed me a world that has made me happier than I ever thought I could be. And that is the essence of submission for me. In it’s rawest form it’s me finally finding a way for me to be selfish. I know, I know, that sounds counter-intuitive, but stay with me. I live to care for the people I love. I would fly out to L.A. to help my cousin find an apartment and I would stay up to talk to a friend whose husband is being a prick. Those things do make me happy. But submission is something that I do for me. Allowing myself to be taken over and at someone else’s whim is so refreshing for me. I don’t have to worry about holding the world together. I can focus on what Sir needs from me and giving everything I have to that. It’s a focus that I have never had in my vanilla life.

That is why I submit. I’m not sure if that is good or not. To enter it with such selfish motivations. That may be something that changes over time. In fact, since moving into 24/7 service, I have seen that begin to shift. My motivation is to show him how much he means to me. How much I want to be his. So that he knows that his control is the reason that I am so happy. Submission to him makes me whole.

12 Random Facts about Me

 You would think that these things would be easy. But random is a lot harder than I would have thought.

If you comment on this writing I will give you a number between 1 and 20 and you can share that many random facts about yourself if you wish.  There is no obligation if you don’t want to write about yourself! If you just want to comment and tell me that you didn’t realize how crazy I was, I will completely understand.
Ancilla_ksst over at A Slave to Master gave me the number 12. These are facts that make me the unique slave that I am.
One of the many shows I watch. Girls with power tools are hot.
One of the many shows I watch. Girls with power tools are hot.

1. I am terribly addicted to HGTV.

I love home buying and renovating programs. I can’t wait to own our own home so I can make some of the beautiful things that I watch. And I can’t wait to tell our realtor that we don’t want a double vanity in our bathroom. I don’t understand why people can’t share a sink.

2. I am not a fan of piercings.

I am always up for another tattoo, but piercings don’t really do it for me. I think that tattoos can be personal, while a piercing is just a metal ring through your skin. However, Sir does like them, so my nipples and clit hood are on the list for eventual piercings. At this point, the healing time is what is currently saving my nipples. Not sure how long that will hold him back though.
I am pretty. It's one of the few parts of me that is small.
I am pretty. It’s one of the few parts of me that is small.
Look at those great lips. Total envy.
Look at those great lips. Total envy.

3. I have a small clit.

I’m generally only comparing it to women I see in porn and Tumblr, but still. Women have these great inner lips that look like these beautiful flowers. And their clits swell and grow, mine just doesn’t get anything like that kind of volume. I get jealous sometimes. A lot, actually. I have clit envy.

4. I hate carrots.

Since I was a kid I have always despised them, raw or cooked. And although vision is bad on both sides of my family, I’ve always believed that that is why I have bad eyes.

5. I love office supplies.

I loved school supplies when I was a kid. Having the eight months off before I started working again was rough. I will admit, one of the first things I did was go to the store to buy new pens. I know, I have a problem.

6. I lost my virginity while watching Gladiator.

For years after that I thought the movie was good (I was a bit distracted). I finally saw it and realized what a terribly sad and horrifically violent film it really is. It’s ok, you can judge me.
They are pretty in photos though. This is from the zoo.
They are pretty in photos though. This is from the zoo.

7. I hate flowers.

I appreciate their aesthetic value, but that’s about it. They die. I would take a tree or an herb garden over a dozen roses any day. That being said, I love other people’s gardening. I understand that it can be a great hobby. I guess I’m just more about the vegetable garden than the rows and rows of flowers.

8. I have never broken a bone.

I have torn ligaments in my ankle, but that is about it. Aside from my gallbladder surgery, the worse scars on my body are from some shaving mishaps when I was a teen. If you don’t count the stretch marks; which no woman does.
Yes, I chose the photo of him tied up on purpose.
Yes, I chose the photo of him tied up on purpose.

9. I love Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

The television show, not the movie. I actually thought it was lame until I was a freshman in college and my roommate was obsessed and had it on in our room all the time. And after listening to all the wit for several months, I too became obsessed. I also have an extreme crush on Spike. Maybe that should have been my first kinky clue.

10. I am left-handed.

I write, eat, and drive predominately with my left hand. I sleep on my left side. But I throw, bowl, and use a computer mouse with my right hand. I have absolutely no idea why.
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This is the original cover.

11. I am currently writing a screenplay.

I’m not sure it will ever come to anything, but as I always just book to movie adaptations, I thought I would see how difficult it is to do. So I picked a romance novel (just hear me out), and I am slowly cutting it down. It is hard to keep what is important about a character; and I want to take a lot line for line from the story. But although a seemingly traditional romance plot, I found this story to be very inspirational for me. The main character is a writer and this story isn’t all about having to change who you are for a person. Sacrifice is usually a big part of these stories and I always hated that. This is actually about growth. It’s on my 101 things list to complete; so we’ll see how my progress goes.

12. If you want to me to do something, put it to music.

I hate to clean, but if I can dance while I do it, I’m all yours. It will get done right, and it will probably get done pretty quick. When I was a teenager, my dad bought me these huge sound canceling headphones so I could listen to my Ipod while I mowed the lawn. I shake my ass while I do the dishes. The chance to dance while working is probably my key method of exercise at this point. And, right now at least, the kids think it is funny and dance with me. I’m sure in a few years they will think I’m crazy. But they think so with a clean house.
Hope you all learned a little more about me. If you wish to leave a note for Sir in comments, thanking him for taking me on, I will pass it along to him.

RNB Award Nomination

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Jack, over at Frisky in the 916, was nice enough to nominate me for a RNB award. The questions he came up with were very thoughtful and different from the last set, so I thought I would give it a go. I really appreciate the support from the blogging community and all of the various readers. Your interest and support of this process has been amazing. So below are his questions and my (hopefully not too bland) answers. Thanks again!

1. How would you categorize your blog? Or does it defy categorization?

Often I would say it’s the ramblings of an idiot. On a good day I would call it a documentation of Sir and My’s 24/7 TPE relationship. We are transitioning our BDSM outside the bedroom with two young children. I talk about everything from the frustration of potty-training (the toddler, not me) to our various scene’s and issues. It’s not always sexy, but it’s always real.

2. What is the single greatest benefit that blogging provides you?

This blog has provided me with a wonderful community of support and feedback. Since our move, we haven’t really dived into the local scene and finding suitable childcare isn’t always an option. I find that I can express my feelings best in writing and can get my point across clearly. That outlet has been an enormous help.

3. Have you experienced any negativity as a direct result of blogging? If so, what is it and how did you overcome it?

I need to be careful how much about our lives I reveal in the blog. Sir has gotten upset with me in the past as I have given too much detail that could reveal our identities. Because of his job and reputation, we cannot be as open about our lifestyle as we both would like. Now I have him check personal details so that he feels comfortable with the information that I share.

4. Do you use a free blogging service such as WordPress or Blogger, or do you self-host? Why?

I used to use blogger. I was very happy with it. But after their threats to privatize my blog back in February and March, I decided I needed more stability. So I went with a recommended host and have been very happy with the results. I have great tech support and personalization options. It’s not free anymore, but I think it’s worth the cost to be able to post my own content without fear of censorship.

5. Do you blog anonymously, or are your family and offline friends aware of your blog?

I try my best to be anonymous. Only one of my closest friends knows about our relationship and that I have a blog. She doesn’t know what it is, nor does she follow it. No one in our extended family know about our lifestyle. I’m not really sure about how they would take it; probably just want to make sure we were both happy. But it’s not worth the conversation, nor is it really their business.

6. How would you describe your writing process? Exactly how do you come up with subject matter and compose your posts?

Haphazard would be my goto word. I generally write what I am thinking at the time. I will write down notes if I think of topics or quotes that I want to write about, but largely, I just sit down in the morning and write my thoughts. I find that that is the most real way to approach it. It does mean that I wish sometimes that I could go back and rewrite, but that wouldn’t be my realistic process.

7. What’s the last movie you watched?

Honestly…50 Shades of Grey. We didn’t go see it in the theatre, but decided to buy it on Blu-ray so we could watch it in the privacy of our own home. Neither of us were completely blown away by it. I would still like to write a review, as it is one of my 101 Things, but we’ll see if I get around to it in the next few days while it is fresh in my mind.

Death and Taxes

Welcome to TMI Tuesday. In the U.S. it is tax season, tax reports are due April 15.

There’s Nothing Sexy About Taxes

taxes_tmi

Wherever you are in the world, assuming you all pay taxes–income or other types, answer the following questions.

1. Are taxes levied where you live?

Federal, State, and City. Grump.

2. Do you pay your taxes?

Yep. I mean really, who is going to admit if they don’t pay them?

3. This year will you owe taxes or do you expect a refund?

We actually got a refund from both federal and state. It helped that we had a baby last year. I’m sure next year will be closer.

4. Have you already filed your taxes?

Yep. We have had the same accountant for the last four years. She is amazing. Great price and she is the most professional person. She doesn’t even live on our state anymore

5. You are getting a tax refund, which ONE of these would you most likely do with the money?
a. pay off credit cards
b. contribute to retirement savings
c. go on vacation
d. shop for something (car, clothes, household items, etc)

All over the place with those. We have talked taking a vacation this summer (C), Sir hasn’t really had one since before law school. But we also paid off some credit cards (A) and we did a little shopping (D); we bought a stockpile of diapers and a few fun things on Amazon.

6. Sometimes you just need to have frivolous, and if you get a windfall from a tax refund, which of ONE of these things would you most likely do? Why?
a. have a big party
b. loan it to family or a friend
c. spend a weekend at an adults-only erotic resort
d. gamble (Lottery tickets, casino)

I would love (C). I’m not a gambler and I don’t currently have friends asking for money. I don’t really do parties. I am social, but I tend to get really anxious. I like to plan those events, not necessarily host them. And, if I could get someone to watch the kids, I would really love to go to an event or erotic weekend. Sir and I could really use that. Something with a few classes or play parties.

Bonus: If you could be a circus performer, which act would you be? (I know, soooo random!)

I love to dance. I would say acrobat, but not a tight-rope walker. I would love to be in one of those troupes that swings from fabric and does hand stands on each other. My kids could be clowns.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!