Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

ELust #93

Elust 93

aurora glory header elust 93
Photo courtesy of Aurora Glory

Welcome to Elust 93

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #94 Start with the rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

A dress to die for

Pushing Past

Necessary.

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Kink lite, Kink life
Disturbance

 

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

The Contract

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

 

Erotic Fiction

The Contract
Speaking Truth to a Submissive Heart
Thunder
Subjugate U

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Jerking off to be banned under Texas bill
That Time Steve Bannon Destroyed Me
How to program a sex robot

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Effortless Connections & Harmonious Energy
Cialis
Playlist…

Poetry

A Love Affair, From A to Z: “A” – Always
-07.04.17_02:43-
Scouting: A Lusty Limericks

Erotic Non-Fiction

Conflict(ed) part 2
It’s All About The Feet
TEASE
Oral Birthday Fun ~ The Glorious Sixty-Ninth!
I Will Do…
The subtle threesome

Events

Eroticon 2017 – I Herd U Lieks It

Body Talk and Sexual Health

photo shoots past and future
Elust 88

Update: Brotherly Love

Last fall we discovered that my brother that was in an abusive situation in the care home where he lived. I wrote my anger and frustration at not being able to help more. Several of you were very supportive and understanding of my non-kinky rant.

I just wanted to follow up and say that we had him over for lunch on Sunday and he’s doing much better. We have him back in his previous home and things have improved. He has lost a lot of weight and his moods have leveled. There are still weekly meetings with the psych, but on the whole he’s massively better.

I just want to say thanks again to everyone for the support over the last few months. 🙂

Poly Problem #76: Pass Priority

Rye's slave braclet

I miss people. As comfortable as I am with my family life right now I am struggling with how far away everyone is. My twitter boyfriend jokes that I couldn’t have found relationships further away if I had planned it. With him being on the opposite side of the world I can hardly argue his point. A lover in California and a Dom (you didn’t miss anything, he’s new) in Florida. I do manage to make things extra difficult for myself.

So my new Dom thing is very new. The idea of having a secondary that is a Dominant is still messing with my head. How to balance my husband and my Dominant. I don’t really believe that he would ask me to do anything that would jeopardize my marriage (he’s wonderfully understanding). And he would not give me an order that would have me ignoring my family responsibilities. Honestly, it would be me. Wanting to please him and show him that I’m serious about our relationship. However, I’ll be honest, I’m not even sure what our relationship is.

Everyone has priorities. Each of the men that I care about outside my own marriage have families and careers to worry about. It’s hard to connect through a computer screen with differences in time zones and schedules. And even when we can each sit down and really talk, there are usually kids and bills and a handful of other things distracting us. And that’s difficult for me. When I am with someone I want to be their focus, as I’m sure they expect from me. But when we are thousands of miles away, focus is a relative term. This is what has me concerned about what I can really offer my Dominant.

He has been lovely to start things slowly. As an impatient person, I have had to put trust in him that he knows what he is doing and what he wants. It’s been a very freeing experience. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not craving more. It’s a balance that I want to reach going forward. Each of the men in my life are special to me for varying reasons. And how I am able to reach a balance, while still respecting and obeying my Dominant will be a challenge. I trust that he will help me though; and lead me in a positive direction.

Workshop Pet

He handed me his empty coffee cup and got up from the table. I walked over to the sink to rinse it before putting it in the dishwasher. He stepped out of the kitchen and came back a few seconds later with my green leash. I was pretty sure I squealed with excitement as I ran over to him.

“Would you like to come to the shop with me for awhile pet?”

“Yes please, Sir.”

“You promise to be good and stay on your bed for me?”

“Yes, Sir.” I put my on my best innocent face and smiled sweetly. The last thing I wanted was to be left in the house alone.

“Good girl.” Click. The leash snapped onto my collar and I fell in step behind him as we headed out the back door.

The walk across the backyard to the workshop was quick. Sir had gone to the hardware store earlier in the week, so I knew he would be itching to get to work. I had hoped he would allow me to come and watch. As we approached the door to the shop I bent down and got on all fours. Sir likes that I have chosen to honor the workshop by always crawling as I enter. In fact, aside from one sexy interlude where I was thrown over a work bench, I was always on my knees or lower in the building.

Sir turned and smiled at me as he opened the door and I crawled in. The workshop was a remodeled three car garage. Sir had put a lot of work into making it meet his needs. Now there was room for all his equipment, his materials, and finished work that was ready to sell. Sir walked over and clipped the leash to the ring he had added to the side of his work bench. I nuzzled his leg as I moved onto my bed underneath his design desk.

There were two big tables at the ‘work’ end of the shop. One for design and detail work and one for this lathe and saws. When he first started allowing me to come out with him he bought me a bed to sit in. This was to be sure I stayed safe and not get underfoot. It also allowed for me to be able to give foot massages and other ‘services’ while he drew plans or did bookkeeping. The bed was made of soft minky material and I even had a blanket that stayed in the shop. He had also built a little shelf for a few toys and books so I didn’t feel ignored while he was working.

Sir walked away from the desk to grab some wood samples and paper. I sat cross-legged on my bed and enjoyed just watching him focus on his work. He soon sat on the stool directly in front of me and began to draw. The radio was tuned to the local rock station and it was all I could not to sing a long. I gave Sir’s pants two small tugs. The music volume lowered.

“Yes, pet?”

“May I service you while you work?” I watched the bulge in his pants twitch as he considered my request.

“You may, but I have to do some machine work in a bit, so when I say stop you must not pout.”

“Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir.”

I reached for the button holding his jeans. He scooted forward on the stool so that I could release his cock and remain under the desk. My request must have pleased him as he was throbbing as I greedily took his cock from his jeans and began licking and kissing him. The smell of him mixed with the smell of shop was such a turn on for me. I took him deep in my throat and he moaned over the music. I wanted to take my time and savor him, but I also knew that this, while pleasant, was distracting him from his work. So while I massaged and licked him, I also took him deep and tried to push him toward orgasm.

I wanted him to cum. To hear his moans as I helped him find release. He didn’t always let me do this when I came out here, so I wasn’t going to waste the opportunity. I continued my pace as his left hand reached under the desk to push my head further on his cock. His grip on my hair tightened as his muscles began tiny thrusts into my mouth. I ran my tongue under his shaft and licked down to his balls. He groaned and with two hard thrusts emptied himself down my throat.

Holding my mouth still over his cock I rolled my tongue around him as he continued to twitch. I could feel his cum sliding slowly down my throat. We sighed in unison as he pulled out of my mouth and zipped his jeans back up.

“Good girl. Thank you for your service pet.”

“The pleasure is mine, Sir.”

“Are you going to take a nap, or can I turn the music back up?”

“I left one of my Judy Blume books out here, so I think I will read. Please feel free to listen to whatever pleases you. Thank you for asking.”

“Good girl.” He reached down and caressed my cheek as I settled down in my bed to read. The music turned up. Fat Bottomed Girls made me smile as I rubbed Sir’s leg one last time before curling up and enjoying his presence for the afternoon.

Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings

Define Your Kink: Day 6

#6 – What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

Wow, this should almost be four completely different days. I will try to answer this without boring you to  death with tropes and cliches.

Roots

I believe that the ‘roots’ of my submission is honestly genetic. My father’s side of the family has a name for several of us. We are called ‘burnt toast moms’. The idea being that we will take toast that is burnt and offer a ‘better’ piece to a loved one. I actually got this from my father (we still say ‘mom’). And, to be clear, my husband eats burnt toast so the analogy doesn’t quite work. The idea behind it is true though. We are happy to sit in the middle of backseat on car rides and take the smallest servings of ice cream. We get inside smiles from giving to others. You should see me at Christmas; my bliss is buying the perfect gift.

Childhood

I think that a lot of my submission, specifically my ‘little’ nature comes from my childhood. This isn’t the part where I pull out my Christian Grey tormented youth. I had a good childhood and wouldn’t change it for anything. But when we adopted my developmentally disabled brother I grew up pretty fast. My parents were dealing with him and I was trying to help them and help take care of them. The idea of getting to curl up with a hot chocolate (or more likely coffee) and watch cartoons sounds like heaven. I love to color and bake cookies and cuddle. There is something about being able to relax that reminds me of being a child and my brain connects those.

Discipline/Sex

There is a certainly domestic discipline aspect of it. I like chores and tasks to make the evening and/or environment better for my Sir. Taking care of dinner, or setting out his slippers. They don’t have to be complicated, but they make me feel good. Even aspects of previous D/s attempts with diet and exercise restrictions/requirements went well. And that, also leads into sex.

Sex is a huge part of my submission. I am a masochist and I love pinching, biting, spanking, and choking. I’ll admit that it might not be everything. There is a lot about the idea of being a spoiled human pet that has nothing to do with sex. But being fucked from behind while my hair is being pulled sounds fucking hot. Orgasm denial doesn’t work well for me; I just turn into a stroppy mess. But I’m sure that could be ‘corrected’ with a patient Dom if they so choose.

Conclusions

I am not a broken person. I was not ‘driven’ to BDSM because of my depression or PTSD (they are completely separate). In fact, my mental health was at its most stable when my husband and I were practicing 24/7 D/s. My kinks have been effected by childhood and upbringing. I have a stuffed animal on my desk at work’ it’s just who I am. And that’s the thing. My submission is just a truer version of myself. The real me without all the filters and coverings that I portray to society.

I’m not sure the world could handle a 24/7 horny, cuddly, burnt toast mom me.

Check out my Define your Kink page to see the other questions I’ve completed and what I have left.

This is Different, He’s a Man

I consider myself I shy person. I know, that hardly seems possible as I, not ten minutes ago, tweeted a picture of my breasts. Seriously though, I don’t like social situations and would always rather curl up on the couch with a cup of coffee and book than go out. I haven’t been in a club in a decade with no pull to return. However, in complete opposition to that standard nature, I did something that I haven’t done in over ten years. I asked a boy to go out with me.

Not really, of course. I’m in my thirties, relationships with ‘boys’ at this point would be illegal. But that is how my brain and heart see it. And, hopefully, it goes better than any other time I’ve done it. This is not the first time I’ve done this, but I have never been successful. I told a boy (I was 14, so it was okay) that I liked him in high school. He said that he wasn’t interested and he avoided me for the rest of year. I talked to a friend in college about the possibility of a ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement. He decided to start sleeping with my roommate instead. That one ended up working out for the best though as my husband and I got together soon after and that guy ended up in our wedding.

This is a bit different, however. This is a man. A very nice man. And I have asked him to be my dominant. My husband and I have talked a lot about it and have decided that me trying a D/s relationship with someone else is a good idea. Our relationship is strong, but it will always be vanilla. But there is a lot that I still feel I need to explore as a submissive. With his support I’ve decided to ask a dear friend that I have found a good connection with.

I’m not sure what will happen. He has a sub. And I don’t want to encroach on that. Honestly, if he says ‘thanks, but no thanks’ I would not begrudge him. It would hurt, but I’m a big pill to swallow. I can completely understand not wanting to take me on, especially with a family and other responsibilities already weighing on you. In all the previous time I’ve done this, it’s been with boys. Boys who had no responsibilities, who just follow their dicks toward or away from me. This is a man. He understands what I’m asking and I respect him for taking it seriously enough to think about it. As much as I am afraid of the answer, I respect it.

So today will be a lot of trying to keep busy. Fear and excitement will keep me going for awhile. And, since I slept so poorly last night hopefully it will wear off before bed tonight. I think I will go for a run tonight, just in case.

I am so nervous.

It Always Works Out in the End

The package had arrived two days ago but I was instructed not to open it until I had time to complete the task. So there it sat, tempting me until today when I finally found sufficient time alone to open it, examine the contents and follow the instructions that he had included in the package. I knew roughly what to expect but not the specifics of the challenge.

You see, he’s finally arranged to come and visit me. We’ve been talking for a couple of years now but we just haven’t ever found the time to be together in the same place. We have missed each other by a few hundred miles or a couple of hours on a few occasions which has been frustrating to say the least. He will be finally arriving in a little over two weeks and be staying for around three days. I can’t wait, we have so much to catch up on and so much sex to have to make up for the times we haven’t been together.

Over the years we’ve exchanged a lot intimate thoughts and fantasies, the occasional video, stories and even collaborated on writing erotica. I know that he has one unfilled sexual desire and that is to have anal sex. Not judging, but his partner has steadfastly refused to even consider trying it which has caused him a lot of angst and frustration over the years I have known him. My recent attempts at anal sex have been less than stellar as well due to my lack of preparation, a fact he is aware of so I have a fair idea what the focus of the task will be and what the likely  contents of the package.

Opening the box I find an envelope which I assume contains the instructions, a tube of Wet Platinum Premium Lube, a small anal vibrator, a medium size butt plug and a longish rectangular box. I’m very curious about what’s in the box so I open it up to find a very life like silicon dildo which can have a vibrator inserted into the base if desired. The resemblance to a real cock is amazing. Even the colur is close to pale pink skin. There is also a suction mount that I assume helps secure the dildo to a wall or floor.

So now I have the contents spread out on the bed I decide it’s time to open the envelope and see what he wants me to do with all of this. Tearing open the envelope I find a couple of A4 pages of typed instruction.

The first instruction is that he wants me to video the session and send him a copy once I’m done. He has been specific around the camera angle he wants so that he can see my ass being penetrated close up. He insists that I do a short test video to make sure the positioning is as he has asked.

It turns out that the life like cock dildo is in fact ‘a clone a willy’ silicon replica of his cock. He says that once I’m comfortable taking his cock up my ass he will know that we are both ready for the real thing. How amazing is that. Only he would have been that thoughtful.

The rest of the instructions are more about ensuring I’m clean and that I warm up properly so that I have the best chance of taking his cock in my ass first time. Looking at his cock I think that this will be doable. He has often said that he has the perfect cock for anal sex, long and thin. I think the girth his  fine, but I’ve seen some that are bigger. I think I’m in agreement to his assessment. Time will tell.

Okay, I’ve got myself prepared. A little clean out and lots of lube liberally applied. Test video done.

Now let’s get into position and get on with taking his cock in my ass.. He wants me positioned on my knees so that I can place my ass back onto the cock and allow me to rock back and forth.

I am finally start the recording and get on with it. I’m already wet with anticipation. Maybe I’ll get him to fuck my pussy after the anal preparation. He never said I couldn’t.

Using my fingers first. I reach back and rub my finger around my anus and slowly slip the tip of my finger inside my ass. Moving in in and out I slowly increase the depth of penetration. Once I’m feeling aroused and relaxed I next add a second, then a third finger. I’m may have also missed my ass a few times and ended up fingering my pussy. Oops.

After a few minutes I feel I’m ready to use the butt plug to further open up my ass. His instructions said that I have  to continue with inserting and removing the plug until my ass gapes and remains open for two seconds before closing. Following his instructions I slowly insert the plug. I know from a previous video exchange that he loves seeing the plug slowly disappearing up my ass. So to give him some added viewing pleasure I make sure I do this a few times. I also push back trying to expel the plug creating a bulge which looks amazing and hot. After about five minutes the plug has done its job and my ass is staying open. I do enjoy sticking my fingers into my open ass. Such an anal slut.

I’m ready for the last part of the task. Taking his cock I secure it to the floor using the suction cup he supplied. Next I grab the lube and apply a liberal amount to his cock  and slowly jack the cock smearing the lube over its length. Another squirt and I lube up my ass. Ok, so here goes. Squatting down as directed I slowly lower my ass towards the tip of his cock. I feel it start to push against my anal opening. With a bit more pressure I feel the head slip past my sphincter and into my ass. Pausing to get used to the cock in my ass, I take a few deep breathes. I pull back off his cock and slowly impale myself on his cock again. This time a little deeper. The next time I pull his cock out I leave the head inside. The next down stroke takes him deeper into my ass. It’s a little uncomfortable but I think I can do this.

Moving slowly and deliberately I take my time getting used to his cock in my ass. As my excitement increases, so does the speed of my movements,  lowering myself further onto his cock. With one last push I manage to bury his cock balls deep in my ass. There is some slight pain and some uncomfortable twinges, but it’s not too bad. I’ll do better next time, and the time after that. I then raise myself up and off his cock and turn off the video. That completes his challenge for the day. Now I’ve just got to clean up and send him the video for him to review my progress. I hope he is pleased.

I love that he sent me his cock to practice on. I know that when he gets here I’ll be ready. Hmmm, maybe I need to practice my deep throating skills as well.

A Ghostly Moan

“Is someone there?” Alice looked around. She hoped that no one would answer. It had been a long day and the idea of lounging on the couch naked and unwinding to some porn sounded lovely. After another beat of silence Alice decided the coast was clear. Her purse hit the counter as she quickly unbuttoned her pants and walked into the living room. Suzanne and Mattie were supposed to be working late, but she double checked that the front door was locked, just in case. A few extra seconds warning was better than nothing; not that she was ashamed, but no point making things more awkward than necessary.

Alice ran to her room and grabbed her favorite toy and a DVD she hadn’t watched in ages. She stopped for a towel in the hall closet and popped the DVD in on her way to the couch. Laying out the towel to save any uncomfortable explanations later, she laid down on it and waited for the movie menu.

It was an old porno that she has bought from one of those Lion’s Den roadside rests on a dare in college. Everyone else on the road-trip probably assumed she had thrown it away. But it had, instead, become one of her favorites. She would fully admit to it being cheesy, gratuitous lesbian porn. Made for men, obviously. However, the girls were hot and watching women go down on each other is always amazing.

Pressing play Alice lay back against the cushion and grabbed her trusty vibrator. Trying to ease herself in she just rubbed her clit with it turned off as she watched the horrible opening dialogue.

Then she heard a notice behind her. She quickly turned off the movie and hid the vibrator behind her thigh.  Laying in silence she waited for someone to walk in, but no one came. Alice chalked it up to hearing things; she really was too tense these days.

Quickly turning the porn back on she lost patience with herself. She wanted to enjoy herself, but that wasn’t going to happen until she had at least one orgasm and could fully relax. Grabbing the vibrator she turned it on it’s medium setting and began rubbing her outer lips. The women in the film were moaning now and so was she. She was practically dripping when she started moving the dildo in and out of her cunt. For her it wasn’t really about the penetration, it was about hitting her entrance and clit at the same time. Soon she found a good rhythm and came hard. Her moans drowned out those of the blond on the tv as the week’s stress was finally released.

After she stopped twitching Alice turned the vibrator speed to low and just watched the two women suckle each other’s nipples. She knew she wanted another, and watching this would certainly help. Closing her eyes for a moment she sunk even more into the soft couch. Then a low moan made her open her eyes. Neither of women’s voices were that deep. Where did it come from?

She paused the video again and only heard silence. These odd interruptions were disrupting her masturbation time and she wasn’t at all pleased. Getting up, she walked naked into the kitchen, swinging her vibrator (still on, by the way) in her hand. Silence filled the kitchen as she got a glass of water and wandered back into the living room. The DVD had paused in an amazing freeze frame of a tongue mid-lick of a plump pink clit. It was so arousing Alice didn’t even press play. Instead, she lay back down and used her one hand on her nipple along with the vibrator. The photo alone was enough to bring her her second orgasm.

Alice lay on the couch; a puddle of relaxed and happy goo. She considered going for a third, but wanted to enjoy the endorphins for a bit first. Then she heard another moan followed by a thump. She shot up on the couch, but nothing had fallen or was out of place.

Alice growled. She refused to get freaked out over nothing. Hitting play again she returned to her nipple and clit. This time she turned the vibrator to it’s highest setting. Before things got any freakier she was going to try and shatter herself. Thrusting the vibrator in deep and then slowly pulling it out across her lips to her clit she was soon a quivering mess. Again she thought she heard another moan, but she pushed through with determination toward her orgasm. Watching the two women sixty-nine each other was going to put her over the edge. She put the vibrator against her clit and pushed hard while pinching her nipple until it hurt. All three women moaned together, but Alice was only one to shatter. She squirted all over the towel as she came in waves against the vibrator.

The women in the film kept at it, but Alice was spent. She lay in a gooey mass on the couch for several minutes until the calm was firmly cemented into her brain. When she got up the towel was soaked as well as a few drops that had escaped it’s coverage. Giving the couch a quick wipe with a dry part of the towel, she hoped it would dry before anyone would notice.

Walking toward her room to put the towel in the hamper and throw on some grunge clothes she stepped on something sticky. When she rubbed her foot and smelled her hand in an effort to determine the substance it smelled like cum. Not from her, but from a man. Her knowledge and experience with semen was limited, but she was nearly positive that was what this was. However, for it to be this ‘fresh’ the owner of said semen would had to been in the house quiet recently.

Once in her room, Alice put on a cami and some panties. She heard her phone ring in the living room and ran to catch it. It was just a notification of a text message from Becca.

Hey Slut! Did you get some release this afternoon?

Yeah, very much needed squirty orgasms 🙂

Not sure a needed to know that, but yeah!

Are you busy? Could you come over?

I don’t want to see your squirty orgasms. But yeah, let me drop off the shopping and I’ll over. What’s wrong?

I think a male ghost jerked off to me masturbating.

….I’ll bring wine

Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings

Lost in a Daydream

I had a daydream while I was in the shower. I was scrubbing off the day’s workout and when I rinsed off the soap my tattoo sleeve began to come off. At first I thought it was just dirt from cleaning at the house. However, I soon realized it was actually the ink running. I checked my other tattoos, but it was only my sleeve that was coming off. And not just a little bit, but most of the lace was already gone. Panicking, I tried to shield my arm from the water stream. I jumped from the shower and dried my arm to stem the loss. However, when I removed the towel there was little remaining of a piece that took over ten hours of tattooing and cost a lot of money.

Daydream may have been a bit of a misnomer. More like a nightmare that I was awake for. I zone out in the shower and jolted moments later with this stuck in my head. I clutched my arm for the rest of my shower and rushed rinsing my hair. I still can’t shake the feeling I had.

When I was still in therapy, I talked about dreams a lot. My therapist always wanted to break down my dreams as a part of how I was process stress. Some of them while I was pregnant were quite interesting. It was occasionally hokey, but most of it was quite helpful. And, even though this was a daydream, I used the same techniques to try and process it.

I feel like I am losing myself. Like my identity is being stripped just like the ink on my arm. Now I am worried that I am even more lost than I thought. My head has me to tied in knots that I don’t feel like myself. So much so, that my brain is removing my most personal tattoo like it were magic marker. Maybe it’s time to head back to therapy. Or just a few touch-ups on my sleeve to ensure it’s really on there. I know which would be more painful.