Can you overload on porn? Can you ever get to the point where the litany of photos and videos just don’t have the impact that they used to? I sure hope not.
I never looked at porn growing up. Even in college it wasn’t really a draw for me. I was in a vanilla relationship and was pretty sexually repressed. I’ve always enjoyed nudes and erotic photographs, but I was never ‘turned on’ by them. When I met Sir, we would watch porn together. It was fun to watch with him, but honestly I would spend the time commenting on the lack of story or unrealistic positioning until he would get frustrated and turn it off. I think I was just uncomfortable watching and comparing myself to those women. I have body image issues, porn stars do not help ease that.
Oh, how things change. As part of my BDSM education I’ve taken to reading several blogs and following Tumblr accounts with various submissive themes. Now all I see are ideas. Dirty dirty ideas. I am still comparing myself to them, but I’m not focused on their beauty, I’m focused on their submission. Tumblr is both a blessing and a curse. I never had the urge to have my photo taken before, but now all I want is to put myself in every pose for Sir. I want him to be proud of his choice. It’s weird to think that porn could be used to make me feel better about myself.
So, now, not only do these pictures get me wetter than I care to admit, but they are an inspiration to be a better submissive. Which, when I am at home and missing him, makes it hard. I try and keep off of the pages during the day so I don’t tackle him when he walks in the door. That wouldn’t be very submissive of me.