When Sir and I started playing with BDSM a few years ago, we started with me as more of a dominant. It was actually really difficult for me. I didn’t understand a lot about my submissive sexuality, so we tried a lot of switch scenes. Sir enjoys to switch occasionally. But it was a real eye-opener for me in how uncomfortable I was. Now that I recognize my submissive nature, it makes sense how out-of-my element I felt.
Some people can really make switch relationships work. For those unsure, a switch relationship in BDSM is where a Dominant and Submissive change roles from scene to scene. This can be a bi-sexual person who wants to be submissive with men and dominant with women. It can be a couple who change roles in the bedroom. It can be a threesome who do varied scenes together. It is a fluid word that every person can make it into whatever works for them.
But the general idea of being a dominant was never comfortable for me. Taking control in sex is stressful for me because I am always worried about what I am doing. I find that during scenes I like to zone out and just sink into whatever Sir wants from me. In a dominant setting I get really tense and I question everything I am doing. I don’t know how Sir does such a good job.
Sir has talked about putting together switch scenes for us. But that he would be ordering me, as his sub, to be in charge of the scene. I think that that is his way of helping me to deal with the stress. He would have it all planned out and I would just have to follow his plan. I have to be honest, I’m actually really scared of these. I want to be perfect for him, and I am so worried of messing these up. I will be so tense about doing what he wants. I do not want to disappoint him. I get stressed enough about scenes and I’m just following orders. Wish me luck that I do not end up just upsetting him and getting some real punishment.