Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Flying High

For some it’s purely about altitude, but for me it’s about the feeling of weightlessness.

Bound, hooded, and flying high for his pleasure.

Rye in rope bondage, hooded and dangled for view.

 

Check out how everyone else is flying this week for Wicked Wednesday!

Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings

**So as not to scare or give the wrong impression, I am not, in fact, being suspended in the picture above. Please use caution when using any form of bondage or suspension.

He is my Sir

Since my husband and I have stopped all our BDSM play last fall, it’s been tough for me. I have been feeling like my submissive side has been forced back down. It has really affected me on an emotional and physical level. My depression has worsened, I have gained weight, and my motivation to write has faded.

Luckily, I have several wonderful friends on twitter who have helped me to stay focused on my submission in other ways. I won’t say that I’m 100% through it, but I am a lot better than I was earlier this year.

One of those who took an interest and really listened to me was John Brownstone (@SouthernSirsPl). As one of those who has direct experience with my situation, he brought a unique perspective. His patience and understanding led me to do something I never thought I would have the strength to do. I asked him to be my dominant. We both have primary partners, and he has a primary sub (the lovely Kayla Lords). But we’ve both dipped into poly a bit and he graciously accepted.

Obviously, as we live several states away (and sadly, there are no current trips planned) this is a distance relationship. Even so, he helped me to identify goals with my writing and my self-esteem. I have a morning mantra and writing goals (before my recent hiatus from the blog at least). But more than that, he listens. As I processed this new job. As I’ve vented about my conservative co-workers, my sexual frustrations, and my sleep deprivation. His support has been amazing. Always with a guiding hand and a positive frame of mind.

I like to think that I’ve helped be there for him during a few tough spots too. And I was excited to send him a birthday gift (though it was a week late getting to him). We both have a great love of coffee and enjoy talking about random things.

I think someday it would great to meet him in person. If funding works out we talked about Eroticon next year. That may be a big ask for my wallet, but we’ll see. We would both enjoy living out some Sado-Masochistic fantasies together. Some of the canes he’s created have literally made my ass twitch with excitement.

As much as I consider myself a little, I don’t refer to John Brownstone as ‘daddy’. He is my Sir. And typing those four words have made me happier than I have been in a long time. Thank you Sir.

A Strange Train Journey

“Have a safe trip. See you soon baby.”

“See you soon, Sir. I’m just climbing on the train now.”

“Okay. I’m going into a meeting right now. I’ll check in when we take a break. Have your phone close.”

“Yes, Sir.” Lucy hung up the phone and climbed into the second last train car. There were only a few people seated, so she chose a seat in an empty row and set her bag down. Hopefully she wouldn’t have to worry about sharing the seat next to her. The list of things that Sir wanted her to bring for the weekend took up most of her suitcase, so her laptop and all her toiletries were shoved in her purse. If she was going to keep making these trips, she really need to invest in a larger suitcase that she could check.

Sitting next to the window Lucy settled down for the three hour train ride. It really wasn’t too bad of a trip, and the quiet time to work made it infinitely better than driving. Pulling out her laptop she pulled up her latest story and began to write. A few miles down the track an attendant came to check her ticket, but other than she was left in peace.

“Excuse me, do you mind if I sit here?”

Lucy was jostled out of her train of thought as she realized the gentleman was talking to her. She grabbed her bag and apologized. But as she did she notice that the car was not really all that full. There were plenty of open seats. Why did he have to sit there and make her move her bag? However, it wasn’t worth being rude, so she smiled as he sat down next to her.

“How are you today?”

“Fine, thank you. And you?”

“I’m pretty good. Where are you headed?”

“Philadelphia.”

“Ahh. The city of brotherly love.”

Lucy just stared back at him, unsure what to say to that. No one had ever bothered her on the train, especially not for chit chat. Normally having her face in her computer was enough to tell people to leave her be.

“What takes you to Philly? Work?” Lucy sighed and closed her computer. She wasn’t going to be able to get any writing done like this.

“I’m visiting a friend for the weekend.”

“That’s nice.”

Lucy’s phone buzzed. She grabbed like the lifeline it was.

How are you doing, baby?

Alright.

Getting time to write?

I wish.

What’s the matter?

I just have a guy sitting next to me who wants to chat. It’s really distracting.

Is he harassing you? Can you move?

No, he’s harmless. Just chatty. It’s fine. It’s only another hour or so.

“Talking to your boyfriend?”

Lucy wanted to say it was none of his business, but thought better of it. “My mother.”

“Oh. Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Yes.”

“Doesn’t he worry about you taking trains by yourself?”

“I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I have never had an unsatisfactory or unsafe experience on a train.” Until now, she thought as she looked out the window.

“How old are you?”

“I’m twenty-nine.”

“Do you want to know how old I am?”

“I guess, sure.”

“Thirty-three.”

“Same age as my older brother.” She wanted to make up some lie about her brother being a marine or something to try and intimidate him. Maybe this guy was just lonely, there was no harm in letting him ramble.

“So how long have you and your boyfriend been together?”

“Six months, but we have been friends a lot longer.”

“How did you meet?”

“Online actually.” The name of the kink community website certainly wasn’t relevant.

“That’s nice.”

Lucy took the moment of awkward silence to check her phone again. No new messages, Sir must have gone back to his meeting. Only a few stops left, thank heavens.

“Does your boyfriend live in Philly?”

“Yes. Actually, I need to get off at the next stop, can you please let me out.” Lucy grabbed her back and squeezed past the walking 20 questions game. Gathering herself she wandered to the back of the car to wait for the next stop. At least she might be able to write on the way home. Maybe headphones would help her look even more anti-social.

The train slowed as they came into the station and nearly jumped out of the car. She walked down to the luggage claim to get her bag. Luckily, her weekend bag was bright green and easy to spot.

As she turned to head toward the parking lot she spotted Sir walking toward her. She smiled as he grinned at her. Then she saw who he was walking with. It was the incessantly chatty man from the train! He started laughing at the obviously shocked face she wore.

She walked up to the pair of them.

“You!”

“Me.” He grinned. The man turned back to Sir. “Anyway, she seems lovely.” He looked at Lucy and smiled. “I would love to play you guys tomorrow night. I will text you when my training session is over.”

Lucy’s jaw dropped. The man shook Sir’s hand.

“Oh yeah, ” He turned back. “She will need to be punished tomorrow for lying and telling me that you were her mother.” He and Sir both laughed as he turned to walk across the parking lot to his car.

Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings

ELust #93

Elust 93

aurora glory header elust 93
Photo courtesy of Aurora Glory

Welcome to Elust 93

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #94 Start with the rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

A dress to die for

Pushing Past

Necessary.

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Kink lite, Kink life
Disturbance

 

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

The Contract

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

 

Erotic Fiction

The Contract
Speaking Truth to a Submissive Heart
Thunder
Subjugate U

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Jerking off to be banned under Texas bill
That Time Steve Bannon Destroyed Me
How to program a sex robot

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Effortless Connections & Harmonious Energy
Cialis
Playlist…

Poetry

A Love Affair, From A to Z: “A” – Always
-07.04.17_02:43-
Scouting: A Lusty Limericks

Erotic Non-Fiction

Conflict(ed) part 2
It’s All About The Feet
TEASE
Oral Birthday Fun ~ The Glorious Sixty-Ninth!
I Will Do…
The subtle threesome

Events

Eroticon 2017 – I Herd U Lieks It

Body Talk and Sexual Health

photo shoots past and future
Elust 88

Define Your Kink: Day 6

#6 – What do you feel are the roots of your submission? Do you think it has something to do with childhood? Is it a relationship management tool as in the practice of domestic discipline? Is it a sexual thrill or something else?

Wow, this should almost be four completely different days. I will try to answer this without boring you to  death with tropes and cliches.

Roots

I believe that the ‘roots’ of my submission is honestly genetic. My father’s side of the family has a name for several of us. We are called ‘burnt toast moms’. The idea being that we will take toast that is burnt and offer a ‘better’ piece to a loved one. I actually got this from my father (we still say ‘mom’). And, to be clear, my husband eats burnt toast so the analogy doesn’t quite work. The idea behind it is true though. We are happy to sit in the middle of backseat on car rides and take the smallest servings of ice cream. We get inside smiles from giving to others. You should see me at Christmas; my bliss is buying the perfect gift.

Childhood

I think that a lot of my submission, specifically my ‘little’ nature comes from my childhood. This isn’t the part where I pull out my Christian Grey tormented youth. I had a good childhood and wouldn’t change it for anything. But when we adopted my developmentally disabled brother I grew up pretty fast. My parents were dealing with him and I was trying to help them and help take care of them. The idea of getting to curl up with a hot chocolate (or more likely coffee) and watch cartoons sounds like heaven. I love to color and bake cookies and cuddle. There is something about being able to relax that reminds me of being a child and my brain connects those.

Discipline/Sex

There is a certainly domestic discipline aspect of it. I like chores and tasks to make the evening and/or environment better for my Sir. Taking care of dinner, or setting out his slippers. They don’t have to be complicated, but they make me feel good. Even aspects of previous D/s attempts with diet and exercise restrictions/requirements went well. And that, also leads into sex.

Sex is a huge part of my submission. I am a masochist and I love pinching, biting, spanking, and choking. I’ll admit that it might not be everything. There is a lot about the idea of being a spoiled human pet that has nothing to do with sex. But being fucked from behind while my hair is being pulled sounds fucking hot. Orgasm denial doesn’t work well for me; I just turn into a stroppy mess. But I’m sure that could be ‘corrected’ with a patient Dom if they so choose.

Conclusions

I am not a broken person. I was not ‘driven’ to BDSM because of my depression or PTSD (they are completely separate). In fact, my mental health was at its most stable when my husband and I were practicing 24/7 D/s. My kinks have been effected by childhood and upbringing. I have a stuffed animal on my desk at work’ it’s just who I am. And that’s the thing. My submission is just a truer version of myself. The real me without all the filters and coverings that I portray to society.

I’m not sure the world could handle a 24/7 horny, cuddly, burnt toast mom me.

Check out my Define your Kink page to see the other questions I’ve completed and what I have left.

It Always Works Out in the End

The package had arrived two days ago but I was instructed not to open it until I had time to complete the task. So there it sat, tempting me until today when I finally found sufficient time alone to open it, examine the contents and follow the instructions that he had included in the package. I knew roughly what to expect but not the specifics of the challenge.

You see, he’s finally arranged to come and visit me. We’ve been talking for a couple of years now but we just haven’t ever found the time to be together in the same place. We have missed each other by a few hundred miles or a couple of hours on a few occasions which has been frustrating to say the least. He will be finally arriving in a little over two weeks and be staying for around three days. I can’t wait, we have so much to catch up on and so much sex to have to make up for the times we haven’t been together.

Over the years we’ve exchanged a lot intimate thoughts and fantasies, the occasional video, stories and even collaborated on writing erotica. I know that he has one unfilled sexual desire and that is to have anal sex. Not judging, but his partner has steadfastly refused to even consider trying it which has caused him a lot of angst and frustration over the years I have known him. My recent attempts at anal sex have been less than stellar as well due to my lack of preparation, a fact he is aware of so I have a fair idea what the focus of the task will be and what the likely  contents of the package.

Opening the box I find an envelope which I assume contains the instructions, a tube of Wet Platinum Premium Lube, a small anal vibrator, a medium size butt plug and a longish rectangular box. I’m very curious about what’s in the box so I open it up to find a very life like silicon dildo which can have a vibrator inserted into the base if desired. The resemblance to a real cock is amazing. Even the colur is close to pale pink skin. There is also a suction mount that I assume helps secure the dildo to a wall or floor.

So now I have the contents spread out on the bed I decide it’s time to open the envelope and see what he wants me to do with all of this. Tearing open the envelope I find a couple of A4 pages of typed instruction.

The first instruction is that he wants me to video the session and send him a copy once I’m done. He has been specific around the camera angle he wants so that he can see my ass being penetrated close up. He insists that I do a short test video to make sure the positioning is as he has asked.

It turns out that the life like cock dildo is in fact ‘a clone a willy’ silicon replica of his cock. He says that once I’m comfortable taking his cock up my ass he will know that we are both ready for the real thing. How amazing is that. Only he would have been that thoughtful.

The rest of the instructions are more about ensuring I’m clean and that I warm up properly so that I have the best chance of taking his cock in my ass first time. Looking at his cock I think that this will be doable. He has often said that he has the perfect cock for anal sex, long and thin. I think the girth his  fine, but I’ve seen some that are bigger. I think I’m in agreement to his assessment. Time will tell.

Okay, I’ve got myself prepared. A little clean out and lots of lube liberally applied. Test video done.

Now let’s get into position and get on with taking his cock in my ass.. He wants me positioned on my knees so that I can place my ass back onto the cock and allow me to rock back and forth.

I am finally start the recording and get on with it. I’m already wet with anticipation. Maybe I’ll get him to fuck my pussy after the anal preparation. He never said I couldn’t.

Using my fingers first. I reach back and rub my finger around my anus and slowly slip the tip of my finger inside my ass. Moving in in and out I slowly increase the depth of penetration. Once I’m feeling aroused and relaxed I next add a second, then a third finger. I’m may have also missed my ass a few times and ended up fingering my pussy. Oops.

After a few minutes I feel I’m ready to use the butt plug to further open up my ass. His instructions said that I have  to continue with inserting and removing the plug until my ass gapes and remains open for two seconds before closing. Following his instructions I slowly insert the plug. I know from a previous video exchange that he loves seeing the plug slowly disappearing up my ass. So to give him some added viewing pleasure I make sure I do this a few times. I also push back trying to expel the plug creating a bulge which looks amazing and hot. After about five minutes the plug has done its job and my ass is staying open. I do enjoy sticking my fingers into my open ass. Such an anal slut.

I’m ready for the last part of the task. Taking his cock I secure it to the floor using the suction cup he supplied. Next I grab the lube and apply a liberal amount to his cock  and slowly jack the cock smearing the lube over its length. Another squirt and I lube up my ass. Ok, so here goes. Squatting down as directed I slowly lower my ass towards the tip of his cock. I feel it start to push against my anal opening. With a bit more pressure I feel the head slip past my sphincter and into my ass. Pausing to get used to the cock in my ass, I take a few deep breathes. I pull back off his cock and slowly impale myself on his cock again. This time a little deeper. The next time I pull his cock out I leave the head inside. The next down stroke takes him deeper into my ass. It’s a little uncomfortable but I think I can do this.

Moving slowly and deliberately I take my time getting used to his cock in my ass. As my excitement increases, so does the speed of my movements,  lowering myself further onto his cock. With one last push I manage to bury his cock balls deep in my ass. There is some slight pain and some uncomfortable twinges, but it’s not too bad. I’ll do better next time, and the time after that. I then raise myself up and off his cock and turn off the video. That completes his challenge for the day. Now I’ve just got to clean up and send him the video for him to review my progress. I hope he is pleased.

I love that he sent me his cock to practice on. I know that when he gets here I’ll be ready. Hmmm, maybe I need to practice my deep throating skills as well.

Define Your Kink: Day 5

#5 – Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different?

Sorry for such a long gap between #4 and #5. I’ve sort of been avoiding answering this question. I considered skipping over it and coming back, but that would be a cop-out to the process. I think it’s just the reality of my answer.

I have been in three D/s dynamics. Two one day experiences that were negative for very different reasons, and one long-term. Each taught me something in their own way, but for a variety of reasons none of them worked. That’s a hard thing to admit, that I haven’t been successful. And it’s easy for me to say that as I was the only common denominator in these experiences that I must be the problem. This isn’t the case, there were all sorts of factors. Sometimes it’s easy to fall into that self-destructive trap though.

Twitter Guy

When my husband and I were considering opening things up to others, I started chatting with several Doms online. Mostly in a friendly context to learn about their relationships and how they structure their rules. There was often flirting, and there were a few conversations about taking it further. The only one of those conversations that didn’t fizzle out was a gentleman who also lived here in Ohio. The idea of having another Dominant close by was very enticing. We chatted a lot and seem to have similar kinks and boundaries.

Then one day we decided to try and online scene. I sent him a few pictures and was even punished for forgeting a ‘Yes, Sir’ in a response. After the interaction we were talking and he told me not to tell my husband about it. The moment killed any good feelings I had. I told my husband and stopped talking with the Dom. It was difficult as I felt horrible. He genuinely seemed like a nice guy.

May Visit

Once we got settled in the new house, I started reaching out to try and find local Doms. We had made friends with a few couples on Fetlife, but each of us had branched out to locate individual partners. I started talking with a Dom about a few kinks and the possibility of getting together. He wanted a regular sub and respected my husband’s boundaries, which was nice. I should have listened to my intuition regarding the fact that we had little in common outside of BDSM. None of my vanilla relationships have worked when we didn’t have anything in common; I should have realized that D/s would be the same.

In May of 2016 he came over to the house. It wasn’t a great memory, but I did learn a lot about my limits. I haven’t been with another Dom since. Trust is so vital to what I am looking for in a Dom, I’ll never jump into that dynamic again.

Husband, Father, Friend (too many posts to link)

My husband and I have been through a lot together. Ten years of graduations (four in total), moves (six of those), and two crazy kids. He jumped right in when I discovered I am kinky and gave it 100%. I really appreciate his effort in trying to be what he thought I wanted. But, as a submissive, pleasing my partner was about what they wanted, not what they were doing for me. There was always this feeling of me forcing him to do things and never being able to relax in the moment. I was always worried that he was unhappy and unsatisfied. We were both trying so hard to make the other happy that neither of us were.

As difficult as this has been to lose our D/s, it has helped us communicate. We talk more openly and honestly than we ever did before BDSM. And while loosing my collar was painful, at least I’m not worried about ruining my marriage.

At this point is just figuring out how to move forward. I have a Dominant friend that currently chat with on Twitter. He’s the only Dom that I’ve felt comfortable with since my last negative online experience. He’s not local, so I’m not sure what it could ever be. Maybe a few visits a year, like Jack in California. Not sure I could handle two long-distance relationships emotionally, but we’ll see what happens. I do know that D/s in some form needs to be part of my life.

Check out my Define your Kink page to see the other questions I’ve completed and what I have left.

And Happy St. Patricks Day!

Elust 92

Elust 92 Header
Photo courtesy of Steeled Snake

Welcome to Elust 92

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #93 Start with the rules, come back April 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Feeling Forced

NEEDY – a black obsession

Monogamish

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

“One Man Is Not Enough For You.”
blink

 

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Safewords in Kink Life and in Kink Fiction

Erotic Fiction

The Anatomy Lesson
Town whore

Erotic Non-Fiction

The good girl pledge
Good Boy
From Headache to Clit Ache
Daytime: A married Valentines fantasy
Unlocking the Man…with Pieces of Me.

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Three’s Company
I hate the “One Size Fits All” approach
Safewords in Kink Life and in Kink Fiction
How great would it be if…

Poetry

Roadside Stand: A Lusty Limerick

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Dirty Money

Events

Looking back at our Eroticon Weekend

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Waiting and waiting and waiting

 

 

Elust 88

An uncollared submissive struggling with depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm

So much has changed in the last few months I felt like the blog needed a bit of a re-working. The title will stay ‘Chasing Me, Chasing You’. I still feel like that most of the time. But, the subtitle is now a bit more accurate and my Rules and Contracts pages are gone. Not sure if my posts will change much, but I am hoping to start writing more. I guess I am hoping I can try and feel more authentic when I write.

I always felt like I couldn’t express how hard this roller-coaster has been. Not sure if I was more worried about actually admitting it to myself or the fear of my husband reading it. I don’t want him to be hurt, but that doesn’t make my hurt go away. But, he admitted that he doesn’t read this anymore. It was painful to hear that, but I’ve decided to take it as a positive and use this space to write what I really feel. No more sugar coating or holding back.

So, fair warning, you may have to put up with a certain amount of whinging. I’m hoping I can also write about all the kink fantasies and poly experiences that are running around in my brain. Maybe if I can release those feelings here I can deal with my vanilla life better. And, having a place to post all the lovely photos of when Jack and I do manage to get together is always nice.

A few weeks ago I thought I was going to need to walk away from writing in general and the blog all together. I mean, the website is called ‘collared mom’. With only half of that still being true I could not bear to even think about posting anything. Not writing has hurt. And it didn’t make sense to me to add to my pain. Reading of those who attended Eroticon this year just reminded me how much I want to be part of this community. I will start saving to attend next year, as I need to do this for me.

Thank you all for your continued support and I hope those of you who keep reading aren’t disappointed.

Elust #91

Elust 91

Silverdrops toy box header
Photo courtesy of Silverdrops Toybox

Welcome to Elust 91

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #92 Start with the rules, come back March 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Forcing Growth

In Stitches

The Instrument and the Ornament

 

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Imagine? You Might Wish You Hadn’t!
she’s picture perfect

 

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Morning Stretch

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

 

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Amber alert
Spanking: Chapter One
‘How To’ Femdom Series
Play it safe
Formative Kink: “The Happy Hooker”

Erotic Non-Fiction

Follow Your Heart
Humiliating Raylene: Kissing Lynette
THREESOME – prepared
Leaving Questions Unanswered

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Genital shame in the news
Cock and Balls Sling Demonstration

Poetry

Chastity, No Boner: A Lusty Limerick
Roleplay (inna damp, dark alley)

Erotic Fiction

Portraits of You
Addicted
Words of Fuck

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Nothing good can come from this
UNCLEAN: Dirty, Sweaty, Filthy, Messy Sex

Events

GRUE

 

 

Elust 88