Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

An uncollared submissive struggling with depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm

So much has changed in the last few months I felt like the blog needed a bit of a re-working. The title will stay ‘Chasing Me, Chasing You’. I still feel like that most of the time. But, the subtitle is now a bit more accurate and my Rules and Contracts pages are gone. Not sure if my posts will change much, but I am hoping to start writing more. I guess I am hoping I can try and feel more authentic when I write.

I always felt like I couldn’t express how hard this roller-coaster has been. Not sure if I was more worried about actually admitting it to myself or the fear of my husband reading it. I don’t want him to be hurt, but that doesn’t make my hurt go away. But, he admitted that he doesn’t read this anymore. It was painful to hear that, but I’ve decided to take it as a positive and use this space to write what I really feel. No more sugar coating or holding back.

So, fair warning, you may have to put up with a certain amount of whinging. I’m hoping I can also write about all the kink fantasies and poly experiences that are running around in my brain. Maybe if I can release those feelings here I can deal with my vanilla life better. And, having a place to post all the lovely photos of when Jack and I do manage to get together is always nice.

A few weeks ago I thought I was going to need to walk away from writing in general and the blog all together. I mean, the website is called ‘collared mom’. With only half of that still being true I could not bear to even think about posting anything. Not writing has hurt. And it didn’t make sense to me to add to my pain. Reading of those who attended Eroticon this year just reminded me how much I want to be part of this community. I will start saving to attend next year, as I need to do this for me.

Thank you all for your continued support and I hope those of you who keep reading aren’t disappointed.

Monday Monday

Breakfast table with coffee and muffin. Journal articles for proofreading with red pen.This week is going to be good. I’ve decided (didn’t you know I had that power).

I have been working with a few lovely people the last week or so to make the website more user friendly. A bit more organization that you can see and a lot more behind-the-scenes work. And I love it. It’s going to be a work in progress, but the project is half the fun.

I also jumped at the chance to do some beta-reading for another lovely blogger who having a book published. I love proofreading and editing. There were several occasions where I considered moving to Boston or NYC to try my hand at entering the publishing world. I just couldn’t get the courage to leave without a solid job lined up. Costs of living in both those cities scare me to death.

So I jumped in head first last night and am really enjoying myself. It will actually be hard for me to do my regular work today as I just want to read her piece. I mean, read sexy erotica or complete entry work on my latest database project. Not really a hard choice. So as all of get to writing and publishing your novels or dissertations, feel free to send it to me for a quick read. I don’t charge, though I will ask for a signed copy of the book (I will pay for the book and send it to you to be autographed).

So aside from the blog work and proofreading I’m trying to get back into my exercise routine, pack some boxes to take to the new house this weekend, work, clean the house (notice how I didn’t say keep it clean, because for that to work it would have to be clean to begin with), and keep the children alive. And I’ve started to get back to my own longer erotica piece. I fleshed it out last year and just never worked on it. I need to get back to writing more so that someday I won’t be begging to proofread others’ work (not that that isn’t fun), but asking others to read mine.

So it will be a good week. Lots to do, but also some great opportunities and challenges. Maybe even a few beatings and several orgasms to fill in the gaps.

Write what you know

Sir’s office has a blog. He works for a non-profit and they are trying to connect with clients, so he and his co-works do posts from time to time discussing environmental issues. He hasn’t had a ton of time to keep up with them, and I have been trying to feed him ideas. My basic message has been: write what you know. If you are trying to attract clients, write about things that you know they care about. We have kids and a dog, write about how the environmental changes affects those two things.

So I considered writing a blog post about all the kinky stuff I know. How much I love bondage and what I know about all the lovely sex toys that I enjoy. But I have realized something, I know very little. Despite our three and half years of playing with BDSM in our relationship, I would be lying if I said I really knew what I was talking about.

I know what works for us. Or at least what we are currently trying.

I yelled (nicely) from the living room to ask him to bring me a drink. He did.

Me: Thank you, Sir.

Sir: Don’t worry, you’ll pay for it later.

I was instantly wet. See, it works.

And I can write about how much I kind of like flirting with guys on Twitter. Not that I will actually sleep with any of them (maybe one or two someday 😛 ). It makes Sir very territorial, which makes him all kinds of grabby and hitty. So win/win for me.

I guess this is just a public service announcement to let you know that while I will blather about all manner of things, I am an expert in very little. History (specifically British) and organization are the only things I could really claim knowledge of. And that wouldn’t be a very good sex blog.

So rather than write what I know, I will let you learn from all the mistakes of what I don’t know. With that method, I will be writing this blog for years to come. May my continued failures bring entertainment and education to you all.

Now, I have to go pay for my ‘free’ drink from earlier.

Introspection

Introspection is a tricky thing. I honestly don’t recommend it. It rarely leads to an ‘I’m doing great’ situation. More often than not you walk away feel crappy about yourself and needing a pound of chocolate to recover. Which, as Sir and I are looking to start a low-fat lifestyle, isn’t going to be stocked in the kitchen anymore.

This morning Sir sent me a .gif of a woman licking what I can only assume is cum off the floor. Then he wrote ‘missing you’. The first thing my brain shot out after watching it was, ‘that’s gross’. Not, that looks hot. Not, I can’t wait to do that. Just, that looks gross. The second thought wasn’t kinky either. That’s gross was quickly followed by, ‘that woman’s hair looks really greasy, like she hasn’t showered in days, or she has also recently had cum in her hair’. It wasn’t until I saw the ‘missing you’ that I realized that I was supposed to be turned on by this clip. That I was supposed to be picturing myself in this woman’s place. That he wanted this from me.

Why didn’t my brain go there first? Why didn’t my submissive head kick in? Even if it had, I’m still not positive that it would have bumped in front my ‘that’s gross’ response. But in the moment, when he’s pointing to floor, I’d be there. My mind would shut up and I’d be her. At least, I want to think I would. See, introspection is nothing but trouble.

My website transition is stressing me out. Links are getting sorted, but now I just have all these anxieties about this being the right time. You’d think I was starting a multi-million dollar company or something. Hopefully this weekend I will get everything sorted. Oh yeah, and I started working this week. Because, why not? I’m over being sick, so why not take on everything I possibly can all at once. I’m a genius like that. I even got distracted giving Sir a blow job last night. That never happens. I could tell he was getting frustrated as he practically pulled my nipples right off with the nipple clamps to get me to focus.

More coffee and back to work. No more introspection today. I think I will go scrub the floor though, just incase he was serious about licking it later.

No Escape

After everything with Blogger and the possible changes in their adult content policy, I started to look at all options. Sir and I discussed self-hosting and it’s costs. He has been really supportive of my writing, so we started a search for various domains and web-hosting companies. I found a few that weren’t disgustingly expensive, but then I ran into other problems.

I found a site (which I won’t name, because they were great about the whole thing) that is used by a non-profit Sir works with. And their work is beautiful. I set up my account and got a 14-day trial to test out my site and design it how I liked. And the cost wasn’t prohibitive at all. So I began to tinker. My posts and photos imported without too much trouble. Finding a design and template were easy. I have some coding experience to help me through some of the bumps and I was happy with how the layout looked. I was ready to hand them money and start out fresh, away from blogger’s eventual tyranny. And then Sir had to go and make a good point.

“Do these guys have any policies about hosting adult content?”  He asked it as if I already knew the answer. Of course, I am not just purchasing a domain name, I am paying this company to host and use their services. Crap.
So, I got into an online chat with their support team. Again, they were very professional and nice. But I asked about the specifics of their terms of use policy, and things went downhill from there. They suggested that my blog may fit into their terms, but I would need to limit nudity as much as possible. And, as the photos Sir took of my tits earlier this week shows, that’s not really going to happen. I don’t post photos that often. Usually Sir is too into a scene to get pictures. Or I take them with my phone, and I have not worked out how you are supposed to get them off of it (computers and I are fine, phones and I have a mutal discord). But anyway, the photos, while few, are usually quite graphic. So, back to the drawing board.
I guess I just feel like if I can get settled into my own site now, it will be easier than trying to move a huge blog later on. And, this blog has posts from 2010 and 2011, which have nothing to do BDSM. I don’t really mind them, but I can imagine that it would be quite confusing to be reading about how Sir and I are trying to get pregnant with our first child and jump to two kids and kink. Plus, I whined a lot back then (I still whine, but I think I am better at wording it). And if blogger decides to ‘update’ its content policy in the future, I don’t know how much time I would have to move before things were deleted.
So, we will see what Sir and I can come up with. There is no time crunch as yet, but as I am looking to re-enter the work force and we are still figuring out if we should buy a house this year or next, I don’t want to be in the middle of a technical move at the same time as a literal one.

March Q&A

This is my first March in the kinky blogs realm. Many blogs use this month to open themselves up to questions and I will be no different. But, as I am new to this, I don’t expect it to take too many posts. I will try to answer any questions I get, on here, email, or Twitter. If you want to ask my Sir a question, I will put it to him, but it is his choice whether to answer it not.

I will still be doing regular posts about my life’s craziness. A few more days of the kids being spoiled by three grandparents. Then the travel day from hell and hopefully an intense homecoming.
Hope everyone has a warm day. Another coffee and we will see what fun we can get up to today.

Google Takesies Backsies

Google quietly made my decision for me. A couple of people tweeted a great article about their reverse move. We will see if they stick to this. I am glad to see that they do seem to be responding to feedback from users.

So, sorry guys, you have to but up with more graphic nudity from me. Maybe another shaving post update now that I have a room to myself again.

The Blogger Gestapo

So I am having a dilemma. Do I cleanse or do I go? For those unaware, Google’s Blogger has decided to update their policies and remove all explicit photos and videos from their blogs. It is a free service, so while I cannot really complain, I am a bit bummed at their decision. Mostly, as it now leaves me with a decision to make. I can stick with Google on their terms and remove all my dirty pictures (and not post any others), or I can move on. Relocating to either another bloggerish service, or purchasing a domain of my own. And I am not sure which to choose.

Photos aren’t really what I do. Though the occasional one that I post is pretty explicit, to be sure. But it’s the principle of the thing. If I don’t leave now, if I just remove the photos, will I cave again when they say I cannot say the word cunt on my page? Will I come up with new words for cock and pussy like my readers are my children who need to be protected from such things? I don’t mean that I have come to the point where I need to make some sort of stand for my content and sense of quality control in what I provide. But that doesn’t mean that that day is not on the horizon.
So, do I stay as this isn’t a huge bother for me. Just leave my shaved (or unshaven as it is currently) pussy pictures to your imaginations and focus on my ramblings of words instead? Would it be easier to leave now when I don’t have as much of an archive to export? Would my few readers (thanks, by the way) follow me to my new uncensored home, wherever that may be?
Looks like Sir and I will have to have a chat about it when I get home. And I have a few weeks to figure out what to do. Maybe Sir will have an easy solution, or decision, for me. It is easier for him to weigh things like this. And he can see me naked any time he wants, so he is impartial.