Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Plans for the Night

One of my goals for July is to have a date night. Sir and I both working full-time now is putting a strain on us. When we get home we have the kids and dinner to sort out. We have about an hour or so after we get them both to bed. Sometimes sex happens, sometimes not. But either way we don’t get a lot of time to talk. A date night would be a great way to sit and just enjoy each other for a bit.

Due to late evenings and child care, it will probably have to be on a weekend. Maybe some Saturday night when Sir’s mother can come and stay with the kids. Even just so we could go out to dinner. Maybe some shopping afterwards so we can walk around and hold hands. The youngest is coming up on this second birthday, so we could walk around and play with toys for a bit. Actual toys, not sexy ones.

So if we do get some evening out, what should we do? A movie could be good for cuddles and groping, but not much conversation. Shopping, again good for PDA, but the budge wouldn’t allow for a lot of spending. We could try to find a night for a local BDSM activity and try to attend that. We both really want to get active in our local to meet people, we are just limited because of the kids what we can really commit too.

The other option is to try and have my mother-in-law take the kids out somewhere and we could stay in. Maybe do a fun scene in the basement full of pain and moaning and hopefully sexy pictures. Could be a good choice. A night of M/s would be fun considering how little we usually get to play.

I am….

So I may have started out our date on the wrong foot. We were early for the movie, so Sir took me to Michael’s to look for some scrapbook paper for the books I am making for the boys. We were wondering around the store and he stopped to look at a display for moon sand. If you haven’t seen this stuff, it’s like playdoh, but lighter and it crumbles like sand. It’s definitely an odd texture. But he touched it and then told me to as well. So I did. But I didn’t realize that there was a lot of glitter in it that subsequently stuck to my hand. And, being the anti-glitter fanatic that I am, I immediately tried to rub the glitter off my fingers. Unfortunately, the first thing my fingers found was Sir’s shirt. I looked up as soon as I realized what I had done, but his eyes were already popping out of his head. I think if he could have, I would have gotten my punishment immediately. Instead he told me I would receive twenty swats, but he wasn’t going to let it ruin the evening. Stupid glitter.

We went to go see Avengers: Age of Ultron. We are both pretty dorky when it comes to the Marvel universe, so it was nice to get to see it in the theatre. We both enjoyed it, but I think the first Avenger’s movie was better. A lot of talented actors though. Hey, it was two and a half hours where I got to sit and relax, get felt up, and not have a kid screaming at me. I’ll take it.

Dinner was really nice too. Just the chance to talk. Regular talks about how we are doing and constructive criticism for both of us has been a huge help. And I think that has helped his self-confidence to take me where he wants and my self-confidence to let him. We have been more honest and up-front about our needs during the last ten months of this process than the previous six years of our marriage and two years of dating. Our drive back we just sat in this quiet connection.

We got the kids to bed and chatted for bit with my mother-in-law. Then Sir told me to go to our room, strip, and get into present position on his side of the bed. I think I skipped down the hall. He walked in and got ready for bed. I think he played on his IPad for a minute or so, he likes to make me wait. I could smell how turned on I was; I know he could too. He went and got his belt and put it around my neck. Then he took me for ‘a walk’. I don’t know how some of those women crawl and look sexy and graceful. I’m sure I looked like a clunky farm animal trying to keep up.

He took me to the bed and told me to get into position for my punishment. I had really hoped he had forgotten about the glitter, but no. He was generous with the twenty smacks, it could have been a lot more. However, he chose to put them all in the same spot and by number seven I was squirming. My left ass cheek was warmer than my right for the rest of the night. But when he was fucking me, I’m not really sure I cared. Besides, I had other things to keep my busy.

I know some Dom’s like to sing, or talk, or even whistle during sex. Sir isn’t much of a talker. Though when he gets close to coming he growls and it’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard. Anyway, Sir likes me to talk during sex. It’s usually something specific. A mantra, or a phrase he wants me to complete. Last night’s was “I am”. I had to list all the pet names that Sir calls me. As many as I could think of.

I am Rye. I am cunt. I am fuckpuppet. I am fuckmeat. I am slut. I am hole. I am a thing for you to put your dick into. I am a mouth, a pussy, an asshole for Sir.

Then I had to repeat it. Also, to keep my brain from getting to relaxed, I had to ‘be nice’ and alternately, ‘be mean’ to my nipples at his command. The sensory overload was torture and bliss. It’s amazing to me how those two things go hand and hand.

It was an amazing night. The communication is having a direct effect on both of us and it’s great.

Now I need to go unload the groceries since Sir was nice enough to go to the store and let me stay here and write.

Mother’s Day

Want to wish all the moms out there a wonderful day. Even those in UK who celebrated Mothering Sunday in March.

Sir took me out for a date night last night, the first we have had in awhile. And my mother-in-law and I had a waffle breakfast this morning.

I may even get a chance to write up a post about last night later today. Or I could read my book. Or take a nap. Or curl up with the kids and watch cartoons.

Maybe I will write up our date tomorrow.

What We Needed

So last night was really nice. Sorry to disappoint, but it wasn’t overly kinky. But that is what made it so perfect. Follow me, I’ll get there.

We got to the hotel with about an hour before our dinner reservation. I needed a shower and had several underthings to force my body into so that I would look good in my dress. So we unpacked the clothes and toys, Sir collapsed on the bed to find the porn and I jumped in the shower. I was rinsing my conditioner when he walked in,

“There’s no porn.” It was a definitive statement. Like, my hair is brown, or England kicks ass at rugby (sorry, my mom is texting me about the six nations game and Italy is getting stomped).

“What do you mean there is no porn? Like, there isn’t anything right now or you can’t find the pay-per-view channels?” I turned the water off and opened the curtain to look at him.

“No, I mean like you cannot order porn at this hotel, full stop.” We just stared at one another. I’m sure I had a pretty incredulous face. What hotel doesn’t have pay-per-view porn? It’s not that nice of a place.

But, we laughed it off. I squeezed myself into a pretty black dress. Sir looked dashing, as always, and we headed down to dinner. We ordered way too much food. After salads, entrees, and desserts we were enjoying our spiked coffee and trying to get the motivation to move.

And we looked at each other. It was a smile, a smirk and a knowing. Knowing that we were going to go upstairs and curl into bed. That the gag and rope would stay in the bag. That we would have some amazing sex and then go to sleep. And that that was perfectly ok.

In the end, my vibrator was the only toy to make an appearance. I got a little spanking. Several orgasms later we crawled under the covers talking about how much we really needed to get a king size bed, and passed out.

It wasn’t the stuff of BDSM erotica. It wasn’t the best sex, the kinkiest sex, the most sex, that we have ever had in a hotel room or in one night. But it was perfect. It was exactly the connection that we needed. We laughed and talked at dinner. We flirted over dessert and as we undressed one another before bed. We took a shower together this morning while debating breakfast joints.

I crave kink. I crave dominance. It’s a want. But last night was the perfect example of being given exactly what we needed, not necessarily everything that we wanted. I leave on Tuesday for two weeks. And while a night of bondage and impact play would have been fun, the connection and intimacy that we had last night will be what gets me through those two weeks of sleeping alone (or more likely with small children).

And it’s the way that the two of adapted to the situation together. We look the lack of porn the copious amounts of amazing food and ran with it. And having that ability to adapt together is what makes him so perfect for me. What makes us perfect together. Always collared, but able to be whatever we need from each other. Whatever he needs from me.

Sleep

Not just the promise of sleep, but real, honest to goodness sleep. My mother-in-law kept the baby downstairs last night. I think I actually got close to eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. I didn’t even wake up when Sir got up to pee. It was amazing.

And, as a late Christmas present, my parents are going to take the kids on New Years Eve so Sir and I can go out. We were pretty unprepared for the offer. We have a week to find something to go do. None of the local organizations are having any play parties and we don’t really know anyone well enough to go to someone’s house. I am sure Sir will find something. Hell, we may even stay home and play in the living room. The idea that we could actually be loud sounds like fun.

Follow-Up

I love when they call it a follow-up; it should be called, ‘when something else goes wrong’. But the first doctor appointment came and went without too much fuss. I have a cyst on my wrist that is causing me pain, but surgery isn’t an option right now. The doc prescribed some meds and we will see what happens. Someday when I don’t have to carry the baby around alone at home all day we can look at having it removed.

Now on to doc number two. This is my, ‘you will feel a slight pressure’ and ‘this will be cold’ doctor. Fingers crossed for a quick visit. This is a follow-up from having my birth control implant put in, so hopefully no surprises.
Still looking forward to my date night in with Sir. We will still have the baby, but any break from both kids counts. And the Boy needed some grandma time without Baby 2.0 taking all the attention. He hasn’t had a good spoil since I was in the hospital. This starts the big spoil as we head downhill toward Christmas, so he is chomping at the bit.
Hoping for a good time tonight. I have been excited to try out my new shoes. And bonus, KY was on sale when I went to pick up my prescription from the pharmacy. Because you can never have enough…

The Parental Date

There are all these books and professionals that say that continuing to go out on dates after marriage is important to communication. This becomes even more essential after children as it’s probably your only time to talk about anything besides diapers. I completely understand the importance of this advice. As I am currently at home with my kids all day, the idea of getting away sounds heavenly. Especially if it’s for a dinner that I don’t have to cook or clean up after.

But do we put too much pressure on these nights? I think that Sir and I have been out on maybe three dates since we moved, probably only one since Tiny was born. And on the rare occasion that we do get to go out, we build it up to be a huge event. And when (not if) it isn’t everything we created in our minds, we feel like we failed the date.

In the Dismas Hardy novels by John Lescroart (an excellent series by the way) he and his wife go to the same bar every Wednesday as their date night. No pressure to dress up, no guilt about spending half the paycheck at a fancy place. It sounds so calming and relaxing. That’s what I want, I want to relax when I get a chance to go out. I’m not sure if we’ll ever get to the point and we can manage it every week, but that sounds great too. I love the idea of looking good for Sir and having a great adventure somewhere, but I spend all day every day catering and entertaining two small children. Just having a drink and eating something unhealthy is perfect.

I’m sure I don’t speak for everyone, I have no intention to do so. But I encourage those who continue to be let down by their overly complicated date nights, to just enjoy yourselves. Go to a bar, have a drink and eat some loaded fries. Get a latte and walk around the supermarket or Target without having to run after a screaming toddler. Don’t talk about all the laundry sitting at home, and no puke or poop stories. Talk about dreams, vent about coworkers, feed each other. When you get home you can go back to your lives. In my case, that means following orders from Sir and two little children. Maybe you can curl up with a nice cup of coffee and book for me.