Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Define Your Kink: Day 5

#5 – Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different?

Sorry for such a long gap between #4 and #5. I’ve sort of been avoiding answering this question. I considered skipping over it and coming back, but that would be a cop-out to the process. I think it’s just the reality of my answer.

I have been in three D/s dynamics. Two one day experiences that were negative for very different reasons, and one long-term. Each taught me something in their own way, but for a variety of reasons none of them worked. That’s a hard thing to admit, that I haven’t been successful. And it’s easy for me to say that as I was the only common denominator in these experiences that I must be the problem. This isn’t the case, there were all sorts of factors. Sometimes it’s easy to fall into that self-destructive trap though.

Twitter Guy

When my husband and I were considering opening things up to others, I started chatting with several Doms online. Mostly in a friendly context to learn about their relationships and how they structure their rules. There was often flirting, and there were a few conversations about taking it further. The only one of those conversations that didn’t fizzle out was a gentleman who also lived here in Ohio. The idea of having another Dominant close by was very enticing. We chatted a lot and seem to have similar kinks and boundaries.

Then one day we decided to try and online scene. I sent him a few pictures and was even punished for forgeting a ‘Yes, Sir’ in a response. After the interaction we were talking and he told me not to tell my husband about it. The moment killed any good feelings I had. I told my husband and stopped talking with the Dom. It was difficult as I felt horrible. He genuinely seemed like a nice guy.

May Visit

Once we got settled in the new house, I started reaching out to try and find local Doms. We had made friends with a few couples on Fetlife, but each of us had branched out to locate individual partners. I started talking with a Dom about a few kinks and the possibility of getting together. He wanted a regular sub and respected my husband’s boundaries, which was nice. I should have listened to my intuition regarding the fact that we had little in common outside of BDSM. None of my vanilla relationships have worked when we didn’t have anything in common; I should have realized that D/s would be the same.

In May of 2016 he came over to the house. It wasn’t a great memory, but I did learn a lot about my limits. I haven’t been with another Dom since. Trust is so vital to what I am looking for in a Dom, I’ll never jump into that dynamic again.

Husband, Father, Friend (too many posts to link)

My husband and I have been through a lot together. Ten years of graduations (four in total), moves (six of those), and two crazy kids. He jumped right in when I discovered I am kinky and gave it 100%. I really appreciate his effort in trying to be what he thought I wanted. But, as a submissive, pleasing my partner was about what they wanted, not what they were doing for me. There was always this feeling of me forcing him to do things and never being able to relax in the moment. I was always worried that he was unhappy and unsatisfied. We were both trying so hard to make the other happy that neither of us were.

As difficult as this has been to lose our D/s, it has helped us communicate. We talk more openly and honestly than we ever did before BDSM. And while loosing my collar was painful, at least I’m not worried about ruining my marriage.

At this point is just figuring out how to move forward. I have a Dominant friend that currently chat with on Twitter. He’s the only Dom that I’ve felt comfortable with since my last negative online experience. He’s not local, so I’m not sure what it could ever be. Maybe a few visits a year, like Jack in California. Not sure I could handle two long-distance relationships emotionally, but we’ll see what happens. I do know that D/s in some form needs to be part of my life.

Check out my Define your Kink page to see the other questions I’ve completed and what I have left.

The Best Part

He came to the house and shook Sir’s hand. The small talk was awkward once Sir left and Sean* closed the gap between us immediately. The dog wouldn’t calm down and was soon put outside. Then the ground rules were laid,

“You will call me Sir for the rest of the time I’m here.”

“Yes, Sir.”

Rye's ass after Sean gave punishmentI earned several over the knee swats as I forgot a few times. Soon Sean wanted to see the rest of the house and we headed up to the bedroom. Moments later I was cuffed and blindfolded. He had attached a strap around one breast when there was a knock at the front door. We were both caught off guard, but I thought I did well to not freak out.  A neighbor wasn’t too happy about our dog outside barking, so I went to down to apologize (covering up, of course) and getting the dog inside and calmed down. When I got back upstairs I was quickly blindfolded again before I could see what he had pulled out of his bag.

Rye kneeling with breast bondage by SeanHe ordered me to kneel to attempt my first task. I was to take him balls deep twenty times. My nose had to touch his belly or it wouldn’t count. And I only had a minute to do it. I wasn’t even sure I could do one. The time started when I took him in my mouth. My hands were cuffed behind my back and the blindfold was on, so small movements were all I could do to find him. Once I did one I felt so proud of myself I almost stopped. But I remember the time limit and kept going. Several gags later and his phone buzzed. I only got to seventeen. He had me stand up and lean over the bed to get my punishment. Five swats for each of the three I missed. Then he had me open my mouth to ‘test’ my skills with an open mouth gag. I had never worn one before, Sir has been looking at getting one for several months. It felt weirder than I expected; like I couldn’t find the proper place to put my tongue. And while his dick fit farther in mouth with my jaw held open, my gag reflex did not. I ended up throwing up and without the ability to swallow, it ran down my chest instead. Luckily I was blindfolded, so I couldn’t see the gross. His only comment was, ‘mind over matter’ and continued fucking my mouth like nothing was going on. Rye licking Sean's balls

Then my pussy was put to work. His speed continued to change as he found a rhythm he liked and different positions. I guess my pussy was worth testing out as he had me move around a lot. Bent over the bed, on my knees on the bed, on my back, on top of him. But he found one that let him get really deep. After he came he took off my cuffs and let me clean up. The awkward small talk returned as we both got dressed and he packed his bag. When we returned downstairs we exchanged small pleasantries and he left.

And here’s the rub folks. I was kind of disappointed. I hope if Sean reads this he isn’t too offended, I’m just trying to share my experience. It was nice to be blindfolded, I could just focus on his orders. But the whole thing lacked passion. I’m not sure if regular D/s is supposed to have passion, but it’s something I’ve always wanted.

I think I was just putting too much pressure on this. I wanted this to be so much. And it just wasn’t. I even turned into my mom a few times with some of my pet peeves. He chewed gum. Not just when he arrived, which I completely understand. But he kept chewing it through the entire scene. It was wintergreen. I guess I shouldn’t let it bother me so much, he didn’t kiss me very often. And he left his socks on. I only realized it after he took the blindfold off, so I guess it didn’t really matter. But it’s so hard to for me to take you seriously as a Dom if you are standing there naked with black socks on.

Ok, I know this sounds extreme, but I felt like a booty call. No niceties. Nothing. He talked during the scene less than Sir does. A few orders to move and that was it. No moans. I was called a bitch once (apparently not a fan of that I have realized). But no ‘that’s hot’, no ‘you’re sexy’. It was just a bit of a let down. It was a new experience, and that I am glad of. Just not sure it is one I want to repeat.

He was strict, which was nice. I think my whimpers are a lot for Sir. He does his best to stay strong, but I can be kind of a baby sometimes. Sean said that it was pretty vanilla for him, but it was pretty kinky for me. Maybe I’m not as kinky as I thought I was. Not that I’m ashamed of that. Just back to the drawing board I guess. If I am going to work to balance another Dom into my already hectic life, I want to at least feel like it is mutually beneficial. Is that crazy? I am worried that this less than spectacular experience means that I am really asking for too much in a friend that also wants to fuck me sometimes.

But the best part….The best part is that Sir and I are fine. I was worried about this changing us. About it being everything that I wanted and then me demanding more. Or him becoming distrustful and regretting loaning me out. But it wasn’t any of those things. We went to dinner last night and Sir was talking about how ten years ago this would never have been on the table. That old me would have balked at the idea of sex with another person and his jealousy would have flared up merely at the thought. But both of us felt good. We had great sex in the afternoon. We went to dinner out and a movie. It’s actually the most relaxed and happy I think either of us have been in a long while, certainly since the move. We walked over this speed bump that we used to consider an Everest. And we managed to stay in one piece.

Neither one of us is giving up on finding friends and playmates. Maybe friends with benefits for the both of us could be good. But we know we can handle it and that makes my experience with Sean worth it, even if it wasn’t the most memorable. He and I just didn’t have the chemistry and the fit, but maybe someone else will. And if not, oh well. I’m sure Sir won’t mind if I am just his handful to deal with for the foreseeable future. Because I will always be his.

*Name has been changed for privacy.

This completes #41 of my 101 Things in 1001 days, namely to let Sir loan me out to another Dominant. Hopefully not the last time #41 gets attempted.

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