Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

An Overdue Visit, Part 2

“So where did you get that skirt, exactly? I’m sure I would have begged for a photo of it before now had I know of it’s existence.” Lucas smiled as he unzipped my skirt and tossed it onto the chaise.

“We had to go shopping as my lovely 24 year-old cousin forgot to mention that she planned to take me clubbing. So much for an evening of Netflix, wine coolers, and chatting. Maybe that’s tomorrow night.”

“I think you look hot. And anyway, I’m sure we can find something to help you relax after that crowded club.” He kissed his way up my neck until he found the ticklish spot below my earlobe and I pushed him away. He laughed and walked across the room to his bag. I had let him know that I would be in town for a few days, but we didn’t want to make plans after tonight. Flirting on twitter and sharing nude photos was great, but sexual attraction may not be enough to get us through more than one evening. He had obviously hoped so as his suitcase was pretty big for only a one-night stay. I was hoping for multiple nights of hot sex as well, but one thing at a time.

I texted Lindsay to tell her that I was alright and I would be over in the morning to hit up the farmer’s market with coffee in hand. I knew she would still worry. It’s not like I did this all the time, and I do usually talk to her about stuff. But family and my kink life didn’t really mesh. It’s not like I was really worried about someone stumbling onto my Fetlife profile. And while Lucas and I had met on twitter, not my kinky dating site or Fetlife, it still would require answering questions I wanted to avoid.

I shook my head as I turned my phone to silent. I could fret about things outside the hotel room tomorrow. Tonight was about a fun time with a friend. I turned around to find that Lucas had disappeared. The room wasn’t that big, he could be hiding for fun. As soon as I knelt down to look under the bed Lucas walked back into the room with the ice bucket.

“Don’t worry my lovely sub, we’ll get there soon enough. You can get off your knees for now. I just ran out to get some ice for later, you seemed pretty engrossed in your phone when I left.”

“Sorry, I zoned for a few minutes there.”

“No worries. I think you obviously need to be better distracted here though. I have something to help you focus a bit. Come over here.” As I walked toward him I saw him grab something out of his suitcase. When I reached him he turned me around so I had my back to him. He brought the metal collar over my head and began fastening it around my neck.

“I know we set up most of our ground rules online, but while you are in this collar, those rules are in play. You are my sub for the evening with all the hard limits we discussed. Your safeword is butterscotch. Normally I would have a lot of rules, but I want tonight to be about fun. And since I know you want to be up early, let’s not waste any time. Do you have any questions?”

“No, Sir.”

“Wonderful. Take off your clothes. We are going to wash that club off you.”

“Yes, Sir.” I practically ripped off the rest of my outfit as I moved toward the bathroom. He followed me in, his clothes hitting the floor almost as fast as mine. Once we were both naked I think we finally realized what we were doing. We stood on opposite sides of the tile floor and drank each other in. I had seen him naked before. Though most of my twitter shots were just pieces of him. I’m not sure why, but I pushed myself off from the vanity and walked toward him. I felt comfortable with him; after talking and flirting for over a year I guess I should. I rubbed his chest for a moment, then grabbed his hand and pulled him into the shower. I directed the shower head away from him until the water warmed. Then I directed the stream onto his chest as I pushed him back against the tile. He grinned as I began kissing my way down his chest.

The warm water made his body turn a lovely shade of pink, but his cock stayed a creamy white inside my mouth. I rolled my tongue around him as he grabbed my hair. His moans quickened and he pulled me up.

“Soap me up.” I immediately reached for the soap and began lathering up his chest. After a quick rinse he soaped me up as well. He pressed me against the wall as he rubbed and punched my ass. My nipple rings clinked again the cold tile. He turned the water off and slapped my ass.

“Alright, you’re squeaky clean now and ready to be made dirty in all the best ways. Get dried off and go lay down on the bed. Get yourself good and wet for me and I’ll be in in a minute.”

I giggled and walked out into the hotel room. I never giggle. I may have even jumped up and down on the bed a few times before splaying out. I stretched out my legs as I would on a Saturday morning. One hand on a nipple and the other began massaging my clit. Lucas walked in after a few more minutes and grinned at my progress.

“Your service is so much more joyful in person.”

“I aspire to impress, Sir.” Getting out five words was a little harder than I thought it would be. I slowed my pace in case he wanted to chat more.

“You do impress my little sub. Now, however, I may have more of a challenge for you.” He swung a bag up between my legs on the bed. It was difficult to crane my neck up to see what he was pulling out, but I couldn’t stop rubbing my clit long enough to turn on the bed. Soon the bag was tossed aside and I could see a few piles of black straps. He walked around the side of the bed with several in his hands.

“I hope you have enjoyed playing with your lovely clit. Because now there will be no touching. At all.”

I looked toward him as a large blindfold covered my eyes and he pulled my hands away from my body. I wished I had tried harder to cum.

This piece is a continuation of last week’s Wicked Wednesday offering. If you would like to start from the beginning, click here.

Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings

She Escaped

In the interests of full-disclosure, I need to tell you that this is not my submissive brain talking. In fact, I have no idea who is talking or how important she is in my head. She may be a peon who is rebelling from her submissive queen (I have an ironic head).

But something struck me from one of the comments this week.

I think being stressed is such an inhibitor to functioning well on so many levels but what you really need to focus on is that unless your care for yourself well then you will be of no use to those who need you. It is not selfish it is necessary

Mollyxxx

So, I know this was in response to my depression post of a few days ago, but life happens and I keep processing it through all facets of my life. And I have concluded that its accuracy is so extreme that I need to eliminate as much stress as I possibly can.

So, here’s the rub.

I’m really sexually frustrated.

I’ll let you in on a secret. My sex drive is going crazy. And I didn’t realize that putting all of my sexual release into his hands would be so difficult. He has every right to use me and roll over and go to sleep. And I should be able to deal with feeling all turned on and gooey. I should be able to just go to sleep and be fine. But I’m not. I’m really not. It’s horrible. I have enough difficulty falling asleep, I don’t need a throbbing clit to make it worse. And nights that we don’t play at all are just as bad. At least when he uses me I feel useful.

I don’t know why this is a problem. If anything, we’re having more sex now than we were before D/s. Am I really just jealous when he has an orgasm and I don’t? Am I clinging to this messed up idea of fairness?

But, logical or not, I don’t know what to do about it. After a day or two (sooner if he revs me up) I am a mess. I get frustrated with the kids. I snap at him (not a good idea). I just feel myself getting tense and angry and tired, all at the same time.

Let me be clear, I HATE feeling like this (shouty capitals are purposeful). I don’t want to be jealous of his sexual release. I don’t want to be stressed out just because I don’t have an orgasm for a few days. And my worst fear is that this feeling won’t go away when I finally get my depression sorted out. That this frustration will remain.

I’m just trying to balance the very good advice of ‘it is not selfish it is necessary’, with my need to submit. I don’t know how to balance my desire to follow him and make him happy, with my need for sexual gratification. If I actually had time to sew or scrapbook or something, maybe I could de-stress enough to not need the release. Maybe that’s how I fix both the emotional stress and sex stress. I need me time. The only problem with that is dishes and diapers and life.

Maybe I should ask Sir to make ‘me time’ one of my daily tasks.

The submissive queen in my head is laughing.

Just Wow

I get that I am only 29 (thirty is going to be a rough birthday). But last night I had the best orgasm of my life. I’m going to stick with ‘so far’ at the end of that statement. I have absolutely no doubts in Sir’s skills to top last night. But last night was so amazing, that I’m perfectly okay with it staying at the top for awhile.

It’s the middle of the afternoon and I’m still tingly. He edged for what felt like hours. He let me climb on top (he actually just likes to watch my boobs, otherwise I’m sure he would never allow it). But he made me go so slow, it was deliciously horrible. I had to slide up and down his cock without pulling all the way out. I couldn’t speed up and he wouldn’t touch me. When he finally let me pick up speed I think I shocked him with how fast I was moving. But then he started slapping my breasts. It was amazing. I would not have thought that the pain would do so much, but it pushed me to a different place. Afterward I just lay in Sir’s arms.

So anyway, I’m humming along today. It’s a wonderful sensation, but it’s not going to get the dishes done. Maybe I’ll offer to lick him all over again. That worked pretty well for me last time.