Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Don’t drop the soap

That is a bold faced lie.

Drop the soap.

Drop it often.

Especially when your mother-in-law is visiting and has taken the kids downstairs so you can sleep in for once in your life. When you both decide that a shower together sounds like the perfect way to wake up.

Honestly, just throw the soap at that point (don’t hit him, he won’t like that). You won’t need the soap. Nothing cleans you off like a first thing in the morning shower fuck.

I’m practically squeaky.

New Job Title

I mentioned yesterday that Sir asked me to come to the office. His co-workers were out, so we could be a little nosy. And, being a nice guy, he let me finish my breakfast before he shoved me under the desk.

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The summer didn’t do me any good, I am still so white. If you can believe it, during the winter I get whiter. I’m practically translucent by March. As a small aside, I love how great my boobs look in this dress. My normal t-shirt and workout pants wardrobe do not do them justice. As you can see, Sir let me savor my sandwich while he leered (leered in the best possible way) at me. Then I got to work.

His desk is short. Sucking cock when your head is smashed is difficult. But we kept ourselves entertained. I couldn’t stay too long. The end of the week usually brings with it a long list of things to do. But, with the office to ourselves, we weren’t going to rush either. He so rarely gets to have his little administrative slut come for a visit.

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To clarify for those who spotted it in the photo: When you go to Starbucks and they are busy, they always ask you your name to put on the cup. I never use my real name. It’s not really an anonymity thing. It’s mostly because they can never spell it, much less pronounce it correctly. So my mom and I (she also has a unique name, thanks mom) have gone back and forth with made up names. She has been WonderWoman a few times, or Batman. So yesterday I was Mary. No religious reference intended. I assure you.

Off to the farmer’s market this morning. They are calling for rain, so planning to make salsa this afternoon. Hopefully some play as well and an eventual shower. Right now coffee and porn while the kids eat dry cereal and watch Paw Patrol. Don’t judge me.

Some days are easier than others

Can I please sleep, Sir? I am so tired.

No, you haven’t been fucked properly yet. And I really wouldn’t recommend falling asleep while you are being fucked. I hear being beaten awake is not fun.

Please, Sir. I was up last night several times with the baby. If you are tired we don’t play.

Are you insinuating that I am being unfair? That this should be fair? You are not stupid enough, my little slave, to be saying that, are you?

No, Sir. I would never think that. I apologize for whining. And you would never have a stupid slave, Sir.

Good. Now, I would hate for you to get too comfortable as I wouldn’t want you to fall asleep. So get into position #2 on the floor. The rug burn on your face will keep you awake.

Yes, Sir.

Now, I think you can get your ass a little higher, Rye. Remember, discomfort is your friend. You’ll get to sleep sooner and without welts this way. See, I can be nice.

Thank you, Sir.

Lost in the kink of it all

Kink in general, no matter what specific fetish you are into, is all about trust. Even if you practice self-bondage, you better trust yourself. You have to trust the other person you play with. That is a strong relationship whether you have the control or are giving it away. However fleeting your scene or arrangement, you have to create a connection, sometimes quickly, in order to have a good experience. So here’s my question: Can you have a good scene if you love the person you are with, but not the kink? Likewise, what if you love the kink, but not the person?

I guess the second question is easier. There are lots of professionals and kinksters who play with multiple people that they have no romantic attachment to. And I certainly wouldn’t presume to insinuate that their scenes are anything less than stellar. So that one was a gimme for most people.

I’m odd though (like you didn’t know). I don’t know if I could completely trust and relax into a scene with just anyone. And therefore sometimes I feel like I am just a body. I know the idea of  being a fucktoy for Sir’s use can be a turn on. But there’s also the niggling idea that if I am just a body, then he could do this with anyone. Like I’m an interchangeable whipping post; a target only. Scratching his kinky itch is just about flesh. Playing by doing things to a person, rather than with them.

Which circles around to my first question. What if you love that person? Can you ‘fake it til you make it’ through a kink for your lover? Would you let someone you love do something like that for you? Could you tell?

Sometimes I feel like he is only playing along with my kinks because he thinks he has to. Like I will leave him or give him some silly ultimatum.

I feel at a weird impasse. I don’t want him to just play along. I know that our kinks don’t fit together perfectly, but I don’t want him to just suffer through it.

So yesterday I asked for some rough play. Mostly things that he is into, with a bit of what I needed. I hate asking for play. I feel like topping from the bottom, but he always says that he wants to know.

It didn’t go well. I throw myself out there, he rejects me, then he wants to know how I feel about it. I asked him to help me feel strong, to push me. He wasn’t in the mood. I get that. It happens. But was rubbing it in some game? Asking me how I feel when he says no. It hurts. A lot. I feel rejected, unwanted, unneeded, unappreciated, unloved. Happy?

Ugh.

So the obvious submission option is to just stop asking. Stop telling him when I need something and just accept whatever. Trust that he is doing this for the right reasons and that I’m doing by best to service him the way that he wants.

That wasn’t even easy to type, I can’t imagine doing it will be a walk in the park.

The Box

I blinked a few times. Making sure I wasn’t actually blind. But I wasn’t, it was just dark. Pitch black in fact. And close, everything was very close. As I started reaching around, I found walls all around me at arms length. I couldn’t really extend my legs or reach very far above my head. I sat up with my legs crossed and tried to get my bearings. What could I remember?

I was having trouble sleeping. Sir had encouraged me to take something to help me sleep. I kept the pills by the bed in case of migraines, but I rarely took them otherwise. But after a few minutes of pushback, I swallowed two of them and half my glass of water. That was it. I must have fallen asleep a few minutes later.

And now I was here. Could he really have moved me without waking me? Those pills were stronger than I thought. For a fleeting moment I considered a more sinister reality. What if it wasn’t Sir that put me in here? But, fleeting only. My kids were safe and so was I. I needed to let go of the panic and figure out what Sir had put me in and what he wanted me to do.

As if my thoughts had called to him, I heard a door open. A light came on in the room and sounds of a person walking the space. Bright beams shone through three holes in what I could now tell was a wooden box. There were holes on two sides; one about half-way up and the other two closer to the top. Sitting as I was, the two higher holes were about eye level and slightly smaller than my fist. But I couldn’t see any hinges or latches. I could hear him walking in the room around me, but even with my eye pressed to the hole I could not see him.

Did you have a nice rest?

How did he even know I was awake? I stayed silent, unsure how to respond. I heard him walk over to the box and one of holes went dark. Then a thud as he set something on the box above me. A bottle of water was shoved through one of the upper holes. I grabbed it.

Stay hydrated, hole. 

Yes, Sir. I took several large gulps of the water.

Bring your mouth up to this opening, hole. His hand covered the same hole that the water bottle had just entered. Just as quickly he removed it and I could almost feel his foot start to tap with impatience.

I hesitated. Not for more than a second, as I knew that even inside this box he could still get me. But the idea of not knowing what he could put in my mouth made me wary. But holes don’t really have time to worry, so I pressed my open mouth up to one of the upper holes. Immediately his cock hit the back of my throat. I pulled back with the force of it, but quickly pressed my opened lips forward again. His rhythm was unyielding. He wasn’t trying to cum, but that didn’t mean that I shouldn’t try. He always said that I should never waste the opportunity to impress him; and I certainly didn’t intend to. I reached my tongue out through the hole to lick his balls. I pressed my hands up on the side of the box to give myself more leverage. His pace continued as I gagged and drooled. Without warning, he pulled back. I moaned as I heard him walk across the room.

Hardly twelve hours without my cock in your mouth and you’re already moaning. Should I start face fucking you in your sleep so you can get your fix?

I wanted to roll my eyes, but I was sure he would know. Instead I listened as he walked around the space. We had to be in our house, he wouldn’t have carried me too far. But I couldn’t figure out where we were. He wasn’t wearing shoes; he made almost no sound when he walked. I was spending so much time trying to sort my surroundings that I squeaked with surprise when something slammed onto the top of the box.

Falling asleep on me, hole? On your knees. I want your asshole up against the side. 

I snapped out of my glaze and quickly turned around in the cramped space. The lower opening was just an inch or two too low to be comfortable. I knew I had gotten the placement correct when I felt his hand rub lube all over my ass. He wasn’t gentle about it, but I kept trying to relax and get comfortable in this new position.

Be mean to your nipples. You do not have permission to cum, hole. Afterward I may let you rest. But only if you do a good job.

Rest. Rest sounded so good. Why was I so tired? What time was it? Before I could really ponder any of those questions I felt his cock against my skin. I took a deep breath and pressed my body against the wood as he pressed into me. I tried to keep my breathing calm as his force continued. He was obviously not put off by the wall between us. I couldn’t help but wonder if it hurt his balls when they slapped against the wood with each thrust. Each time an arrant thought like that entered my head it was quickly rammed out. And the pulling and pinching my nipples was making my cunt wet and needy. Soon he started to moan and I could feel my clit twitch in response. His roughness continued, but his speed slowed. We both moaned as he pulled out and shot cum up my back and into my hair.

I stayed in position as I tried to breath through the arousal and the pain. Cum ran down my shoulder blade. I tried to focus on it.

Good hole.

That was my cue that I could move. I collapsed on my side and slowly rubbed the feeling back into my legs. Oh no, I really had to pee. I could hear him moving on the other side of the room. Once the tingling had lessened I sat up and waited for him to return.

I will be back in a bit, hole. Get some rest. No playing with yourself. I may bring you some bread when I return. I have a monitor in the room, if have an emergency or need to safeword I will hear you. Otherwise I will expect silence or snoring. Is that clear?

Yes, Sir. So that’s how he knew when I woke up. And people said those expensive baby monitors weren’t worth it.

Good. He started to walk across the room.

Sir, please, before you go, I have to go to the bathroom. May I please go to the restroom?

He stopped walking. Silence. I waited. I was sure he had heard me. Asking again would be rude. More silence. When he finally spoke, I could hear the cruel smile grow across his face.

Silly hole. That is what the water bottle is for.

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A big thank you to @DomSigns for the below writing prompt yesterday. I was really struggling to be inspired and he got my writing wheels turning again. I hope he likes it.

The prompt that inspired this piece:

DomSigns She was locked in a box with no idea how she got there, naked and holes in the box for strategic access 😉

Introspection

Introspection is a tricky thing. I honestly don’t recommend it. It rarely leads to an ‘I’m doing great’ situation. More often than not you walk away feel crappy about yourself and needing a pound of chocolate to recover. Which, as Sir and I are looking to start a low-fat lifestyle, isn’t going to be stocked in the kitchen anymore.

This morning Sir sent me a .gif of a woman licking what I can only assume is cum off the floor. Then he wrote ‘missing you’. The first thing my brain shot out after watching it was, ‘that’s gross’. Not, that looks hot. Not, I can’t wait to do that. Just, that looks gross. The second thought wasn’t kinky either. That’s gross was quickly followed by, ‘that woman’s hair looks really greasy, like she hasn’t showered in days, or she has also recently had cum in her hair’. It wasn’t until I saw the ‘missing you’ that I realized that I was supposed to be turned on by this clip. That I was supposed to be picturing myself in this woman’s place. That he wanted this from me.

Why didn’t my brain go there first? Why didn’t my submissive head kick in? Even if it had, I’m still not positive that it would have bumped in front my ‘that’s gross’ response. But in the moment, when he’s pointing to floor, I’d be there. My mind would shut up and I’d be her. At least, I want to think I would. See, introspection is nothing but trouble.

My website transition is stressing me out. Links are getting sorted, but now I just have all these anxieties about this being the right time. You’d think I was starting a multi-million dollar company or something. Hopefully this weekend I will get everything sorted. Oh yeah, and I started working this week. Because, why not? I’m over being sick, so why not take on everything I possibly can all at once. I’m a genius like that. I even got distracted giving Sir a blow job last night. That never happens. I could tell he was getting frustrated as he practically pulled my nipples right off with the nipple clamps to get me to focus.

More coffee and back to work. No more introspection today. I think I will go scrub the floor though, just incase he was serious about licking it later.

Mornings are My Favorite Time of Day

The baby woke a little after 5 am. He is getting better at night feedings, so some milk and a clean diaper later, he was back to bed by 5:30. However, since Sir’s alarm is set for 6:15, there wasn’t much point in trying to fall back to sleep. Or, at least that is what I am assuming Sir was thinking when he started groping me.

“Start sucking my cock until I find another use for you.” Why is that hot? I’m sure it shouldn’t be hot. But it’s so so hot. And I love my job. So after a good oral warm up he even let me ride him for awhile. Then I got a little too handsy.

“Stay still hole.” Again, so so hot. And, of course, I listened, because being beaten first thing in the morning isn’t on my list of must haves.

So, my day started early, by being used and getting Sir off to work early and invigorated. Win/Win.