Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Sir’s Inspiration

So Sir and I were talking last night about the nipple piercings and how I felt about them. I was worried about maintenance. I’ve never been one for fancy hairstyles or manicured nails. I don’t even wear make-up. So cleaning these things three times a day and making sure I have a camisole to go to bed will just take some getting used to.

Since Sir has been frustrated with our new ‘look but do not touch’ set-up while the boobs heal, he’s been thinking up other fun naughty things to do.

This was the email I received this afternoon.

Subject: Nightly Inspection


1. There is no assumption that you will keep your pussy shaved at all times, but I am going to gradually move away from giving a shit if you have “hairs poking.”
2. This takes place at some point before sleep, not necessarily at any specific time.
3. This will take place regardless of sickness or health, menstruation or not.
4. This will take place wherever we are, so long as we are not sharing a room with a non-kinky third party- but if we are sharing a room, I’ll try to find a chance for us to both be in the bathroom to have your inspection.
5. The reason for all of this: You said last night that you have a hard time with “maintenance.” The reason for these new inspections is two-fold. The first reason, obviously, is to help you maintain your maintenance. The second reason is to show you just how easy it is to incorporate these things into your routine. I know you can handle everything I’m throwing at you. This is not designed to trip you up or weigh you down. I have absolute faith that you can do all of these things and be “really” punished rarely, if ever.
I will give you verbal instructions, but this is what you can expect:
1. I am going to inspect your nipples and piercings, to see how they are healing. I will ask whether you used your saline spray three times during the day. Failure to do so will be punished.
2. I am going to inspect your mouth and teeth. I expect  you to brush twice a day, floss in the evening, and use mouth wash. I will ask. Failure to do so will be punished.
3. I am going to inspect your upper lip to make sure that there are no dark hairs visible. Daily plucking is expected. If I find something, you’ll be punished.
4. I am going to inspect your ears to make sure they have been cleaned. If they aren’t, you will be punished.
5. I will have you stand and bend over, to inspect your pussy. I’m not really looking for anything, but I will probably pull on your lips and shove my fingers inside you. To expect this, you will try to make sure that you are turned on by the inspection, but regardless of whether you are, you’re probably getting some fingers. Also, you will have tweezers on hand. I might decide to pluck pussy hairs if I see fit, and you can thank me for doing so. Maybe I’ll just give your clit a nice cold pinch. You’ll thank me for that too (eventually). 😉 If you are menstruating, depending on how bad it is, I will either have you take off your panties before the inspection and just do the whole thing over a towel, or just pull your panties down when necessary to check you out. If you are bleeding, you are expected to clean yourself up before coming to bed – wash up and new materials. I don’t want to hear “oh, I was going to get a new pad after the inspection.”
6. I will also inspect your asshole and crack, generally. Look, you don’t want me to tell you that you “missed some” any more than I want you to tell you, so just make sure that your ass is properly cleaned. Give it an extra wipe for good measure before bed if you think its necessary. Any negative comment I have to give will be grounds for punishment, individually.
7. I will inspect your finger nails and toenails. They will be clean, smoothly cut, and roughly uniform. If I decide that you have “just let it go,” you will be punished. It doesn’t have to be manicure quality, but it does have to be respectable.
8. I may or may not use this as an opportunity to test your flexibility as well. For example, I may start or end your inspections kneeling on the floor while you hold your elbows, or with your arms tightly tied behind your back. You will simply follow whatever instructions are given at that time.
If you complete the inspection with no infractions, or what I feel to be a reasonable amount of infractions, I will tell you you are a good girl, punish you, and put you to service or put you to bed. If you are completely negligent in your maintenance, in my opinion, then I will simply tell you that you are a disappointment and a bad girl, and that will be the end of it – no spanking, no service, just bedtime. That’s the “real punishment” that I know you are going to avoid.
I think these inspections will take place on my side of my bed, on the floor. If you think it’s going to be cold, you may turn the heater on in advance of the anticipated inspection, but I’m not going to do it for you and I’m not going to let you out of it if you’re cold.

#3 and #6 are particularly humiliating, but we’ll see how it plays out. Here I thought I had the lip hairs sorted out. I am only 30, I guess they will probably get worse.
And I’m hoping my cold clears up a bit before tonight. If I look half as crappy as I feel, then I’m not sure I will pass this initial inspection. Fingers crossed for the magic of lemon tea and afternoon naps.

New Me

A new year, a new start. And a new me.

20160106_182114They cut almost 13″ off. It feels really weird to touch hair that isn’t attached to you anymore. But my neck feels so light. And my shampoo bottle will last three times as long. I’ve donated three times now and I’m sure I will attempt to grow it out again eventually. And hey, it means a free hair cut.20160106_171938

The husband got a few good hair pulls before I cut it. Part of our fun the other night included some glorious fucking from behind and him using my pony tail for leverage. He likes it short too though. Which is good, as it will take quite awhile before a pony tail will be possible again.

The kids were pretty surprised when I picked them up from daycare as well. The toddler actually said it looked nice. The baby has never seen me with short hair. I’ve been growing it out since my first son was young. He is also a fan of hair pulling, so now he’ll just have my collar to hold on to.

It’s been short like this before though, my family tells me 20160106_171951that I have a well-shaped head for shorter hair. I’ll just have to trust them, as it will be short like this for awhile. But I love the maintenance of it. I just shower and shake it off with the towel and it’s done. I don’t have to spend an hour drying it before I go out in the cold. And I don’t have to haul around fifteen hair ties and a clip wherever I go to keep it out of my face. A quick brush and I am good to go. And considering how long I’m left alone to get ready in the morning, the quicker, the better.

The only real bummer is that with it short like this it is really hard to hide the greys. They are really obvious now, especially at the front. Depending on where I part it I have a pretty big streak down the side. The hairdresser told me that they pick out the grey hairs before they make the wigs for the kids (feel bad for whoever has that job). And I cannot hide my neck tattoo anymore. I don’t really care, but I’m sure it will be the first thing my mother says when she see’s it. But I can still pull off a professional look, even with my tattoo. And if a company won’t hire me because I have a visible tattoo, then maybe I don’t want to work for them anyway.

So yeah, new me and a new look. Can’t pull off the braid anymore, so I probably won’t be getting calls for BDSM porn. But I can still kneel and suck cock, so the husband won’t complain.

Communication through hair

I think I am afraid of writing or saying everything I want out loud because I am worried that I can’t have it. I’m worried that when I tell him how I want to be used and abused and pampered at the same time he’ll just shake his head at me. He won’t laugh, but I will see the crestfallen look on his face as he realizes how unrealistic I am. That will hurt more than an outright ‘no’. That look of him wanting to give me what I want, but knowing that it’s not going to happen.

We have started a new method of communication. When I am interested in playing I braid my hair. It’s a little hokey, but it’s a very visual cue for him when he gets home from work. If I’m tired or the boys are driving me crazy I just don’t put it up. He can still tell me to braid it, he still has the final say. It’s just nice to be able let him know that I really do want to play without him having to try and read sexual signals while I’m dealing with the kids. When he gets home I’m usually struggling to get dinner together and dealing with at least one screaming child, so it’s hard to tell if I’m feeling slavish or not.

But this isn’t going to be enough. I’m going to have to work out exactly what it is. That thing that makes me smile. That perfect contentment that I feel when grabs me. It’s a feeling of being enough. I would love to have that all the time, just not sure how to get it.

I think I want the whole package. Back to my Disney childhood, I guess. I want to be swept off my feet and called a slut. I want to be pampered and spanked. I want gifts and treats that I can enjoy while I lay on my pallet on the floor. I want to be his beloved Rye, that he adores and occasionally beats for his pleasure.

I know, I know. I’m even shaking my head at myself.

New Toy

So tomorrow I turn 30. I’ve been working on a post for a while now, but it just sounds like I’m whining. Fingers crossed that it comes together, for your sake as much as mine.

But last night I was just so happy that Sir was feeling better, I decided that a nice clean shave was in order. He agreed and monitored my work. I had a few strays (TMI?), but he helped me get them taken care off in his lovely sadist way. I think we made his cunt look pretty good.



He thought it was acceptable too. So much so, in fact, that it inspired him to give me one of my birthday presents early. I’m a sucker for a gift, so I was happy to let him spoil me. And I was certainly spoiled:



Isn’t it pretty? Sir bought it at Stockroom. This is my first hitachi-like vibrator.

I’ve never really had much luck with vibrators. Generally, a bullet vibe or even the vibrating dildos that I’ve tried just don’t get me there. I think for years I physically fought enjoying it. My brain demanded a physical connection with another person. Probably why masturbation was always a challenge too.

However, as I venture into my thirties tomorrow I am ‘seeing the light’ in many ways. Have a relaxing full orgasm through masturbation is still very difficult, but maybe my new toy can help. It certainly has a lot of power. Sir decided to test it out on his new clean shaven pussy. It is probably the most powerful sensation I’ve had on my clit at one time. I can completely understand how these things can be used for pain or pleasure. I’m not sure exactly which Sir was going for. I came, really hard, but I was also squirming all over the bed. Even after I came he kept it pressed to my clit and I could feel my entire pussy throbbing.

I love my new toy. I’m a little bummed that I’ve spent the first thirteenish years of my sexual activity without one. Looks like I have some time to make up for.


This weekend was about being an adult. We went out to dinner on Friday with some friends from college. Sir is really in his element around people. He has a big personality and it is a treat to watch him engage is a social setting. You should see him work a room at parties. It’s not like I am a hermit, but these last few months I have been interacting mostly with the kids. Just getting to talk about something other than poop and Cheerios is a thrill for me. So dinner and drinks was a good time. I even got pretty tipsy.

It was also the first time we have been out together since really embarking on this as a 24/7 relationship. I received permission for two drinks before we left the house. And Sir gave me a few options to choose from off the menu for dinner. It was just a really relaxing evening of conversation and good food. The master/slave elements didn’t take over our good time, but, at least for me, they really added to the comfort and enjoyment of the evening. And, as parents of young children, we slept amazingly without being awoken once. A good night sleep is underrated, one we indulged in, with pleasure.

Saturday involved a lot of adult responsibility stuff. Dealing with meetings and other appointments without the kids makes a huge difference. We didn’t want it to take up too much of our alone time, but somethings just need to get done. Some obligations just don’t care about how much we want to fuck. But we finished that up in the early afternoon with one statement.


In less than five minutes we had left the stress of the day. I had my hair in pigtails, the ball gag in, and I was folding laundry. Very carefully, of course, so as not to drool on Sir’s clean clothes. He really likes the drool. I think most of his enjoyment is how humiliating it is for me to drool on myself. But, who am I to question? And I think he was a bit surprised at how much the pigtails turned him on. He’s not really into age play, and I think he always associated the two. But having two handles may have converted him.

So after laundry and dishes he was pretty hard at the state of me. After being decorated with the nipple vices and the leash, he led me around the downstairs for awhile. He claimed it was to inspect my cleaning duties, but I am pretty sure it was to watch the leash pull on my nipples and my ass wiggle. Which worked, in my opinion, because I was soon ‘head down, ass up’ and being fucked in the living room. The crop made an appearance to make my ass even more appealing for his cock (his dick apparently doesn’t think that pale is the new deep red).

Keeping my head down, however, proved a little more perilous than I realized. My forcing my head into the carpet, as he got closer and closer to orgasm, his thrusts forced my head against the floor. Bouncing and rubbing the carpet started to make me quite dizzy. The ramming didn’t hurt, but when he rolled me over all the blood rushed out of my head. Several slaps and moans later I was curled up with a blanket and Sir cuddling me. Then he pushed my forehead and I was waiting for, “are you in there McFly?”. I was worried I did something wrong until he started laughing. The rubbing and smacking into the floor had left a large rug burn spot in the center of my forehead.

Luckily, my ‘unicorn horn’ as he lovingly called it (he said it was lovingly, I think he was just trying not to laugh whenever he looked at my face) didn’t stay too red and is mostly gone this morning. Right now it looks like I put a small blot of blush on my forehead and didn’t even it out. But, hey, the things we do for love and kinky sex.

Honestly, the only bummer is that this silly spot is the only mark that survived the weekend. I guess I will have to beg him for more. Which, now that I think about it, may have been his plan. He’s sneaky like that.


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But I look smarter

If you wear glasses, I commiserate. I’ve had them since I was in 2nd grade. I tried contacts in high school and my eyes had an allergic reaction to them. Go figure. Yes, they make me look mildly intelligent and I have fun with biannual style changes. For a few years in college I had these great cat’s eyes with little rhinestones on them. I’m easy to please. But, more often than not, they are pain and I despise them.

If you wear glasses and your Dom/me has a lower half shaving requirement, I want to take you to coffee for tips. I am myopic, I can’t see anything but blur if it’s more than four inches from my face. Let’s just say, that makes it hard to wield a sharpened set of five blades near my nether regions. I have, on occasion, taken my glasses in the shower, in order to be able to see. It doesn’t really work, I wouldn’t recommend it.

If you wear glasses, your Dom/me has a lower half shaving requirement, and can do so while you have a toddler knocking, a baby crying, or a dog trying to check on your progress, you are my god. Distraction equals sudden movements, which leads to scar tissue on my bits that is not entirely attractive. And, you have no idea how much it stings when Sir decides to play with my clit and there is cut there for his tongue or finger to hit. Repeatedly.


Sir’s Handle

My hair has stopped growing. That can’t mean anything good, can it?

I am near positive that since last summer the length of my hair has not changed. My son was born in August, and all fall I was constantly losing hair. It was falling out in clumps until sometime before Christmas. But, even though it has thickened up again, it’s still not growing in length.

I understand that that may not seem kinky, and on the surface it’s not. My husband, back before he was exclusively Sir, was all about androgyny. I was quite the tomboy in college; so we fit together quite well. I had very short hair (not shaved, but rarely more than an inch or two) and never wore skirts or frilly clothes. He appreciated my style, though I just called it comfortable.

However, over the past few years I have begun to enjoy wearing dressier outfits. I actually own several dresses and skirts, even a few pair of high heels (several if you count my kink-only ones). And I think he accepted my softer side with enthusiasm. As we began to delve into D/s roles, I think he began to see the benefits of skirts and long hair. So, my skirt collection grew as well as his eagerness for me to wear them for easier access.

It’s odd for me to say it; but him grabbing my hair in a scene is about the sexiest thing. He can direct my head, get my attention, even praise me simply by tugging or pulling or petting at the right moment. I wouldn’t have thought that it could play such a role in our intimacy. And when he is behind me, his use of it to hold me in place is as erotic as the dirty talk he uses while he does it.

The very idea of cutting it seems wrong now. I swear BDSM has touched every part of my life. I think I trimmed it after the baby to try and get it growing again, but no such luck. There is more than enough to wrap his hands around, but I would really love it to cascade a little further down my back. It’s so thick that a braid is near impossible unless it’s wet. And Sir has strict rules about me drying it after a shower.

Hopefully it will start to grow again soon. In the summer, if I get outside enough it gets a pretty red tint to it. It’s one of my favorite features, especially now that it has a kinky purpose. Besides if it’s not long enough in that crucial moment, who knows that Sir will grabbing for next.

Rye's hair