Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Baby Steps

Everyone has limits. But I am a firm believer that limits to be tested and pushed.

One of my limits in past has been knives and blood. I like the idea in general. Part of it is the mess, honestly. But mostly I am just scared of being hurt. Knife play sounds fun, but I’m not up for scarification. Tattoos are enough body modification for me right now.

So I had twenty minutes before I had to pick up the boy to go to the dentist. I offered Sir a blow job, which he considered. But he had a better idea. He wanted something more ‘involved’. So instead he had me take off my shirt and bra and started hitting my breasts with his belt. Soon he had me rolling around on the bed trying to get away from him. The pants came down and the belt found new flesh to redden. The thuds created a dull ache with the occasional snap of pain as the belt end would wrap around my hip. I moaned and writhed around, because we both like it when I don’t come quietly.

Then, out of nowhere I felt this scratching. Sometimes he will drag his nails (which are usually kept quite trim) across my back. But this was one sharp scratch. It hurt and it kept moving across my lower back. He kept it up on and off as he fucked me. Finally I realized it was his belt buckle. He was scraping the pin of the buckle across my skin.

After fucking me good and sore he came all over my tits. I rubbed it in a bit before I had to clean up and continue my day of errands. He took a few pictures of my ass to show me what he was able to scratch on my skin. It was a great way to introduce me to the idea of knife play. The buckle didn’t break the skin, but it’s the same scratching sensation that I imagine a knife would feel like. And it’s a great way to let Sir ease into it without worrying about hurting me. And my ass got to be sore and pretty under my clothes while I ran my errands this afternoon. Maybe we’ll file one of his old belt buckles down to a point to make the marks last a little longer next time.

Rye's lower back and ass with the words, 'slave', 'cunt', and 'slut' scratched into it.

Sleeping Pills

I sneezed so hard I think I threw out my back. Sir does it all the time, but I had yet to experience this pain. As soon as he saw me sit back down slowly while wincing, he sent me straight up to get a hot shower. Getting old is hard.

After my shower and getting the kids to bed he told me to lay across the foot of the bed. Then he felt around my lower back until he found a knot and went to town. I’m normally not a massage type of person. Somehow hitting me relaxes me a lot more than massaging. I swear I’m not a masochist.

But after a good rub down, I was a puddle. And then I felt the belt slide across my back. I just sank into the bed. I think he laughed, I’m not sure.

Sir has taken to rereading my Kink of the Week posts and using them to his advantage. Last night he read the belts posts. He thought he would indulge me and practice.

He was definitely aware of my puddle state as he didn’t make me count. He usually does and it always drives me crazy as I can’t let go. But not last night. Last night I let go. I’m not positive I hit subspace, but I don’t care. I’ll go there anytime he lets me, subspace or not.

When I was all red and warm he asked if I thought I could sleep. I think I moaned something, but I can’t be sure. He told me to crawl into bed. I must have.

He said it was the fastest that I have ever fallen asleep. Usually I lay awake for an hour at least. It was blissful. He says he is going to beat me before bed every night, especially if it will help me sleep. I know that last week I said that mornings were my favorite time of day, but I may have to rethink that. A nightly beating sounds like the perfect way to go to bed. Throw the word used in there every once and awhile and I will be one happy fucktoy.

Last Night

Last night was rough. And I don’t mean gooey rough sex rough. Sir invented a new game. He placed his seven favorite toys on one side of the room. Then I was to crawl across the room and return with one for him to use on me. I only got through four of them. That stupid whip was wicked. I cried like you wouldn’t believe.

I felt terrible for having to stop. I hate having to disappoint him. He’s been having such a stressful time at work and I know he wanted a big impact scene. I wanted to give him the welts he wanted.

Feeling bummed, but we are hoping to get some playtime tonight. I hope I can impress him tonight.

Where Did All the Wooden Spoons Go?

Sir and I have only been doing TTWD seriously for a few months. So, our collection of toys is relatively limited (I’ve seen some pictures of some spectacular amounts of equipment). At this point we are trying to add pieces bit by bit. Budgets allow for a new piece every so often, but Sir has found that household items have found new uses as well. It’s surprising how many things have disappeared from my kitchen only to be found in our toy drawer. It’s uncanny.

For example,

Plastic spatula in the shape of a paint stirrer.

No, it’s not a used paint stirrer. This is a spatula, at least that’s its advertised used. It’s hard plastic with a silicone coating. It was bought by my father, of all people, at some expensive kitchen store when we were on vacation last year. He has one too. The last time we visited I could not help but laugh when he pulled it from a drawer and used it to mix pancake batter. All I could think about was how ours made this pretty set of pink lines across my ass. Sir smirked too.

But, despite its pretty green color, it hurts like you wouldn’t believe. The surface area isn’t big enough to distribute the pain effectively. So this just stings like a mother. And, please remember, that while I love to cry for Sir, I am not a masochist. I am not a lover of pain in any way. So me and this thing are not friends.

But paddles in general are a growing part of our BDSM. We use them in most scenes with various other impact toys. Still trying to figure out what works best for us and what gets Sir his pretty marks. But, I am sure that our paddle collection will grow. And my kitchen gadgets will continue to disappear.

Kink of the Week