Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

The Boss Dom

Since discovering my submissive side, I find that I look at nearly all social interactions with a D/s filter. Often this ends up being creepy as I deal with my kids’ doctors and/or family members. But, sometimes it works so perfectly that I can’t let it go. Most recently this has been my relationship with my boss.

She is a slender, attractive, no nonsense leader who is very set in her ways. She expects perfection and sighs heavily at ineptitude. In many senses, we were perfect for one another.

However, there are a few things that I’ve learned about leadership styles and what I respond to in a boss and/or a dom. Communication is huge. Understanding what is expected of me is vital. If I don’t understand what my boss dom wants then my uncertainty takes over. I question tasks and jobs that I was once comfortable with. My self-worth plummets as I scramble to find purpose. I find I also need at least occasional positive reinforcement. It doesn’t have to be all the time, but even a kind word now and then goes a long way. These moments get me through my anxious periods.

This translates pretty directly for me from a dominant to a boss. My current supervisor only communicates through email. Her office is less than five feet from my desk. But, if I have a question or need something, the only response I get is “can you put it in an email?”. And then, when I do email, it takes an eternity to hear back. It is annoying to put it mildly. All I need sometimes is five minutes, or less, to explain a situation and get an answer. I understand when specific case questions come up. These require greater review and more time to consider all the facts. But procedural questions should be consistent from case to case. And there is something about her actually listening to me with interest and respect that is appreciated, even if she doesn’t know the answer right away.

The idea of positive reinforcement would also be nice. Responses to my email questions, when I do eventually get them, are usually one sentence. Occasionally even just a word or phrase. It’s so disheartening to write several paragraphs of explanation to only receive a phrase response. The only other communications I get are emails when I do something wrong. Again, usually a phrase. And there is something in my brain that always reads those emails in a yelling, sarcastic, disappointed tone. I think if all I ever received from my dom were disappointed emails my self-esteem would evaporate. Like getting a text after a blow job that just said, ‘meh’.

So, my boss dom and I are going to part ways. I have been offered a job with a local college. It’s slightly less money, but the growth potential is much higher. And, I actually feel like I fit with this office. Everyone seems to be very positive about the work they do and their support of one another. When I met with the other staff in the office they all commented on the supervisor’s leadership skills. And something happened in my interview that I had never had happen before. One of the questions they asked was, “Our office can become stressful at times. What do you do for self-care?”. I have never had an employer give a crap about my stress level. But they were genuinely interested in my activities and methods to combat stress. It was so refreshing.

This month of transition will be a little tough. But I do believe that my relationship with my new boss will be much healthier and more positive for me. Maybe I don’t need a boss dom anymore and I can just let my dom do what he does best.

Big Ideas

I grew up on a farm. Morning chores were a constant. A strong work ethic was instilled in us (my brother and I) at a young age. Ingrained self-sufficiency meant I could birth a sheep, sheer it, quilt the wool into a blanket, and also butcher and cook the sheep. Getting an education and having a career was expected of me and I was afforded every opportunity to do so. My goals were always administrative in nature; working in some creative field. But the economy crashing wasn’t in my parents’ plans, nor mine. And moving back to Ohio for Sir’s job in 2014 put my career goals on hold.

Not that that is anything that he needs to feel guilty about. It was the right choice for our family and put us on a path to buy our house. So, although a twisted path, it all worked out. And my time here has been good. Working from home has been a wonderful experience as I have learned my own work habits. It has shown me how much I want to work for myself and do something I truly enjoy.

So I am working on a few business plans. Sir is looking to start his business this year, so it may not come together for awhile. But I think that working on my own schedule and projects that I genuinely enjoy would be much more fulfilling for me. If I am going to help Sir organize his practice. I can support him with administrative help and possibly start my own career path. Working for myself would allow me to assist Sir in whatever organizational help he needs in my down time.

Just the idea of being able to create my own employment destiny is rejuvenating. For the last several years I have always wanted my jobs to be more. I wanted to feel appreciated for everything I had to offer. My life experience and education, in my eyes, provided me with an amazing number of skills. In most cases I will admit my delusion, I’m sure I couldn’t excel at most jobs merely based on my degrees. Shear self-confidence doesn’t equate to stellar job performance, but my determination and work ethic certainly help.

We’ll see how my business plan comes together. I am confident and excited at the prospect. It will just depend on what kind of resources we have moving forward. Remodeling the kitchen, moving, and starting Sir’s firm have to come first. But I am good at multi-tasking and will keep working on ideas. Even with the lovely @DomSigns‘s help, I’m sure the website alone will take me awhile to put together.