Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Commandon’t

I remember reading all sorts of BDSM novels and short stories when I first found kink. They, or a great number of them, all had scenes where a sub would have to remove their underwear in some public place. Or possibly go commando with ben-wa balls or some other insert-able toy. It was either a struggle as the sub felt embarrassed or was immediately wet; sometimes both. I’ll admit, I was a little incredulous.

Maybe it’s my stage in life, or the fact that I’ve had two kids, but my self body image doesn’t allow for too much commando possibility. I don’t blame my kids entirely, my self-esteem was not super high before I became a mom. However, since then, the idea of not having underwear seems more a safety hazard than a sexy time. Which, if you were going for the embarrassment factor could work. I guess I feel like I would just feel uncomfortable and miserable too. Though I guess that could change with the rest of the outfit too. If I was in a billowy skirt or something that could be a different story. However, for me personally, I would need to lose quite a bit of weight to really feel as sexy as I would want to.

Don’t get me wrong, I think going commando can be really sexy. I think it’s underrated on men as well.  And it often feels like going commando is a common D/s theme. With the right person, I can see how it could very goo inducing. I think it’s a perfect date night or dinner party activity.

I think I just spend all my time either at work or with my kids. Neither of these activities would be made better by not having my underwear. And, unless I’m sleeping, don’t even get me started on not wearing a bra. I haven’t been able to go without support in public since I was ten.

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Why 69 is a bad math equation for me

The idea of 69ing is hot and magical. A way to take oral sex to the next level of giving pleasure while working toward your own climax. There is almost something more intimate to me than standard intercourse. Something about having your mouth on someone’s genitals that takes things to a different level. That’s always the approach that I start with anyway.

Somehow the experience gets lost in translation for me. It always sounds hot. Naked bodies intertwined with tongues. Fluids and moans in a race for orgasmic bliss. See, doesn’t that sound amazing? It never works out this way for me though. I think that may be because it’s hard for me to focus on the multiple sensations. I am so engrossed in making my partner cum, that it’s nearly impossible for me for relax enough to orgasm myself. So I intently throw everything at getting an orgasm out of them. It’s not like I don’t enjoy myself. It certainly feels good. And it’s an activity that I rarely turn down. I mean, it lets me suck on a cock and get my clit licked, what’s wrong with that?

Maybe I just need to change my approach. Do more people use 69ing for foreplay? If an orgasm isn’t the goal then maybe the focus could be more evenly spread. I just need to back up and enjoy the experience. That could be a parent thing too. Generally we feel rushed to orgasm as quickly as possible as the knock of the door can happen at any time. Though that seems like a cop-out for a feeling I’ve had regarding this activity since college.

Perhaps more practice would offer a solution to this problem. Maybe a 696 or 969 would help me figure out the exact issue. Several rounds of experiments will need to be undertaken. Anyone interested in helping me with this math?

See how everyone else feels about the art of 69ing and meeting of the bodies and minds this week.

Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings

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The Threesome Third Wheel

Rye as a third with Jack and Jill.

As Molly was nice enough to use one of my Sinful Sunday photos for this topic, I feel terrible that I am waiting until the last day to get my piece posted. But I was excited that I could use it to discuss a fun, romantic experience that I hope to have again for Wicked Wednesday. Maybe next Valentine’s day. 🙂

I think threesomes are wonderful things. I’ve only had one threesome experience so far, though two nights in a row. Jack and Jill are a wonderful couple and I couldn’t have fantasized a better first encounter. At the time though, I was a nervous mess. Here was a couple that a) had had several previous threesomes, b) had an amazing physical connection on their own, and c) already knew all the right moves and tricks to please the other. So I was this third wheel coming in trying to play catch up and learn as quickly as possible.

Admittedly, there is something exciting about that third wheel experience. It’s new and I think adds to the pleasure of the evening. That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t love to try a threesome with my husband or Jack and a third unknown person. I imagine there is a comfort in knowing and completely trusting one person going into that adventure. Personally, I think it would make me more confident in my actions. Knowing that I had the support and could be certain of pleasuring at least one of us would make me more likely to take charge. I would act on that urge to tell him to fuck me while I sucked on her clit, rather than just wishing one of them would mention it.

I think that is the general third wheel fear, at least for me. This couple knows each other’s buttons and tells to ensure the pleasure of the other. The third is just spit-balling. If one could relax and go with the flow, I’m sure that would help. I’m just sort of an anxious person when it comes to sex, so I was lucky to have an amazing couple who was patient with me.

In all my readings, both fiction and non-fiction, that is what a threesome is for someone though. A third wheel type experience. More often than not there are two people who know each other intimately inviting a third into their fun. I’m not sure I’ve ever read a story where three strangers meet at a bar or social gathering and end up in a hotel room together. Though, now that I say that, I may have to write it, just so I can say it’s out there.

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Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings

Lock Me Up

A year ago I would have said that the very idea of a chastity belt was off the table. Hard limit, full stop.

Oh the difference a year makes.

In thinking about this topic and why I always shied away from chastity it always came back to the comfort. I just didn’t feel like I would be able to wear any sort of metal device under my clothes at the office or around family. It would be too obvious to me and therefore would be obvious to everyone else. Then there was also the physical comfort of being able to use the bathroom. It just didn’t seem hygienic to me. And coming from a person who regularly refuses to use public bathrooms, hygiene is a thing.

The last several months have brought about a change of heart, however. I’m not shopping online for custom designs just yet, but I am certainly more open to the idea. The issues with work may still exist, but I have seen a lot more styles and options that could be concealed with some regularity. I don’t wear skin-tight clothes that often anyway. And I’m sure the daily wear of any chastity device would come with time. I’ve also talked to people who wear chastity daily and they do not have any health issues that I was concerned about.

I think I’m just starting to look at the possible benefits of being locked up. With Sir struggling with his sex drive, I am wondering if it could be a good idea. If I’m in chastity then he wouldn’t feel any pressure to preform. I’m sure I would struggle for the first few weeks. Is there such a thing as horny/sex withdrawal? But if I could get through that, then I think maybe we could end up in a good place. I could feel my submission and he could process his stress without feeling guilty about my sexual satisfaction.

Obviously when Jack would come to visit, or I would visit him, we could take it off. Maybe I could even give him his own key. I could be sex crazed for a few days and then Sir could lock me up again. We haven’t really talked about playing with other aside from Jack at this point, but it’s not like chastity would prohibit that conversation.

This isn’t a complete thought, and I’m sure I’m forgetting a ton of things which make this a bad idea. Probably the fact that I think it will help with my horniness problem should be a red flag. It does seem like it could be a viable option though. Sir could use me when he wanted, but other than that I would be locked up. Right now if I go more than a few days without an orgasm I’m a cranky mess. With the option of even masturbating taken out of my hands (hehe, see what I did there) maybe I could push through.

So 2017 may see me looking into more chastity options. I haven’t talked to Sir about it, so I’ll be curious to know his opinion when he reads this. As someone who loves sex and craves it often, I didn’t think I would ever warm to the idea of chastity. But restricting sex may be an solution to a problem I didn’t know I had.

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Sometimes Losing is Winning

I hate being bored. Okay, no one probably enjoys boredom. I hate not having anything to do.

I have a list for everything. Lists of chores, of work tasks. And, I include everything on a list. I will include relaxation time and/or activities if I can.

Because of my anal retentive nature I think Sir finds it difficult to give me tasks and chores. At least in a domestic sense. Part of that, I think is that with small children, and both of us working full-time it’s all hands on deck. Occasionally he’ll give me a specific chore that needs done, but that is usually because he is doing something else already. The other part may be because he knows I already know. I have a cleaning list that I made myself. I don’t need to be told that the bathrooms need cleaned.

We tried domestic control with tasks last fall. I had daily, weekly, and monthly tasks on a schedule. I had an application on my phone that was connected to his, so when I checked something off he was notified immediately. It worked for awhile, but we both just lost interest. I would forget to update until the end of the day and he would forget to ask. Tasks wouldn’t get done and there wasn’t follow-through on either of our parts. Motivation crumbled. And considering I often struggle to motivate myself just to get the cleaning done, this did not help.

Sexual or D/s tasks are very different. Tasks or challenges within a scene are generally very hot for both of us. Sir is a big fan of position challenges. Setting me up with all my weight on my clit smashed on a bar. Or holding his towel while he’s in the shower on my tip toes. Some have been successful; some have left me frustrated and upset. Obviously I want to please him, so I take my failures very seriously.

However, it is important for me to remember that often his tasks are set to fail. He wants to see how long I can last or how much I can take. There isn’t a set finish time; it’s just how long I can go. Him watching my struggle is 90% of his enjoyment (I am assuming the 10% is because I’m usually naked).

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Write what you know

I really wanted to write a steamy flash fiction about anonymous sex. I thought about this couple that meet in a bar and end up having sex in the bathroom. Each going home with nothing more than the memory of a great night. I even started to write it.

But here’s the thing. I have never had anonymous sex. Never really had the chance to do so, nor the inclination. In fact, once I got the couple into the bathroom in my piece I had to stop writing and go clean my own from top to bottom. So maybe it is one of those write what you know kind of things. I don’t know, so forcing the writing wasn’t going to work.

Long before I found my kink I was a hard core romantic. Like, raised on Disney, someday a prince will give me a library just like Belle romantic. The idea of having sex with someone that I wasn’t in a romantic relationship with was unthinkable. I wasn’t a ‘wait until we’re married’ girl, but an emotional connection was necessary.

College helped me get over that hump. I still dream of my own two-story library (thanks a lot Disney), but spending the rest of my life with you isn’t required for me to fuck you anymore.

And yet, the idea of someone entering a scene that I don’t know is actually very unnerving. Any conversation that Sir and I have had regarding a third has always included us both knowing them first. I know of some Doms that vet a play partner themselves, without their sub being involved. Until we get our own dynamic solidified I don’t see a third (or more) becoming an issue though. Sir has shared fantasies of putting me in stocks and letting multiple people use and abuse me. He would be there the entire time, but I wouldn’t know any of them. I would just be a hole. There is a sense of excitement in the possibility, but also fear.

However, this isn’t how most people have anonymous sex. Letting some hot guy buy me a few drinks and going with him to a hotel or back alley. A one night stand with only grunts and moans for conversation. Something more like my failed attempt at fiction. But, as I have not been alone in a bar for a long time, it’s not something that I have much experience with.
I have been hit on by a stranger once in my life. I was in eighth grade at a track meet. And, rather than wearing a sexy outfit and make-up, I had on my running shorts and tank top. I was sweaty and gross. I’m not at all sure what he saw that he found so attractive. But he asked me for my number anyway. We dated for several months. I eventually broke it off when he wouldn’t stop pressuring me to have sex. That is the extent of my ‘hit on’ experience.
But, generally, the idea of anonymous sex has a lot of appeal. Obviously, in a world without Sir or with his express permission. But the thought of having such an animalistic draw to another person when you see them across the room is amazingly hot. Letting that pull take you into a back alley to let your sexual attraction lose on one another sounds like a memorable experience. And one, that if successful, could be quite addictive. Having that rush of a sexual connection, letting it take over, and then just going back to your evening like nothing happened. Or they come back to your apartment, have a great fuck or three, a shower, and they leave. The epitome of ‘wham bam thank you ma’am’.
It’s certainly not for everyone; probably not for me, if I’m honest. But I do see and appreciate the draw. An experience I wouldn’t immediately turn down, if for no other reason than to say that I done it. Increase my sexual partners list a bit. Maybe then I could expand my writing ability as well. I’m not sure Sir would consider that a worthwhile reasoning though. Maybe I will get enough experience to write about stocks instead.

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