Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Define Your Kink: Day 5

#5 – Have you been or are you in a dominant/submissive dynamic relationship or is this new to you? Have you been in more than one D/s relationship? How were they the same? How were they different?

Sorry for such a long gap between #4 and #5. I’ve sort of been avoiding answering this question. I considered skipping over it and coming back, but that would be a cop-out to the process. I think it’s just the reality of my answer.

I have been in three D/s dynamics. Two one day experiences that were negative for very different reasons, and one long-term. Each taught me something in their own way, but for a variety of reasons none of them worked. That’s a hard thing to admit, that I haven’t been successful. And it’s easy for me to say that as I was the only common denominator in these experiences that I must be the problem. This isn’t the case, there were all sorts of factors. Sometimes it’s easy to fall into that self-destructive trap though.

Twitter Guy

When my husband and I were considering opening things up to others, I started chatting with several Doms online. Mostly in a friendly context to learn about their relationships and how they structure their rules. There was often flirting, and there were a few conversations about taking it further. The only one of those conversations that didn’t fizzle out was a gentleman who also lived here in Ohio. The idea of having another Dominant close by was very enticing. We chatted a lot and seem to have similar kinks and boundaries.

Then one day we decided to try and online scene. I sent him a few pictures and was even punished for forgeting a ‘Yes, Sir’ in a response. After the interaction we were talking and he told me not to tell my husband about it. The moment killed any good feelings I had. I told my husband and stopped talking with the Dom. It was difficult as I felt horrible. He genuinely seemed like a nice guy.

May Visit

Once we got settled in the new house, I started reaching out to try and find local Doms. We had made friends with a few couples on Fetlife, but each of us had branched out to locate individual partners. I started talking with a Dom about a few kinks and the possibility of getting together. He wanted a regular sub and respected my husband’s boundaries, which was nice. I should have listened to my intuition regarding the fact that we had little in common outside of BDSM. None of my vanilla relationships have worked when we didn’t have anything in common; I should have realized that D/s would be the same.

In May of 2016 he came over to the house. It wasn’t a great memory, but I did learn a lot about my limits. I haven’t been with another Dom since. Trust is so vital to what I am looking for in a Dom, I’ll never jump into that dynamic again.

Husband, Father, Friend (too many posts to link)

My husband and I have been through a lot together. Ten years of graduations (four in total), moves (six of those), and two crazy kids. He jumped right in when I discovered I am kinky and gave it 100%. I really appreciate his effort in trying to be what he thought I wanted. But, as a submissive, pleasing my partner was about what they wanted, not what they were doing for me. There was always this feeling of me forcing him to do things and never being able to relax in the moment. I was always worried that he was unhappy and unsatisfied. We were both trying so hard to make the other happy that neither of us were.

As difficult as this has been to lose our D/s, it has helped us communicate. We talk more openly and honestly than we ever did before BDSM. And while loosing my collar was painful, at least I’m not worried about ruining my marriage.

At this point is just figuring out how to move forward. I have a Dominant friend that currently chat with on Twitter. He’s the only Dom that I’ve felt comfortable with since my last negative online experience. He’s not local, so I’m not sure what it could ever be. Maybe a few visits a year, like Jack in California. Not sure I could handle two long-distance relationships emotionally, but we’ll see what happens. I do know that D/s in some form needs to be part of my life.

Check out my Define your Kink page to see the other questions I’ve completed and what I have left.

And Happy St. Patricks Day!

Elust 92

Elust 92 Header
Photo courtesy of Steeled Snake

Welcome to Elust 92

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #93 Start with the rules, come back April 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Feeling Forced

NEEDY – a black obsession

Monogamish

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

“One Man Is Not Enough For You.”
blink

 

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Safewords in Kink Life and in Kink Fiction

Erotic Fiction

The Anatomy Lesson
Town whore

Erotic Non-Fiction

The good girl pledge
Good Boy
From Headache to Clit Ache
Daytime: A married Valentines fantasy
Unlocking the Man…with Pieces of Me.

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Three’s Company
I hate the “One Size Fits All” approach
Safewords in Kink Life and in Kink Fiction
How great would it be if…

Poetry

Roadside Stand: A Lusty Limerick

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Dirty Money

Events

Looking back at our Eroticon Weekend

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Waiting and waiting and waiting

 

 

Elust 88

Finding the Positive Through the Trees

My life has been very vanilla focused lately. Husband started a new job and slack at home has had to be picked up. I’ve taken over dinner duty again and most cleaning chores. I’m not complaining; it’s a good thing and I’m fine to take on more. Sleep has been hit and miss though, so I’m basically exhausted.

The kink side of my brain is still chugging away though. As a couple we are still trying to work out what we are and how we can manage everything. He swears he is okay with my relationship with Jack, so that will continue. He did admit that he don’t want to open our relationship any more though. I think that is more than reasonable. It’s not like I have time for another lover at this point anyway. Not that I would purposefully go against his wishes, it just makes it easier.

Husband and I took a walk over the weekend through a nature preserve outside of town. It was a beautiful day and a lovely walk. As we wondered through the woods he kept look through the trees. When I asked if he was looking for a different path he said no. Instead, he said he was looking for a felled tree or stump to bend me over.

Nothing wrong with that 🙂

Elust #91

Elust 91

Silverdrops toy box header
Photo courtesy of Silverdrops Toybox

Welcome to Elust 91

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #92 Start with the rules, come back March 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Forcing Growth

In Stitches

The Instrument and the Ornament

 

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Imagine? You Might Wish You Hadn’t!
she’s picture perfect

 

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Morning Stretch

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

 

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Amber alert
Spanking: Chapter One
‘How To’ Femdom Series
Play it safe
Formative Kink: “The Happy Hooker”

Erotic Non-Fiction

Follow Your Heart
Humiliating Raylene: Kissing Lynette
THREESOME – prepared
Leaving Questions Unanswered

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Genital shame in the news
Cock and Balls Sling Demonstration

Poetry

Chastity, No Boner: A Lusty Limerick
Roleplay (inna damp, dark alley)

Erotic Fiction

Portraits of You
Addicted
Words of Fuck

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Nothing good can come from this
UNCLEAN: Dirty, Sweaty, Filthy, Messy Sex

Events

GRUE

 

 

Elust 88

The Threesome Third Wheel

Rye as a third with Jack and Jill.

As Molly was nice enough to use one of my Sinful Sunday photos for this topic, I feel terrible that I am waiting until the last day to get my piece posted. But I was excited that I could use it to discuss a fun, romantic experience that I hope to have again for Wicked Wednesday. Maybe next Valentine’s day. 🙂

I think threesomes are wonderful things. I’ve only had one threesome experience so far, though two nights in a row. Jack and Jill are a wonderful couple and I couldn’t have fantasized a better first encounter. At the time though, I was a nervous mess. Here was a couple that a) had had several previous threesomes, b) had an amazing physical connection on their own, and c) already knew all the right moves and tricks to please the other. So I was this third wheel coming in trying to play catch up and learn as quickly as possible.

Admittedly, there is something exciting about that third wheel experience. It’s new and I think adds to the pleasure of the evening. That doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t love to try a threesome with my husband or Jack and a third unknown person. I imagine there is a comfort in knowing and completely trusting one person going into that adventure. Personally, I think it would make me more confident in my actions. Knowing that I had the support and could be certain of pleasuring at least one of us would make me more likely to take charge. I would act on that urge to tell him to fuck me while I sucked on her clit, rather than just wishing one of them would mention it.

I think that is the general third wheel fear, at least for me. This couple knows each other’s buttons and tells to ensure the pleasure of the other. The third is just spit-balling. If one could relax and go with the flow, I’m sure that would help. I’m just sort of an anxious person when it comes to sex, so I was lucky to have an amazing couple who was patient with me.

In all my readings, both fiction and non-fiction, that is what a threesome is for someone though. A third wheel type experience. More often than not there are two people who know each other intimately inviting a third into their fun. I’m not sure I’ve ever read a story where three strangers meet at a bar or social gathering and end up in a hotel room together. Though, now that I say that, I may have to write it, just so I can say it’s out there.

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Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings

New Hottest Thing

When he asks/orders me to lick/suck his tip while he masturbates and his hand smells like me from when he was fingering me moments before. So hot!

I may have to create a ranked list of these in the future. But this one will certainly be near the top for quite awhile.

 

Escape Tactics

Rye's hands in her metal cuffs.

Sir and I decided to role play. I love bondage play and have always had an interest in consensual non-consent. So Sir broke out our pretty metal cuffs and some rope. He tied my ankles and cuffed my wrists. He also blindfolded me with one of our many handkerchiefs. I was then lifted on the bed and given my orders.

You are my hostage. I am going to leave and when I come back I may not be alone. I may be gone for awhile. You will sit there and think about all the dirty things I am going to do to when I get back. You are my prisoner now.

As soon as I heard the door click I was in the mindset of a hostage. I used my arm to push my blindfold off. Once I could see (though he had removed my glasses, so ‘see’ is all relative) I took in my surroundings. I was on the second floor of a house in what looked like a standard bedroom. There were lots of random items around, but first I had to address my bonds. I struggled against the ropes at my ankles, but they were tied well. I wouldn’t be able to shake them free without first getting out of my wrist cuffs. My captor had tied my ankles and put shackles on my wrists, but he had clasped them in the front of my body.

The shackle cuffs had locking pins which held them in place. I immediately began using my teeth to try and remove the pins. If I could get one off, then I could easily free myself from the other and get my legs untied. He said he would be back at any moment, so I couldn’t spend too much time focusing on how to get out of the room until I could conceivably also run. After a few minutes I got the pin to move, but trying to get it out and turned with my teeth while I couldn’t see what I was doing was proving difficult. Finally I felt the click as the pin released.

I rolled the pin around in my mouth for a moment as I thought through my next steps. I couldn’t decide whether to focus on my other wrist or untie my ankles next. I landed on the other wrist. Since I had my hand free it was a lot easier to pop the pin. The urge to throw the cuffs against the door was tempered by need to stay stealthy. Instead I set them on the bed next to me and attacked the knot at my feet. I thought I heard a noise outside the door, but my feet weren’t completely free.

Even though I was hurrying, he opened the door to find me unblindfolded, uncuffed, and nearly free of my rope. Part of him was impressed, I could see it on his face. Most of him looked angry though. He tried not to break character though and I enjoyed some rough use. From now on when he puts on the cuffs he clasps them behind my back.

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The One Yank That Isn’t Sexy

When Sir and I started dating I had long hair. I started growing my hair out and donating it to Locks for Love every few years. I had donated before I started college, so when I wandered onto campus in the fall of 2003 it was only about 2 inches long. When we started dating four years later my hair had grown significantly. I hadn’t cut it (aside from an occasional trim) during my college career, so it was well down my back by the fall of my senior year.

Sir always liked the androgyny of short hair. He says that that is what attracted me to him all those years ago. But with BDSM we both enjoyed the benefits of keeping it long. When he decided to stop our 24/7 dynamic last fall and walk back our D/s I took the opportunity for change. Off came 13″ for charity. Looking back, I think I was trying to remind him that he used to think I was sexy. And possibly also as a defiant act against the traditional submissive with long hair in a braid. But I forgot how much work short hair is. I got it trimmed a few times, but was soon itching for hair to play with. Right now my hair is at that awkward length where it’s too short to pull back, but too long for comfort. Meaning it hangs in my face all the time.

So I have started regrowing it. My work wants tattoos covered, so I need to get/keep it long enough to cover the calla lilies on my neck. Plus, as we continue to try and add more D/s elements back to our daily routine, having the long hair back would nice.

I love to play with my hair. I run my fingers through it and twirl it (yeah, like a four year old) when I try to think. And I find myself doing it at stop lights when I drive. I also love when others play with it. Brush it, stroke it, style it, I don’t care. Just touching it gives me all sorts of gooey loved feelings.

Oddly enough though, I wouldn’t call it a kink. When it’s stroked, I feel like a pet, so it may work with that definition. But I hate to have my hair pulled. I’m not sure why. I don’t like idea of it as a sexual activity. It does seem sexy to me though. Long flowing locks wrapped around his fist sounds so arousing. However, actually having the hair yanked, even during sex, does not provide the positive results the fantasy promises. Even in a punishment context, I just get defensive and bitchy. That particular pain reminds me too much of my little brother being a pest rather than a hot sexual experience.

In any case, I’m growing my hair out. Right now I would say it’s about 50/50 between doing it for me and doing it for D/s. Both are viable reasons, in my opinion. And next time I donate it I’m not sure I’ll cut it quite so short. Then I could skip this ‘not quite long enough’ phase. And whether he pulls on it or not, being able to braid it always helps me keep from playing with it when we scene.

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Oral Sex vs. Cock Worship

Many people see these activities as the same. Just because mouths and cocks are involved, both get lumped together. I argue that this is an untruth. The difference is the intent. The overall goal that drives your actions and decision making.

Oral Sex

Oral sex is about making him come. I go into it with a determined mindset. I am usually forceful with my actions (forceful = deliberate, not rough). I will try a variety of speeds and depths until I find the one he most enjoys. I will occasionally use my hands to massage his body, but focus on his cock with only my mouth. In other words, I don’t dally. I enjoy oral sex, I really do. There is a great challenge element to it. Trying different pressures with my lips and tongue until he moans and his breathing changes.

Cock Worship

Cock worship, by comparison, is a much more relaxing endeavor. Oral sex is relaxing for him, but I am hyper-focused to his reactions and responses to every movement. Cock worship is for experimentation and fun. My mindset is playful; often to the point of being impish. I want him to moan as much as possible. And with orgasming not an immediate goal, I am able to slow everything down. Hands are also more prevalent in cock worship. While using dirty talk or focusing my mouth on other body parts, hands stroking and massaging him can create an overwhelming effect

He encourages edging during cock worship as well. So speeds are much slower and complete stops are more frequent. Whereas during oral I will rarely pull him all the way out of my mouth, the opposite is true of cock worship. Instead, long, slow licks up and around his shaft occur. Testicle and anal play is also more frequent as speed and focus are less important. Sucking on his balls will rarely help him come, but as part of edging I’m told it feels great.

Mindset

The mindset of these activities are very different. Oral sex, for me, is very submissive, and all attempts are to please him. Taking him as deep as possible as often as I can to show him how much I enjoy my service. If, for whatever reason, I cannot make him come, I usually beat myself about it.

Cock worship, in a strange way, is empowering for me. It is one of the few times I feel in control in our current dynamic and enjoy doing so. I can decide to stop or slow down. I can move from his balls to his cock, massaging his taint as I go. Without orgasm, my only criteria for success is that he enjoys himself. And seeing me greedily lick and suck his cock has worked very well so far.

Kneeling: Why This Dom Loves It

The Three Golden Rules of Kneeling:

  1. It should be uncomfortable, but not so painful that it cannot be sustained over a long period of time (outside of “special” situations, that is).
  2. A submissive should not wait to kneel only when told to do so. It is a great attention-getter and should be used as such to encourage play.
  3. Kneeling means patience, so don’t get down on your knees unless you are ready to stay there until told to do something else.

Kneeling is the only unambiguously submissive act. It might not strike you as important that any action is “unambiguously submissive.” It doesn’t matter for anyone who self-identifies as a “real dom” or a “true dom.” No, these superior beings are perfect examples of “alpha” thinking and they never question themselves. For the rest of us, trying to make it as dominant lovers in a complex world within which we often do not have as much control as we would like, ambiguity is a daily reality.

My partner is an entire human person, with moods and emotions and desires and opinions. Whenever I approach her, I am approaching a different person. The same is true when she approaches me. The same is true when I approach anyone(!). I do not assume that anyone I know is “the same” person they were the last time I spoke with them. Anyway, you get the idea – people change day to day. It’s their right in response to a constantly changing universe.

So, when I consider play with my partner, my thoughts go round in circles. Does she want, at this moment, for me to close her computer and drag her by her hair into the laundry room to get hammered in the cunt with clothespins on her nipples? I know that sometimes she wants this, and she says she always wants it, but I can also see that she is frustrated with something or other. Is she really going to enjoy being manhandled at this moment? Or am I going to be guilty of bad timing? The truth of the matter is that I don’t know how to be supportive by way of being dominant – it just isn’t in my DNA. “Being supportive means being uplifting,” my brain shouts. I am actively trying to reprogram my mind and my emotions, but it’s an ongoing process. The majority of that process is fighting against the perception of ambiguity – and deciding whether or not I care (regardless of whether I’m supposed to care).

As hard as it is for me to exert control, it is just as hard – if not harder – for rye to ask for control or dominance from me. Part of this is our history, and the fact that I have, on more than one occasion, had serious problems with control. Part of it is the fact that she is the kind of person who would rather catch fire than ask for something they want (Germans…).

So, you can imagine how much it means to me to find rye kneeling. “I need you to take over,” she says in no words. It’s easy for her to say because she doesn’t have to say anything. It’s easy for me to understand because I don’t have to understand anything. She kneels, I control, she obeys.

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