Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

TMI – Sexpectations

Let’s Talk about SEX Baby

1. What are some challenges related to your sex life?
    Time. Time is an issue due to stress and lack of sleep. Lack of Sleep is an issue due to Children. Children that were lovingly created by sex. Quite the vicious circle.
2. Is quality or quantity most important?
    Quality. One amazing, earth-shattering orgasm can leave much more of an impression than an hour of small orgasms. 
3. How much sex is enough?
   Haven’t reached enough yet. I’ll be sure to let you know when/if I do.
4. I want to have more _____ .
    Sex, didn’t you read question #3? And coffee, I’ll always take more coffee too.
5. I would like to attempt new sex positions such as _____ .
    Something from the Kama Sutra.
6. I would like to stop doing _____ sex position.
    Can I just leave this one blank? Maybe with more anal I will get tired of it, but right now I will take what the kids and Sir lets me have.
7. To me foreplay means _____ .
   Sir helping me to get cuddly and warm under the covers before my nipples start getting pinched. He’s sweet like that.
8. Something I think about a lot related to sex is _____ .
   How loved and cherished I feel when Sir lets me cum. And how accomplished I feel when he cums in me/on me/with me. 
Bonus: Tell us something you love about your sex life.
I love how Sir knows exactly what I need. When I beg in earnest, when I need release to sleep, he is always there. No matter how tired he is, or if he isn’t aroused, he always helps me and gives me everything I need. I would never do anything to disappoint him.
How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!
Happy TMI Tuesday!
TMI Tuesday blog

The Audition

“Come in, Rye. Welcome.” I walked in with my head bowed. Quickly removing my coat so he could inspect me. As ordered, I was wearing only the wrist and ankle cuffs and leather collar that were provided. I had left my shoes in my car as well. After handing him my coat I knelt on the floor in the display pose that the company taught me. He smiled as he placed my coat across a chair in the front entryway. He had on brown slacks and a knit sweater that was a gorgeous wedgewood blue. I wasn’t used to seeing Doms in anything but black. My assumption that they just maintained an all black wardrobe didn’t make much sense, even as I thought it. And the blue sweater looked great with his chestnut hair and dark eyes. Black was overrated. He turned and walked down the hall, his hand made a small waving motion that I could only assume was him telling me to follow him.

The staffing agency had prepped me for this interview. I was looking at it as more of an audition. If he selected me, then I would receive training from one of the most respected Dominants in New York City. Six months living and working with him could prepare me for any professional Dom. I was not going to screw up this opportunity.

I crawled after him, staying just behind his left foot. I was trying to take everything in. The hallway was long and there were several doors on either side. A large archway on the right opened into a dining room with a large table and antique looking chairs. Even from the crawling posture I could see the beautiful mahogany wainscoting that ran the length of the hall. The end opened up into a large living room with dark wood and leather furniture. He pointed down as he walked past the center of the room. I stopped at the imaginary spot on the floor and returned to display position. Even with my eyes down I could see the room was dimly lit with candles. There was a table off to one side with several things displayed, but it was out of focus for me. Instead I watched him walk to a large wooden chair with ornate carving and velvet looking cushions. It was regal. I was practically drooling just looking at his furniture; God, I wanted this job.

“Now, just to get a few of the cursory questions out of the way. I have reviewed the medical file that was sent with your application. You don’t have any previous Dominants as references, this was encouraged in the information that was sent to the various agencies. Can you explain why you did not include any?” His voice was somehow stern and soft at the same time.

“My experiences have all been at clubs and private parties, Sir. I haven’t worked with any Dominant or couple for more than a night or two. I didn’t feel comfortable asking any of them to vouch for me with such a limited exchange.” Why was I rambling? I had gone through these answers. The explanations of my inexperience, my hard limits, my inability to eat raw spinach without being sick; I had gone over everything. Just shut up and look and down.

“If you haven’t been in any kind of D/s exchange beyond a few nights in a public club, why do you want to engage with a professional under a contract of several months? I’m not looking for a sub who will get cold feet and walk out after a week. This is a serious commitment for both of us. I maintain a lifelong connection with my submissives and I have never worked with someone so inexperienced. Why should I take you on?”

He made a good point. I hadn’t considered that I would be his most inexperienced candidate. Honestly seemed my only option; I can’t lie with rehearsal, much less on the spot.

“I work better with routine, Sir. I’ve decided that my need to submit is finally strong enough to give it everything it deserves, and I’m not going to dabble with a bunch of Doms to learn how to be a good submissive. I am looking to study to fully immerse myself in pleasing one person. I feel that if I can complete a long-term contract successfully, then I can realistically work with anyone. And, honestly, your reputation precedes you.” Was that too honest?

“What’s my reputation?” He didn’t sound angry, just curious. Ok, I can still save this.

“You are well known as one of the most experienced Dominants in the city. I’m not bratty, but I do need structure and consistency, and you are well known for both. I talked to a few of your previous subs and they assured me that I would benefit from your expertise.” I looked up as I finished my answer. He had great eyes. I wanted him to know that I wasn’t lying.

“I know. Clarissa and Hanna both let me know that you were researching me. In fact, you were the only applicant smart enough to research and reach out to my former subs. That is why I brought you in, even with your limited resume. I was impressed, the agency didn’t tell you to do that. Otherwise all the other applicants would have too. Your tenacity outweighs your inexperience in this case, and I agree that after talking to the references you did provide, that you could benefit from my training. And, possibly more importantly for me, Clarissa and Hanna both believe that I could benefit from the experience of training a novice. A breathe of fresh air could be good for me.” Really?

“I certainly don’t want to be presumptuous Sir, but are you offering me a contract?” I was smiling like a fool, I knew it.

“Once we settle on particulars and sign, you can move into the basement apartment. You have a private entrance, which you may eventually earn a key to. I will have movers help you with your belongings and the rest will be settled in the contract. I will grab a bottle of wine and meet you in the dining room in five minutes. You may relax on protocols for the rest of the evening.”

“Yes, Sir.” I still didn’t stand. I was tingling I was so excited. Breathe, just breathe. I still had to figure out the contract. Only one glass of wine and pay attention.

“And Rye,” He slowed his pace, but continued toward the hall. “I am eager to give you the experience you crave. I think we’ll have a very interesting next few months.”

As soon as the sound of his footsteps faded down the hall I collapsed on the floor. I did it. I passed the test, aced the interview, got the part. I couldn’t believe it. Now I just had to get up and figure out how to walk long enough to make it into a chair in the dining room.

Wicked Wednesday

TMI – Conan O’Brien

TMI & Conan O’Brien

1. One thing I will never comprehend is _____ .
Poodles. I don’t understand their existence at all.
2. My blood type is ____ .
3. I am pretty healthy for ____ .
Someone so addicted gyros and mayonnaise.
4. When I really cannot sleep I ____ .
Think dirty thoughts and play silly games on my Ipad.
5. You never forget your ____ .
Time in labor. Ever. Child one was 21 hours. Child two was 22 hours. I would get a tattoo, but I’m not really worried about ever forgetting. Seriously, ever.
6. As a child my favorite pet was ____ .
Tough call. We had three labs growing up; one black, one yellow, one brown. We also had nine cats at one point, but the word favorite and cat don’t go into the same sentence for me. Honestly, I would have to say our yellow lab. He was the calmest, mellowest polar bear of a dog you would ever meet.
Bonus: This week’s question comes from The Late Phoenix – “Why was fuck chosen as the ultimate swear word? It coulda easily been duck.”

Duck was already taken. Maybe it was just a guttural utterance someone made when a horse stepped on their foot several hundred years ago. And then he killed the horse for revenge.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Evolved Relationships

I started about ten different posts on Trust for this week’s Wicked Wednesday post. All with the same general statements about BDSM and trusting your partner. I wasn’t really happy with any of them. It’s the same stuff everyone writes about. I trust him to beat me and take care of me. He trusts me to let him. I’m not trying to make fun of that stuff, it is important.

But trust is more than that. It’s pushing, pulling, forcing. It’s draining everything I have because he wants it. It’s taking and taking and taking and knowing that I will always give more.

How do you put a name to that kind of trust? It’s more than a marriage, more than a relationship. It’s a connection. It sounds cheesy, I know. But you can have these connections with many people; you don’t have to be married or even committed (in traditional sense). Dominant/Submissive relationships are special.

See, we’re not a depraved section of society. We maintain relationships that, when done correctly, require complete trust and honesty. I would love to see the statistics of D/s relationships that end due to infidelity. I get that people fall out and grow apart. But if a Dominant and Submissive are being honest and trust each other with the truth, then maybe it’s not as messy as traditional relationships. Is that crazy?

I’ll just pretend that since we’ve entered the world of kink that Sir and I are more evolved somehow. That this step into BDSM is a higher connection for the two of us requiring more than the standard amount of trust. Or, maybe I just want to feel better about being called a sexual deviant in modern society. I’m cool with running with the evolved theory.

Wicked Wednesday

TMI – Flowers, Kisses, & Money

tmi_Flowers, Kisses, and Money1. When did you last give or get flowers? What was the occasion?

My mother-in-law gave me flowers when my first son was born, three and a half years ago. I don’t really do flowers. If you fuck up, buy me a burger. Say congratulations with cheesecake. I’ll love you forever.

2. When was the last time you had a long passionate kiss? Who did you kiss?
Sir, last night. He’s a big kisser, a make-out fanatic actually.

3. You’ve just been given $100 for no reason at all. It is yours to do as you wish. Will you save it or spend it? If spend, what will you buy?

Save it. I have a list of tattoos that I am saving up for. Sir is continuing the decorate my back and has a few designs for my thighs. But he has given me permission to tattoo my feet and ankles as I wish.

4. What is your most irritating habit?

I’m sure Sir will have a list. I think it’s probably that I chew on things. I have to think about why I am mad or upset before I can talk to him about it. He gets mad that I cannot clarify things and it seems to him like I am hiding something from him.

5. If you had a day off alone, and could do whatever you wanted, what would you do?

Curl up with a mocha and good book. Maybe sew or do some crafty thing while watching a movie. Not cook or clean; eat junk food.

Bonus: Have you ever had sex at work? Where–closet, stairway, office, boardroom, etc.? Do you regret the encounter?

No. I used to work at a prison; sex at work was a bad idea. Right now Sir and I are fantasizing about how it will be when we are both working from home. He is planning all sorts of dirty things.

TMI Tuesday blog

Drip, Drip, Drip

The blood mixed with her tears and saliva in a pool on the tile floor. Her eyes were glazing, but he knew she wasn’t yet in subspace. She would be worrying about the mess more than the pain. She was such a silly little sub. A sexy, sweaty bleeding creature. He brought his belt back for another swing. Her cry made it cock twitch.

He was the one who had shied away from cutting her. His inexperience didn’t bother her. And he was impressed how much he could make the three shallow cuts on her lower back bleed. A strike on her ass opened the slices just enough.
If he was honest he was the one losing stamina. And his erection was starting to hurt as the blood turned him on more than he thought it would. But, he also wanted her to find release. She had endured a lot for him. That quick orgasm before the knife came out seemed long ago now.
He struck her again. He watched her body struggle against the straps. Her legs were shaking; even though the bench held most of her weight. He dropped the belt were she would be able to see it. He grabbed her left hip and ran his right hand between her folds. Her ass was high enough in the air that the blood ran up her back to drip off her shoulders rather than down. So he knew her wetness was due solely to her arousal.
He couldn’t wait any longer. He picked up her legs at the thigh as he entered her. She bent her knees to keep her legs up. Her sweat made her slide forward and back on the leather bench as he slammed into her with growing speed.
“You have my permission to cum, but you better work fast.” He had hardly finished the statement before she began grinding against him. Her moans and cries only pushed his release. He was a little surprised when he heard her telltale orgasmic cry. She had been closer than even he realized. But her pulses triggered his climax. he gripped her thighs tighter through his final thrusts. Finger bruises there would be a beautiful visual reminder for her since the cut marks would be out of view. He set her legs down and pulled out of her.
“I want to get some photos of how gloriously I have ruined you; can you take a few more minutes for your Sir?”
“Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir”
After an extensive photoshoot, he unclipped the straps across her chest and helped her up. Rather than risk her falling or slipping on the wet tile. He gently lifted and carried her straight into the shower. After washing her body and cleaning the cuts with soap, he toweled her off and tucked her into bed. Her cuts were already closing, so he just lotioned her back, butt, and beautifully red thighs and climbed in next to her.
“Sir, may I please go clean up? If everything sits all night it will take twice as long tomorrow as everything will have dried.”
“No, you may not. Currently, your warm, supple body pleases me. I will give you the time you require to clean tomorrow. And the extra elbow grease will help remind you of how well I marked you.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“You are so beautiful. Beaten and sore. You always please me. My insatiable pain slut. I have the sudden urge to taste you. Or should I let you sleep?”
“Anything you want, Sir.” Her words implied compliance, but her desires were evident by her hips leaning against my leg. Her pussy was wet, but not dripping. As he kissed his way down her stomach he said, “Don’t worry my little slut, I’ll let you clean the floor so I can cover it in your blood again tomorrow night.” She moaned and he could see her cunt clench and moisten.
“Now that’s more like it.”
*                  *                    *
Disclaimer: This is a piece of fiction. Hopefully erotic, but fiction none the less. I do not currently participate in blood play and I had difficulty researching foundational basics. This is just what the phrase brings to mind for me. Please do not take this as any sort of guide and research/be safe when playing yourself.

Why I follow

Leadership is about trust. If you want to be followed as a leader, then you need to establish a foundation of trust. Once you have it, you can inspire those around you to achieve great things and push themselves in new ways.

Leadership is about motivation. A strong leader can bring the best out of those around them. Whether that is a staff finishing a project or a submissive taking five more lashes. Knowing what a person needs to hear to tough it out for a few more hours is a impressive skill. It takes a lot to motivate those that are tired or under extreme stress. But knowing a few words of encouragement can make all the difference.

Leadership is about confidence. Just because you have confidence, or a strong ego, doesn’t mean you’ll be a good leader. But leadership does require a certain amount of self-assurance. In order for those you are leading to feel comfortable following you, you have to know what you are doing and be able to express that knowledge.

Leadership is about a strategy. You don’t have to know all the answers. But you have to have a game plan. And when the unexpected happens, a leader is the one everyone looks to for direction. If you are directionless when you start, then you have no hope when things inevitably go wonky.

Dominance is Leadership. In so many ways, to be a good dominant is to be a good leader. A Dom can inspire their submissives to give more, take more and be more than they ever thought. The trust that they command allows those under them to fully submit and feel safe in their care. If you can show me your leadership then you have earned my respect. And I cannot imagine submitting to anyone that don’t respect.

~Not all that sexy, I know. But a quality like leadership is really important to me. Sir leads me down the rabbit hole everyday and I let him because of all of the above qualities. I will always take one more because he wishes it and I know he will lead me through to the other side.

Wicked Wednesday

TMI – Bringing Up the Past

1. What is the nickname a lover had for you that made you cringe?
Sexy. As in ‘hey, sexy’. Which is hilarious, considering we weren’t having sex when this became my little pet name. And, truly cringe worthy, he felt completely comfortable calling me this in front of my parents. He was a winner.
2. Where do you most often toss or keep your excess change (coins)?
We have a glass vase in our dining room where we throw coins. They don’t last long there as my son takes the coins and moves them to his own bank. It’s like our own money laundering service. Except we don’t get the money back.
3. If someone wrote a book about your past lovers and past sex life, which category fits best:
a. Abnormal psychology book
b. Steamy romance novel
c. Sad sad story
Sadly, if I’m honest, it’s A. A drug addict, the friend that I shouldn’t have gone there with who then revealed his anger management problem. The guy with commitment issues. And, of course, the one night stand. But it’s ok, I ended up with Sir. The sadist whose parents were both ministers. Yeah, definitely A.
4. Some say sex is like driving. Pretend you are a car. Are you: rear, front or all-wheel drive?
In my vanilla life I was front wheel. But now…now I’m all-wheel everything.
5. What is it that you do daily that you would like to stop doing?
Does changing my son’s diapers count? I cannot really stop doing that. I guess more realistically I would like to stop laying in bed in the morning. I need to get up and moving in the morning, but it’s just so easy to stay snuggled up (usually with Sir, a dog, and one or more boys).
6. What is the biggest lie you ever told to get someone into bed or the biggest lie you ever told in bed?
“No, I don’t have the flu.”
Bonus: If married, who was interested in marriage first, you or your spouse?
I would have said me, but every time I talk about how I pushed it, he gets all huffy. So, we’ll say him. Although, to be fair, we were engaged after only a few months, so I’m sure we were sprinting down the road together.
TMI Tuesday blog

TMI – Wednesday

1. I am in need of an intervention for my obsession with ______.

Right now it’s The Fall on Netflix. I watched Series one when they introduced it this fall. The second series aired in the UK over the last few months and it’s recently been added to the Netflix streaming. It has Gillian Anderson (X-Files) as an investigator and Jamie Dornan (50 Shades) as a serial killer. It’s creepy and I can only watch one episode at a time. It’s beyond freaky. An amazing thriller show.
2. You are being auctioned off. What is your unique selling point?

I have an excellent memory. I remember birthdays, addresses, likes/dislikes. Good if you want me to remember orders, bad if you speak freely about your social security number.
3. On a scale of 1-5 how many stars did your mom or dad give your current significant other or your favorite, longest lasting love? (1 is bad, 5 is great)

Probably only about a 2 if I’m honest. Sir enjoyed college, nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t always portray the best image to in-laws. He is a gamer and a lover of technology. My parents have only recently learned to appreciate his skills. He’s now got a good job and he can program their IPhones, so he’s a 5 now.
4. Most of the meals I eat are:
a. Cooked in a microwave
b. Cooked in the oven/stove
c. Made by someone else

B. On the stove. By me.
5. When work and life stress me out, nothing relieves the tension like _____ .

I guess an orgasm is a little too obvious, huh? I’ll go with a good cup of coffee and a good book. Getting lost in a book on the couch for a few hours can melt an immense about stress.
Bonus: Write and answer your own bonus question.

Bonus Question: When you crave junk food, what do you crave?

A Hardee’s Frisco burger and curly fries. I’m a burger junkie. Sorry for those of you not in the US that don’t appreciate the true decadence that is a greasy Hardee’s burger. I’ll take care to enjoy one, regularly, for those of you who cannot.

TMI Tuesday blog

Where Did All the Wooden Spoons Go?

Sir and I have only been doing TTWD seriously for a few months. So, our collection of toys is relatively limited (I’ve seen some pictures of some spectacular amounts of equipment). At this point we are trying to add pieces bit by bit. Budgets allow for a new piece every so often, but Sir has found that household items have found new uses as well. It’s surprising how many things have disappeared from my kitchen only to be found in our toy drawer. It’s uncanny.

For example,

Plastic spatula in the shape of a paint stirrer.

No, it’s not a used paint stirrer. This is a spatula, at least that’s its advertised used. It’s hard plastic with a silicone coating. It was bought by my father, of all people, at some expensive kitchen store when we were on vacation last year. He has one too. The last time we visited I could not help but laugh when he pulled it from a drawer and used it to mix pancake batter. All I could think about was how ours made this pretty set of pink lines across my ass. Sir smirked too.

But, despite its pretty green color, it hurts like you wouldn’t believe. The surface area isn’t big enough to distribute the pain effectively. So this just stings like a mother. And, please remember, that while I love to cry for Sir, I am not a masochist. I am not a lover of pain in any way. So me and this thing are not friends.

But paddles in general are a growing part of our BDSM. We use them in most scenes with various other impact toys. Still trying to figure out what works best for us and what gets Sir his pretty marks. But, I am sure that our paddle collection will grow. And my kitchen gadgets will continue to disappear.

Kink of the Week