Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Commandon’t

I remember reading all sorts of BDSM novels and short stories when I first found kink. They, or a great number of them, all had scenes where a sub would have to remove their underwear in some public place. Or possibly go commando with ben-wa balls or some other insert-able toy. It was either a struggle as the sub felt embarrassed or was immediately wet; sometimes both. I’ll admit, I was a little incredulous.

Maybe it’s my stage in life, or the fact that I’ve had two kids, but my self body image doesn’t allow for too much commando possibility. I don’t blame my kids entirely, my self-esteem was not super high before I became a mom. However, since then, the idea of not having underwear seems more a safety hazard than a sexy time. Which, if you were going for the embarrassment factor could work. I guess I feel like I would just feel uncomfortable and miserable too. Though I guess that could change with the rest of the outfit too. If I was in a billowy skirt or something that could be a different story. However, for me personally, I would need to lose quite a bit of weight to really feel as sexy as I would want to.

Don’t get me wrong, I think going commando can be really sexy. I think it’s underrated on men as well.  And it often feels like going commando is a common D/s theme. With the right person, I can see how it could very goo inducing. I think it’s a perfect date night or dinner party activity.

I think I just spend all my time either at work or with my kids. Neither of these activities would be made better by not having my underwear. And, unless I’m sleeping, don’t even get me started on not wearing a bra. I haven’t been able to go without support in public since I was ten.

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Define Your Kink: Day 10

#10 – Does any element of BDSM occur as a part of your submissive relationships? How do you feel about BDSM? Is it core to your submission, peripheral or non-existent (other than the submission part)?

Okay, I had to ask Sir for clarification on this one, because it just wasn’t clicking for me. I always look at BDSM as a whole lifestyle, but he reminded me that it’s merely an acronym. BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochsim. And while the D and s take on double duty, they don’t necessarily cross over for everyone.

My submission, at least as I’ve been about to determine touches on each of the aspects of BDSM. I consider myself a submissive in the realms of both bondage and discipline. I enjoy both and find a a lot of satisfaction in a submissive place in both realms. In bondage I have found I get into subspace easier and love the marks. But discipline offers a fulfillment that I don’t get anywhere else. It’s a release  of stress that only discipline from my Sir can provide.

Dominance and Submission is a pretty easy one. This is generally what I think of when someone says BDSM. My submission is about giving myself to someone and trusting that they will take care of me. It’s a beautiful feeling when it works and one that I haven’t been able to find any other way (though I’m not one to try hard drugs).

Sadism and Masochism is hard one for me work my head around. But I think that’s only because it’s in direct conflict with my upbringing. The idea of letting (or in many cases encouraging) someone to hurt me is something I’m sure I will always have trouble explaining. There is something about the surrender though. It’s along the lines of bondage and discipline, these aspects often intersect. But it’s about the trust and letting myself just be in the moment.

I think all pieces of BDSM factor into my complete submission. While I’m sure I could be happy without having my nipples pinched or my ass spanked, I don’t know if I would be satisfied. The intervening time I spent without a dominant were some of my lowest. And even now that I have found someone (a lovely someone) to take on that role for me, there are still missing bits of BDSM that pull at me. But this time is also allowing my submission to grow and change. Maybe Sir will help me discover that I don’t need all aspects of BDSM, or help me figure out a way to have it all.

Check out the other Days of Kink that I’ve done and those I have yet to answer on my Define Your Kink page.

Flying High

For some it’s purely about altitude, but for me it’s about the feeling of weightlessness.

Bound, hooded, and flying high for his pleasure.

Rye in rope bondage, hooded and dangled for view.

 

Check out how everyone else is flying this week for Wicked Wednesday!

Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings

**So as not to scare or give the wrong impression, I am not, in fact, being suspended in the picture above. Please use caution when using any form of bondage or suspension.

Elust #97

Elust 97

Modesty Ablaze Elust 97
Photo courtesy of Modesty Ablaze

Welcome to Elust 97

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #97 Start with the rules, come back September 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

The Confessional

A MISTRESS UNSEEN

Wrapped around his finger

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Counting

The Storyteller’s Conundrum

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Rainy Day Lover

 

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Fiction

The Sleeping Beauty
Longing
Broken to Be ~ Part 7 – Conclusion
A good man, with a belt

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

The Scene That Almost Never Happened
Sticky fingers

Erotic Non-Fiction

The Art Class Model
Bondage Alfresco Style ~ Collared & tied.
Welcome Home Lazy Vanilla Lovemaking
The Happiest Place On Earth?

Poetry

Burn Together

Writing About Writing

Smut Marathon 2.0

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Sometimes I feel this is all I’m good for

 

 

 

Elust 88

Define Your Kink: Day 8

#8 –  Is spanking or corporal punishment a part of your submission? Why or why not?

The short answer is: yes.

In my previous dynamic with my husband we incorporated spanking as a punishment. This was done with bare hands, belts, whips, and canes. Usually this would part of a larger scene, but on occasion was done for specific infractions.

I found that my success rate with it largely depended on what happened afterward. I know that seems silly, but it always had the largest impact (pun intended) when there was solid aftercare. If it was merely an explanation of what I did wrong, several spankings, and being sent on my way, I faultered. The spanking wasn’t enough of a ‘punishment’, as odd as that may sound. I would continue to beat myself up (figuratively) about my mistake. If, when he thought I had been properly corrected, told me that I was still a ‘good girl’, and that I was forgiven, then I responded better.

My current dynamic with my Sir has only been long distance. He and I haven’t had the situation arise where punishment has been necessary. And, as much as I would love to keep it that way, I’m sure it will need to be discussed at some point. He and I have largely looked at spanking as a form of play, not punishment. But I know it’s something he practices with his primary sub, so I’m sure it will feature in our relationship in some form.

Check out the other Define your Kink questions and answers that I have done do far!

‘Move It or Lose It’ or ‘Why Your Sex Drive is Like Federal Grant Funding’

I have a theory that your sex drive is a bit like grant funding. If you don’t use it, next year they’ll give you less. For those not from the United States or those who may not know the Federal Grant Funding system, let me explain. When you apply for grant funds, you have to estimate costs for everything you intend to do. However, if you end up spending less than what they give you, when you re-apply the next year, they will give you less. They assume you don’t know how to estimate after that and undercut you. And, once your budget has been cut, it’s very hard to justify more again.

So, what if your sex drive is just like government funding? If you don’t use it properly you slowly lose it. Slowly getting less and less every year until it completely disappears.

My personal experience has been strangely both in favor and against this theory. When I was vanilla I had no sex drive, or one hardly worth measuring. I guess it doesn’t really disprove the theory as I was starting at nearly zero. The sex drive government had nothing to take away. Then I found kink. My sex drive went into overdrive. Since embracing my submissive side I have craved sex daily, usually multiple times a day. Given the chance, I would love to just be locked up in a hotel room for a few days with the occasional food and sleep break.

Lately, however, my sex drive has started to slow. My husband’s depressive slump has killed his interest in sex. I have tried to take care of things myself, but I find myself losing the plot as other things continue to take priority. At the end of the day I think about how I could have found time for more sexy times, but by then it’s usually too late.

So, as we enter into Masturbation Month, all our priorities need to re-focus. Obviously quality should always take precedent over quantity, but taking the time is equally important. Just think about if past performance were responsible for your sex drive in the future? Don’t let an allergy or work stress have a long-term affect on your attempts of lovely orgasms.

Give your current self and your future self all the lovely ‘O’ faces you deserve this month. I’ll be glad to help where I can to keep you from losing funds next month 🙂

Masturbation Monday logo

A Strange Train Journey

“Have a safe trip. See you soon baby.”

“See you soon, Sir. I’m just climbing on the train now.”

“Okay. I’m going into a meeting right now. I’ll check in when we take a break. Have your phone close.”

“Yes, Sir.” Lucy hung up the phone and climbed into the second last train car. There were only a few people seated, so she chose a seat in an empty row and set her bag down. Hopefully she wouldn’t have to worry about sharing the seat next to her. The list of things that Sir wanted her to bring for the weekend took up most of her suitcase, so her laptop and all her toiletries were shoved in her purse. If she was going to keep making these trips, she really need to invest in a larger suitcase that she could check.

Sitting next to the window Lucy settled down for the three hour train ride. It really wasn’t too bad of a trip, and the quiet time to work made it infinitely better than driving. Pulling out her laptop she pulled up her latest story and began to write. A few miles down the track an attendant came to check her ticket, but other than she was left in peace.

“Excuse me, do you mind if I sit here?”

Lucy was jostled out of her train of thought as she realized the gentleman was talking to her. She grabbed her bag and apologized. But as she did she notice that the car was not really all that full. There were plenty of open seats. Why did he have to sit there and make her move her bag? However, it wasn’t worth being rude, so she smiled as he sat down next to her.

“How are you today?”

“Fine, thank you. And you?”

“I’m pretty good. Where are you headed?”

“Philadelphia.”

“Ahh. The city of brotherly love.”

Lucy just stared back at him, unsure what to say to that. No one had ever bothered her on the train, especially not for chit chat. Normally having her face in her computer was enough to tell people to leave her be.

“What takes you to Philly? Work?” Lucy sighed and closed her computer. She wasn’t going to be able to get any writing done like this.

“I’m visiting a friend for the weekend.”

“That’s nice.”

Lucy’s phone buzzed. She grabbed like the lifeline it was.

How are you doing, baby?

Alright.

Getting time to write?

I wish.

What’s the matter?

I just have a guy sitting next to me who wants to chat. It’s really distracting.

Is he harassing you? Can you move?

No, he’s harmless. Just chatty. It’s fine. It’s only another hour or so.

“Talking to your boyfriend?”

Lucy wanted to say it was none of his business, but thought better of it. “My mother.”

“Oh. Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Yes.”

“Doesn’t he worry about you taking trains by yourself?”

“I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I have never had an unsatisfactory or unsafe experience on a train.” Until now, she thought as she looked out the window.

“How old are you?”

“I’m twenty-nine.”

“Do you want to know how old I am?”

“I guess, sure.”

“Thirty-three.”

“Same age as my older brother.” She wanted to make up some lie about her brother being a marine or something to try and intimidate him. Maybe this guy was just lonely, there was no harm in letting him ramble.

“So how long have you and your boyfriend been together?”

“Six months, but we have been friends a lot longer.”

“How did you meet?”

“Online actually.” The name of the kink community website certainly wasn’t relevant.

“That’s nice.”

Lucy took the moment of awkward silence to check her phone again. No new messages, Sir must have gone back to his meeting. Only a few stops left, thank heavens.

“Does your boyfriend live in Philly?”

“Yes. Actually, I need to get off at the next stop, can you please let me out.” Lucy grabbed her back and squeezed past the walking 20 questions game. Gathering herself she wandered to the back of the car to wait for the next stop. At least she might be able to write on the way home. Maybe headphones would help her look even more anti-social.

The train slowed as they came into the station and nearly jumped out of the car. She walked down to the luggage claim to get her bag. Luckily, her weekend bag was bright green and easy to spot.

As she turned to head toward the parking lot she spotted Sir walking toward her. She smiled as he grinned at her. Then she saw who he was walking with. It was the incessantly chatty man from the train! He started laughing at the obviously shocked face she wore.

She walked up to the pair of them.

“You!”

“Me.” He grinned. The man turned back to Sir. “Anyway, she seems lovely.” He looked at Lucy and smiled. “I would love to play you guys tomorrow night. I will text you when my training session is over.”

Lucy’s jaw dropped. The man shook Sir’s hand.

“Oh yeah, ” He turned back. “She will need to be punished tomorrow for lying and telling me that you were her mother.” He and Sir both laughed as he turned to walk across the parking lot to his car.

Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings

ELust #93

Elust 93

aurora glory header elust 93
Photo courtesy of Aurora Glory

Welcome to Elust 93

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #94 Start with the rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

A dress to die for

Pushing Past

Necessary.

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Kink lite, Kink life
Disturbance

 

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

The Contract

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

 

Erotic Fiction

The Contract
Speaking Truth to a Submissive Heart
Thunder
Subjugate U

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Jerking off to be banned under Texas bill
That Time Steve Bannon Destroyed Me
How to program a sex robot

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Effortless Connections & Harmonious Energy
Cialis
Playlist…

Poetry

A Love Affair, From A to Z: “A” – Always
-07.04.17_02:43-
Scouting: A Lusty Limericks

Erotic Non-Fiction

Conflict(ed) part 2
It’s All About The Feet
TEASE
Oral Birthday Fun ~ The Glorious Sixty-Ninth!
I Will Do…
The subtle threesome

Events

Eroticon 2017 – I Herd U Lieks It

Body Talk and Sexual Health

photo shoots past and future
Elust 88