Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Personal Highs & Global Lows: 2016 Year in Review

This has been a year of ups and downs (how generic is that?). I’m not really sure I’ve had a year with more dramatic highs and lows. It’s just odd how many personal goals I have achieved this year. I think they were surrounded by so many global lows that it’s hard to find them through the fog. Between Brexit and the clusterfuck that was the U.S. Presidential election, it’s been tough. Not to mention all the influential people that have passed away this year. It’s been a public year that I would love to leave behind, but a personal year that I wouldn’t mind repeating.

I started my own business. – It has always been a goal and last February I officially got my L.L.C. up and running. I haven’t become a worldwide sensation, but I have a few clients and some pretty business cards. Hopefully I can give it more time in the coming year, but it will probably never be a full-time thing, and that’s okay.

We moved into our house. – Although we bought it in 2015, we didn’t officially move in until May of this year. The kitchen remodel and refinishing the floors took several months, and it was great to move into finished product rather than a renovation. There are still projects to do, there always are, but we are finally settled. Moving from rental to rental was a stressful process, and the idea of not looking at a moving truck for a decade or two sounds downright blissful.

I went back to work. – Separate from the business, I went back to work. I had been employed as a consultant for a database company from home. But when the opportunity came up to get back into an office and get good insurance coverage for everyone, I jumped at it. Don’t get me wrong, I miss my old masturbation sessions with Jack in the afternoon, but getting out of the house has been good for me. I mean, I wear more than sweatpants now, so that’s something.

My sleeve tattoo is finally finished. – I need to get a good picture to show it off, but I’m beyond happy with it. The whole thing took about 18 months to complete. There were several months between some of my appointments due to various hangups for me and my artist. But early in December I was able to go for my last piece of lace and touch-ups. I’m sure I’ll have a few spots that I will go back and have darkened at some point. Right now though, I couldn’t be happier with what she was able to do with my design request.

And then there were the more kinky aspects of my year….

We opened our marriage. – After talking a lot about other partners and sexual experiences, my husband and I decided to open our marriage. Looking back, this has been a roller coaster of a decision. I had a not go good interaction with a local dom that made me take a huge step back and question everything. Luckily, I kept an open mind and learned from my mistakes. Finding Jack and Jill and visiting them this fall was an amazing experience. Hopefully we will be able to work out another visit (or twelve) this year.

I started identifying as Poly. – I think I can safely say that this is purely because of Jack. After my negative experience, I never really thought that I would find someone that I had a deep emotional connection with outside of my marriage. When we opened up, I was looking for a friend with benefits. Someone to joke around with and maybe exchange oral once and awhile. But he is so much more than I could have hoped for. Aside from sharing a birthday, he has become such a good friend and lover. I am so happy to call him secondary and I know that our relationship will do nothing but grow in the coming year. (Get it, I said coming. He appreciates me, don’t judge.)

I had sex with a woman. – I don’t really classify myself as bisexual. Women are beautiful and I appreciate their minds and bodies. I just don’t really have emotional connections with them like I do with men. The one woman I thought I loved broke my heart, so it’s not really anything I’ve looked for. Visiting California this fall was a wonderful chance to have my first threesome and experience a woman’s body. Jill is lovely and I appreciate her letting me have that connection with her. Certainly something I would love to do again.

I doubled my ‘slept with’ list. – Not only did I have my first same-sex sexual encounter this year, but I actually doubled the number of people I have slept with. I went from three to six. I know, I was shocked too. Not sure I will be able to do the same next year, but as that number hasn’t changed at all in the decade before this, I was impressed.

I finally stopped ‘fighting’ my submission. – Through everything that Sir (my husband) has been dealing with this year I kept coming back to whether or not I really needed submission. Maybe I could just turn it off and everything would be easier. It took me awhile, but I realized that that’s stupid. I’m a submissive. I always have been in one form or another and I know now that I always will be. And I have the power to submit to who I choose. I know these seem like obvious conclusions to reach, but it’s taken me awhile to get there.

As far as resolutions go I tend to be too optimistic. I set high expectations for myself and then hate myself by the end of January. I always want to lose weight and write more, so we’ll see how that goes. My 101 Things in 1001 Days ends this year, so there are several things to work toward on there. Lots more photos, reflection, and erotic writing to come. And, I’m sure, the continuing fight with my depression will appear from time to time. You know, to break up all the boob pics.

 

Getting There

I finally found the computer among all the boxes. It’s been a tiring few days, but everyone has a bed, a pillow, and the TV has been hooked up. It’s all about the important things right?

But we are officially done with the old house. We are no longer renters! The carpets steam cleaned great and when I was done cleaning that house it looked amazing. Better than it ever did when we lived there. But it’s done. That’s all that matters.

Today is the first day I am home with the kids. Unpacking boxes while filling snack orders and keeping the laundry train moving. I think we are all going to run laps around the backyard this afternoon to wear them down. Fingers crossed we all survive.

Either way I will beg for an orgasm or five to help me fall asleep tonight.

And hopefully I can get back to regular writing soon. I have missed writing.

Moving Day

It’s Moving Day!

Our last night in this house and I even got a pair of intense gooey orgasms. It was nice. I slept like a baby.

Now I’m surrounded by boxes and I need to pack up this computer before our help gets here and we go get the truck. Fingers crossed we don’t have any injuries (last move we had an ACL tear, don’t ask) and everything makes it to the house in one piece. And this should be our last move in a very long time. Like, I’m planning to die in this house long.

T-24 hours

Our last day in this house and I’m read to count down the minutes. The boys are going to Grandma’s tonight. So our last night in the house will be just Sir and I. While I would love to say that we’ll be spending tonight doing a big scene as a send off to this part of our lives, we’ll probably take the boys’ beds apart and go to bed early. Not very sexy, but this time tomorrow we’ll be loading up the truck and being sore and tired doesn’t seem like a good plan.

Today is a lot of rushing around to get done what I can. Packing up bags for the boys will be quick. Then it’s just packing and more packing. The poor dog has been panicking a little more with each box, so I know she’s going to be glad when this is over.

There is just a lot of emotion filling the house today. We talked to the boys this morning about saying goodbye to the house. The 20mo doesn’t really get it, but the 4yo does. He switches from excited to angry depending on the moment. The plan is to try and have both of their rooms basically put together when they get there on Sunday, so hopefully the transition won’t be too traumatic. I mean, the jungle gym will be up in the back yard, so I think they’ll be fine.

Work baggage is getting to Sir though. He will be drastically adding to his commute and his boss has been anything but understanding during this stressful time. I understand that businesses have to run, but they are staffed by real people with real problems. I guess I just expected a little more understanding from her. Not sure why. Though my boss has been amazing about my hours between the move and my mom’s accident. My old jobs had understanding bosses as well; I guess I was luckier than I realized.

But I have a pretty strict mission today. Lots of packing and moving as much as I can to the first floor. Anything to try and save time tomorrow. And all this lifting is making up for the fact that I haven’t been able to do a proper workout in about two weeks.

Struggling

I wish I had something sexy and/or inspirational to say. But I don’t. Sir spent yesterday afternoon upstairs working and I packed. Slow but sure. But we’re hopefully going to be out of here in twelve days (don’t judge my countdown). So last week I only clocked nine hours of work. Between work at the new house and cleaning this place so they could show it to new renters I got little else completed.

And sexy is a word that hasn’t really been mentioned lately. We’re both just so stressed out. Trying to make money work, being worried about mom, and just keeping things together is sapping all our energy. We are sort of just working passed one another. Trying to put out fires as they appear. Slowly making steps to make our current landlords, the kids, and our bosses happy. We are just wiped.

At least, I hope that is all this is. He’s been so distant. I think it’s just stress, but it’s like he doesn’t want to be here (here with me and the kids, not here in this house). His work is overwhelming and it just bleeds into everything when he gets home. We crawl into bed, play on our phones for ten minutes, and then pass out. I’m not sure we even touched each other that much yesterday.

I’m going to try and make this my last whiny post though. If I don’t have anything positive or sexy or happy to say than I will just take the day off. Hopefully once we are moved then I get inspired to write something worth reading again.

Work for the Weekend

Thank heavens this week is almost over. I’ve already had my fill. My OBGYN called on Monday to say that I had an irregular pap smear and they wanted me to come back in. Time to trigger my panic. The last few days have been panic on top of worry with a side of stressed. When they call and try to schedule you for their first available appointment it is usually time to start worrying.

Well, I went to the doc yesterday and everything is okay. No cancer or HPV concerns. Apparently the IUD can cause my body to create some bacteria that can throw off the results. They just wanted me to come in to talk about symptoms and to double check that everything is alright; which it was. And I probably wouldn’t have freaked out so much if this wasn’t coming on the heels of mom’s accident and all the moving stress. And I didn’t want to tell my parents about it until I knew what was really going on. So instead, it’s added another layer of stress to the beginning of the week. But it’s one less thing to worry about now at least, so I am glad I took that first appointment.

Our landlord has started coming down on us about the house. It was completely out of the blue and it ruined Sir and my moods. We have two kids and a dog, the carpets are going to get a little dingy; it’s not like we weren’t going to clean them before we left. But they did a showing of the place the other night and the realtor took pictures (which I did not give permission for) and she sent a nasty email. We talked and she apologize, but it just tipped the scale of how much we are both ready to be out of here. This weekend will be the last big push to get things done at the house before we start moving in. Hoping to get the floors sanded and sealed and the last few closet doors painted. I’ll have to do another renovation post on the kitchen. They did a beautiful job.

So, we’ll see how the next few days and the weekend go. Mass packing will fill my next week and probably several trips to unload them. We’ll probably have to get a truck to move the larger pieces of furniture, but I am hoping to call on some burly cousins to help with the lifting. Fingers crossed it won’t be long now. We should be able to celebrate Mother’s Day (the US one) in the new house. Then we can focus on jobs and paying off some of these bills.

Maybe people will give us Xanax for housewarming gifts.