Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Naked

I think I’ve slept naked since I was twelve or thirteen. I’m not sure why. I’m actually a cold-blooded person. I have low blood pressure, so I am always cold. You would think I would sleep in flannel year round. I have to have a blanket, even in the summer, but clothes are just too tight. I don’t do hospital corners on my sheets either. In fact, I joined the English tradition of not using a sheet and all and sticking with a cosy duvet. Now I hate top sheets.

And I guess I would classify myself as an exhibitionist. I love walking around naked. If it’s warm enough I used to stay naked all day. As much as I have body image issues, I guess being naked was never really part of that.

When we have family over I will wear underwear and a t-shirt, same if we are staying with someone else. As much as I like being naked, I’m not all about scaring my family. But if it’s just us, even if I’m on the floor, I’m most comfortable nude. I would love to say that I do it so Sir has easy access whenever he wants. And that is a nice bonus. But as I started losing clothes long before I met him, I can’t give him all the credit.

And I’m a complete hypocrite about it. My 4yo is all about running around naked and can strip very quickly given the chance. Even the 15mo old is learning new skills. I picked him up at daycare the other day and he was waddling around in just a diaper. The ladies were laughing and said they wanted me to see how ‘talented’ he was. I guess I should have at least acted surprised. But I always tell the kids that they need to stay dressed. They have to wear pajamas and they can’t come downstairs in the morning without clothes on, even on the weekends. I know, I’m cruel.

But naked, curled up under a blanket with coffee and a book is my happy place. *cough* I mean….kneeling at my masters feet is my happy place.

Obviously.

Popularity

Apparently, I was popular in college. There was whole group that was certain I was a lesbian, but that is another story. It wasn’t because I was a history major, or a drummer in the marching band. No, what made me popular was my single room.

I know that sounds odd, and it is. I’m sure every college that has on-campus housing offers single rooms to it’s students. My sophomore year I had a double room. But my roommate was a junior who was on her study abroad semester and would not be back until spring. So, in the nicest dorm on campus, I had a huge room all to myself. I pushed the twin beds together to make a lovely double bed to stretch out on. I created a large L-shaped desk for my computer and my coffee pot (yes, my addiction to coffee had already emerged). I filled my ‘second’ closet with pillows to create a reading nook. It was my haven and I spent a lot of time there.

I didn’t realize that this was common knowledge. I didn’t have any big parties, and I certainly wasn’t what most would call social. I’m was a nerd, I still am; I own it. But I was wrong. And if I had thought about it, I might have realized why.

I spend a lot of time naked. Long before kink I have not only slept naked, but spent most of my personal time naked. My freshman roommate put up with me sleeping nude, but, out of respect, I wore clothes when I just lounging around the room. The next year, however, I didn’t have to worry about anyone else. I could sit at my desk, read in bed, do a workout (I often chose not to do that) and all while naked. While I’m not entirely comfortable with my body, I never had a problem when I was alone.

Silly me for actually thinking I was alone.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I guess there were several people who knew about my compulsion. They could see my second floor window from the yard behind my building and could sit and watch me move around my room. Years later, I mentioned to Sir once that I loved to walk around naked in college. He asked me if I was the ‘girl with great tits who kept her curtains open’. See…popular.

Check out other’s experiences with peeping toms on this week’s Wicked Wednesday.

Wicked Wednesday

Healthy Start

I have been talking to Sir about getting healthy for awhile. My mother has been dieting and adding exercise to her life for the last year. She has lost over 50 lbs. (even with all the chips and pints in England). She looks amazing. The thinest and most energetic I’ve ever seen her. Since they got home last week it’s been a huge motivator in getting me thinking about changes.

Also, one of my cousin’s friends passed away suddenly last December. He had a heart attack. He was in his mid-thirties. I know he wasn’t taking care of himself. He drank a lot, smoked a lot, more than dabbled in drugs. But even though I don’t live in those sorts of extremes, it was still a wake up call. My kids need a mom who is going to be around for a lot longer than that. And, now that Sir and I have found ourselves in this new D/s dynamic, I intend to enjoy it for as long as possible.

I will admit, since our sex life has ramped up there is a lot more naked me time. And, since Baby 2.0, my body doesn’t resemble the tiny dancer frame I once had. It’s hard to feel sexy when buying XL underwear. Sir thinks my stretch marks from the kids have character; I think he’s just jealous that they have left larger, more permanent marks on me than he has. Even so, losing some significant weight would help me feel sexier for him. I need to increase my activity and lower my caloric intake. Between keeping up with the kids and having enough energy at the end of the day to preform my slave duties for Sir, coffee isn’t going to get the job done.

It’s hard when you are an emotional eater. When I get upset or stressed, I just want junk. Especially junk that I don’t have to cook. I’ve gotten better, and working on my depression has helped. But I also need to work to correct the damage that has already been done.

So, over the weekend Sir took me out and bought me a fitness tracker. Looking through all the options, we settled on the Jawbone U2, but there are several choices depending on what features you want. Sir has been really supportive. He’s never called me fat, or complained about my weight changing with the depression or the kids. Every time that I have tried to start a work out or a diet, he has been right behind me. This will be no different, except it will be successful.

He’s going to work with me to set goals and incorporate them into my tasks and rules. This tracker has motivation tips too. Including yelling at me right now because I’ve been sitting at my desk too long. Great, now I have a machine telling me what to do too.

Maybe I didn’t think this through.

Birthday Suit

So I have slept naked for probably the last fifteen years. Ever since high school, I’m not really sure why. Pajamas were just so much work. Luckily for me, my college roommate didn’t mind (her bisexuality and my luscious breasts helped). My parents think I’m weird. Sir never really said anything, so I figured he didn’t care. Easier access for him, right?

But watching porn, everyone has a shirt on. It’s that weird shirt up over the face or shirt as a gag or just oddly sitting in the torso area. I guess sometimes they use it like a handle, but that’s still just looks uncomfortable. But it did get me thinking about clothes. Sexy underwear and stockings are everywhere. Clothes provide this sense of mystery. A sensuality somehow that naked cannot. I never would have thought that.

Since I am guest in my parents house, I wear clothes to bed when we visit. And when we came home on Sunday I decided to wear underwear and a camisole to bed. Sir noticed and commented, but he also seemed turned on. More turned on than just being naked?

Curious as to other subs/slaves if you have to sleep naked or clothed? Do you have a uniform while at home or during scenes? I’m so used to sleeping naked, it was odd, but I could get used to it if it was something that he enjoyed. So I’m not sure which is the best way to go. Due to the kids and our limited time together, a full corset with stockings and garters isn’t really an option every time we scene. But some simple cotton panties and a thin shirt have an allure that I could get behind.