Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

A Ghostly Moan

“Is someone there?” Alice looked around. She hoped that no one would answer. It had been a long day and the idea of lounging on the couch naked and unwinding to some porn sounded lovely. After another beat of silence Alice decided the coast was clear. Her purse hit the counter as she quickly unbuttoned her pants and walked into the living room. Suzanne and Mattie were supposed to be working late, but she double checked that the front door was locked, just in case. A few extra seconds warning was better than nothing; not that she was ashamed, but no point making things more awkward than necessary.

Alice ran to her room and grabbed her favorite toy and a DVD she hadn’t watched in ages. She stopped for a towel in the hall closet and popped the DVD in on her way to the couch. Laying out the towel to save any uncomfortable explanations later, she laid down on it and waited for the movie menu.

It was an old porno that she has bought from one of those Lion’s Den roadside rests on a dare in college. Everyone else on the road-trip probably assumed she had thrown it away. But it had, instead, become one of her favorites. She would fully admit to it being cheesy, gratuitous lesbian porn. Made for men, obviously. However, the girls were hot and watching women go down on each other is always amazing.

Pressing play Alice lay back against the cushion and grabbed her trusty vibrator. Trying to ease herself in she just rubbed her clit with it turned off as she watched the horrible opening dialogue.

Then she heard a notice behind her. She quickly turned off the movie and hid the vibrator behind her thigh.  Laying in silence she waited for someone to walk in, but no one came. Alice chalked it up to hearing things; she really was too tense these days.

Quickly turning the porn back on she lost patience with herself. She wanted to enjoy herself, but that wasn’t going to happen until she had at least one orgasm and could fully relax. Grabbing the vibrator she turned it on it’s medium setting and began rubbing her outer lips. The women in the film were moaning now and so was she. She was practically dripping when she started moving the dildo in and out of her cunt. For her it wasn’t really about the penetration, it was about hitting her entrance and clit at the same time. Soon she found a good rhythm and came hard. Her moans drowned out those of the blond on the tv as the week’s stress was finally released.

After she stopped twitching Alice turned the vibrator speed to low and just watched the two women suckle each other’s nipples. She knew she wanted another, and watching this would certainly help. Closing her eyes for a moment she sunk even more into the soft couch. Then a low moan made her open her eyes. Neither of women’s voices were that deep. Where did it come from?

She paused the video again and only heard silence. These odd interruptions were disrupting her masturbation time and she wasn’t at all pleased. Getting up, she walked naked into the kitchen, swinging her vibrator (still on, by the way) in her hand. Silence filled the kitchen as she got a glass of water and wandered back into the living room. The DVD had paused in an amazing freeze frame of a tongue mid-lick of a plump pink clit. It was so arousing Alice didn’t even press play. Instead, she lay back down and used her one hand on her nipple along with the vibrator. The photo alone was enough to bring her her second orgasm.

Alice lay on the couch; a puddle of relaxed and happy goo. She considered going for a third, but wanted to enjoy the endorphins for a bit first. Then she heard another moan followed by a thump. She shot up on the couch, but nothing had fallen or was out of place.

Alice growled. She refused to get freaked out over nothing. Hitting play again she returned to her nipple and clit. This time she turned the vibrator to it’s highest setting. Before things got any freakier she was going to try and shatter herself. Thrusting the vibrator in deep and then slowly pulling it out across her lips to her clit she was soon a quivering mess. Again she thought she heard another moan, but she pushed through with determination toward her orgasm. Watching the two women sixty-nine each other was going to put her over the edge. She put the vibrator against her clit and pushed hard while pinching her nipple until it hurt. All three women moaned together, but Alice was only one to shatter. She squirted all over the towel as she came in waves against the vibrator.

The women in the film kept at it, but Alice was spent. She lay in a gooey mass on the couch for several minutes until the calm was firmly cemented into her brain. When she got up the towel was soaked as well as a few drops that had escaped it’s coverage. Giving the couch a quick wipe with a dry part of the towel, she hoped it would dry before anyone would notice.

Walking toward her room to put the towel in the hamper and throw on some grunge clothes she stepped on something sticky. When she rubbed her foot and smelled her hand in an effort to determine the substance it smelled like cum. Not from her, but from a man. Her knowledge and experience with semen was limited, but she was nearly positive that was what this was. However, for it to be this ‘fresh’ the owner of said semen would had to been in the house quiet recently.

Once in her room, Alice put on a cami and some panties. She heard her phone ring in the living room and ran to catch it. It was just a notification of a text message from Becca.

Hey Slut! Did you get some release this afternoon?

Yeah, very much needed squirty orgasms 🙂

Not sure a needed to know that, but yeah!

Are you busy? Could you come over?

I don’t want to see your squirty orgasms. But yeah, let me drop off the shopping and I’ll over. What’s wrong?

I think a male ghost jerked off to me masturbating.

….I’ll bring wine

Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings

Poly Problem #53: Sharing Porn

Because Jack and I live quite a distance apart, we generally chat on twitter or via text. We talk mostly about our families and how much we want to be fucking each other at that moment. Jokes and kid’s quotes get shared for the other to read when the other wakes up. The time change, while annoying, is manageable as we both put in the effort. As with any long-distance relationship, it takes work.

We also share a lot of photos. Most are selfies, taken during our conversations to depict a certain mood or response. I’ll admit to sending quite a few boob pics and if I think my hair looks particularly good that day I’ll see if he agrees. Basically our relationship is a bit of a teenage romance for me. Except with a lot more dirty talk and mutual masturbation. So, nothing teenage about it. And I’m sure it depends on how you define romance. I’m a beer and burgers with a B movie kind of girl rather than a wine and escargot with opera.*

There are also a number of nudes and dick pics. I don’t want to say how many, we’ll go with a lot. Some videos too. Many saved on my phone for occasions when I need a little help (not help doing dishes, if that’s not obvious). I still maintain, hearing him moan my name as he cums is the hottest thing. Which is my not so subtle segway into today’s Poly Problem – Sharing porn.

Jack and I were chatting the other day, as we often do. Conversation turned to sexy things that he’d like to do to me (one of my favorite topics). A steamy photo or two were exchanged and I asked him if I could have another video. I have a thing about watching him jerk off. He will send me a video from time to time, often with a good moan of my name included. I have a great one from when he was here in December on loop right now. Getting a new one is always a gooey present. This time he had an interesting response:

“Sure I can send you one. It doesn’t have any names in it as I sent it to Jill earlier. Does that bother you?”

I said it didn’t bother me and he sent the video over. I enjoyed it and didn’t give it another thought until later that night. Getting ready for bed I pulled the video back up. I thought about the fact that he had made it for Jill. That he had sent it to her first. I felt like I should be upset, but I couldn’t pin point why. I mean, I would love to have Jack all to myself for an extended period. But at the same time, I respect that we have separate lives.

I would be lying if I said that knowing that Jack sent the same photos to me that he sent to every other woman he talks to doesn’t bother me. There are times when I want something to be just for me. To have a piece of him that I don’t have to share. I’m hoping that’s normal. But does it bother me if I get a video/photo/etc. that someone else has seen? It certainly didn’t make it any less hot. And it’s not like I haven’t sent him a photo that I had previously posted on twitter or on here.

Is there an expectation with all things intimate that they be exclusive to the recipient? This falls back to one of my previous posts about thinking about someone else when you are having sex. Does that apply to masturbation as well? If you shoot a video or photo of an erection that you got while thinking about someone other than who you send it to, is it less sexy?  I don’t think so, but I guess I could see how some people would think so. The rabbit hole on this can get deep very quickly.

I think maybe this is something to be sorted out with your partners on a case by case basis. Depending on how many people you play/flirt with, it may not be an issue. But to ensure that everyone feels special and appreciated when they are with you, it would be something to be up front about. I’m pretty relaxed about it, but I’m not sure I’d be thrilled to get a video with Jack moaning someone else’s name. Though, honestly, I would probably just mute it and grab my Doxy. Hey, when you find something that works for you, you don’t ask why.

Masturbation Monday logo

*Though as a completely random note, I love The Pirates of Penzance. I can be classy…sometimes.

Poly Hotel Guide

What to look for when you are meeting up with your lover at a hotel for a few days:

As Jack and I have planned this his visit I actually considered quite a few things when determining what local hotel to use. We decided for space and comfort reasons that we would stay at the hotel and then visit the house during the day. That way there wouldn’t be pressure for any threesome activities if Sir wasn’t up for it. And we don’t have to wash the sheets, so bonus. He’s flying in to an airport around an hour away, so we wanted to stay there rather than finding a hotel around my house. For privacy reasons, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to keep my hands off him that long.

  1. Room service. Our hotel doesn’t actually have this amenity, but it is one that I would generally recommend. Jack and I are trying to force ourselves to get out a bit. Without the possibility of food being delivered straight to room we will have to get dressed at some point. We’ve talked about a honest to goodness date. This may degrade down into a drive through so we can get back to the room faster, but I’m holding out hope. I have nicer clothes (i.e. clean pants that are sweats) packed just in case. If your goal is to stay naked as much as possible, room service is a must.
  2. Free Wifi. Not that we plan on spending too much time on our phones, but internet access is pretty crucial. There are the obvious twitter updates and photos to share. It’s also nice as sometimes #4 isn’t an option and finding your own is necessary.
  3. Late check-out. This is pretty obvious and I’m not honestly sure what ‘early’ check-out is anymore. No one wants to be rushed out on their last day of vacation. Especially as I will have to drive Jack to the airport and say goodbye until who knows when. The longer we can stay cuddled in bed the better.
  4. Porn. I have written about porn in hotels before. Most don’t have it for purchase anymore, which is sad. I am a huge fan of porn as entertainment or background noise. Jack and I are bring some and can always download more though. And, not having porn is always a good excuse to create some of your own. 🙂
  5. Local sights  Nope, 1-4 pretty much covers it.

Needless to say I’m looking forward to some fun this weekend. We are also hoping to visit my house and small town for some lunch and maybe some time with Sir. Some board games and beer could be a nice break from all those orgasms.

Sick Sad World

Rye got home exhausted. I took one look at her and told her that she was going to bed straight away after dinner. I let her have a doxy ride first, to help ease her onward to Morpheus’ realm. It wasn’t easy or remotely fair to either one of us. We’ve both been lonely the past couple of days. She needs the sleep, and it’s my job to make sure she gets it. Still, it’s not the tear-strained anal I was hoping for.

So, I was going to write a post about this sacrifice, and how necessary and unpleasant sacrifices are constant. But then I checked my email.

No, before I tell this story, I need to make a disclaimer: I have been head over heels in love with the Kink.com intellectual property since before there was a kink.com, when it was just Hogtied and the idea of buying and renovating the San Francisco Armory was just an impossible dream. We are not affiliates of the sites and I’m not getting anything out of sharing this with you. Nothing, that is, instead of an incredible amount of joy.

Hardcore Gangbang (one of the Kink.com sites) has released a Daria porn-parody.

(I’m just going to let this sink in…)

Here’s the copy from the page for the shoot:  

Daria’s best friend Jane decides its time for Daria to lose her virginity and boy does she. Trent, his dirtbag friends and the principal make sure that Daria gets manhandled, ass fucked, face fucked, deeply double penetrated, AND gets two cocks shoved in her ass until this cum hungry whore begs for a filthy bukkake mess all over her face.

Rye and I are both 90’s kids. This is going to be some good shit, let me tell you what.

**This is Rye. See how the ‘sacrifice’ post was quickly abandoned? Just sayin’. I did get about ten hours of sleep and feel amazing for a Monday though. And now I have Daria porn to look forward to. Win/win**

Attempts at Self-Gratification

Sir told me to cum when he left for work yesterday. I actually avoided it for awhile, as I was worried that I wouldn’t be successful. Stress and my ever-processing mind has made it difficult lately to focus through to orgasm. But after the grocery run and packing a few boxes, I decided to give it a go. I mean, he told me to, right? I grabbed the Doxy and thought that porn might be a nice change. But with this plan came a problem. All our porn is on Sir’s gaming computer, and I was pretty sure it was password protected.

In the end, I was able to find the porn folder and get into it without too much difficulty. I’ll actually have to talk to him about how easy it would be for the kids to stumble on it. But then…what to watch? It’s hard enough to decide what to watch on Netflix, much less what to wank to. Out of sheer curiosity I chose a vanilla piece that we purchased before we were kinky. It’s not kinky to watch porn together is it? If so we have always been and I never realized.

I couldn’t remember the last time I had seen it and it didn’t take long to remember why. Wow, do I need in kink in my life! It was mildly inspirational, I mean I eventually came. But it was a hard fight. There was no kneeling, no spanking, no choking. I don’t know what it is about kinky oral, but BDSM blow jobs are so much better to watch. She didn’t even seem half interested. I’m not judging, but isn’t that the whole idea of what pornstars do? I go after Sir’s cock with more enthusiasm and I’m not being filmed or paid. Well, paid in his satisfaction and appreciation (wink wink). I don’t know, it was just sort of a let down.

Then the woman had her turn. That part is always interesting for me. A viewpoint I never get to see. I tend to find that that is one my biggest turn ons. I like to watch men work. Well, women work too, I’m not picky.

So anyway, maybe I’ll try a different one today. Sir is gone with at a conference and I’m all alone in our big bed until Sunday. I think I’ll have time to test out a few more.

Searching for XXX

I didn’t really watch a lot of porn until I after I got married, and never on my own. The husband and I watched it together occasionally early on in our relationship. We started with pretty vanilla stuff, I think he was trying to ease me in. But then we amassed a collection of all types. I don’t mind admitting that a lot of all girl stuff is probably my favorite. We used to watch it more, especially after we started BDSM activities, but porn is hard with kids. For whatever reason it’s not as hot with a myriad of Mickey Mouse and Octonaut toys all around you. And all the moaning and dirty talk isn’t really something that you want the kids walking in on. It’s hard enough trying to keep myself quiet during sex, much less when three other girls are moaning along with me.

A good evening of porn is usually filled with moans, grunts, and several laughs. On our honeymoon we rented this amazing piece of cinema. I wish I could remember the title, but it was Indiana Jones XXX or something. The main character was a woman and she fucks her way through an anthropological dig. It was amazing. The were whips and cargo pants and everything. There were a few others as well, but that one still makes me smile eight years later.

And it is this memory that has inspired my upcoming rant. Mainly, where has all the hotel porn gone? We have stayed in several hotels over the past few years for work and vacation. The kids haven’t been with us, staying with grandparents. We have always appreciated this opportunity when our first child was little as they meant a good nights’ sleep and some amazing sex. We would do a nice dinner and then head back to the room early for an evening of porn and sex. Even if we passed out by midnight (remember…parents) we would get through at least two movies and two or three rounds ourselves.

So when I started this work from home position with bi-monthly trips to the corporate office we were excited. I tried to schedule my meetings on Fridays and he would come with me. We would both work during the day, hopefully I could get a tattoo appointment with my guru and then we would have the evening together. It was a pretty nice set up considering how few date nights we were usually able to arrange. But here’s the thing, in the last year we have probably done four or five of these trips together. We have stayed at different hotels around the city, due to price and availability. And not a single one has had pay-per-view porn. I mean, really?

Do they just assume that they will use their free (and usually slow as fuck) internet to look up porn ourselves? Was their cut not big enough? Are they trying to maintain some idea that their establishment is too good for people to masturbate on their sheets?

I understand that there is a wealth of amateur porn out there. And we actually subscribe to an internet site for most of our porn. But when we have a fun night together at a hotel is fun to put on something new (and usually hilarious) porn re-imagining of Twilight or some such thing and laugh as we exchange oral and eat leftovers in bed.

I mean what does it really hurt to have a selection of adult entertainment for the discerning customer who stays at their hotel? Have that many people complained? Were they just getting too many complaints about it being too accessible to kids or something? I feel like a password or some parental responsibility would be a much better option than getting rid of Cream my Pie 6 from my viewing pleasure. By now we have come to accept this new reality, but the first few nights it really ruined the evening. We would get excited for an evening of Gang Bangs XIII and sleeping in. So both of us would have to work to bounce back from our lack of Sorority Girls All Anal and making the best of our hotel evening.

It just seems odd to me that hotel chains would become more conservative in this way. Next thing you know you won’t be able to sleep in the same room without a marriage license. Rather than taking an accepting position of peoples’ lifestyles and sexual freedoms they are tell all off us to just fuck off. Or doing their best to encourage us to fuck at home.

Well guess what various hotels who refuse to let me laugh and enjoy a quality porn video with whomever I choose in your establishment, I hear your position. And I guess I will enjoy my porn and repeated fucking in my own home in the future.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Weekend Report

This weekend was amazing. The mommy guilt kicked in a few times as my mother-in-law was keeping us updated on Baby 2.0’s teething issues. My tattoo guru is a single mom, so she and I talked through a lot while I was in the chair. My tattoo looks awesome by the way, hopefully I can get some photos today now that it has had a few days to heal.

Friday night was great. We went out with one of Sir’s co-workers and his girlfriend. It was so nice to have an adult conversation (even vanilla). Although I will admit I was super horny all through dinner. I kept rubbing Sir’s leg to try and keep in physical contact with him. I practically skipped into the elevator when we got to the hotel. I pulled out all the toys and laid them out across the desk. The room had a beautiful chaise lounge chair that was put to good use. We would definitely go back.

I think we got pretty wrapped up (pun intended) with what we were doing, so pictures weren’t really a priority. I would love to blame Sir, but instead I’ll take it as a compliment that I was so distracting that he forgot to grab the camera.

The crop generally makes a lot of noise, so we don’t get to play with it too much at home. So it was nice not to have to worry about waking up the kids. The dreaded clothespins made an appearance. I think he loves to play with them as he knows that they can make me cry without too much effort.

But it was a good time. Sir and I have decided that we need a king size bed. It’s so big. He wouldn’t even know if I was on the floor or not.

However, one small beef. What is up with hotels not having porn anymore? I swear. This is the third hotel that we have stayed at in as many months that don’t have porn. We were able to make our own entertainment, but it’s just been bugging me.

Nice calm week this week. The mass of appointments and work stress have passed. I still have work to do, but not near as hectic.

Sorry if that wasn’t quite as raunchy as you may have expected. I think my photo yesterday may have set you up for something else. But it was a great time. Hopefully we can find a way to fit in photos next time.

Once you go black…

In moving around our first floor last weekend, my books had to migrate. I will openly state that I have a book addiction. And I read just about everything. But in moving one of the bookshelves to the new dining room, I had to move my enormous collection of romance novels. Most are by the same author, all take place in the British Isles, mostly Scotland. I’m a sucker for Scotland. Anyway, as usually happens, I saw a cover that caught my eye, and I sat down to read it.

Romance novels are pretty basic (for those of you who don’t obsessively read them like I do). Couple meet, lots of sex, insurmountable problem occurs, they beat the odds and end up together. They are sort of a feel good read for me. I know there is going to be a happy ending and some sex in the middle, it’s a win win.

But kink has changed that. It’s still a feel good read, but these books don’t have the same pull that they used to. I’ll read one occasionally as a ‘fun book’ (a term that I used in college to delineate books I read for pleasure as opposed to those I read for class), but I don’t read them to put me in a sexual place anymore. I have amazing blogs that have replaced that niche in my life. So my paperback bookshelf just doesn’t get the attention that it used to.

It’s like porn (I know that was a bit of a leap, but please stay with me). We have a collection of vanilla porn. Videos that Sir purchased himself or that we picked out together as we were trying various things before we found BDSM. And the other day I was craving some video simulation. Sir looked at me and said, “You want to watch the vanilla stuff?”. He sounded quite surprised. But it got me thinking about it. And it’s like vanilla sex is just regular tv now. Like my romance novels are just books. Watching sex is interesting, I mean, I’m not going to change the channel. Having it on in the background when we play wouldn’t be terrible. But it doesn’t have the same effect that it used to. I would read ‘mommy porn’ before bed and then tackle Sir as soon as he came in because I was so hot for sex. Part of me is a little bummed that I can’t get ramped up like that anymore. Though now all he has to do is pull on my collar or tell me to kneel and I’m a dripping mess. Given the option I’ll take the second one.

So I don’t think that vanilla porn or romance novels are like my pathetic pun of a title. I can still enjoy and appreciate them; even if they don’t turn me on the same way. But I am a little surprised at how quick that change took place. I’ve been collared a little over a year and kink really is my sexual expression now. I can’t even think of the last time we had sex that didn’t include some manner of D/s or control. But my bookshelf will still continue to be added to and I have no plans of deleting our porn selection. You never know when it might come in handy. And if I got rid of all my romance novels my mom would know something was up and get mad as she could no longer borrow them.

Birthday Suit

So I have slept naked for probably the last fifteen years. Ever since high school, I’m not really sure why. Pajamas were just so much work. Luckily for me, my college roommate didn’t mind (her bisexuality and my luscious breasts helped). My parents think I’m weird. Sir never really said anything, so I figured he didn’t care. Easier access for him, right?

But watching porn, everyone has a shirt on. It’s that weird shirt up over the face or shirt as a gag or just oddly sitting in the torso area. I guess sometimes they use it like a handle, but that’s still just looks uncomfortable. But it did get me thinking about clothes. Sexy underwear and stockings are everywhere. Clothes provide this sense of mystery. A sensuality somehow that naked cannot. I never would have thought that.

Since I am guest in my parents house, I wear clothes to bed when we visit. And when we came home on Sunday I decided to wear underwear and a camisole to bed. Sir noticed and commented, but he also seemed turned on. More turned on than just being naked?

Curious as to other subs/slaves if you have to sleep naked or clothed? Do you have a uniform while at home or during scenes? I’m so used to sleeping naked, it was odd, but I could get used to it if it was something that he enjoyed. So I’m not sure which is the best way to go. Due to the kids and our limited time together, a full corset with stockings and garters isn’t really an option every time we scene. But some simple cotton panties and a thin shirt have an allure that I could get behind.

What We Needed

So last night was really nice. Sorry to disappoint, but it wasn’t overly kinky. But that is what made it so perfect. Follow me, I’ll get there.

We got to the hotel with about an hour before our dinner reservation. I needed a shower and had several underthings to force my body into so that I would look good in my dress. So we unpacked the clothes and toys, Sir collapsed on the bed to find the porn and I jumped in the shower. I was rinsing my conditioner when he walked in,

“There’s no porn.” It was a definitive statement. Like, my hair is brown, or England kicks ass at rugby (sorry, my mom is texting me about the six nations game and Italy is getting stomped).

“What do you mean there is no porn? Like, there isn’t anything right now or you can’t find the pay-per-view channels?” I turned the water off and opened the curtain to look at him.

“No, I mean like you cannot order porn at this hotel, full stop.” We just stared at one another. I’m sure I had a pretty incredulous face. What hotel doesn’t have pay-per-view porn? It’s not that nice of a place.

But, we laughed it off. I squeezed myself into a pretty black dress. Sir looked dashing, as always, and we headed down to dinner. We ordered way too much food. After salads, entrees, and desserts we were enjoying our spiked coffee and trying to get the motivation to move.

And we looked at each other. It was a smile, a smirk and a knowing. Knowing that we were going to go upstairs and curl into bed. That the gag and rope would stay in the bag. That we would have some amazing sex and then go to sleep. And that that was perfectly ok.

In the end, my vibrator was the only toy to make an appearance. I got a little spanking. Several orgasms later we crawled under the covers talking about how much we really needed to get a king size bed, and passed out.

It wasn’t the stuff of BDSM erotica. It wasn’t the best sex, the kinkiest sex, the most sex, that we have ever had in a hotel room or in one night. But it was perfect. It was exactly the connection that we needed. We laughed and talked at dinner. We flirted over dessert and as we undressed one another before bed. We took a shower together this morning while debating breakfast joints.

I crave kink. I crave dominance. It’s a want. But last night was the perfect example of being given exactly what we needed, not necessarily everything that we wanted. I leave on Tuesday for two weeks. And while a night of bondage and impact play would have been fun, the connection and intimacy that we had last night will be what gets me through those two weeks of sleeping alone (or more likely with small children).

And it’s the way that the two of adapted to the situation together. We look the lack of porn the copious amounts of amazing food and ran with it. And having that ability to adapt together is what makes him so perfect for me. What makes us perfect together. Always collared, but able to be whatever we need from each other. Whatever he needs from me.