Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Some Air

Sir and I finally got some air. Things have been tight financially as we’ve gotten closer to the official move and through some finagling and some luck we got a breather yesterday. It’s not a lot, but it is just enough at the right time.

When he came home from work last night he seemed lighter. Both of our good moods seeped through the house. The kids were cute and nondestructive (mostly). We even packed several boxes and loaded my car for drop-off.

I was almost surprised when, after the kids went to bed, he ordered me to kneel and shoved his cock in my face. Not complaining, it had just been so long since that has happened that I wasn’t prepared. It was nice. Not a big scene or anything, we’re easing back in. Getting back to regular sex is a good first step. Whips and chains are easy to add as we go (easy for me anyway).

Sometimes you just need that one positive thing to make everything more manageable. Your brain is so overwhelmed and depressed, but one piece of good news and remind you that you can get passed it. Whatever it is may not magically fix everything, but it crosses one thing off the list. When that list has done nothing but grow, it’s amazing how much lighter it can make you feel. Both Sir and I last night had some air and some breathing room. Sir even came twice. He hasn’t been relaxed enough to do that in months.

I am heading to the house today to stain floors and finishing painting the upstairs. I’ve been really happy at all the work I have been able to do either by myself or with dad’s help. I think it will be great to be able to say that we did all the work in renovating the upstairs. Since we are looking to move at the end of the month I will probably need to spend the weekend there to get the floors finished, but they do look nice so far. And some of the stress relief from today is going to help us finish up some of the projects downstairs too.

It’s so nice to finally feel like we are getting there. Though it does reinforce how ready we are to be out of this rental. Hoping to use the motivation to pack more boxes the next few days. The boys are going to think it’s Christmas in July when we unpack all these toys we have had boxed up the last few months. Maybe we won’t have to buy anything for their birthdays this year. Knowing my kids I doubt it.

Struggling

I wish I had something sexy and/or inspirational to say. But I don’t. Sir spent yesterday afternoon upstairs working and I packed. Slow but sure. But we’re hopefully going to be out of here in twelve days (don’t judge my countdown). So last week I only clocked nine hours of work. Between work at the new house and cleaning this place so they could show it to new renters I got little else completed.

And sexy is a word that hasn’t really been mentioned lately. We’re both just so stressed out. Trying to make money work, being worried about mom, and just keeping things together is sapping all our energy. We are sort of just working passed one another. Trying to put out fires as they appear. Slowly making steps to make our current landlords, the kids, and our bosses happy. We are just wiped.

At least, I hope that is all this is. He’s been so distant. I think it’s just stress, but it’s like he doesn’t want to be here (here with me and the kids, not here in this house). His work is overwhelming and it just bleeds into everything when he gets home. We crawl into bed, play on our phones for ten minutes, and then pass out. I’m not sure we even touched each other that much yesterday.

I’m going to try and make this my last whiny post though. If I don’t have anything positive or sexy or happy to say than I will just take the day off. Hopefully once we are moved then I get inspired to write something worth reading again.

Work for the Weekend

Thank heavens this week is almost over. I’ve already had my fill. My OBGYN called on Monday to say that I had an irregular pap smear and they wanted me to come back in. Time to trigger my panic. The last few days have been panic on top of worry with a side of stressed. When they call and try to schedule you for their first available appointment it is usually time to start worrying.

Well, I went to the doc yesterday and everything is okay. No cancer or HPV concerns. Apparently the IUD can cause my body to create some bacteria that can throw off the results. They just wanted me to come in to talk about symptoms and to double check that everything is alright; which it was. And I probably wouldn’t have freaked out so much if this wasn’t coming on the heels of mom’s accident and all the moving stress. And I didn’t want to tell my parents about it until I knew what was really going on. So instead, it’s added another layer of stress to the beginning of the week. But it’s one less thing to worry about now at least, so I am glad I took that first appointment.

Our landlord has started coming down on us about the house. It was completely out of the blue and it ruined Sir and my moods. We have two kids and a dog, the carpets are going to get a little dingy; it’s not like we weren’t going to clean them before we left. But they did a showing of the place the other night and the realtor took pictures (which I did not give permission for) and she sent a nasty email. We talked and she apologize, but it just tipped the scale of how much we are both ready to be out of here. This weekend will be the last big push to get things done at the house before we start moving in. Hoping to get the floors sanded and sealed and the last few closet doors painted. I’ll have to do another renovation post on the kitchen. They did a beautiful job.

So, we’ll see how the next few days and the weekend go. Mass packing will fill my next week and probably several trips to unload them. We’ll probably have to get a truck to move the larger pieces of furniture, but I am hoping to call on some burly cousins to help with the lifting. Fingers crossed it won’t be long now. We should be able to celebrate Mother’s Day (the US one) in the new house. Then we can focus on jobs and paying off some of these bills.

Maybe people will give us Xanax for housewarming gifts.

Old House/New Start

This will be the year we move into our house. Not a rental, certainly not our parents’ homes. A place that is ours. We wanted a project, not a turn key home. And we found one.

This is the current state of our kitchen and first floor bathroom:

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We finished demo over the weekend. It greatly reduced the cost if we did it ourselves, and we were more than happy to raise a hammer to destruction. There are a lot of pictures of my mother and I gleefully swinging hammers, but you can only see so many of them before you start thinking we’re psychopaths.

But this is our shell. I meet with the contractors today to finalize a start date for them. It will be a few months of work, but a brand new bathroom and kitchen will be worth it. Because this will be our home.

See others’ new starts for the year at this week’s Wicked Wednesday.

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

Demo

At the new house tearing out the kitchen and dining room today. A great stress relief. But apparently not enough relief as my face is breaking out. I was really hoping that, at thirty, I would be done with acne. Maybe after this renovation Sir will let me get a chemical peel or something.

imageSo we are making progress. More walls to come down today.

Maybe tonight Sir will give me a rub down as I will be quite sore.

But first, coffee. Then, the hammers.

Weekend

Sigh.

I’m just trying to take everything in from this weekend. Let me show you my dichotomy problem.

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Stress relief.
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Sir’s Stress Relief.

We need to talk about how much I hate tape. Not the duct tape, though I hate that too. It’s the black electrical tape that Sir wrapped the clothespins with. They stick to the skin and it hurts like a bitch. I’d rather have the splinters.

But anyway, this represents my weekend. We tore out a wall at the new house; at least two more will come down before we’re done. We are still trying to figure out what we’re going to be doing with the kitchen. We have a complete remodel planned, but the space is funky and we still need to figure out where everything is going to go.

The second picture was actually taken first (Thursday night, technically). This was the night that things went terribly wrong. Luckily, my mother-in-law took the kids for some grandma time on Friday. Sir and I ordered a pizza and did a lot of talking. We are both putting a lot of pressure on him. So we are taking a look at everything, maybe taking a step back. Clutching my collar a little tighter the last few days.

I’m worried I can already feel my attitude slipping. I’m not brating, but the thoughts enter my head more than I like. I’m weird about control. Things that I could easily let go of bother me a lot more. And the mounting stress of this renovation isn’t helping. I’m heading to the house two days this week, which is two days of paid work that I have to make up for. Then our budget for this reno is already tightening. At one point over the weekend we had water coming through one of the ceiling fans. Because, why not?

So I’m trying to take one day at a time. We are trying to take one day at a time. And I’m trying to keep everything in perspective. We’ll get there; and this type of relationship doesn’t just happen. Everything takes works along with trial and error. We were just getting so wrapped up in the labels that we weren’t having fun. To be fair, I’m not really having fun now, but at least we will be in the right space moving forward. I just hope that our pace isn’t completely halted by everything else.

I thought for a moment about going to get my hair cut off. A gesture of my ‘freedom’. And as soon as I thought it, I grabbed my long hair and couldn’t let go. I’ve got it bad.

Renovation Overload

Sir and I are dreamers. And when you mix that with my obsessive need to plan, you get a crazy mess. My pinterest has gone from funny coffee memes and pictures of half-naked men to row after row of kitchens. And you can see a marked difference between the bright, bold colors of the rooms that Sir likes and the rustic french style that I love. That will be a fight for another day. They are all pretty, but it will be hard to marry any drastic style with the rest of the house.

But, along with looking at pictures of kitchens, we are also trying to sort out a small bathroom and a mudroom. My netflix is running constant with design shows and remodel programs. I know how to do most of the work. My dad completely gutted one of the many houses we lived in growing up. I grew up around renovations. I’ve painted, stained and reupholstered more furniture than I can even remember. The idea of buying new just doesn’t provide the challenge. I have several pieces that I want to do before we move into the new place.

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I found this piece at a flea market a month or so ago. Right now it’s in our kitchen. It was $50. It was originally a victrola player; it even has the paper stamp on the bottom. Someone has removed the inter-workings and lined the box with cedar. The top would have originally opened on both sides, but they connected them so it’s one hinged top. The finish needs a lot of work. But I love the ornate details of it. Sir talked about putting our toys in it. Not sure that would work to organize them though. We’ll see when I get it done if he still wants it in the bed room or not.

Anyway, the renovation gears are turning. Small spaces, low budgets, and very different styles will make this renovation interesting. But don’t worry. We’ll keep it nice and kinky. I’ll refinish the furniture naked with ball gag.

All the family day

So today is quite the family day. The local zoo does a Boo at the Zoo event. It’s a nice way to trick or treat with little kids. They can run around and get a few pieces of candy (which Sir and I will end up eating). Sir’s mom is coming along for some ‘nana time’. It should be fun. Hopefully the kids won’t struggle too much with their costumes. The 4 year-old wasn’t keen on dressing up last year, but this time around he seems much more interested. The baby is just happy to be walking. And really, it’s not about the candy anyway.

After we get some lunch we are taking Sir’s mom to show her the new house. The inspection went pretty well, but we do have a radon issue. Hopefully that will be fixed without too much of a fight. There are small things we knew about already and a few we didn’t. A few windows need replaced, but they were in the kitchen remodel plan anyway. So hopefully things will keep moving forward. Looking to get the keys around Thanksgiving. I would love to get the fence in before the ground freezes, but considering how scary this winter is supposed to be, I’m not holding my breath.

Along with the mother-in-law, my parents and my mom’s sister are coming to the house too. There will be a lot of measuring and chatter with various ideas of how to do this first floor renovation. I will do a lot of before and after shots as we go. But one day at a time.

A big day with family today, but just us and the kids tomorrow. Hoping for some play time tonight, but we both might be beat, so no expectations. However, I will say that the boys have been going to sleep without too many issues lately. It has been nice to have a little more time in the evening, but we have been so tired we haven’t had a lot of hard play. Maybe we’ll eat the candy the kids get today so we can stay up tonight. Sugar rush BDSM. I’ll let you know how bad of an idea that turns out to be.