Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Personal Highs & Global Lows: 2016 Year in Review

This has been a year of ups and downs (how generic is that?). I’m not really sure I’ve had a year with more dramatic highs and lows. It’s just odd how many personal goals I have achieved this year. I think they were surrounded by so many global lows that it’s hard to find them through the fog. Between Brexit and the clusterfuck that was the U.S. Presidential election, it’s been tough. Not to mention all the influential people that have passed away this year. It’s been a public year that I would love to leave behind, but a personal year that I wouldn’t mind repeating.

I started my own business. – It has always been a goal and last February I officially got my L.L.C. up and running. I haven’t become a worldwide sensation, but I have a few clients and some pretty business cards. Hopefully I can give it more time in the coming year, but it will probably never be a full-time thing, and that’s okay.

We moved into our house. – Although we bought it in 2015, we didn’t officially move in until May of this year. The kitchen remodel and refinishing the floors took several months, and it was great to move into finished product rather than a renovation. There are still projects to do, there always are, but we are finally settled. Moving from rental to rental was a stressful process, and the idea of not looking at a moving truck for a decade or two sounds downright blissful.

I went back to work. – Separate from the business, I went back to work. I had been employed as a consultant for a database company from home. But when the opportunity came up to get back into an office and get good insurance coverage for everyone, I jumped at it. Don’t get me wrong, I miss my old masturbation sessions with Jack in the afternoon, but getting out of the house has been good for me. I mean, I wear more than sweatpants now, so that’s something.

My sleeve tattoo is finally finished. – I need to get a good picture to show it off, but I’m beyond happy with it. The whole thing took about 18 months to complete. There were several months between some of my appointments due to various hangups for me and my artist. But early in December I was able to go for my last piece of lace and touch-ups. I’m sure I’ll have a few spots that I will go back and have darkened at some point. Right now though, I couldn’t be happier with what she was able to do with my design request.

And then there were the more kinky aspects of my year….

We opened our marriage. – After talking a lot about other partners and sexual experiences, my husband and I decided to open our marriage. Looking back, this has been a roller coaster of a decision. I had a not go good interaction with a local dom that made me take a huge step back and question everything. Luckily, I kept an open mind and learned from my mistakes. Finding Jack and Jill and visiting them this fall was an amazing experience. Hopefully we will be able to work out another visit (or twelve) this year.

I started identifying as Poly. – I think I can safely say that this is purely because of Jack. After my negative experience, I never really thought that I would find someone that I had a deep emotional connection with outside of my marriage. When we opened up, I was looking for a friend with benefits. Someone to joke around with and maybe exchange oral once and awhile. But he is so much more than I could have hoped for. Aside from sharing a birthday, he has become such a good friend and lover. I am so happy to call him secondary and I know that our relationship will do nothing but grow in the coming year. (Get it, I said coming. He appreciates me, don’t judge.)

I had sex with a woman. – I don’t really classify myself as bisexual. Women are beautiful and I appreciate their minds and bodies. I just don’t really have emotional connections with them like I do with men. The one woman I thought I loved broke my heart, so it’s not really anything I’ve looked for. Visiting California this fall was a wonderful chance to have my first threesome and experience a woman’s body. Jill is lovely and I appreciate her letting me have that connection with her. Certainly something I would love to do again.

I doubled my ‘slept with’ list. – Not only did I have my first same-sex sexual encounter this year, but I actually doubled the number of people I have slept with. I went from three to six. I know, I was shocked too. Not sure I will be able to do the same next year, but as that number hasn’t changed at all in the decade before this, I was impressed.

I finally stopped ‘fighting’ my submission. – Through everything that Sir (my husband) has been dealing with this year I kept coming back to whether or not I really needed submission. Maybe I could just turn it off and everything would be easier. It took me awhile, but I realized that that’s stupid. I’m a submissive. I always have been in one form or another and I know now that I always will be. And I have the power to submit to who I choose. I know these seem like obvious conclusions to reach, but it’s taken me awhile to get there.

As far as resolutions go I tend to be too optimistic. I set high expectations for myself and then hate myself by the end of January. I always want to lose weight and write more, so we’ll see how that goes. My 101 Things in 1001 Days ends this year, so there are several things to work toward on there. Lots more photos, reflection, and erotic writing to come. And, I’m sure, the continuing fight with my depression will appear from time to time. You know, to break up all the boob pics.


My Heart’s Desire

She blinded me with library science gif.
Sir bought me a bag with this on it when I finished my Master’s degree.

I love to read. I was not one of those kids who watched the movie or read the Cliff’s notes when writing a book report. I think the only book I put down without eventually finishing was Anna Karenina. That book drove me crazy on so many levels.

Typically I’ll read just about anything. I enjoy some sci-fi/fantasy, history, crime, biography. Right now I am working my way through the expansive Dismas Hardy Series by John Lescroart. Crime thriller plus beautiful San Francisco backdrop is a win/win.

Then there is the elephant in the room. My collection of smut (smut is what my mom calls it; and hers matches my own). At this point you could probably make a near life-size elephant out of them. Especially if you included all of my digital books. My general tastes are very specific; and I know that doesn’t make any sense.

My collection of romantic fiction is largely historical romance that take place in Scotland. I think I have a few English one. Most of the time, if there’s not a kilt on the cover, I’m not buying it. I don’t mind the formulaic nature or the predicable endings. Somehow, the Highlands of Scotland make that more palatable. And sometimes you just want a good happy-ending read.

However, while a nice quick read for a plane flight, these stories are not what I would call hot. As a kinky individual, I see and read BDSM into everything. But that still doesn’t always work in more vanilla fiction to get me hot and steamy. For that I need to alter the course a bit. And luckily, there is a large about amazing erotica and BDSM fiction out there. I wrote a general review of the Master’s of the Shadowlands series. Also, there is the book that should be named all of those similar works that have been subsequently released to its popularity.

I also keep meaning to write a review of Marie’s amazing work Flight LU-365 that was released earlier this year. I still intend to write a post about it, so I will just say that it’s amazing. A book that pushes your interpretation of a ‘happy ending’. An emotionally difficult piece that you just cannot put down.

I am sure that my blog will start to have more book reviews as I sort out more time to read. Now that we are moved into the new house I am hoping that evenings will be calmer. And I’m sure I will rotate through different types of books. Maybe I’ll keep two going at the same time. One ‘regular’ book to read on nights when Sir has to work late. And another for when he is home and wants to play. A good steamy piece of D/s fiction to get me dripping before he comes to bed.

The problem will always be putting the book down. Though I am sure that the real life variant will always win out.

Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings