Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

New Toy

So tomorrow I turn 30. I’ve been working on a post for a while now, but it just sounds like I’m whining. Fingers crossed that it comes together, for your sake as much as mine.

But last night I was just so happy that Sir was feeling better, I decided that a nice clean shave was in order. He agreed and monitored my work. I had a few strays (TMI?), but he helped me get them taken care off in his lovely sadist way. I think we made his cunt look pretty good.

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He thought it was acceptable too. So much so, in fact, that it inspired him to give me one of my birthday presents early. I’m a sucker for a gift, so I was happy to let him spoil me. And I was certainly spoiled:

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Isn’t it pretty? Sir bought it at Stockroom. This is my first hitachi-like vibrator.

I’ve never really had much luck with vibrators. Generally, a bullet vibe or even the vibrating dildos that I’ve tried just don’t get me there. I think for years I physically fought enjoying it. My brain demanded a physical connection with another person. Probably why masturbation was always a challenge too.

However, as I venture into my thirties tomorrow I am ‘seeing the light’ in many ways. Have a relaxing full orgasm through masturbation is still very difficult, but maybe my new toy can help. It certainly has a lot of power. Sir decided to test it out on his new clean shaven pussy. It is probably the most powerful sensation I’ve had on my clit at one time. I can completely understand how these things can be used for pain or pleasure. I’m not sure exactly which Sir was going for. I came, really hard, but I was also squirming all over the bed. Even after I came he kept it pressed to my clit and I could feel my entire pussy throbbing.

I love my new toy. I’m a little bummed that I’ve spent the first thirteenish years of my sexual activity without one. Looks like I have some time to make up for.

Bad Day

Just a bad day generally. Sir didn’t sleep last night, the toddler has been having a rough few days, and I am feeling ignored. All three boys are fighting this cough/head cold thing. It’s just been a weird week as a whole.

I feel terrible putting that all on him. His stress makes him retreat and then I get lonely. I should be able to stand firm and handle his bad days with grace. If I was stronger, maybe that would help him get through those days faster. But just try to push through with sex. As long as he uses me sexually, I know that he is ok and I am still doing a good job. But when he pulls away from me there too, I get really lost.

While he was reading the boys a story last night I shaved. And I mean, I used a mirror, a brand new blade, pulled myself open shaved. I’m not sure I’ve ever been so smooth. It did make me want to get waxed though, as I want to be that smooth all the time. But I wanted to be perfect for him. So when he came to bed, played his game, and then went to sleep, I was crushed. It’s odd to me to how much his touch or lack thereof affects me. And part of me hates that. I need to be stronger.

But for today I am just grumpy. Personal growth will have to wait on my second cup of coffee. There are too many things on the list for reflection right now. Maybe on the drive to my parents this weekend I can turn up the radio and sing it out. We’ll see how many songs I get through before the toddler yells at me to turn it off.

But I look smarter

If you wear glasses, I commiserate. I’ve had them since I was in 2nd grade. I tried contacts in high school and my eyes had an allergic reaction to them. Go figure. Yes, they make me look mildly intelligent and I have fun with biannual style changes. For a few years in college I had these great cat’s eyes with little rhinestones on them. I’m easy to please. But, more often than not, they are pain and I despise them.

If you wear glasses and your Dom/me has a lower half shaving requirement, I want to take you to coffee for tips. I am myopic, I can’t see anything but blur if it’s more than four inches from my face. Let’s just say, that makes it hard to wield a sharpened set of five blades near my nether regions. I have, on occasion, taken my glasses in the shower, in order to be able to see. It doesn’t really work, I wouldn’t recommend it.

If you wear glasses, your Dom/me has a lower half shaving requirement, and can do so while you have a toddler knocking, a baby crying, or a dog trying to check on your progress, you are my god. Distraction equals sudden movements, which leads to scar tissue on my bits that is not entirely attractive. And, you have no idea how much it stings when Sir decides to play with my clit and there is cut there for his tongue or finger to hit. Repeatedly.