Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Just one of those days

Tuesday was just an off day. I really tried not to let it bother me. I tried to be positive and up beat as I struggled with each little annoyance. But it didn’t work. It took so much energy to wear a smile through each an every problem that by the time I drove home after work I had a massive headache. And having a headache as you walk  into a home with two toddlers (one of which is sick) is not a good plan.

The 2 year-old is on the mend. My dad came to stay with him on Monday so Sir and I could both go to work. Yesterday, however, we had to tag team time off. I stayed home in the morning so he could go to a meeting and then I went into the office in the afternoon. Getting to lounge around in comfy clothes was nice. But the crying child made it slightly less relaxing. That and my brain constantly worrying about the piles of work on my desk kept the morning rather tense.

Once I got into the office things calmed down. Except, of course, one of my co-workers who decided that I smeared my son’s snot all over my clothes before I left. She was positive that I was merely an incubator for my son’s illness to infect her immediately. This, while slightly annoying, would have been easy to ignore. But she let my presence sour her entire mood and preceded to sigh and grump to everyone for the rest of the afternoon.

This was after Monday when I got the call that my son was sicker than we thought. That was when she informed me that that is why she was a stay at home mom (her kids are college-age now). Because, obviously, since I was a working mother, that explained why my son was ill. Like I was being punished for my employment or something.

Sorry for the mini-rant, but without significant outside assistance, it is very difficult to be a one-income family anymore. If you can do it, good for you. But don’t judge and tell me that I am somehow a poor parent because it’s something that I have to/choose to do. I love my job. Don’t even try to make me feel guilty about it.

So, anyway, headache when I got home…

It wasn’t even like I could enjoy a good drink and a hard fuck either. My calories for the day were shot and after two nights of little sleep Sir and I were knackered. Well, almost knackered 🙂

Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings

Get Motivated Rye

Ok Rye. Time to get motivated. You have a shitload of work this week and if you don’t get it all done you will be disappointed and mopey. Yes, there is some sick residue and this cough is a bitch, but there is no time to focus on it. There is too much to get done.

-Head to the new house today and paint closets. The floors can’t be sanded and stained until we get all the painting done. And we can’t move in anything upstairs until the floors are done.

-Dishes/Laundry/General housework crap. There is actually a lot of this. Being sick at the end of last week meant that things sort of piled up. And then we were gone this weekend. A few loads of clothes got pushed through yesterday, but when I get home today I really need to spend some time cleaning.

-About 30 hours of paid work (you know, that actual job you’ve been ignoring)

-Monthly meeting at the head office on Friday. All of Friday will be meetings, a tattoo appointment, and driving. Nothing else will get done.

-Pack up the house. Hoping to be moved in to the new house is all well and good, but even if the floors are done by then, we still need to pack up this house. One box a week isn’t going to cut it this month.

-Exercise. Being sick last week may have justified the lame one workout I did. But #fwocrew is not going to stand for it this week. Get off your ass.

-Write. I still have two more sections of the Graham/Beth story that I want to do. And several more sexy ideas have been stirring. Finding time to write is important, your readers won’t put up with this list shit much longer.

-Work on advertising the business. Yeah, you can’t quit the job you don’t really like until the business actually starts making money. Simple math of life sucks sometimes.

This isn’t exhaustive, just what I can think of in my half-awake state as the coffee brews. Which probably means there is something really important that I’m just too tired to think of right now. Like make sure my children live or something like that.

I put the ick in sick

It’s been awhile since I’ve been sick. Not that I’m complaining, I’m perfect happy being healthy. But, partially due to ever mounting stress, and partially due to my nipples taking all the good white blood cells to heal, sick is what I am. And while I feel a bit better this morning, I am still clearly on the mend.

But the worst thing about being sick is the housework. Sir does his best to make sure I get time to rest and he takes over all parenting duties. It is a huge help. But chores that I usually do while he’s at work struggle to get done. I would take a picture of the pile of dishes currently sitting in my sink, but I am too embarrassed. A picture of my beaten ass, no problem, just don’t expect shots of my dirty house. Makes perfect sense to me.

So this morning is all about catching up. A few loads of laundry and some dishes this morning. Sir hates coming home to a dirty house. I’m not a big fan either. Monday I am heading to the new house to do some work, so having a pile of housework done will help me stay on track. I still have a lot of paid work to catch up on. I am going to the head office next Friday, so next week will mean a lot of extra hours to make up for these few sick days. My boss is very accommodating though, but I hate to get behind.

We are heading to my parents this afternoon. My mom is excited for the egg hunt she has set up for the boys. Something about color coded eggs and teams involving my older cousins. Should be an interesting time. A lot of running around outside and playing with the dogs will be good for everyone.

And, just to keep you up to date with all the TMI, my nipples are doing quite well. Sir and I are doing our best not to play with them. Sleeping in clothes has taken some getting used to though.

The waiting game

So we put in an offer on a house yesterday. They have until 2pm today to respond. It should be an interesting morning. I think that they are holding out to see if they get any other offers. Which pisses me off, if I’m honest, because it’s a very fair offer, but what are you going to do. Spending a lot of time on Pinterest looking at kitchens and bathrooms. Right about now I’m happy that we don’t have cable, or I would be watching HGTV entirely too much.

But, whether we get this house or not, I’m on serious budget crunch mode. After my work is done this morning I will be restructuring the budget to try and save whatever we can. The house is great, but it needs a lot of work to meet Sir’s standards before we move in. And once his priorities are met, I get the rest of the renovation budget to make the kitchen however I like. So, obviously, I want the largest amount possible to redo my kitchen. Wait until you see the before pictures, it needs a lot of help.

The stress of the last few days hasn’t left a lot of room for kinky. That and I have been battling a sore throat and wicked cough as well. Sir’s wake up blow jobs have been drastically truncated through his generosity and knowing how sore my throat is. Hopefully my body will fight off this change of season cold soon and he can get back to beating me without feeling guilty.

Silly slave

I have a cold. Boo. I guess it is just a cough and a sore throat right now, but it is wiping the floor with me. I was shocked I made it until 11:30 last night.

A good night for us. We haven’t had the same time to connect recently, and there has been a lot changing. All good though, except for this fucking cold.

And when did pinching come back on the table? Last night Sir pinches two chunks of skin on my back. Not my love handles, which while they are there are fair game, but up by my ribs. There is no fat there. It is just skin. And he grabbed these sensitive chunks and preceeded to fucking me even harder. Ow. Meanie.

Smh. Oh yeah. That’s the point. Silly slave.

Differences

There is a huge difference between sleeping on the floor on Sir’s side of the bed and sleeping alone. One is an expression of his ownership and my service. The other just sucks.

Sir has been sick the last few days. After several stressful work days last week and trouble sleeping over the weekend, he woke up Monday with a terrible stress headache (apparently called a vector headache). Meds, hot pads and massages, don’t seem to be helping. Even the blow job only provided a short reprieve. On Monday night I slept in the guest room so I could deal with the baby and Sir could just focus on sleep. The baby was up and down all night. According to my fitness tracker I managed to get 2h 14m of sleep and I don’t think Sir faired much better.

By last night Sir’s headache had moved to his eyes. Even with his sunglasses on he couldn’t have the lights on. He tried to rest most of the day. I started off early with coffee, but started to fade by early afternoon. Getting dinner around was rough as the children had a lot more energy than either of us and they really wanted to play. They weren’t too bad though, I just felt bad that I couldn’t keep up. The toddler did help me to do my workout after the baby and Sir went to bed though. I certainly felt old with him running circles around me.

Sir decided that he wanted me to sleep in his bed. He decided the guest room could get darker and the mattress felt better on his back. So we slept with a wall between us again. It’s so lonely. When I sleep on the floor next to the bed, he can reach out and touch me. He is always close. It feels so selfish to want him back in the room with me. Obviously I want him to feel better. I just may ask to sleep in bed with him for a few days once he is back to his old self.

Last night was better. He seemed to get a good night’s sleep and the baby even let me rest too. The whole house felt rejuvenated this morning. I just hope that Sir does ok with the bright lights of the office.

I know this isn’t a scene, as far from it as possible, actually. But I have a real urge to ask for aftercare once he is feeling better. Cuddling with him sounds so nice after these last few days of stress and little sleep. And maybe, after some recovery, we can get back to some harder play by the weekend. Assuming, of course, that something else doesn’t come up between now and then.

Sicko

Sir: I’m frustrated and upset. It’s like it’s your way or the highway this morning.

I practically bit my tongue off trying to keep from saying something to get into more trouble. There were so many snappy things running through my head.

Now you know how I feel everyday.

Guess you are taking the highway, Sir.

I’m just imitating you.

Luckily I kept all those thoughts in my head. After Sir left for work and I got a chance to sit and think about what he said. The rude responses were replaced by shame at my behavior.

When I don’t feel well I struggle. Before BDSM I always took on everything. And now that I am a slave that has almost gotten worse. So when I don’t feel well and I can’t give 100% it drives me crazy. He tries to help and cut me some slack. I hate that. I hate that I can’t be on top of my game. It makes me feel like a bad slave and I hate being sick even more.

I have an issue with doctors. It’s a weird anxiety that I have. But when Sir tells me to make a doctor’s appointment I always push back. And he has been really good about giving me some leeway when it comes to medical decisions. But he made a good point this morning.

Sir: Right now you are so sick you can’t service my cock with your mouth, and we both agree that’s not okay… I expect that, one way or another, you will be back in service “shortly,” well or not.

I never thought about how when I am sick I cannot service him in the ways that he wants. So when I refuse to take steps that he feels are necessary it’s keeping him from receiving the service he requires. I have never felt so selfish. I didn’t realize that me pushing my freedom when it came to my health had such a negative effect on him. And if it continues to hinder him then I won’t get to have that freedom anymore.

So I will take my medicine and put on a sweater and probably call the doctor when they open this morning. Because I need to feel better to be the slave that he needs. That and as much as I don’t like doctors, Sir’s wrath is way worse.

Sick Switching

Sir and I started our journey into BDSM by switching. He eventually decided it wasn’t really for him, but I still get ordered to edge him from time to time.

However, when Sir is sick or hurt, the switch in me comes out. Always respectful, obviously, but I will make him take care of himself.

He pulled something in his back last night; I think he slept on it wrong, but he is in a lot of pain this morning. So, working from home, he’s set up on the couch and I am working from my desk. But I make sure he takes drugs and keeps stretching. I will bring him water and pillows; take orders as normal. We even did our daily tasks like any other day. But I will make sure he eats; though, to be fair, that includes spoiling him and cooking him whatever he wants.

So, I guess it’s more ‘mom mode’ than switching, but to the outside world I’m sure it looks like I’m taking charge.

So, I’m curious as to how other D/s couples deal with this situation. If he orders me to care for him does that cover me telling him to go lay down or take more meds? Is forcing him to take it easy still respecting him and his authority?

I hope so. We are both terrible when we are sick, but just like those of you that commented that I need to care for myself in regards to my depression, I need him to take care of himself when he is hurting physically. Sometimes he needs a little push to do that.

I just have to watch how hard I push. Although, I could probably out run him with his back hurting this bad.

The Art of Begging

Begging was always something that he was into. I have to ask permission to cum. Which really means I have to beg. He never says yes if I do not beg. The same is true if I want him to stop hitting me. Though realistically, he never stops impact play before he wants to. However, being sick this week has brought about an interesting change.

I am begging for me. That sounds bad, so let me explain. I begged him to let me give him oral. It was a very selfish attempt to help my throat (it was logical in my horny head). He has been trying to be nice since I have been unwell. But after two weeks away I wasn’t really looking for nice. I know he didn’t want to get sick, but let’s be real, myself and both kids were under the weather, it was bound to happen. He could have at least let me suck his dick beforehand.

And so, the begging commenced. I begged for little things to practice, like tea, or an extra blanket. You know you are in trouble when begging for tea turns you on. And I tried my best not to be too snippy or bratty; something I have oft been accused of while ill. I consider myself a good beggar. I mean, I know that my coughing fits sounded pretty scary, and my voice was funny because my nose was stuffed up. But I was trying my best. I really needed a good fuck, sick or not, and I was willing to beg my butt off to get it.

So when he brushed my nipple this morning I jumped. I started to immediately rub against him as much as I could. I sat in my desk chair to get my face at dick level, in hopes to inspire him. I know it was manipulative. Some may call it topping from the bottom, I call it creative begging. Hey, I was sick and horny; don’t judge me. And, in the end, everything worked out. Sir gave me a great fuck and settled me down until I can feel better and truly be what he wants.

The big personal growth for me, however, was learning to appreciate begging and the various situations where it can be relevant. Begging is not just me asking for him to forgive me during a punishment. It can be one of the most respectful ways for me to ask for what I want. This has been a real struggle for me so this realization while I was sick was surprising and welcome. While I completely respect the idea behind, ‘giving you want you need, not always what you want’, it is difficult for me to verbalize what I want when he does ask. Having begging as a mechanism to convey wants to him rather than just stopping is freeing somehow. And having such a realization while sick, almost made the uncomfortable ache worth it.
He will still probably have to tell me to beg in scenes for a while. But now that I have a real idea how to go about it, I will certainly enjoy it more. And since I am apparently good at it, hopefully I can use my skills to please Sir more often, if he lets me, of course.

Kink of the Week

For Everyone

“You just get so grumpy and bratty. I don’t know how to deal with a sick submissive. I want to make you feel better so I can punish you for how disobedient you are when you are ill.” – Sir

I am not going to argue with this statement, as it is probably correct. I am not a pleasant person when I don’t feel well.
However, it has led me to a curious question for all of you:
How does your Dom/Master/Sir deal with you when you are sick? Same question for those Doms out there in how they deal with their sicky subs. Do you avoid each other, do things continue as normal? Maybe you aren’t peed on for a few days, or are you really pampered with soup in bed?
 
Please feel free to answer in the comments or repost the question to your own blog, if you have one. I will be interested to see how disease effects all the dynamics out there. Thanks for playing!