Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Rope Tattoo

He had a tattoo. It was one of the first things I noticed about him. Honestly, it’s the first thing I notice about most people. But there was something that caught my eye from across the room.

Rope. It was so close to my lace that I couldn’t take my eyes off it. It weaved around his arm in this interesting pattern. There were even items and symbols within it that I couldn’t make out from across the room, just like my cameo pieces. No wonder he wore a sleeveless shirt under this suit jacket.

All the Doms finished hanging up their jackets and began mingling around the bar getting drinks. I stood with the other subs as we finished removing our clothes. Some collared subs walked back over to their Doms for direction; one woman crawled. Those of us without a partner sat together. We chatted about how good the dinner was, and what new sex blogs we’re reading. It was nice to sit and chat with them, but I kept an eye on the tattooed Dom.

He didn’t appear to have a sub, the was sitting with a few other guys at the bar. I kept watching him and telling myself to go talk to him. My confidence just wasn’t letting me get out of the chair. One of the other subs saw me staring and encouraged me to at least go say ‘hi’. She didn’t recognize him as a regular. I told her that I really like his tattoo; she told me that that was a good start. I felt like a teenager wanting to tell a boy I liked him.

I’m sure it was because I was staring, but one of the Doms he was sitting with noticed me and pointed me out. I couldn’t avoid it any longer. I thought about crawling, like the one earlier sub, but I thought that would be a bit too much for an initial meeting. So I set my drink down (luckily just water as I’m sure alcohol would have made me even more nervous) and walked over to the bar. He had turned toward me when the Dom pointed out my staring, but I still bowed my head as I approached.

“Hello. My name is Rye. I really like your tattoo.”

“Hello Rye. My name is Stephen. I like your tattoo as well. Is that why you were watching me?” I was pretty sure the shade of red that my face turned was evidence enough, but nodded anyway. He smiled. “Would you like to come sit with us Rye? We were actually just talking about Master/slave tattoos.”

I smiled and knelt down on the floor. If I’m honest, about half out of respect and half because there wasn’t an empty chair. Stephen smiled at my gesture and brushed a strand of hair out of my face. It was very sweet and I could feel nervousness subside a bit. The conversation quickly returned to lock and key tattoos. I just sat and listened for awhile, but when Stephen asked my opinion I had an answer ready.

“Kink tattoos in general really appeal to me. I have a tattoo that represents my submission as a whole, but I would be hesitant to get a name, kink or otherwise, tattooed on me. I prefer symbols to represent a person or relationship, rather than a name. You can remember a period in your life for it’s good points, but sometimes a name can carry a negative weight.”

“See Stephen, if you were smart like her you wouldn’t have had to get that huge cover up on your arm to remove your ex-wife’s name.” A few of the other Doms chuckled and my eyes went wide. I was so afraid that I had offended him with my opinionated mouth. I sighed at my own stupidity and waited to be sent back to my sub’s table.

Instead, Stephen reached down and rubbed my shoulder. When I looked up he nodded to let me know he wasn’t mad. He traced one of my larger cameos and followed the lace down my arm.

“Rye, would you like to get a drink and private table with me?”

Considering that I thought I had just offended him, I balked for a brief moment. His face was so kind, however, that that concern vanished quickly. “That would be wonderful. Could I have a cream soda please, I have to drive home?”

Stephen ordered our drinks, helped me up, and led me to an empty table across the room.

“I didn’t even know they had cream soda here.” He said as he pulled out a chair to let me know that I didn’t have to kneel on the floor.

“Yeah, they get it from a local brewery that also makes a root beer. It’s quite good. One of the bartenders recommended it when I said I was tired of being the DD who always got diet pepsi, now it’s all I order.”

“Sounds like you could teach me a lot of the hidden gems of this place. How long have you been coming here?”

“About three years. A previous partner brought me for demo sessions, but when he moved on and stopped coming I stayed. I like the community here.”

“I’ve been coming to Dom meetings here for a few months, but this is my first member dinner.”

“Well, I hope you’ll keep coming. Assuming, of course, I stop making a fool of myself with my comments and opinions.”

“Don’t even worry about it. It was my own fault for getting her name tattooed on me in the first place. It was supposed to be a surprise for her and she hated it. Guess I should have know then.”

“Whoever did your cover-up did a great job. It looks amazing. I have a huge thing for rope, so it caught my eye immediately.”

“You don’t say. Well, you should see some of my other tattoos.” He leaned back in his chair and took a drink.

“Yes, please.” I grinned as he smiled at me. A jolt of excitement and nervousness ran through me. I set my drink down on the table as my hands were starting to shake a bit.

I really wish I had asked for something a bit stronger than cream soda.

To be continued…

See what others are writing about tattoos this week by clicking below.

Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings

Lost in a Daydream

I had a daydream while I was in the shower. I was scrubbing off the day’s workout and when I rinsed off the soap my tattoo sleeve began to come off. At first I thought it was just dirt from cleaning at the house. However, I soon realized it was actually the ink running. I checked my other tattoos, but it was only my sleeve that was coming off. And not just a little bit, but most of the lace was already gone. Panicking, I tried to shield my arm from the water stream. I jumped from the shower and dried my arm to stem the loss. However, when I removed the towel there was little remaining of a piece that took over ten hours of tattooing and cost a lot of money.

Daydream may have been a bit of a misnomer. More like a nightmare that I was awake for. I zone out in the shower and jolted moments later with this stuck in my head. I clutched my arm for the rest of my shower and rushed rinsing my hair. I still can’t shake the feeling I had.

When I was still in therapy, I talked about dreams a lot. My therapist always wanted to break down my dreams as a part of how I was process stress. Some of them while I was pregnant were quite interesting. It was occasionally hokey, but most of it was quite helpful. And, even though this was a daydream, I used the same techniques to try and process it.

I feel like I am losing myself. Like my identity is being stripped just like the ink on my arm. Now I am worried that I am even more lost than I thought. My head has me to tied in knots that I don’t feel like myself. So much so, that my brain is removing my most personal tattoo like it were magic marker. Maybe it’s time to head back to therapy. Or just a few touch-ups on my sleeve to ensure it’s really on there. I know which would be more painful.

A New Day

Feeling so rejuvenated today. Multiple orgasms last night certainly helped. There is something about rubbing my clit while Sir watches that is just so gratifying. Porn on in the background helps too. I’ve been craving it lately, so Sir indulged me as the kids were at grandma’s. Choking on cock while listening to another sub choke on cock made for an erotic time.

This is just the way of my depression. I have dips. Every time I think I’ve got a handle on things I hit a dip. And no matter how prepared I think I am the low never ceases to surprise me. So this week really hit me over the head. The kids, work, and Sir’s mood tripped me up and I couldn’t dig myself out. Then Sir hurt his back and really needed me to step up. I almost resented him for that (though I know he didn’t do it on purpose). And then, in his usual way, my twitter boyfriend called me out on my bullshit. I had to drop my martyr attitude and deal with things.

So today is a new day. Sir is coming with me for my final tattoo appointment to finish my sleeve. This piece was near two years in the making, so I am over the moon to have it finished. I’m sure I will get pictures posted once it’s done. This also completes one of my 101 Things as well. Considering the expense, this will probably be my last tattoo for awhile. Once we get a bit more in savings I will start designing the next one. Think my thighs need some decoration next 🙂

I’m Kinky, She’s Dull

Over the past three and half years I have worked to join a community that in the most part, I have to hide from. My husband’s job (and now my own as well) don’t afford us the luxury of being out in our local community as being into BDSM or even remotely kinky. It has been stressful when someone pulls a piece of information from the blog and makes a connection with where I live or what I do. Even though Sir has gotten a bit more comfortable with photos, I still have to be very careful about my face or any identifying information in anything we post. Names and locations have to be changed. Sometimes details are completely omitted or altered, which I think can change the readers’ enjoyment.

And the security continues. I have separate emails and pages for things connected to the blog. Right now I have a laptop to keep my kinky pictures off the family computer. Password protected so my parents or the kids can’t get on it to do anything without me knowing. My uniforms and slave clothes are kept the toy drawer. So when the kids play hide and go seek and they hide in my closet they won’t see them. My leash is locked away so it isn’t accidentally used if my mother-in-law decides to walk the dog. Porn has several password levels on Sir’s non-work computer that the kids can’t touch. It’s an endless maze of fail safes to protect our family and our community from the apparent evil that is the real us.

As an example. I have several tattoos (as those who peruse my pictures will know). My new job has a dress code that states that tattoos have to be covered up. So now I am looking at long-sleeve cardigans and possibly decorative scarves to cover my neck and arms. At least until my hair grows past my shoulders. Hiding some of the largest pieces of my personality hurts. I really want to throw myself into this job and enjoy it, but instead I have to cover myself up again. Worrying if someone can see ink through my clothes. It just feels like judgement that has nothing to do with my work ethic or quality. I know I could be damn good at this job and the calla lilies on the back of my neck don’t change that.

And that’s the catch 22. The person that I hide from everyone physically close to me is the person that I really am. The person that I hide from all you lovely people on the internet, she’s cool, but kinda dull. She gets up early and runs around all day. She does crafts and reads history books (when she has time). But, I mean secretly, she’s constantly thinking about cock and bondage. Walking around shopping for work clothes on Sunday with my mom I kept passing the lingerie section and thinking how hot I would look on my knees for Sir in one of the teddies. But I kept walking and bought sensible shoes instead. See…dull.

Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings

Tattoo Update

So I went to see my tattoo guru on Tuesday. All the cameos are now done on my sleeve. Now just the lace bands at the top and bottom and the interconnecting lace. Hope it’s done before the summer so I can show it off.20160120_092902

This is the thistle on the back of my arm. Sorry for the picture being so blurry. It’s hard to take a photo of the back of your own arm. But this piece represents my mom and her showing me Scotland. She also has a thistle tattooed on her foot.

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This one should be pretty obvious. I think when I was designing a ‘heart on my sleeve’ sleeve I knew I had to remember my puppies. At this time I have lost two of my own dogs. And as I know I will always need them in my life, I’m sure I will, sadly, lose more. But rather than start a paw print chain down my leg (which I also considered, by the way), I thought I would put them here so that I can always see how important they have been to me and who I am. My boxer baby may be a daddy’s girl, but she is still my puppy.

So my appointments for February and early April are on the books. Hopefully I won’t need too many more appointments after that. And then I may need to take a small break from adding to my body art for a while. At least until the renovation is paid for. Or until I decide I really do need my nipples pierced.

 

Sleeve Tattoo

So last week I sat for the first installment of my sleeve tattoo. It’s going to take several appointments, and since my artist lives in another state, I don’t get over there as often as I’d like. Luckily, work takes me there every couple months, so I am hoping to have it finished by Christmas. My next appointment is scheduled for mid-August.

It’s hard to explain the design. The concept is lace, with several ‘cameos’ within it of important things in my life. This first cameo, and the largest, is for my children. I didn’t want to tattoo their names or birthday’s. That’s fine for some people, but I’m all about imagery. So these are my boys. The older, Linus, who loves blankets, and the younger, Rerun. I just love how confident Linus is and how Rerun is looking up to him as if he knows that his older brother is going to teach him the ways of the world. That is exactly how they are. My older son knows everything and will happily tell you how it is. And the baby just follows him around and soaks it all in.

The rye wheat will feature in all the cameos in some way as well. The lace is very art deco, and the design will follow that vision. Right now I am planning to have three or four more smaller cameos down and around my arm with bands of lace finishing off the top and bottom. Sorry if that’s not clear, it’s sort of floating around in my and my artist’s heads right now. There will be a piece for my parents, my dogs, and Sir (of course), but not sure what we’re going to do for all of them. I love what some people have done with the standard BDSM symbols, so I will probably look for something unique. Sir suggested weaving some crops, whips, and ball gags into the lace. It could be complicated, but I know that if anyone can do it beautifully, my guru can.

So as this grows I will post more pictures. I love ink, so you’ll be forced to put up with my obsession now and again.

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‘Work’ Trip

I work from home. Not full-time. I do around 20 hours a week for some extra money and to keep my skills current. I work for a database as their librarian research support. It’s a lot of sitting at my computer, but it does mean that I can leave my twitter open while I work and have Netflix on in the background.

But there are materials that I need to drop off from time to time. Pick up new work and meet with my director. So I am headed to the head office tomorrow. Sir is coming with me to work at his firm’s other office as well. The kids are going to grandma’s. She’s so excited for them to swim in her kiddy pool. I hate to say that I am looking forward to a break; it’s more that I am looking forward to time with Sir. We need a rejuvenation break.

I am also getting a personal treat. I am meeting up with my tattoo guru and we are starting on my sleeve. It’s going to take a few sessions, but I’ve had this piece in my head for years and she has finally helped me to get it looking great. So my afternoon on Friday will be in the chair. Beyond excited. Once it heals I will get some good pictures.

Friday night we are hoping to do drinks with friends and we’re staying at a hotel outside of town. Trying not to let expectations get the better of me for the evening. Just the chance to be alone together and relax will be wonderful. Obviously I’m going to pack the rope and ball gag. One should always be prepared.

But Saturday we get to just be together. Meeting up with more friends. It’s vanilla, but I don’t care. I think both of us are just excited to have some time together. Even the drive.

So all this stress and running around though this week is driving me a little bonkers. Today I am trying to get everything packed up and finish a few small pieces for work. This afternoon will be packing and keeping the kids entertained until Sir comes home and we can leave. The baby is teething, so he’s grumpy and occasionally feverish. Just to keep me on my toes.

But this should be good. It’s worth the last few crazy days.

Hoping to keep up with my posts though. Sir has written a flash fiction piece for me to put up tomorrow. I’m excited about that. Curious to see what you guys think of it. I can really tell it’s written from a Dom’s perspective, but maybe that’s just because I know his writing style.

Now I must tackle the ‘to do’ list with coffee in hand. Caffeine always makes work more realistic.

Addictions

A combination of my addictions. A new tattoo, coffee, and books. My step tracker is even there as getting healthy is quickly becoming my new obsession. I just need to write kink or Sir underneath and I will have everything.

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