Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

A Strange Train Journey

“Have a safe trip. See you soon baby.”

“See you soon, Sir. I’m just climbing on the train now.”

“Okay. I’m going into a meeting right now. I’ll check in when we take a break. Have your phone close.”

“Yes, Sir.” Lucy hung up the phone and climbed into the second last train car. There were only a few people seated, so she chose a seat in an empty row and set her bag down. Hopefully she wouldn’t have to worry about sharing the seat next to her. The list of things that Sir wanted her to bring for the weekend took up most of her suitcase, so her laptop and all her toiletries were shoved in her purse. If she was going to keep making these trips, she really need to invest in a larger suitcase that she could check.

Sitting next to the window Lucy settled down for the three hour train ride. It really wasn’t too bad of a trip, and the quiet time to work made it infinitely better than driving. Pulling out her laptop she pulled up her latest story and began to write. A few miles down the track an attendant came to check her ticket, but other than she was left in peace.

“Excuse me, do you mind if I sit here?”

Lucy was jostled out of her train of thought as she realized the gentleman was talking to her. She grabbed her bag and apologized. But as she did she notice that the car was not really all that full. There were plenty of open seats. Why did he have to sit there and make her move her bag? However, it wasn’t worth being rude, so she smiled as he sat down next to her.

“How are you today?”

“Fine, thank you. And you?”

“I’m pretty good. Where are you headed?”

“Philadelphia.”

“Ahh. The city of brotherly love.”

Lucy just stared back at him, unsure what to say to that. No one had ever bothered her on the train, especially not for chit chat. Normally having her face in her computer was enough to tell people to leave her be.

“What takes you to Philly? Work?” Lucy sighed and closed her computer. She wasn’t going to be able to get any writing done like this.

“I’m visiting a friend for the weekend.”

“That’s nice.”

Lucy’s phone buzzed. She grabbed like the lifeline it was.

How are you doing, baby?

Alright.

Getting time to write?

I wish.

What’s the matter?

I just have a guy sitting next to me who wants to chat. It’s really distracting.

Is he harassing you? Can you move?

No, he’s harmless. Just chatty. It’s fine. It’s only another hour or so.

“Talking to your boyfriend?”

Lucy wanted to say it was none of his business, but thought better of it. “My mother.”

“Oh. Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Yes.”

“Doesn’t he worry about you taking trains by yourself?”

“I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I have never had an unsatisfactory or unsafe experience on a train.” Until now, she thought as she looked out the window.

“How old are you?”

“I’m twenty-nine.”

“Do you want to know how old I am?”

“I guess, sure.”

“Thirty-three.”

“Same age as my older brother.” She wanted to make up some lie about her brother being a marine or something to try and intimidate him. Maybe this guy was just lonely, there was no harm in letting him ramble.

“So how long have you and your boyfriend been together?”

“Six months, but we have been friends a lot longer.”

“How did you meet?”

“Online actually.” The name of the kink community website certainly wasn’t relevant.

“That’s nice.”

Lucy took the moment of awkward silence to check her phone again. No new messages, Sir must have gone back to his meeting. Only a few stops left, thank heavens.

“Does your boyfriend live in Philly?”

“Yes. Actually, I need to get off at the next stop, can you please let me out.” Lucy grabbed her back and squeezed past the walking 20 questions game. Gathering herself she wandered to the back of the car to wait for the next stop. At least she might be able to write on the way home. Maybe headphones would help her look even more anti-social.

The train slowed as they came into the station and nearly jumped out of the car. She walked down to the luggage claim to get her bag. Luckily, her weekend bag was bright green and easy to spot.

As she turned to head toward the parking lot she spotted Sir walking toward her. She smiled as he grinned at her. Then she saw who he was walking with. It was the incessantly chatty man from the train! He started laughing at the obviously shocked face she wore.

She walked up to the pair of them.

“You!”

“Me.” He grinned. The man turned back to Sir. “Anyway, she seems lovely.” He looked at Lucy and smiled. “I would love to play you guys tomorrow night. I will text you when my training session is over.”

Lucy’s jaw dropped. The man shook Sir’s hand.

“Oh yeah, ” He turned back. “She will need to be punished tomorrow for lying and telling me that you were her mother.” He and Sir both laughed as he turned to walk across the parking lot to his car.

Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings

Poly Problem #83

So, the lover made a comment about coming to visit this weekend. I just about started running around the house in excitement. But then I started to think, which I never a good thing. Trying to get things around on such short notice would be crazy. What would we do with the kids? I have so much prep for thanksgiving next week. We are hosting this year, which takes care of one of my 101 Things, but also brings a pile of stress. There is just a lot of cleaning, cooking, and planning. I want to see him so badly, but when he told me that it probably wasn’t going to happen I wasn’t too upset.

I mean, in reality I was sad, but there was no point getting too bummed about it. Especially since he immediately started discussing a few possible weeks in December. More excitement and possibility. And, because I can’t take anything positive and accept it, I have to dissect into ruin. I have already begun thinking about all of the ways that this could go wrong.

The biggest concern is that it’s only been about six weeks. If he does find a way to sort a visit before Christmas, then it will be  under three months since I saw him last. That sounds amazing, doesn’t it. Except, here’s the rub. It’s completely unsustainable. With our finances, I’ll be lucky to be able to fly out once a year to see him. And I can’t ask him to shoulder the cost of our relationship more than what I can give.

I just don’t want to create the expectation of getting to see him too often. If we see each other in December, I am worried that when February comes around I will expect to see him again. And when we can’t make it work I am worried I would get upset. At him, at myself, at other’s that I love around me. And it’s not fair to anyone. Obviously I want to see him as often as possible. But our lives, for the most part, will have to be apart. And it’s weird to me that I almost want to wait to see him again so that I get used to it.

And then I miss him. I want to joke and be sarcastic and fuck like rabbits. To cuddle, and laugh, and eat junk food. All those things top my cravings more than missing him ever will. The very idea of promoting space between us seems horrible.

How do I always get myself into these situations where I have two bad options?

Connection

Have you ever felt that connection? When you have been fucking for awhile, you’re both sweaty and probably smell gross. You know as soon as you both orgasm you are going to take a solid nap. And there is a moment. You both feel it. Maybe your eyes connect. Maybe you touch foreheads (if you can in whatever position you are in). But you have this sense of calm connection that reaches you. This is what it looks like when the camera catches it.

A connection moment between Rye and Jack

 

Sinful Sunday Kiss Logo

Societal norms and how they fuck with me

I spent my formative years in several different states, school districts, and houses. The bulk of which, however, was in a farm house and small school in western Ohio. A large, rural community with almost exclusively conservative undertones. As much as my parents ingrained their own liberal values, I was (I realize now) constantly affected by the societal expectations of my community.

Fast-forward to present day. I have a BDSM relationship with my husband and we have decided to open up our marriage. So, what do I do? I jump in with both feet. I had been talking with Jack from Jack and Jill for a long time on twitter. When the chance arose to meet him and his wife for a few days of fun I didn’t waste time considering outcomes. I went to California earlier this month and had a fabulous time.

The problem is, however, that I had a fabulous time. Jack and I connected on more than just a sexual level. We had more in common that I would have guessed. We just clicked. I’ve never laughed and orgasmed so much in two short days.

But when I left for Los Angeles, and even more so when I got home, I became confused and scared. What did our new relationship mean? Was I special or just another conquest for him? Would he ever want to see me again? How can I really ask him to consider me a part of his life when we live across the country and he has so many other partners?

Sir and I talked about my distress. And he mentioned something that really made me step back for a moment. He said “society leads women to believe that to be successful in a relationship they have to ‘land’ a man. There has to be commitment solidified, especially if sex is involved”. At first I wanted to argue with him, but in the case of my family and community, he was right. And I think that’s why I couldn’t help feeling like I failed with Jack.

Society was telling me that Jack should have been falling all over himself to propose to me. Telling me that our sex was the best he ever day. Which, a) he’s happily married, and b) if he told me I was the best sex I probably wouldn’t have believed him anyway. In order for it to have been a societal success he would have promised me something (I’m not even sure I understand what that would have had to have been).

But all relationships don’t fit into this fairy tale mold. Open relationships are fluid. People can have an enormous impact on your life and you may only see them a few times a year. Just because Jack cannot be a physical presence in my life everyday doesn’t mean that he isn’t special. And it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about me. We just have to find a way to rework those ‘traditional’ perimeters of what we are to each other.

More importantly, however, I need to let go of these assumptions about what we can and cannot be. Labels have always bothered me, but I do hate it when I don’t understand where I stand with someone. Society would have enough trouble accepting my married with a lover status. Trying to find a definition of what being a ‘lover’ means outside of cheating is impossible.

Jack and I had a wonderful time. I also enjoyed the time spent with Jill in the evenings. Jack and I consider each other lovers and I’m sure we will find a way to see each other again. I’m going to try my best to leave it at that and not pressure him for more or demand less from myself. Society, and my local community, doesn’t know anything about kink life anyway. He can be my lover that no one needs to know about besides my husband. Because honestly, it’s none of their business anyway.

Revelations Summarized

With Sir and I opening up our marriage and my recent trip to California (if you haven’t read my recap posts, you should, they’re hot) I’ve been emotionally confused lately. It’s just a lot to wrap my head around, apparently. Poly, open, non-monogamous keep flying through my head with everything I’ve experienced mixed in. So far it’s all positive, which is good. But there is so much societal crap to ignore and labels to understand that I’m still just starting to sift through it.

Submission, Who Knew?

The one thing that really shocked me was how much of a submissive I really am. I know that seems silly as that is what this entire blog is about, but it was. I guess I had an idea that I was only submissive because of Sir. That that was why my other ‘loan’ experience didn’t work out so well. Apparently that may not have been all me.

It was one of the first things that I talked to Sir about after I said goodbye to Jack at the train station. How almost unsteady I was being pampered and spoiled. Being told that I feel amazing and I look hot aren’t usually the words being spoken to me during sex. Without an order following it, I’m sure I looked downright confused as Jack and I played. Having that focus and attention was quite heady. A large part of my continued arousal was due to his positive response to my body and my sexuality. Sir decided that Jack would be his perfect wing man. He could play with and abuse me and then send me to Jack for aftercare. Honestly, I wouldn’t have a problem with that at all. I would just have to live closer so I could get aftercare on a more regular basis.

For those keeping score

My ‘slept-with’ count has gone from 4 to 6. And I have crossed the threshold of my hetero-flexibility by having my first sexual interaction with a woman.

It was stressful.

Not because of anything that she did, I just didn’t want to fuck it up. Especially as the night before I had watched her husband fuck her and make her cum hard, repeatedly. It’s a tough act to follow. I think I was more nervous than anything. Not about her body (which was lovely) or going down on her (which was great). I think it was just performance anxiety. Like with the blow job, you want to do your best work.

The last thing I wanted was for her to think that I shouldn’t come back because I couldn’t please her. Not that she would say that, because she’s a lovely person, but still. I didn’t want her to regret my coming. Sir had also asked for video proof of this event, which Jack was more than happy to oblige. So there is a near ten minute video and several photos that I’m sure Jack and Sir will review more than once. Hell, I’ll probably watch it a few times too. 🙂

What ‘poly’ means to me

This vacation has got me thinking a lot more about poly and what I would want from a secondary partner. And honestly, it might not be kink. The idea of having a non-BDSM partner as a secondary, or even a few non-kinky lovers sounds kind of good. It feels weird to think that. But having my boots taken off for me and my legs kissed
felt really good. Going on ostensibly what could be considered a date (in this case just a break between rounds of sex) was amazing. And getting to chat in the car in traffic, try a new restaurant or cuisine, and just talk about anything was nice.

I love doing that with Sir too, but we have a different dynamic, even when we are one a date.  Our conversations are ruled, generally, by our responsibilities. We will talk movies and politics on occasion. But work, family, and the kids rule a typical evening out. I think it was just refreshing to meet and be able to talk religion and politics with someone other than Sir that has similar views. I’m more than happy to have a debate type conversation from time to time, but having someone on the same wavelength feels good too. Looking at more of a pet relationship rather than a Dom dynamic. Someone to pamper me and say how pretty I am. I would be Sir’s slut and my second’s insatiable princess. Spoiled and cared for.

And notice how I just say ‘second’ once. The idea of having multiple partners to balance and maintain seems overwhelming at best. I just don’t see myself being able to handle that kind of open relationship. I can, however, see myself falling hard for one or maybe someday even two other people. Much more a poly-amorous set up than anything casual.

Needing a label I do not want

Sir was recently trying to set up a date.* I’m really not sure how to feel about it. I’m obviously worried about him finding someone. And I’m jealous as Jack lives so far away. But it is making me think about how I classify myself. The last few days Sir and I have been talking about how we are in a ‘BDSM Poly-Open’ relationship. I
just don’t know how to label, but I don’t know if that’s simply because I don’t like labels. I want Jack to be my secondary. But I think I would take it personally if he didn’t classify me the same way.

I just don’t know what certain labels mean. Is there an expectation of gifts for the holidays? Can you have multiple secondaries?  As much as I hate labels I keep searching for them. These past few days have brought out a lot of emotional pull from me. I think I just need to remember that Jack has done nothing to make me question the genuineness of what he says.

The pain of cravings

He treats me differently than Sir. Not that one is right or wrong. Each is perfect for them and both make me feel amazing. Sir is my dom and my husband. He is supportive, understanding, and always knows what I need. Sir calls Jack my ‘aftercare’. He flatters me, cuddles me, and makes me laugh. We have so much in common
that we talk about almost anything, and our mutual appreciation for sarcasm makes us quite the pair.

Neither is a replacement for the other. But that also creates problems as I crave both. I think that this confusion and odd overwhelming is normal. I’ve started reading a lot and continued conversation and support from both Sir and Jack has helped. I just want to make sure I’m there for them as well. However, I don’t want to ask for more than either can give and end up hurt. It’s a balance that I haven’t quite reached yet. But they are worth the effort. As, I hope, am I.

**Sir has since decided to hold off as far as actively looking for a play partner goes. I think once his business is up and running he will feel in a better place about it. But he supports me and my relationships outside of him.

California Dreamin’

Jack and Jill fucking on their bed.
Jack and Jill giving me a lovely show.

If you missed the begining of the day – Meeting Jack

First Volley – ‘May I kiss you?’

We weren’t naked for long before we couldn’t keep our hands off one another. As nervous as I had been waiting for him at the airport, I wasn’t embarrassed to be naked with him staring at me. We admired each other between orgasms and our mutual astonishment at how well we fit together. As we lay in a post-coital stupor we began realizing how much we had in common. Nothing is sexier to me than having similar ideologies to talk about.

The only thing that kept throwing me as we cuddled for awhile and then took a lovely shower together, was his concern. He would ask if he could kiss me or if I was doing okay. Don’t get me wrong, it was beyond sweet. It practically made me gooey whenever he would ask me. I think it just threw me as Sir doesn’t usually get around to checking in unless I safe-word. If a whip isn’t involved, he usually doesn’t mind if I’m whimpering with tears streaming down my face. Jack must of thought I was deaf with the number of times I responded with, ‘What?’ whenever he would ask. At least Jill said that he does the same thing to her, so it wasn’t a horrific facial expression I was making or something.

Unsuccessful Oral – ‘I probably should have mentioned…’

So, sexually, I pride myself on two things. One is my boobs. I have no control over their size or shape, really, but I think they look pretty good most of the time and quite a few others agree. Two is my skills at giving oral sex. I had a not-so-pleasant first experience with oral and basically refused to do it until I met Sir. He was patient, but really wanted me to give it a try again under his tutelage. I’m sure he wouldn’t say that I was awful to begin with, but I think he would say that I’ve come along way since we met. And, given the few partners I have been able to practice on since, no one has complained.

Needless to say, I was eager to give my skills a thorough test on Jack. And I ate humble pie, my friends. I pretty big piece of it. The first day I was there I went down on him. I used all my best technique. Not quite the same things I generally do for Sir, but everyone is different. Even though I did coax the occasional moan from him, I just wasn’t getting him there. After about fifteen minutes my legs were numb and my mouth had stopped producing saliva in protest. I had to stop. And I nearly cried. I couldn’t believe that I wasn’t able to get him off. He told me that it usually takes him longer than other guys; that he should have told me that. But at that point I thought he was just placating me.

I told Sir about it that night when we talked. He could tell I was disappointed, but told me to take what Jack said at face value. He was proud of me for trying so hard. And he knew I would try again and do my best. It felt a little like I was talking to my old gymnastics coach, but surprisingly, it helped a lot.

Breather – ‘Don’t put your dick in crazy.’

After several rounds of lovely orgasms (after oral didn’t work he was able to use my pussy for its intended purpose) we decided to take a breather. We took a ‘real’ shower and begrudgingly put on clothes. I checked in with Sir as we curled up on the couch. The chance to chat about politics and family was nice as a break. Sharing child rearing tips and my position on teaching my boys sex ed (see above quote) was very calming. We were both trying hard not to get too turned on again before Jill got home so we could save our energy for after dinner. Mostly, it worked, though I was pretty gooey by bedtime.

I’ll admit it felt a bit weird as I listened to stories (all of them entertaining) of Jack’s relationships with other women. His wife (obviously), other couples, random hook-ups. I wasn’t necessarily comparing myself to them, but I was worried about how he would compare me to them. Only in the last few years have I really started to enjoy sex and embrace my inner slut. And my other non-monogamy experience didn’t go so well. So I didn’t want to become a negative story for him to tell future lovers (who does?). And, as much as I have put nude photos of myself on the blog and sent him photos and video by DM, I didn’t want him to be too let down by the reality that is me.

The fact that he kept calling me hot and sexy almost threw me off guard. Not that Sir doesn’t say it, but I guess I don’t really believe him when he says it either. I don’t know if it’s body image (probably), or they are just saying it to get me into bed. Though I guess for both of those people I was pretty much a sure thing, so I guess back to body image.

Jill’s Arrival – ‘Get that poor woman a drink.’

Jill had run to the grocery on her way home to get supplies for dinner. When she did get home we could both tell pretty quickly that she had had a rough day. I’ll admit I was a little out of my element. I wasn’t sure how to help while also sort of feeling like a third wheel. Even tired she still let us relax while she made a fabulous dinner. We ate while joking and sharing still more stories.

After dinner they each had a drink. I think it helped Jill feel more comfortable considering that Jack and I had already spent the entire day together. When we couldn’t take the tension anymore they pulled me down the hall to the bedroom. They undressed me and let me enjoy Jill’s soft skin. With her being so upset after a long day, I let them focus on each other for awhile. I was so intrigued by their connection that I took several pictures of them.

I just wanted to watch them for awhile, but that would hardly count as a threesome, would it? Instead I enjoyed massaging and kissing Jill’s body while Jack fucked her. It was nice to be ‘eased’ into my first threesome experience. Just watching them was amazing.

Sleeping Arrangements – ‘On the floor is fine,….please.’

When we got around to go to bed my nervousness returned. I had written a post about my unease and how to bring up the topic of where I would be sleeping. We had talked in DM on twitter quickly about it and then nothing else was said. So after a quick play session with all three of us on Tuesday evening, we all brushed our teeth and wandered around to get ready for bed. Jack decided we were all sleeping in the bed, sure that we would all fit fine. And, realistically, we did.

The submissive part of me wanted to ask/be told to sleep on the floor. But him deciding that we were all going to fit on the bed was decision made. After we were all settled under the covers he rolled over and cuddled with me for awhile. It was so nice. It’s not Sir’s fault, but he can’t cuddle with me and sleep. He overheats in an instant and laying on his side too long will mess with his back. So admittedly I wasn’t prepared for when he held me and then started to snore lightly. It was so cute (in a very manly way). He said later that he sort of went back and forth cuddling with Jill and I. It wasn’t a ton of room, but there were plenty of blankets and I think everyone  managed to sleep okay. Admittedly, my first night on the couch in L.A. I slept like a rock, but waking up alone dampened that pleasure.

Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings

A Crazy Week

This week has been emotionally and physically exhausting. The kids went to grandma’s house on Friday night and all Sir and I could think about was a good night’s sleep.

A dear friend found out his daughter was sexually assaulted by someone they knew.

All you can do is try and be supportive. I started to get upset with him when he indicated that she might not pursue prosecution. But, after reflecting, that really wasn’t fair of me. I have never been through such a horrific experience, and it’s not my place to judge. I just wish I could do more for their family as they struggle with this tragic event.

Took on a big grant project at work.

Much more positive than above, but still overwhelming. I am really looking forward to the challenge and showing my boss that I am the amazing person they thought I was when they hired me. And it’s a long term thing. The complete project isn’t due until January, but it will take a lot of piece meal work whenever I get a moment. Usually my desk is covered with requests and filings, so finding extra time may be tough. But the rewards could be worth it if I can get us a chunk of money next year, so fingers crossed.

2yo has decided that sleep is for the weak.

It’s been about a week and a half now. I’m not sure why, but 4:30, or 5:00 if we are lucky, has become his new morning. Which he chooses to share with Sir and I by coming into our room and poking Sir in the stomach. I don’t think it is really sustainable as we are both grumpy and he is falling asleep before lunch at school. Running around at night isn’t helping though, so more devious tactics may be required.

Sir talked to his doctor about his libido and is changing his meds.

Neither of us are getting ahead of ourselves with high expectations. We’ll see if he notices a difference in the next few weeks. I feel bad as I am afraid that he just got tired of me whinging on here. But at the same time, if it helps, I don’t think either of us will be complaining.

Had my STI screening done before I go to California next week.

Everything came back negative, but it was still a tense few days. I don’t know why, but testing like that always freaks me out. Neither Sir nor I have had an symptoms, it was just a formality really so I could take paperwork with me. The last thing I want is for my friends to feel uncomfortable. And the clinic was actually very nice. I was worried they would be judgmental as I numbered partners, but they were informative and polite.

Pinched a nerve in my neck which incapacitated me for several days.

And, the reason I haven’t written much this week is that I pinched a nerve. I wrote a bit about it on Thursday, but it continued to get worse. On Friday, while the kids were at grandma’s and we were supposed to be enjoying a sexy evening along, we ended up at Urgent Care. They prescribed some muscle relaxers and sent me home. After a good night’s sleep I felt a lot better, now it’s mostly a light soreness. But last week was a mess of unproductive evenings.

Luckily, even with everything going on, yesterday was amazing. We had some good family time and I got a lot done. Business stuff and house cleaning got caught up and Sir and I were even able to connect. Hopefully, this week before I go to California we will be able to focus on each other and really have some time together. I want to ensure that we are in a good, solid place before I leave him with the kids for a week so I can have a sexual tryst. His support and mutual excitement for me has been amazing, but connecting with him before I go and after I get back will be the real test to see if this will ever happen again.

Fresh Fantasies

Okay, time to let go of the last week and make that experience a memory. Time to move on to what is coming. And hopefully that will be me… a lot (okay, you knew I couldn’t side step that opportunity).

I ordered my tickets for my sexy vacation this fall. I guess technically it’s only half a sexy vacation. I will be spending the second half of it visiting my cousin in Los Angeles. She’s been out there for almost a year now. She’s doing well, but I miss her. She’s the youngest on both sides of my family and I always looked at her as a little sister. I’ll be crashing on her couch  for a few nights while she shows me around town. We are even talking about getting matching tattoos. She is the other tattoo addict in the family. It should be a good time.

However, before I head down to her I’ll be hopefully crashing in bed (not their couch) with a couple on the west coast. It’s not really a loan by Sir, he’s just letting me have some fun with a pair I’ve been flirting with for the last several months. If anything, he’s jealous that my first threesome won’t be with him. Not that he begrudges me this experience. At this point the way I grin from ear to ear whenever we talk about it, he is almost as excited as I am. I have been ordered to get lots of pictures though.

In any case the fantasies that have resulted from this upcoming trip have been numerous. All those films where people meet at the airport. It starts like that. And ends with naked Chinese food and eighties movies.

Maybe my fantasies aren’t normal. In which case, don’t judge my naked Chinese food fantasies.

Just Ask Me Already!

Sir and I met in college. I don’t want to say that I trapped him, I didn’t. But I will say that I knew early on that I wanted to share my life with him. College dating is different that regular adult dating. We saw each other every day, not a date once or twice a week. So, the fact that we were talking about a shared future together after about four weeks makes a bit more sense. I think I had him talking marriage seriously in less than two months. It helps that the sex was amazing.

So, I guess it wasn’t terribly romantic, but we decided to get engaged. We had a custom ring made and it wasn’t a surprise to me at all. In fact, we planned a trip. I was doing research for a senior project and actually got some funding to travel to Scotland to visit the National Archives in Edinburgh. So with my ticket and hotel room sorted, all we had to cover was his plane ticket. Everyone in both our families knew we were going to come back engaged, but I was still super excited.

The flight over was long, we landed in Edinburgh in the morning and luckily the hotel allowed for early check in. We curled up for a quick nap and started a week of vacation fucking. I think I had been naked for at least two hours before I started getting antsy. When was he going to ask me? Where was the ring? Did he have something fancy planned.

But here’s the thing, and don’t take this the wrong way: Sir is not a planner. I mean, he’s a planner in his job and now in his dominant head space. But that was not college Sir. College Sir was definitely more of a fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants kind of guy. So while I wondered if he had planned a big gesture, I knew in reality he probably hadn’t thought about it all. And that was okay, I’m not really all about surprises (I still struggle with detours during scenes). But we just aren’t grand gesture people. It’s the little things that work for us.

Little or big, I just wanted him to ask me so I wouldn’t get impatient and moody. I was going to be spending the next several days in a reading room in the archives while he walked the city. If I was going to focus on research I was really going to need the jitters out of the way.

So, while most couples have these elaborate stories of their engagement, many today being posted on YouTube, ours was anything but. I was naked, he was naked, we both had amazing ‘just fucked’ hair. It was perfect. Like I said, we love simple. And pretty much every memory where I am naked is a good one.

Rye and Sir on the day they were engaged.

See how everyone else is answering questions this week for Wicked Wednesday.

Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings

Finally Friday

More work meetings at the head office today. But it does mean the kids get some grandma time and Sir and I get a night in a hotel tonight. Always excited about that. Hoping for lots of fun photos and memories. I’m sure we’ll eat dinner pretty quickly so we can get back to the room.

I am also getting another installment of my sleeve tattoo today. Quite excited that it’s coming along. With the possible move in the next year, I really want to make sure I get it done incase my work trips stop or get more spread out.

For those keeping track, the house search is going well. I did a big viewing afternoon with my mom on Wednesday. It was exhausting but good. We are taking Sir and my dad to see a place for the second time on Sunday. It has a lot of potential. We’ll see what Sir thinks of it. None so far have really had the play space that he wants, but once the kids move out we can transform one of their rooms.

The job search is going crappy. Somehow I cannot seem to find anyone who will pay me to stay home and clean my house naked. Not sure what the world is coming to. But I am still trying to stay positive and keep applying to things. My current job isn’t that bad, but not enough hours and not enough pay for two growing boys. Putting yourself out there with resumes is so much harder than putting yourself in someone else’s hands as a sub. You have to make others know you and like you with a few lines and a resume. It’s hard for me, even though I consider myself a good writer, to talk myself up in a cover letter like that.

Anyway, salted carmel mocha in hand I will start the day with energy. Even wore one of my lacey push up bras for extra confidence. Hope Sir doesn’t rip it when he tears it off tonight. These things are not cheap.