Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

My Secret Magic Lover

I was a really excited about the prompt this week. I am all about magic. As much as I am still fighting it, I was raised a Disney girl. Realism sucks. Realism is when you roll over on the wet spot after sex. Magic is waking up on beautifully clean satin sheets. Realism is the nightly fight to get the kids to bed. Magic is when they are both passed out by 8pm without loosing an eardrum (it has happened once).

So I was overwhelmed with fantasy aspects of sex and kink that I couldn’t narrow it down to one clear thought. And then @sexblogofsorts asked an interesting question on twitter. She was, I believe, looking toward her own post and was talking about love and the places that connect with it. I think she was considering specifically a love of a person. I read peoples’ responses to her about romanic stories of wide open spaces and lovers’ trysts. And out of the blue some synapses in my brain fired and it hit me. Where I go for wide open spaces and my secret tryst.

And that, dear reader, is Scotland and the magical and beautiful bacon bap.* There is something so decadent about a sandwich that is just meat (sometimes with butter, sometimes with HP sauce). It is something that, as gluttonous as the United States is, we just haven’t figured out yet. And, as much as I enjoy a crispy piece of bacon, the way it is made in the U.S., rasher bacon is really something special. This sandwich is exactly what I need, any time of the day. First thing in the morning it will give me energy for the day. It’s a wonderful afternoon snack with some tea or coffee to warm up after a walk around any one of the beautiful small Scottish towns. In fact, I’m not sure I would appreciate it here in my house in the states as much as I do there (realism vs. magic again).

Every trip to Scotland that I take doesn’t really start until I have sat down with a cup of coffee and several slices of pork inside a crusty roll. Flights across the Atlantic usually land in the U.K. relatively early in the morning, so this warm hug of a sandwich is the perfect welcome (I’ve even had good ones in airports). I looked through my photos to find it (no luck), but my my mother takes pictures of me eating my first sandwich when we get there as she thinks my faces are hilarious. I am scared to tell her that they are my mini-orgasm faces. Maybe it’s better that I couldn’t find the photo after all (I probably deleted it on purpose so I did not embarrass myself in this moment).

It’s about that sensual memory. Like something that makes you think of your first kiss, or your first love. Scotland was my first real adventure. Something that my mother and I shared and it holds a lot of loving memories for me. My time shared with my mom, my study abroad semester, Sir proposed to me Scotland. And every bite of that magical sandwich brings all those memories out at once. Maybe it’s good that I didn’t fulfill my dream of moving there; I would weight three hundred pounds (21.5 stone).

To see other, more kinky magic this week, click the icon to read other Wicked Wednesday offerings.

Wicked Wednesday
*No discredit to England as they also have this magical treat and I have had some amazing ones throughout England and Wales. I think I just have a connection with the sandwich in Scotland because that is where I first had it and it always reminds me of my time there.

Heaven in Styrofoam

I spent my study abroad semester at St. Andrews University in Scotland. A time of discovery when I walked the beaches (where they filmed Chariots of Fire), and learned to live on my own. Now, of course, I have Sir, and the thought of living on my own scares me, but I digress.

But this experience also taught me a beautiful thing about life, junk food. And not just any junk food, but a taste symphony only known as chips and cheese. For Americans that have never experienced such a beauty, this is taste sensation is simply french fries covered in mozzarella cheese. I know, it sounds too simple, and it is. You can find this offered at almost any chip shop in the UK. I am sure most people would order it as a side dish, rather than a meal.
But the chippie in St. Andrews was special. Upon request they would cover this simple pairing with a generous portion of ketchup and garlic mayonnaise. I know, I know, but trust me. As you leave the shop you hold the box securely closed and shake. The condiments mix and warm as the cheese melts over the piping hot chips. And when you open the box you can’t believe you ever considered sharing. Once, once I shared an order with a friend after a night at the pub and we almost stopped speaking. After that, everyone got their own, even if you were not all that hungry, because no one was going to give you a bite.
I will admit that this concoction was not my idea. It was introduced to me my another student as we walked home from a particularly entertaining karaoke night. But I never stopped ordering it.
I have tried to replicate it at home. The states has steak fries that resemble British chips, but it is still not the same. And I cannot begin to make the sauce balance work. It was just a thing of beauty. I have not even been able to find other chip shops that carry the mayonnaise.
But I still order chips and cheese when I am here, even if it is not from that fairytale chip shop in St. Andrews; it’s a tradition now. And I will encourage and help any chippie that wants to open up shop in the states to do so, because there is just nothing like it.

I Miss Sir

Promise quote
A good day of walking and seeing sights. Why America has not accepted the bacon bap I will never understand. But, bacon sandwiches aside, I am quite lonely. I love my parents and mother-in-law dearly, but there is only so much to talk about. Especially when so much of what is important in my life is off limits. We head north tomorrow, so Scotland will offer new diversions.
None of this is helping with how horny I am. My nights under my two duvets on my little twin mattress are making things worse. I have been talking to Sir twice a day. He has told me that I am allowed to masturbate twice while I am gone. At first I thought I should try and hold out as long as I can because two weeks is a long time. However, I may have to take my chances where I can. The cold temperatures and cramped quarters are limiting.
I am surprised by how much I am craving a good fuck. The extra exercise is just increasing my sex drive. The night we get back to the states will definitely include some good begging. Maybe since I have missed two maintenance orgasm Wednesday’s he will be in a giving mood.
I can dream, can’t I?

May I Have Another?

A pint of cider at an English pub.
There is just something about a pint at a good English pub. American sports bars just don’t have the same atmosphere. After a couple of pints I am feeling quite lovely. Thankfully Sir told me to have a good time when I talked to him before we left.
Sorry no kink. My walls are so thin I am not sure I could even take care of myself without waking someone. And tomorrow night will be my night to have the kids with me. It is nice that we are rotating though, getting a full night’s sleep has been amazing. Still a little jealous of Sir at home with the dog though. I miss Sir’s hand on my hip. He said he doesn’t like having our big bed all to himself. He at least wants me on the floor next to the bed, so he can reach out and touch me.
Isn’t he sweet.

Up, Up, and Away

I hope everyone had a pleasant Valentine’s day. After a wonderful breakfast of eggs benedict (my favorite meal) we came home to a calm household. Not that that will last long…

The kids and I are leaving for the UK on Tuesday. I hope to have access to internet and will update whenever possible. However, as Sir will be staying here, there won’t be much sexy fun to be had. But I am hoping to get some perspective. Hopefully some good pictures too.

I am hoping that Sir will have a good break. Without Baby 2.0 I want him to get a few good nights of sleep. His work stuff is culminating at the end of the month, so a breather from his familial and dominance responsibilities could be good. I hate putting so much pressure on him to be on top of everything in our lives right now. I wish I could give him a real vacation, but a few days with beer and video games after his work stuff is done is all I can manage right now.

I will be back in all this snow in March, though hopefully the snow will be gone.

Maybe while visiting Great Britain I can draw inspiration from all the lovely sex bloggers who live there. Too early for Eroticon 2015, but I will take what I can get.

Preserving Human Dignity or Crushing Sexual Freedoms?

I will do my best to not pile my political views on you through this blog. I know this is a bit different from my standard offerings, but I can’t get this out of my head. So I choose to dump it into yours. Everyone has a right to their own opinion. I will try to keep my liberal agenda to a minimum (I can’t even write that without laughing).

On December 1st, 2014 the British government enacted new legislation called the Audiovisual Media Services Regulations 2014. Codenamed by many as the Anti-porn Law. Living in the U.S., this addendum to the Communications Act of 2003 didn’t get much press from mainstream news. But BDSM organizations all over the country moved to support their UK communities from these new, harsher rules. It’s been a couple of months since these regulations went into effect, and I’ve had some time to stew on what the larger ramifications will be for our friends across the pond as well as here. As I prepare for my own visit to the British Isles I am curious to know how the kink community is doing there.

– The Basics –

The Audiovisual Media Services Regulations 2014 attempts to restrict Video on Demand (VoD) and other on-line pornography websites to the same regulations and rating system that purchasable porn DVDs currently face. Salable DVDs at porn and sex stores in the UK have been unable to show any of the below acts since the Communications Act of 2003. It was decided that the online community was just as accessible to children and therefore needed the same oversight. They decided that some content was deemed not acceptable, even for a R18 rating (See pg. 24). The below will not be able to be produced in the UK per the rating regulations:

• material which is in breach of the criminal law, including material judged to be obscene under the current interpretation of the Obscene Publications Act 1959

• material (including dialogue) likely to encourage an interest in sexually abusive activity which may include adults role-playing as non-adults

• the portrayal of sexual activity which involves real or apparent lack of consent. Any form of physical restraint which prevents participants from indicating a withdrawal of consent

• the infliction of pain or acts which may cause lasting physical harm, whether real or (in a sexual context) simulated. Some allowance may be made for moderate, non-abusive, consensual activity

• penetration by any object associated with violence or likely to cause physical harm

• sexual threats, humiliation or abuse which do not form part of a clearly consenting role-playing game. Strong physical or verbal abuse, even if consensual, is unlikely to be acceptable.

The changes also restrict specific activities from being shown on UK websites. To clarify, viewers can still watch material produced by foreign companies, only UK producers are being restricted. These producers will not be able to create content which includes any of the below:

• Spanking/Caning
• Aggressive whipping
• Physical or verbal abuse (regardless of  if consensual)
• Urolagnia (known as “water sports”)
• Physical restraint
• Humiliation
• Female ejaculation
• Strangulation
• Face-sitting
• Fisting

This legislation was drafted and enacted in less than one month (if only the U.S. government could do anything so quickly). It was not advertised or debated very publicly and outcry regarding it has grown significantly since it went into effect. 
– Devil’s Advocate –

I’m sure it won’t surprise you that this section will be quite short. Basically, the only thing I could come up with for this argument is that hard copy DVDs have had these same regulations since 2003. This act just makes the VoD and DVD companies follow the same rules, making things ‘fair’ in the porn business world. And after I came up with this weak rebuttal I immediately started refuting it in my head. Mostly, why are these regulations in effect for anything, DVDs or VoD. But, give me credit, I tried to see their motivation.

 – Opinion –
There is a reality, that this regulation will put a number of independent companies out of business. They will either have to move to another country to create their content or just stop completely. That is the top layer of issues with this. They quietly passed these regulations that affect several small businesses and online ventures without considering the ramifications. Their concern of the welfare of random children seems a little misplaced. Isn’t this a parents responsibility to monitor what their children are watching? That can’t be only an Americans’ parents problem. If so, I am moving tomorrow.
Then there is the crack down on all things BDSM. They even go so far as to stipulate that consent doesn’t matter. Any type of age play is prohibited; does that mean that you can’t even call a Dom ‘Daddy’? Some parts of the regulations are vague and some exceedingly specific. Like the restriction on ‘physical or verbal abuse, regardless of consent’. I cannot even begin to process that. It covers everything. Everything fun anyway. So VoD porn in the UK will now just consist of two smiling people having sex, on a comfy bed, whispering sweet nothings, or better yet, just not talking at all. And I love the fact that the strangulation, face-sitting, and fisting fall under acts the BBFC views as potentially “life-endangering”. I want to see the documentation on how many people have died from face-sitting. 
But, most upsetting, is how this legislation seems to focus on the activities and pleasures of women. I can’t say it better than did in their article on the subject. It’s just hard to take that somehow female ejaculation is offensive, but male ejaculation is par for the course. The government has taken a random stab at restricting content creation on the internet, but their choices of what’s bad for the youth of the UK seem to focus too much on women in power. 
This regulation says a lot more about those making the rules rather than those they are trying to protect. And their misguided attempts are hurting a number of small companies and individuals just expressing themselves online and trying to make a living. The focus on traditionally BDSM activities seems unnecessary, especially as they remove the concept of consent. How do you put a name to that kind of trust? It’s more than a marriage, more than a relationship. It’s a connection. It sounds cheesy, I know. And the content of spanking, physical restraints, or specifically, female ejaculation doesn’t really seem like a direct cause of sexual misconducts.
This isn’t my government, and I’m not a porn producer, but this whole thing makes me sad. Sad that a government thinks that kink is automatically bad. That the very idea of female pleasure needs to be protected from children’s view for their well-being. Like somehow female ejaculation will corrupt the youth of today. And it’s hard to accept that an activity that I love is regulated so heavily to ‘protect children’. 
I wish the few content creators that I know in the UK the best as they try to work with these new rules. And I hope that when future regulations are put on content creators, in any country, at least they will be based on valid statistics and not fear mongering or moral fallacies.