Chasing Me Chasing You

An uncollared submissive struggling through depression, motherhood, and the constant craving of her next orgasm.

Just Keep Swimming

I’ve been trying to force my writing all winter. But as I begin 2018 my struggle has increased. All the vanilla crap in my life has taken over all the fantasy writing so I’m looking for snuggles and presents rather than choking and forced orgasms. I keep trying to write though. I keep looking for inspiration to take over and words to flow. But they aren’t. My sexy story juices aren’t flowing. I keep looking at the Kink of the Week, Wicked Wednesday, and Masturbation Monday topics with nothing to show for it. Part of it is jealously that I’m not experiencing what everyone else is writing about, but that’s sort of a cop out. I mean, I love reading fantasy fiction and I’m not jealous of the orcs I don’t get to fight. But trying to write sexy when you’re stressed and depressed is a hard task.

The reality is that even masturbating is difficult. My various tumblr pages and videos can generally get me hot and bothered, but that’s generally as far as it goes. When I was home last week my husband and I were actually having sex. I know, it’s shocking. I think we had sex three afternoons in a row. Most of that was blow jobs, but at this point, I’ll count anything. But, as these encounters were in the afternoon and I’ve been back to work this week, the fun has ceased. So my mood has once again plummeted and I’m questioning everything…again.

It just feels so weird to want to write a story where a Dom takes his sub out for dinner and buys her something, just because, and then they come home and cuddle in front of a movie or an episode of Stranger Things. Even if some of you wouldn’t actually mind an evening like that, it doesn’t mean that you want to read about it. Somehow though, when I have even the base support and sexiness I find that it gives me the inspiration to write. I’m not sure why. It’s probably a confidence thing that I’m desired by someone and therefore the idea of writing a steamy threesome scene seems plausible. I don’t have to be the main character, or even a participant in all of my writings, but I do find it easier to make it believable if I can relate to someone in the story.

The sad part is, this post about not being able to write is longer than anything I’ve written all winter. I need to force myself to sit down and write everyday, but I certainly don’t want you to be forced to endure my ramblings. Eventually I may come around to something worth reading, or at least something that’s sexier than me being excited that I got a new razor.

ELust #101

Elust 101

CandySnatchReview for Elust 101
Photo courtesy of Candysnatch Reviews

Welcome to Elust 101

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #102 Start with the rules, come back January 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Email from my ex-boy

Geography

Two’s Company, Three’s A Crowd

 

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Why should we call ourselves sinners?
Repeated Patterns

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Fuck Yourself

Erotic Fiction

The Red Chair ~ A Cuckold’s Story – Part 1
Caught Part 3: the punishment
Get up! Stand up!
Chastity Fiction: Aaron & Melissa

Body Talk and Sexual Health

The 39 Days
Do Not Delete

Thoughts and Advice on Kink & Fetish

Afflicted
Tooth and nail
Event Horizons
Bee’s wax

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Sex Q&A: An Adventure into Ass Play
She was poisoned by your utter indifference.
Orally Ambiguous

Poetry

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Erotic Non-Fiction

Walk in, beat him, leave
What Is My Dream Trying to Tell Me?
Thought of Her
The Biter

 

Elust 88

Friendly Visit

He arrived in the middle of a snow storm. Driving back to the house I was doing 40 mph on the highway. Luckily, he was willing to talk so I could concentrate on the road. We grabbed some dinner and I dropped him at the B&B to try and get some sleep. My husband wasn’t comfortable with him staying at the house, which I respected. It was easier with the kids at home anyway. So it was a compromise I was happy to give to make him feel more secure.

Thursday was our ‘day to live life to the fullest’. After running some errands and grabbing breakfast we hit the road for Amish country. It was a long day in the car, but I wanted to show him something he really couldn’t experience on the rest of his travels. Honestly, we could have the spent the entire 36 hours in a coffee shop just talking. We spent a long time in the car talking about everything from Australian politics to childhood antics. Getting to hear his voice, rather than endless written conversations was such a relaxing feeling.

It was a productive day. We bought a lot of ingredients and cooked dinner at the house for us and my husband. It wasn’t near as awkward as it could have been. We laughed and cooked together. So many of our conversations are focused around enjoying moments. Cooking dinner and eating together were two amazing moments that I will never forget.

My friend left on Friday. It was sad to see him go. I feel like just having him here was a huge confidence boost. I don’t want him to go back to being just my twitter boyfriend. If anything, this trip has proved how much more we are to each other.

He and I have a relationship of similar paths. Even though twenty years in age separates us, we have a lot in common. And not just in our experiences. We think the same way. It is rare that we need to explain feelings to each other. As soon as he tells me about an event or interaction I know he felt about it. Our brains process the same way. I didn’t realize it completely until we met in person and I found myself nodding along to his stories.

Kink didn’t come up too much. It was how we first started talking, but I’m not sure it’s what really connects us anymore. We have much more that we relate to. BDSM will always be a part of us, but it’s taken on this unspoken role. Honestly, because I think it would create a sexual tension that we are trying to get away from. He and I have played with that tension often in the last several years. One or other of us asks the question or changes our needs to include various things. There was a period where we considered a form of D/s dynamic. And there were even moments of weakness, on both our parts, where we would plan our lives together on some island somewhere; far away from our current troubles and responsibilities. While these grand plans sound good at the time, they always end up being selfish fantasies.

Even though I think we both are comfortable with our non-physical relationship, there were a few tense moments. Not in any negative way. There were just a few times where I really wanted to give him a kiss, even just on the cheek. And, I’ll admit, the idea of giving him a blow job as a Christmas gift did cross my mind. But I was good. I didn’t go into the Bed and Breakfast with him and I kept my dirty comments to a minimum.

We said goodbye already talking about another trip. I’m not sure my finances will allow me to travel to Australia anytime soon, but I am more than willing to try. To find someone that you connect with on such a deep level is pretty amazing, and I know both of us recognize how lucky we are.

I miss him already.

Distant

Sorry it’s been a distant week or so. My stressful relationship with my boss came to a head this week when she gave a ‘written warning’ right before she left the state for two days. I’ve never had any issues with human resources before, so I’ve been in shock for a bit. I’ve never had my work ethic misjudged and turned into personal attacks before. It has honestly shaken me quite a bit. So the last few days have been collecting documentation and trying to figure out my next steps.

My co-worker keeps using the word ‘submit’. I feel the need to clarify to her that this isn’t submission, but I’m sure she is thinking of a different context. I just feel so beaten down and disrespected. And I’m questioning everything about my career. It’s just so frustrating.

Anyway, I’m hoping to get my shit together and my head on straight soon. Right now I’m just sipping coffee and trying to make sense of my life. Wishing I could take the self-confidence that my Sir gives me and take it to my professional life.

ELust #100

Elust 100

Photo courtesy of Wriggly Kitty

Welcome to Elust 100

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #101 Start with the rules, come back December 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

 

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

He’s Out of My League

Pink Hair, Don’t Care!

I’m a feminist but…

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Pain Sluts and Brain Squirrels

His Car Keys

~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

Raw

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Writing About Writing

Why Financial Disclosures Matter on Your Blog

Erotic Fiction

Caught
An American Werewolf in London
The Spider and the Fly
Faithfully
kitten

Body Talk and Sexual Health

Static
Over exposed?

Erotic Non-Fiction

Mirror Image
Return to Position, Part 1
One Present Moment
Edgy Morning
The Date-Aversary Continues
The Smell, Taste and Love of Chocolate.

Poetry

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Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Asking can be sexy too!
Soaring in Space
Age Play
MY PEOPLE, HER PEOPLE. The FemDom ball
Stroke of luck

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Adult Content on Patreon
Censorship on Share our Shit Saturday
#SSoS Sharing for the Win

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

#iTalkSex Why I Talk Sex
Radical Acceptance In Relationships
So… ghosting is an acceptable thing now
What giving a collar means to me

Blogging

Reflections on us and the blog

 

 

Elust 88

2017 Cookie Exchange

It’s finally come around again. The Cookie Exchange organized by the lovely Jz is back to kick of this holiday season.

I can’t describe how amazing these are. Don’t look at calories or sugar.

~

Chocolate Sandwich Gobs

2 cups sugar
1 cup margarine, melted
2 eggs, beaten
4 cups, flour
1/2 cup, unsweetened cocoa
2 tsp., salt
1 cup, buttermilk or sourmilk
2 tsp., baking soda
Chocolate Icing (homemade or a can)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Combine sugar, margarine, and beaten eggs in a large bowl; mix well. Sift together flour, cocoa, and salt. Add dry ingredients to creamed mixture, alternately with buttermilk. Add baking soda to dough, mixing until combined. Drop spoonfuls on greased cookie sheets.

Bake for 10 minutes. Let cool completely. Form sandwiches by placing icing between two cookies.

~

Check out all the other bloggers taking part today. Hope you find some great recipes to add to your list this holiday.

Baker

Bleue

blossom

Bogey and Bacall

Cat

DelFonte

Ella

Greengirl

Jz

Katie

Kelly

Lindy

Mrs. Fever

Ms Dixie Wrecked

nilla

Olivia

ronnie

Ryan

Sassy

selkie (recipe here)

Horrible Truth

Ok, the first truth isn’t that horrible. It’s just a truth. It’s about oral. I love giving oral sex. Sucking cock is one of my favorite things. Using my mouth to bring someone such pleasure is a true joy for me. One of the few things that gives me power that actually enjoy. I also loved the one time I was able to give oral sex to a woman. I can get into a zone where it’s calming. Just to sink into the other person’s pleasure. So erotic. I get turned on as I do it and when they cum I get the strongest sense of satisfaction.

Here’s that horrible part. It’s also about oral. I’m getting sick of it. I know, it’s hard for even me to accept. But I am. It’s just not fun.

I think it may because it’s all we do. We don’t have penetrative sex of any kind. Certainly no ‘All Anal November’ for me this year. We had sex the other day, in the middle of the afternoon. It was blissful. But it was no foreplay, no aftercare (though we aren’t D/s anymore), and I didn’t cum. He gave me oral for the first time in six months the other day. I’m not sure what caused the sudden change of heart toward my vagina, not that I’m complaining. But aside from these few breaks from the norm over the last few weeks, oral sex has been the limit of our intimacy.

As I previous stated, I love oral sex. But I’m getting to the point where I just need a break. I just groan when photo after photo comes up on my naughty tumblr. I can’t masturbate to it anymore. And whenever I see it in porn I tend to roll my eyes. Which just feels sad. I want to love it all the time. And it feels wrong that oral just doesn’t inspire me anymore.

Maybe I just want to be appreciated more. Maybe I just want a bit of a challenge. Maybe I just need to be fucked. Or more likely, a little from all three.

See other topics that people are musing over or who they consider their muse for this weeks Wicked Wednesday.

Wicked Wednesday for post Stockpiled Cravings

Pins and Needles

Why don’t you go put your Njoy in? 

Sounds like fun. I’ll be back in a bit.

I walked upstairs and closed the bedroom door. Too many wank sessions have been interrupted by whiny kids; I’ve learned from my mistakes. After grabbing the lube, njoy, and a towel I climbed up on the bed. Although I have done it several ways, I have found that putting the njoy in by myself is easier if I’m squatting on my knees. And doing it while I cum is just extra fun for me.

Sitting on my knees I began flipping through tumblr. I have several go to pages. Lately I’ve been a sucker for MFM threesomes. They just turn me into a dripping puddle in record time. But, for whatever reason, I could find anything that really sucked me in. I kept flipping through photos and videos, looking for the perfect scene. It’s hard when you know what you want. And I wanted to see a sexy spit-roast.

You know the shot. It’s often in black and white. She’s stretched across the bed, looking eagerly at one man’s cock. She’s massaging his thigh, begging him to lean in closer. At the same time the other gentleman is thrusting into her cunt. Holding her hips and pushing her mouth into the other man’s cock. I’m not sure what it is, but it’s just hot. And it was exactly what I wanted at that moment to help me cum.

The photo wasn’t coming around though. I flipped through my favorites and couldn’t find anything close. It wasn’t until I went down a rabbit hole of new people that I stumbled across what I needed. What I craved.

I lubed up the Njoy and grabbed my Doxy. I put my phone on the bed in front of me so I could zone in on the short video (set to repeat) while I put the plug in. I was turned on in seconds. The doxy worked it’s magic wonderfully as my body tried to relax.

The njoy was cold, but it quickly warmed by my thighs. Or maybe I just didn’t notice. Because, as I continued to press the njoy inside me, I was also pressing the doxy against my clit. My orgasm was seconds away and it was a now or never moment. I leaned into the doxy and up onto my knees. My body relaxed as I groaned and the njoy found it’s home. But all this happened so fast, I didn’t really feel any of it.

All I could feel was the painful tingling of my legs waking up from being asleep.

The entire time I had been searching for the perfect porn I had been sitting back on my knees, and they had gone numb. When I leaned forward in the height of my orgasm they shot back to life in an intense wave of pins and needles.

My orgasm was ruined and all I could do was roll onto my side and wait for the pain to subside. I was so embarrassed. I walked downstairs. My husband asked if I was alright. I told him I spent so long looking for porn that my legs went numb and they decided to wake up in the middle of my orgasm.

He laughed and told me to tweet it. So I did.

Masturbation Monday logo

Define Your Kink: Day 16

#16 – Have you found your submission has changed with different partners/relationships? If you’re involved with partners of both sexes, does your submission relate or change based on gender or does it depend on the person?

In one word…drastically. I guess technically I’ve only had two Dominants. But even my sexual relationships that doesn’t include submission have been noticeably different.

I believe there are several factors at play. One of my Doms was my husband, we lived together, and we were monogamous for most of our D/s. My current, and only other Dom is long distance and we are not each other’s primary partner. So the ways that we communicate and our expectations of each other are completely different. With that in mind I’m not sure if I can really conclude that my submission changes are based on one specific thing. So far, I believe it depends on the person.

With regard to gender, I’ve only had a sexual experience with a woman once. While I would love to repeat that, there wasn’t any submission (technically) in that encounter. I’m not sure I could have a female dominant, but never say never. If I did I am sure my submission would change. But again, that could be because of the person, not necessarily the gender.

I think right now my experience is so new that it’s difficult to draw firm conclusions. If we had played regularly with others or I had been loaned out to other Doms I may have more opinions. Right now I’m still trying to figure out my new submissive relationship while figuring out what went wrong as my husband and I tried BDSM. Not necessarily to ‘fix’ it, but more to learn about myself and my needs.

Check out the other questions in the 30 days of Kink and my answers so far here.

Sir’s First Task: The Basement Part II

Sewing desk before cleaning
Basement Pre-Clean 3

Waking up on Saturday morning I was more motivated than I had been in a very long time. After reviewing the photos I sent, Sir had given me my marching orders. I needed to clear my sewing table so that I could realistically use my sewing machine. Hopefully that would encourage me to find more time to get down there and use my private space to refresh. Also, as the boys get older and search out their own private time, I could use it more regularly. I also needed to clear the catch all table so that I could use it for sewing prep and other creative projects.

So with coffee in hand and a background noise of The Great British Baking Show on my laptop I began to clean. I decided to focus on the black table first. It was where I had hoped to set up my laptop when I was down there, and have all my stationary materials. I am a big fan of handwritten notes and I have a large stash of postcards that I enjoy sending to family and friends. They are just a nice way of letting someone know you are thinking of them. And I love getting mail.

Cleaned stationary desk
Basement Clean – Stationary Desk

Sorting through all the paperwork took the most time. I have a pretty good organization system for our receipts and important papers, but when I don’t have time to file everything, it gets thrown in a pile to be sorted later. Later had finally come. Luckily, mixed in with all the important bills were lots of items that could be recycled. And once I got going, sorting out the important bits and the surplus paper went quickly. Trying to jam them into my file cabinet took a little time, but I got there.

Cleaned sewing table
Basement Clean – Sewing Table

Separating items into what I used for stationary and what I used for sewing helped me give the tables different uses. And my collection of little boxes were perfect for all my thread and sewing trims. I was pretty happy with the way both spaces turned out and I really hoped Sir was too.

I sent him photos as well as the ‘after’ photos I posted on twitter. I was so relieved when he wrote back that he was impressed. I even got a ‘good girl’. It was the biggest self-confidence boost I’ve had in a long time. I was practically gooey just hearing that he was proud of me. Sometimes I worry that I have daddy or general parenting issues because of how much I want someone to be proud of me. It’s the nicest compliment that I can ever receive.

All this meant that I went to the office yesterday feeling good, which hasn’t happened in awhile. It’s amazing how my productivity during the weekend and my interactions with Sir can affect my entire week.

Sir has given me the week. I am hoping to use my sewing space a few times and enjoy my hard work. Then we’ll see what he wants me to tackle next. There is a lot down there that doesn’t belong to me. And even more that needs sorted and sold. So I hoping that this project may force the issue on a few things. Or, if nothing else, get me to box things up and store them on the other side of the basement. Keeping my office mine.

So I am sure there will be more updates as this task continues. And I’m sure I will write more as my submission is allowed to grow. This is the most submissive (and likewise best) I have felt in a very long time. I hope Sir allows me to continue to serve in any way he sees fit.

cleaned sewing table and stationary table