**This blog was originally created in 2010 to document my husband and my life as we tried to get pregnant with our first child. After finding BDSM I repurposed the blog in 2014 to look at our kink and balancing it with the two children we now have. Please feel free to read the below posts and any from my 2010 and 2011 archive, but please be aware that they are not representative of our life now. Also, certain edits have been made to these posts. To start from the beginning of our kinky life, start here. **
So we are coming up on month number 2 of our trying for a baby. Not sure how I feel about it. I can’t start testing until next week. So I have been just psyching myself out. I’ve been getting these terrible headaches and my stomach has been hurting. I have been reading a lot about pregnancy and the early weeks and I think I’ve been giving myself a mind trip. We’ll see. Hopefully I can let it go enough to get me through the week.
A friend of mine of work is getting married this weekend. I’m really excited. They are such a cute couple, it’s going to be beautiful. It will be nice to take my mind off everything. Though I did get a raise on Friday. It was pretty unexpected and nice. Hope it will get us through the economy slump. But anyway, I’m excited to get out of the house this weekend.
I was really upset last night. I keep wondering if I’m ready to be a mom. If I will be a good parent. There are lots of things I would like to do in my life and I’m worried that having a child now will prevent me from accomplishing them. Though I hardly have the money to do most of them. But I do know that I have the capacity to love a child more than anything in the world. And that has to count for something. I guess I’m just nervous. Everyone from my high school has started families. Most of them have several children. But no one ever says how they do it. No one is willing to share the bad things, the money trouble, the late nights, the loss of free time. Everyone just posts baby pictures on facebook and is all smiles. My friend Jessy is only one I’ve been able to find that is honest.
Without gross details I’ll let you know what we find out.