What makes a scene a scene as opposed to just kinky sex? Is it planning, length of time, or number of orgasms? If you are having a casual D/s encounter, is it automatically a scene? If you are a married couple, does kinky sex equate to a scene every time.*
It creates a square/rectangle conundrum for me. Per the definitions of the two shapes, a square is always a rectangle, but a rectangle is not always a square. So, is kinky sex always a scene, but a scene doesn’t always include sex? One can have a very memorable and satisfying scene without any sexual contact, so I think the definition could work. But, it begs the question, can you have only kinky sex in a D/s or M/s relationship and not ever have a scene?
Our M/s life right now is actually managed by our offspring overlords. So our private time in the evenings can range from none at all to three or four hours if they go to sleep without a hitch. But even those nights where we have a few hours can often be marred by lack of sleep the previous night or a pending early morning. So, our play is more about sex than elaborate bondage. It’s always kinky, in one way or another, but not anything that would necessarily require aftercare.
However, this creates an expectations problem on nights when we do have time for involved play. This weekend we are traveling for work and will have a night in a hotel. The kids are staying with grandma. With more guaranteed time and privacy we will probably get involved with more toys and extended, non-sexual play (more scene-like). Though, if I remember correctly, there is no porn at this hotel, so we may have to create our own instead. Or, that’s the thinking that often gets us into trouble. Having a nice dinner together and the opportunity for a long play session means that we feel we have to push ourselves to the limit. Rather than just enjoy each other’s company and see where the evening goes, we pack a large bag of toys and are upset if we don’t get to use each one. We put so much pressure on these rare nights together they never even have a chance to be satisfied.
I will admit, I crave scenes a lot. But, I guess for Sir and I, scenes and sex are the same right now. It is a sense of scale that may create differences. For the two of us and our relationship, sex is a major part of all our play. Even our high impact scenes have a sexual component, because…sadist. And because Sir knows they are hard for me and the more aroused I am, the more pain I can take. Seems obvious, I know, but it actually took us a while to figure that one out. Before I would get an orgasm as a reward for taking pain, but after a good beating I just wanted a cuddle and to go to sleep. Now, with a good relaxing orgasm before he pulls out the belt, I can take twice as much pain and he can use me however he likes and not have to be concerned about my enjoyment. And I know what you’re thinking, as a slave my enjoyment isn’t really necessary. But again, this comes back to our parenting situation. If we had endless amounts of time, my happiness in a scene would be irrelevant, because we could just have another in a hour. However, with our scene/sex time not guaranteed from day to day, Sir does have to keep my sanity in mind. I’m not a pleasant person after more than a few days of edging and no orgasms. Chastity is really not a kink of mine.
So right now we are square. Sex and scenes are one in the same. I’m sure once we get settled in the new house and the kids get a little older we will be able to set aside time for rectangle play without sex. For right now, our non-sexual D/s play is me cleaning the Kix off the floor on my knees. At least we make it a bit of fun by putting the leash on first.
*Honestly, as a married couple with two small children, being allowed to lay in bed for ten minutes without being called to some stuffed animal emergency should be classified as kinky sex.