The idea of poly is something I have always struggled with. I am monogamous. So I like to think that it wasn’t judgement, but it probably was. Poly was something that I never understood. That doesn’t mean it’s wrong, but I just always asked the wrong questions.
So when Kink University did a piece on Polyamory I almost didn’t even click it. I figured it was something that just wasn’t relevant for me to know, like the violet wand video (though that was more wishfully irrelevant). But I kept looking at it, and finally realized that maybe I just need an education.
And it’s crazy how right I was. The different facets of poly relationships and how they can work was very interesting. And they did a good job explaining how you can try to make them work with a monogamous partner.
As a person who was raised in a monogamous atmosphere I was always concerned that polyamory meant that I wasn’t enough. That there was something wrong with me. But it’s not about me. It’s about what people can bring to each other. And maybe I can’t be everything that he wants.
The other thing that I found interesting was sex drives. Sometimes his sex drive doesn’t match my own. Could I consider a polyamory relationship with someone else? He often feels like he has to try and keep up with me and I know that that is stressful. But would it be more stressful to have me go be with someone else to satisfy my sexual urges? And when would I find the time? I often feel like I am not doing a good job for him. With Sir, two kids and a dog, can I really take on the responsibility of another person’s happiness? Maybe that’s my monogamous brain again. I don’t know.
Even if I don’t encourage Sir to get a girlfriend any time soon, learning about the poly lifestyle was positive. We may try swinging or add others to our play in the future and knowing the pitfalls and possibilities is refreshing. But knowing the terminology and set up of others’ relationships is half the battle.