It’s amazing how much everything feels the same. And yet, everything is completely different.
I feel new. Like when you walk into your kitchen and you realize how cluttered and dirty it’s gotten. You give it a good deep clean and when you’re finished it looks brand new. I am a deep cleaned kitchen. And yes, that’s also a euphemism for how hard I was fucked last night.
I was relaxed all afternoon. I wanted to be in the best mood when he got home. So he could see how happy I was. He texted me that he would be late (work stuff pops up often), and I just ran with it. Dinner was waiting when he got home and the kids were calm. Usually when he runs late I get flustered. And yesterday I was in the zone.
That’s what was missing. The last month I have just felt lost. And after our lunch date yesterday we both had a lot of realizations and everything just clicked. We both wanted the other to be happy, and we were both wrong about what we thought that meant. And it was like we both woke up. We realized that we wanted the same things, we were just wording it differently.
So, no expectations. We still have a long way to go. But last night was an amazing first step to getting where we want to be.