#1 – Do you view your submission as: Taken in hand, domestic discipline, top/bottom, dominant/submissive, owner/pet, DD/lg; or some other description or combination? If you do not use a label, why?
I have used several labels to try and define and understand my submission. And while I currently don’t have a dynamic with my husband (or anyone else). I’m trying to sort out how I view my submissive mindset.
Initially I defined myself and our dynamic (when we had one) as dominant/submissive. Mostly because I didn’t really know what else was out there. Submissive still generally covers the broad strokes of what I am. And a dominant is generally what I am looking for. But through my exploration I’ve found that I would like something a little more specific.
My submission has elements of domestic discipline and top/bottom. But my submission and my needs tend to fit most closely with Owner/pet. I don’t gravitate toward animal play, more of a human pet type play. I want to serve and impress my owner, but I also want to be cherished. And I think that feeling moves me out of the master/slave set up in most cases.
I love to be pampered and pleasing. I don’t do bratty well and love to cuddle. There is a bit of cross over into DD/lg, but the idea of a Daddy doesn’t really turn me on. I like having expectations (chores, rules, routine, etc.). Though I’m not sure that rules my kink enough to be domestic discipline.
The problem is I have a multitude of kinks that put me into several overlapping categories. I consider myself a submissive, with several tentacles attached.
Each word takes on a different significance with the passage of time. Slave is slowly fading into the background. Whereas little and poly have grown. But I’m not sure if that is because of me, or due to my current situation. Maybe the right dominant would change that back around again.
While I have gotten better at defining things that I would like out of a dynamic, I haven’t experienced any specific one long enough to rule it out. I think I would benefit from a Dominant willing to show me what he wants, and see how it fits. Or, a Dominant with just as many adjectives as me, who is ready to try new things. Maybe we end up finding the perfect set up together, but even if we don’t, we would both learn from the experience.
*I am using these questions to try and help me define what my submission means to me and what I need from BDSM. Check out all the questions and other answers as I complete them on my Define Your Kink page.*